How much do I love it that I get hits all the time from people searching for kegerators?

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

Answers

All right. I have an entry ready to go for later, but who wants to play "Is this idea for a Tuesday entry in poor taste?"

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

Wait. You worked yesterday, after working nights all last week, and you're at work??

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

Tell me about it. Yeah, I'm back on mornings through Wednesday.

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

Lame.

Okay - why would it be in bad taste?

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

Well...

The Washington Post Magazine awhile back had a column awhile ago that talked about this game journalists play when you get one of those stories on -- in the case of this article -- a death that includes the cliches "elderly woman", "lived alone", "foul odor" and "130 cats."

The game is sort of a tongue-in-cheek way of making fun of the cliches you always find in journalim, by imagining the most horrifying cliche you can imagine being included in your own obituary. For example, since I'm not such a fan of sea-creatures with teeth, "shark-infested waters" would be on the list. Others included on this long list in the article were "Disgraced Cub Scout leader," "While in bed with" and "Neighbors reported that he was a friendly man who kept to himself."

Is that something worth writing about, or are people going to be horrified?

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

I think it's funny as hell. And as Matt Groening said about "The Simpsons," "The right people will get it."

Sort of like "Noted Sausage Maker," but not quite.

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

oh no, I say write it. It's good.

Did y'all see that crazy simspon's last night? It was hilarious. I love Milhouse.

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

No, I missed it. I keep forgetting it's on. Sadly, "Survivor" is the only show I schedule my life around.

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

I missed it, too. We were up at the farm.

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

MIke - that's not sad, that's impressive. I've successfully weaned myself off of most t.v. Except Survivor. But I used to HAVE to watch Felicity, Real World, Ally etc. Now I'm free.

The Simpsons was one day and we saw it from Lisa, Bart and Homer's perspectives. It was cool.

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

greenspun hate!

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

I think I just saw a squirrel fall off a branch or commit suicide. You pick. It just divebombed out of a tall pine.

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

When will the government do something about squirrel suicide?

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

Squirrel suicide - don't do it!

Where are the fair AB and Allison?

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

Okay, so this morning, we're in bed flipping through the morning news shows (Chris was being all lazy because he only has to golf today). Bob Dole is co-hosting the CBS morning show, and Chris just couldn't believe it. He was shocked that his Bob would do a thing like that. I said, "Yeah, but using his dirty old man weiner to ask you to buy Pepsi is acceptable?"

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

Maybe Chris hates CBS?

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

I'm here. I was updating, and stupid Dreamweaver kept crashing. It making me mad!

H, I told you about Ani, didn't I? Gooooooood.

Mike, I think that's the best idea for an entry ever. When are you putting it up?

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

Tomorrow. It's only a day away.

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

But I want to read it nay-uw!

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

Yeah, why can't it be a Monday entry? Whatcho got against Mondays?

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

I have nothing against Mondays, except that they exist.

Actually, I have a different entry almost set to go for today. It'll be out early afternoon. So y'all will just have to wait.

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

We got our razor scooters. People, they're fun. Scary but fun.

AB - is Uncle Hooknose really gone? Or did he just stay away for the weekend?

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

Mike Berman is not the cousin for me.

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

Uncle Hooknose is GONE. Y'all, I did feel bad about this, though: the next morning after I told him to leave, we found him outside asleep in his car.

His mama's getting him an apartment, though, so I don't feel too bad.

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

Damn' y'all. You're killing me softly. It's Monday, you know. Fantasy baseball chat day. Less time for entry-writing.

You'll get your daily update. Just on hanging out at the Krispy Kreme instead of weird death cliches.

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

Wait - what happened with Uncle Hooknose?

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

We made him leave, T. I wrote about it in my notify e-mail, which, if you didn't get, is going to make me mad, because I know for a fact you're on the list.

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

AB Chao, you are definitely the cousin for me. That's my favorite thing I've ever read.

I'm in, everybody. And I hate life. Hate it. Apparently, I'm a selfish person who only cares about myself, and all my friends think so. I've only gotten about three e-mails to this effect, and they were three too many.

What do y'all think about the DHAK thing? I'm flattered, but I don't know. Now I'll just have to update all the time. And write about myself. And ignore my friends. And become more hated among them.

I am not the cousin for me.

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

I got the notify! Yay! I didn't check it until a minute ago. Bully for the notify list!

Lin Chao give good answer. I mean, it's not like we're snotty horrible people, but hell, if we're going to pay this woman $65 a month to clean, then she should at least clean under the bath mats.

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

Clearly the April Internet Fairy was not on any of our sides.

I think the DHAK thing is great. I don't think you'd have to update anymore than you already do. You average at least 2-3 times a week, and that's more than plenty. There are people on that portal who NEVER update. It just affirms what we've all known forever - that your journal is sickeningly good.

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

Those people e-mailing you are not the cousins for you, is all I have to say. Why people being mean to my Al? I kill them with chopstick.

I think the DHAK thing is awesome. That's a super compliment, don't you think? And they didn't put you on there with the stipulation that you'd update more, right? They like you! They really like you!

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

Al, I can see how you could have mixed feelings - I remember that you were unsure about the DHAK portal a few months ago. I think it's pretty cool, though, and that you shouldn't change a thing about your journal. They added it for what it is, not what it could be. And I don't think you should worry about DHAK clique-ish-ness.

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

$65/week, I mean.

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

Yeah, $65/month sounded kind of cheap. I think Lin Chao right on ball. You just tell lazy lady to shape up, or ship out.

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

Plus, she broke one one of my beautiful tiles from Portugal. It was an accident, but still.

And really, we're not messy people. SHe really only has to clean the bathrooms, use the Barkeep's Friend on the stovetop, and run the duster rag thing over the floors. I could do it myself, but Chris wanted to hire someone.

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

yeah, I mean, if your cleaning lady isn't cleaning, why keep her? Did you get her through a service?

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

I think Lin Chao very smart. That all to it.

Y'all are nice with your HYD love, but it ain't no better than any of yours, you know. Especially when I write entries about myself, and they spark controversy among the faithful friends of Al Lowe. That ain't good.

I have to do this community service project this afternoon with my office and it's like the last thing in the world I am interested in doing. I have a ton of work, and a ton of worrying to do.

GodDAMN I'm so selfish. How did it happen?

I demand that you all talk about yourselves, so that I can give rather than take, today.

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

I am really pretty. Also, I'm a genius. I read fast. I don't ever kill plants. I am the cousin for me.

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

Ooh! I read fast, too.

I feel like a snot for complaining about our housekeeper's shortcomings. I was spoiled, I think, by a childhood filled with good housekeepers.

We were referred to her from Liz the PD, who is also disappointed in Dora's performance.

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

Cut her loose. Go through an agency next time, so you can complain to a boss and get someone replaced when they do not do their jobs.

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

That's what my mother suggested. I think an agency would be less expensive, too.

I mean, how hard is it to use Pledge on the upstairs furniture? And we have nice cleaing stuff - a kick-ass hand-held vaccuum, a brand- new upright vaccuum...

Also, is it bad for me to want to shoe thw person how I want things to be cleaned? Like, "clean the hardwoods this way"?

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

Ooh, no, that's not bad. I thought that was what you were supposed to do. I remember my mom leaving Velma (our housekeeper from before I was born until I was 16) notes all the time.

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

I've never had a housekeeper, but I think you're supposed to do that. They need to know how you like things so that they can have a chance to get it right. If you make your expectations clear, they have something to go by.

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

I'm out until this afternoon, my dears. Going to serve the community for a while. See, because I'm not selfish.

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

I am about to make fried spaghetti. It is the cousin for me.

I'm not going to quit saying that all day.

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

Yes, T, you're supposed to tell her how you like it cleaned. And when you use an agency, they use their own products. Taht way you're not paying for cleaning stuff and a cleaning lady.

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

Mike - what time is your chat?

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

Noon. I just got back from the post-chat food run.

Kind of bleh today. But whatever.

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

Have you guys seen this?

http://www.insidethelie.com/main.html

I guess it's all fiction.

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

I just went and bought a quesadilla and a coffee grinder. Our coffeemaker grinds the beans for you, so the one I bought isn't for coffee. I've been on this grind-my-own-spice kick and a coffee grinder does the job well.

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

"It's gotten so bad that I've started hording food...I have a glove compartment full of PopTarts, y'all. " - rudergirl@diaryland

This just makes me giggle.

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

She's so gross. Ew. Have y'all found any new journals lately? Who is pineapple, AB? Do you know?

I'm worried now that the whole Dora debacle is my fault for not showing her exactly how I want things to be cleaned.

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

people! rudergirl hording food! poptarts, no less. That's funny.

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

T - I think the one above is pretty interesting. It's well desinged at least.

I"ve been reading kellyk.diaryland.com some too.

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

Who is kellyk? Hmm. I feel like I know pineapple - like, who she is - but I don't know. But I like anyone who refers to themself as a "legislative slut."

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

kellyk is on the squishy ring. That's how I found her.

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

Wait. Who is this kellyk person?

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

I am SUCH a moron. I meant : Who is this pineapple person.

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

Hey -- I'm not dissing y'all. I apparently never saved my Krispy Kreme entry to disk, so I'm writing a quick entry up in between everything else I'm doing.

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

Is it wrong that my hate for Jennifer Lopez is slowly turning to love? Not for her music, god no, but just because she seems like she doesn't put up with crap. And she has a real body. Unlike Britney who gets skinnier every time I see her.

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

I don't really have an opinion on JLo. A trailer for her new movie ran before Memento, though, and it looks reeeeeeeeaaaaaaaal crappy.

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

Memento hasn't opened here yet and that makes me maaaaad.

Y'all, Renee Zellweger is on the cover of this month's In Style and I've never, ever seen her look so skinny. It's scary how little she is.

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

someone found my site by searching for blonde girl picture clothed.

gross.

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

I'm about to dye my hair, y'all. Wish me that it doesn't turn out ass-ugly.

T, I don't really know who the pineapple girl is, except that she lives in Austin and doesn't give her real name on her site, and was just about beside herself that I had linked to her, because she got 4 whole hits from it! I like her.

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

She seems really cool. I sort of like her site's mysterious-ness.

Yay! Hair fun! Is Mad going to help you play Beauty Parlor?

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

Is the pineapple girl the one who writes fried-spaghetti?

What color, AB?

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

No, she's mad because I didn't buy the bright-ass Annie red she wanted me to get. Crazy girl.

It's that new Feria highlight-y comb thing. I hope it works. Last time I used Feria I ended up with pink hair. But I think it was my fault.

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

No, the fried-spaghetti girl's journal is sort of dumb. She's got big "CLIX!" buttons all over the place, too, which I hate. Pineapple's site is pineapple.diary-x.com.

It's red, mostly. Sort of auburn-ish. Subtle, yet not. Like me.

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

Courtney Love is all about the cleavage dresses.

Just in case y'all were wondering.

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

I've been thinking about that a lot, H. Thanks for clearing it up.

Do y'all hate it when people say, "Okay. I'll bite."? I do. People on 3WA are very overly fond of it.

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

I think it's a little odd, yes.

I think someone's spent a little too much time at E Online this afternoon.

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

No, I'm just flipping through In Style and she's in there about 28 times in big ole boobie dresses.

I'm off. Look for an update later.

Mike - really liked yours. Of course, I'd rather have read about Krispy Kremes, but you know, whatever.

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

Um, Mike, you do realize that in your notify update, you used a quote from my favorite children's book, ever. My mother used to read "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day" to me every time I was in a tizzy, which was often.

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

Y'all, look at DHAK. I just updated and look at the graphic they use for my site. I nearly cried.

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

Oh, Teri, thank you so much for getting that!

I used it because, well, I made reference to it the other day at work, and the person sitting behind me got it. I was so happy. Long live children's literature!

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

My mentor and choir director Diana Mayhall read Alexander to us every year of junior high and high school during finals. It's one of those stories to which you never lose the connection. I feel like Alexander right now, and it makes me laugh to think about it.

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

oh my god, allison. Your daddy!

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

I know. I wondered what they would use for the graphic. I think they made the best choice. Heeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

And I can't believe you saw a famous person. Not one! Never! Hate.

So, how does DHAK work? Do you send them an email whenever you update? Do you have to link back?

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001