Happy May everyone.

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

Answers

And my birthday month begins!

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

well, if that's not cause for celebration, I don't know what is.

when do we get the entry? huh?

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

When is your birthday?

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

In a couple of hours. I'm still tinkering.

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

tinkering. is that what they're calling it now?

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

Your birthday, or the entry?

Come on, Central Time heads!

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

Oh, god, I have to get stuff together on so. many. people.

Kill me now. I hate this tedious stuff.

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

It's my birthday month, too!

Wait. No. It's not November, is it?

Heh. Hannah said "tinkering."

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

Hey Allison, you might know this already, but in case you don't, it's difficult to get into your archives.

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

No, no, no, my birthday's not in a couple of hours. Hee. It's May 31. Plenty of time for everyone to save up for that trip around the world.

And the word "tinkering" never goes out of style.

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

I am so so happy it's May. And then it's June! Which is my birthday month. Happy, happy.

I can't get into HYD!

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

I don't have a birthday mionth until August.

Here's hoping that this is T Gets Engaged Month, though.

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

Me too. Then I can get to planning the bachelorette party in buckhead 2002.

Hee.

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

...And then I can get planning on who my maid of honor can be.

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

Hey there Miss Not Funny.

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

I am funny for me, and that's what counts.

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

Where's Crouching A Lo?

But nothing beats Hidden Berman. You know what that means? "he who tinkers."

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

I just read Jen's update about weddings. She has GOT to find a different potential mother-in-law. I mean, a DJ? Insisting on a DJ and the chicken dance? No way to live.

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

Hey - I was in meetings.

HYD is working fine for me - are y'all still having problems?

When's Berman's birthday, again? I can't remember.

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

I get a file not found when I click on the archives.

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

But now it's working. Huh.

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

Well, that's clazy. I looking right at it!

AB - uh, you're going to think I am a huge, HUGE, lunatic... but, um, do you want to go with me to Lucinda Williams tonight? I got two tickets two weeks ago and totally forgot to ask you until now.

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

Uh, what? Lucinda? Yes?

Yes! Where? Woo!

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

I can get in now.

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

Tonight at the Gypsy. Doors open at 9, but I have practice until 10. I will fly down there like a madwoman. There's an opening act - Michael something - so I am guessing she won't start until 11.

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

Also, I have red hair. Yay!

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

So I will meet you there at 10, then. All right! Lucinda! I so excited!

Maybe I call Cher Bayles, see if she want to go too?

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

Sure - there are probably still tickets, since it's a Tuesday night show. (Seriously, the last thing I need is to be up all night on a Tuesday, crying and drinking and breathing in the smoke of Dallas, but you know, whatever.)

I probably won't get down there until at least 10:20 or so. I'll be coming from a little north of my house. But it's very near Central, so I should be able to get there around then or 10:30. The opening guy will more than likely start at 10.

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

Does anyone want to see Lucinda and the Indigo Girls and Francine Reed and the Reverend Al Green with me this weekend?

Well, Chris does, except for the Indigo Girls, but next year, Al and Chris can! Yay!

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

And oh yeah - Run DMC. Chris is thrilled.

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

AGH! T! You fill me with jealousy. I love ALL those acts! Mayn, I love the Indigo Girls like you don't even know. I listen to them every DAY and seeth with rage that I can't play the guitar.

And Francine! And the Rev!

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

If Allison would practice, she could play the Indigo Girls on guitar. I know this for a fact.

There's your MamaChao lesson for the day.

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

Soon, Al, you will live in a land where Francine plays once a week. And if Chris pulls that Charlottesville jibba jabba again, you just tell him that.

How was LA? Did y'all get to spend any time alone?

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

Now see, Run DMC may not be much now, but they were legends back in the day. They have to rate more than a "And oh yeah - Run DMC."

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

AB, I have been practicing. I got the wuss strings put on my guitar and have been trying to practice every day! D, G, A. Over and over! I got callouses and everything.

Last night, I tried to tune it, and I screwed it up! I felt like I was about to break it, so I stopped. I need another lesson!

T, I don't think Chris will play the Charlottesville card anymore. He's pretty set on ATL. Me too. We were talking last night about when we're going to go out there - probably end of this month or beginning of June. It's had to plan stuff when you're on the two week rotation, but I'm sure he can work it out on the spreadsheet.

Mike, when's the b-day? Also, please make sure "shunned by friends and family" and "stomach pumped" do not appear in the account of my death, and instead add in "Pulitzer Prize winning."

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

Oh, I just reread that - I meant going to ATL to visit and look at apts, and stuff - not that we're going to move in May.

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

All right! The pussy strings are the best, really, Al. Next time, we'll learn...tuning with a tuner! And the elusive F chord!

Mike, I believe I've already stated the phrases I'd like left out of my obituary, but if you would add "legend in her own time" and "coolest shoes ever", I'd appreciate it.

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

Just let me know when, Al, and if you need a place to stay. I can't wait! Yay!

Oh my god! The Krispy Kreme on Ponce almost burned down!

http://www.accessatlanta.com/partners/ajc/newsatlanta/0430fire.html

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

"Krispy Kreme cashier Beverly Ford, 40, of Atlanta was ready to take a dinner break when she saw the fire. 'It was just all of a sudden,' she said. 'We looked and saw flames and smoke. It was bad, girl.'"

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

Shit. I was about to apply for a job there.

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

May 31.

I want "mourners clogged the street for hours, hoping to get a glimpse" and "May 31 expected to be known as 'Mike Berman Day' and be made a national holiday, moving 'Memorial Day' to May 30."

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

oh god no, not the Ponce Krispy Kreme!

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

Have y'all played this: http://www.smalltime.com/dictator.html? It's the "Guess the Dictator or Sitcom Character" game, but I played it as myself, and it guessed that I was June Lockhart from Lassie! Yeah!

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

It guessed that I was Marcia Brady! I guess the "Are you one of six kids" question ensured that I'd be a Brady.

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

"Joseph Troutman, 51, lives in Buckhead but was having dinner in Midtown when he saw the flames. He and Midtown resident James Smith, 55, stood on a grassy knoll on Argonne Avenue watching firefighters douse the flames.

"'We were saying we don't want Krispy Kreme to burn up because Atlanta won't know what to do without Krispy Kreme,' Troutman said."

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

ain't that the truth.

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

It guessed I was Samantha Stevens from Bewitched. Exactly. Because I said I had magical powers. Which I do.

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

I love Samantha Stevens. I once wrote a paper on the feminist connotations of "Bewitched" as opposed to the submissive not-really- undertones of "I Dream of Jeannie."

And now, the latest news from the Lippincott household:

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

I played as myself too, and it said I'm Sally from Third Rock! Because I'm tall, blonde, live in the midwest and am from far, far away.

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

"I guess that you are Richard Lewis' guy from anything but love! Am I right? "

Y'all, that ruined my whole day.

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

My mother just called to tell me that my sister Susan will likely be expelled from Dominican. Nice.She and her friend Cassie decided that for their senior prank, they would let a baby mouse loose in a classroom. They did, and somehow, they were finagled into confessing. The school Disciplinarian decided that a fitting punishment would be forbidding them from entering the school, forbidding them to wear the Dominican uniform, forbidding from graduating with their class - rather, they'd get their diploma through the mail - forbidding them from taking their finals with their class, and banning them from prom. Their teachers aren't allowed to talk to them or answer any emails or voice mails that they might send with questions about their final exam content. They cannot enter the campus unless they enter through the front door and sign in with the security guard.

This is a little harsh. I mean, some Debs (the drill team) were caught drinking vodka in class and all they got was a Saturday detention, the school's usual punishment.

Susan's counselor appealed to the Disciplinarian, and they are allowing my parents to write an appeal with what they think a fitting punishment would be. My dad recognized that the girls had made a mistake, but that a punishment like that was akin to a dishonorable discharge from the military or a tribal banishment. He also got all Catholic on their asses and included the Memorari. They're waiting to hear back from the Disciplinarian with her verdict.

Right now, this is hush-hush at the school. Susan's closets friends don't even know why she's not at school. Kathleen's not alking, either. Cassie, who is the top-ranked cross-country in Louisiana, won't be allowed to run in the state meet this weekend, jeopardizing her scholarship chances. Susan is captain of the cross-country team, and no less than a half-dozen articles ran in the Times-Picayune praising her devotion to the team, and to Dominican.

My mother decided that if the girls are, in fact expelled, she will immediately go to the press. Susan's class is wild, and lord knows what they're capable of.

My parents are also livid because of the way they're being treated by the school. I mean, my mother went there. My aunts all went there. All four of my sisters and a plethora of cousins either went or go there. For the past two years, my parent's organized the school's 5K, raising about $20K for the school in the process. Not that they deserve any special priviledges, but the least the school can do is return their calls.

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

My condolences, Mike.

I'm looking forward to meeting you, for real, by the way.

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

Just look for the Richard Lewis type, I guess, and I'll be there.

Heh.

Ditto. And if you go to the press, the school will get destroyed. It's one of those stories Metro reporters love to write.

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

Considering what they COULD have done for a senior prank, like ANYTHING else... that's crazy that they would receive such a punishment. My LORD.

They will feel the sting of the Lippincott fury, and rightly so!

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

And actually, the school will almost force your hand if there's no resolution before the cross-country meet, since they'll have to say why the two aren't running.

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

Teri. I am so furious right now. I can feel the wrath of Bonnie in my bones.

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

I told them that if they go to the press, the first person they should contact is the prep sports writer who's been following the girls. Cassie's a real success story - she only started running last year because Susan persuaded her to, and now she's lead Dominican to being one of the top X-Country schools in the state.

I don't think they want the school to be destroyed - Kathleen still needs to spend her senior year there, and they'd like it to be as uneventful as possible. It's jsut that they're both such good girls. Susan is the most well-behaved of all my sisters, actually. She teached handicapped kids to ride horses, for heaven's sake!

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

I know your parents will straighten this out. Poor Susan.

What happened to other girls who did pranks?

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

Saturday detention.

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

Did the board give any sort of reasoning as to why this particular prank deserved stricter punishment?

What were some of the other pranks?

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

Actually, Dominican is the only school in the archdioces that doesn't have a disciplinary board. They just have the one Disciplinarian, who works for the Dean of Students.

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

Is the Disciplinarian scared of mice or something? Because otherwise that makes no sense.

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

Apparently, they argued that someone could have been killed. Like, they would have seen the mouse, freaked out, and tripped on a bookbag.

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

But what was the Disciplinarian's reasoning? Not like she has any.

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

True. Of course, someone could have been killed by drinking alcohol and tripping over a bookbag (or getting in a car) -- something illegal at their age anyway -- and they got Saturday detention. In fact, people could be killed at any time by tripping over a bookbag at any time.

So I don't actually get the logic.

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

Someone could get KILLED? You've got to be kidding me. I've never heard anything so far-fetched in my life.

You know, that's so illogical and ridiculous it wouldn't even make it onto Boston Public.

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

Yeah, the bookbag death logic is not going to cut it.

That was an innocent prank. I've heard of kids who trash their schools and do awful stuff and flush cherry bombs down the toilets and wreck the place. Letting a mouse go in a classroom is like something out of the 1950s.

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

Oh, yeah, there are terrible things that kids can do. Who knows. Hopefully my parents will hear something by this afternoon.

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

Allison - any other funny LA stories? You never told me what you thought of Scott.

Did y'all go to Eric's show?

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

I didn't answer your Scott e-mail? I thought I had.

We went to his apt for about 30 minutes after the Dodgers game - which was great fun - and, within that brief half hour, he offered us pot, showed us the nastiest porn ever, and read a lame 10-minute joke someone had e-mailed him.

He was nice to look at, but dumb as a rock.

We did not get to see Eric's show, which was the one diasppointment of the weekend.

All in all, we had a great time. Didn't have too much time alone together, but that's ok. I'm used to it. We did get Pam's room, which was great. She has a big box fan that drowned out most of the Aggie noise.

There was this one girl there named Shae who was naked or talking about being naked nearly the entire time. She was very hot, but stupid, and I got a little weary of her ass. It has been my experience that girls named Shae are like this. She was crude and constantly swearing and screaming and laughing. And she wasn't the only one. I felt like I was in the Best Little Whorehouse in LA.

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

And here I'd gone all day without being the L_L.

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

If you did respond, I didn't get it. Eric told me about Shae. And also that she and Ray are gooooood friends.

Scott was a little less bachelor crazy ex-navy boy when I met him. His psuedo-girlfriend was there, which could be why. The fact that he showed y'all porn cracks me up.

At least you and Chris didn't have to sleep on the floor and didn't have naked Aggies sleeping between you.

$118 roundtrip to ATL this weekend. Luciiiiiinda!!!!!!!

Damn paying rent! Damn!!

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

I imagine that an Aggie named Shae would be the worst kind of Shae, evah.

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

Johanna, I'm afraid you'll need to suck it up and buy the ticket, already.

Lucinda, Amy, Emily, the Rev, and TONS more, for $150, total.

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

You know, I have to give WriterGirl credit on the pamie.com forum. People on the Current Events topic are saying stupid things and she's responding intelligently, where I'd be like "Here's why that's dumb,".

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

Ray and Shae? I cannot imagine that at all.

I almost liked her because she was the DEFINITION of trash. My favorite thing she said all weekend was when we were at Mel's Diner and she walked in and sat down with me and Chris halfway through our meal - "Y'all. What should I order? I can't look at this menu. I came to LA so I wouldn't have to fuckin' READ."

After Chris wiped the drool off his chin, he made suggestions to her from the menu. I just laughed.

E's friend and the porn... it was nearly too much. I pretty much ignored him, but he sat down next to Chris and whipped open his iBook and was like "Dude! Check this out!" Chris Huff, who I am fairly certain is no stranger to porn, actually hid his eyes it was so gross.

I love it when people ask me if I smoke pot. My standard answer is "I'm 28."

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

But since Scott is 30 he probably looked at you like, Aaaaaaand?

But lord is he pretty.

T - however, I'd have to return on Monday and I cant' miss anymore work. Hate. Hate! But it's so tempting. Hmm.

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

I love it when people ask me if I smoke pot. My standard answer is "I'm 28."

That's classic.

Still no word on Susan's pending expellment (is that a word?).

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

Is there a flight really early on Monday morning?? Like, at 7? And then you'd only be, like, an hour late for work?

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

Expulsion.

Yeah, he was pretty, but so was my ex, Brent, who was in the Air Force and EXACTLY LIKE HIM. That enlisted man vibe is hard to wash off. Even the MOC hasn't totally gotten rid of it.

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

Joh, you could be back in Columbus by 9:38 Monday morning. If you wanted. I understand if you just can't make it, though.

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

Really? What time were the outbound flights? You vixen!

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

There's an outbound flight at 8 Monday morning.

When you click on Reserve and it asks you what time you want, put in 5 a.m. for both days. That way, it shows you the earliest flight combinations.

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

IF I go, I'll drive. But it depends on if I can get a half day on Friday. Cause, I've missed a lot, what with LA and Spain and then I'm taking a day for Vegas next month.

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

Guess where I'm going this weekend?

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

Where ?

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

New Orleans?

How is Lucinda doing both?

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

For the first time in 27 years and 11 months, I'll be setting foot in the state of Texas.

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

Lucinda will be at Jazz Fest on Thursday night.

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

Huh? How? What a great place to spend Cinco de Mayo. Is it for your brother's birthday?

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

I didn't even think of the Cinco de Mayo thiing. Cool!

No ... I have the weekend off, and it was one of those Delta deals. And who could resist a chance to drink with AB and A-Lo?

Nobody, that's who.

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

I'd just like to state for the record that Berman has no idea what he's getting himself into.

That is all.

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

I would also like to state that, I, too had forgotten in was Cinco de Mayo this weekend.

Let the celebrating begin.

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

Oh my god. These tips are from theknot.com:

11) Wear Your Heart on Your Chest You've seen those computerized photo t-shirt shops at the mall. Why not have one at your wedding? Your guests will have an instant outfit to remind them of you whenever they wear it. You can also affix these "photos" to coffee mugs, plaques or plates. Depending on your budget, you can get the shirts or mugs pre-printed with the date of your wedding.

12) Stand Atop Your Own Wedding Cake Why let some ready-made bride and groom stand on your cake when you can do it yourselves? Cut out a full-length pose of the two of you from a photo and mount it on thick, solid board. Slide the board into a stand, and then stick yourselves right into the frosting. Or go professional -- a lot of photo shops offer these silhouette-style, solid photos.

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

HAHAHAH! And that is like THE wedding site everyone references in the magazines and stuff. Ohhhhhhhhh, it makes me laugh!

Traaaaaaaaaaaaaasssssssshhhhhhhhh!!

Stick with Martha, girl.

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

Those are officially the dumbest things ever not involving the punishment for high-school girls releasing a mouse into their school.

All right y'all ... I'm out to play softball.

T, you have my cellphone number, right? 703-798-5812.

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

Shit, y'all. My mother just said "fuck."

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

oh my god, Mike is gonna die. AB and Allison are gonna kill him. So I guess no one's going to jazz fest?

T - is it bad news???

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

Yeah, I just figured JazzFest and Europe would leave me in the poorhouse forever. Next year.

OK, now I'm really leaving. T, I hope you get good news about your sister.

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

It sounds like the punishment will go through. They want to meet with my parents and Sue tomorrow afternoon. They told SUe she could attend the meeting ONLY if she didn't wear her uniform. My mother was like, "the hell she won't." They wanted my parents to sign a paper agreeing to the terms I listed earlier - they absolutely refused.

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

Mayn, I hope your parents raise high, holy Hell. It was truly a harmless joke, and they're treating her like she hurt somebody.

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

Stupid. SOOOOO stupid.

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

My mother's taking the route of telling them what un-Christian jags they are.

My grandmother will die. Just die.

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

I hope you can encourage her to call the paper. Righteous indignation is the only way to go in such a situation.

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001

Some students have already started petitions. My mother has placed a gag order on both Susan and Kathleen until after the meeting tomorrow afternoon. Then, if the expulsion (thanks, Al) goes through, may god have mercy on Dominican.

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2001