Just wondering if there are any others here on the forum who have spouses and children that don't share their love for smplicity/country/homestead living? If so, what do you do to keep YOUR dreams alive and is there anything you do (subtly), to bring more of an awareness and thereby a liking for these things to them?

-- Greenthumbelina (sck8107@aol.com), May 01, 2001

Answers

Response to Just Wondering.......

I left him. dh in nm

-- debra in nm (dhaden@nmtr.unm.edu), May 01, 2001.

Response to Just Wondering.......

There was another lovely thread on this subject some time ago.

I know some people have had some success getting disinterested partners to take some interest in country living, and I hate to sound negative, but I fear if someone's heart is not really in it, the attraction to rural life rarely lasts. We can all make sacrifices in an attempt to make each other happy, but oftentimes lose our own real selves in the process.

It can get real lonely out in the toolies if you have little or no one, especially the ones you care about most, with whom to share the ups and downs of homesteading

-- Earthmama (earthmama48@yahoo.com), May 01, 2001.

Response to Just Wondering.......

Oh my gosh Debra.....I am laughing myself right off my chair here!!!!! Wouldn't work for me though, I'm STILL hopelessly in love with the old poop!!! (Even after 20 years) :o) Thanks for your input though!

-- Greenthumbelina (still laughing...) (sck8107@aol.com), May 01, 2001.

Response to Just Wondering.......

Earthmama, you are SO right here. That's why I was hoping to be able to somehow share my interests and love for this type of lifestyle with those I love. It's really important to me. I saw a glimmer of hope when I tried baking homemade bread for the first time. They all really enjoyed that! The smell of fresh-baked bread and then the taste of that warm bread with melted butter. If I could only get some results out of my labors with this darned old garden spot. Then they would be able to taste the difference in the freshness of home-grown vegetables/fruits. A little "taste" at a time. Hubby was the one that worked so diligently and meticulously at putting the fencing and gate around my little garden spot several years ago - I think becasue he knew how much it meant to me. But you should've seen the look on my husbands face this weekend when I explained the sourdough starter sitting on the kitchen counter. I'm not about to enlighten him to the compost bin!!!! I remain hopeful that in my quest for a slower, simpler lifestyle, they (esp. hubby) will eventually take a liking to it as well. Someday they will come to realize that "IT" is a part of "ME".

-- Greenthumbelina (sck8107@aol.com), May 01, 2001.

Response to Just Wondering.......

Barb and I have that same problem!! She finally bought a house in town and I'm Waaaay out in the boonies. We too are still deeply committed so we just go back and forth. Works pretty good. You have to use the creative side of the brain to make it work, believe me! I've been watching your posts for sometime now and I know how you suffer with this problem!........Kirk

-- Kirk Davis (kirkay@yahoo.com), May 01, 2001.

Response to Just Wondering.......

Hi,

It's a real bummer when your spouse doesn't share your desire for a simplier life. One of the reasons we split. My two boys liked having horses but didn't want anything to do with other livestock. The oldest turned into a city kid supreme...the youngest (now 17 yrs) just tolerates having a few critters around. Part of what keeps me going is that he'll be off to college before too long...and I'll be free to go where I want to. No partner around...just the critters. Suits me.

-- (bearwaoman@Yahoo.com), May 01, 2001.

Response to Just Wondering.......

Greenthumbelina, if you've already got 20 years invested in him, there's bound to be a win-win way! I only had 2-1/2 years invested... and recently when I asked if he could help me with shearing my goats, he said, "So, just how early is 'early'?" Sigh. dh

-- debra in nm (dhaden@nmtr.unm.edu), May 01, 2001.

Response to Just Wondering.......

Hello, Greenthumbelina,

Both our children are grown and have lives of their own. One is strictly city boy, the other lives on an 80 acre farm in VA. I am probably as close to country living as I am going to get in this life- time. My husband enjoys his job too much to retire (his father still works at 87!)so I've given up on him chucking it all and moving to the boonies. We do share the garden and outdoor work and he has no problem with my chickens and even helps me take care of them. He seems to think we're both too old to start over homesteading. For years, I suffered under the delusion that we would eventually leave town for the country and really had a hard time dealing with that. (He never really said yes, but he didn't say no either). But, I wouldn't leave him. He really is a wonderful person, so I just do whatever I can to bring the country to me. I do many of the "country" things like cook from scratch, bake, hang clothes out, take care of the chickens, compost, and garden. Afterall, the "country life" is as much an attitide as anything else. It's just that sometimes, I feel so claustrophobic here in town. I can't seem to express that feeling to my husband. I feel sure that if something should happen to him before me, I'd be outta here in a heart-beat.

Thanks for reading.

-- Dianne in Mass (dianne.bone@usa.net), May 01, 2001.

Response to Just Wondering.......

After reading some of the other posts here, guess I'm pretty lucky! Both my husband and I had no qualms about leaving the suburbs of Cape Cod and moving to the "boonies" of Maine. I wanted to raise my own livestock and he wanted his own home busness. Now he's more than willing to help me out with some of the heavy duty animal stuff and I'm his office manager for his auto business! Been working out pretty good for almost 30 yrs.now. Our only problem is our 29 yr. old son. Maybe it's really his problem, but he doesn't seen all that interested in homesteading....even tho' he grew up with it. His wife is even less interested! Her idea of the best place to be is at Disney World, holding hands with Goofy! Our only hope is our 4 yr. old granddaughter. There's no law that says we can't try to convert her.....is there??!!

-- Marcia (HrMr@webtv.net), May 01, 2001.

Greenthumbelina; I am having some of the same problems you are it can be heartbreaking. My dh and I have grown up with the farm life and his only thing right now is to move back,but to a small town. He is an "OLD 50" and feels we need to be close to doctors and the "convenience store." I guess I feel we have a car and truck for that reason. We are on the edge of the suburbs right now and I feel like I am against a wall when it comes to wanting to move to the country. Having a garden in the city is much different then in the country. Besides, the noise of cars cannot compete with the sound of birds and wind flowing through the leaves on the trees and tree toads.

-- jenn (normj3@countrylife.net), May 01, 2001.

The only part of my homesteading enterprise that my family is interested in is the eating part! They are downright enthusiastic about fresh butter, homemade bread, home canned and fresh veggies, homemade cheese, fresh milk, fresh eggs and honey. Other than that there is no participation. I learned a long time ago that anything I wanted to do I'd have to do myself. Hubby will help with the heavy lifting occasionally but that is about it. Just from talking with other homesteaders I've observed that this is often the case. Good luck but don't be disappointed if nothing changes.

-- Amanda in Mo (aseley@townsqr.com), May 01, 2001.

Love this conversation! Making changes around here, is like pulling teeth! You have to be slow and deliberate, not let them know exactly what you're up to, then BANG! Guess how much we've saved this month, Honey? Now, if only we.......I could save us even more $$! My darling husband traded my homemade pickles for homemade wine!

-- kathy (catfish201@hotmail.com), May 01, 2001.

My experience is similar to many here as well. All three kids (20, 17 & 15) want nothing to do with this lifestyle and would rather hang out at the mall, eat junk foot, etc. They would rather eat KFC than homegrown chicken and have said so. They can't understand why I'm so "different". Hubby is half-supportive. He wants to do a little but will eat nothing I can, butcher or grow (except lettuce!).

I agree with the others here who say that you just need to keep doing what makes you happy and they can either like it or not. My only hope with the kids is that I have planted a seed that may someday sprout.

-- Lisa (tepeeclan@nidlink.com), May 01, 2001.

Greenthumbelina, My heart goes out to you. I have sort of the same problem. I see in you, myself 20 years ago. My then hubby wanted town life, I wanted to live in the sticks. After 3 children we divorced. Tried to at least live in the country with my kids but they weren't too keen on the idea. Moved back to town. Remarried a city fellow. Kids grew up and on their own now. Over the years, my hubby has learned about this lifechoice of ours. At first, it was very foreign to him and he couldn't understand why anyone would possibly want to live like we want to.I would rather live way out there with no power or plumbing. I have had to accept that for him that just could not ever be. Our solution as Kirk said is to either have 2 homes or compromise on location and be out in the country but convenient to town also. Be patient...As Amanda said, I also have to do everything myself. BTW Marcia, we are a great influence on our grandchildren. I love my husband dearly and I would rather compromise than both of us being so unhappy. Hope this helps...Ria in Ky

-- Ria in Ky (MinMin45@aol.com), May 01, 2001.

Hi Greenthumbelina,

My husband will help me do the hard stuff if I ask him. My 18 year old son will assist me with heavy lifting if I beg him. My 15 year old daughter loves animals but hates having to care for them. My 5 year old likes to help in the barn and garden, at least there is hope for him!!! My husband will drink goat milk but my kids hate the thought of it. And with the exception of my oldest son, they all love my goat milk soap. As for the garden, nobody wants to help but everybody loves to eat!!!

I used to get depressed over the fact that they didn't share my enthusiasm for the good life, but I am doing what I love, it makes me feel good and if my family will allow me to share what I do with them that makes it all the more worth while. After I realized that I wasn't going to change them, I changed my attitude and figured that if it's not their thing then so be it. This is my thing, and I am loving every minute of it. And don't forget, we, (on the forum), always have each other. - Kathy

-- Kathy (jubilant@ncweb.com), May 02, 2001.

Greenthumbelina - I feel for you. My situation is a little different. Both my hubby and I are country lovers. It is just that the only things that he will help with are what he is interested in. The rest is up to me. As far as the kids go, we have a rule here: He that does not work, does not eat. It works for now, but who knows how the kids will go later. I have two grown and out on their own. One loves all aspects of gardening. The other wouldn't dream of dirtying her hands. I do have hope for her though, she called last night to ask if she could have some more of those good country eggs. Take care. Winona

-- Winona in MO (thompsonwin45@hotmail.com), May 02, 2001.

Hi Greenthumbelina,

My situation is different from yours in some aspect and in others the same. We are moving back to the country, we close in 2 months but will make the final move next year when the youngest is out of HS. We lived in the country before, had chickens, goats, steers, bees...the whole works. Our two oldest were still at home then. My son had the bees and helped with the steers and other animals while my daughter was not interested. She did, however, love the fresh vegetable, eggs etc. She gardens a bit now and tries to buy organic. Originally, my husband said no animals this time, no this, no that. Only a dog and a couple of cats. When I talked about replacing my cookstove, he said we would buy the wood, then one evening he is thinking...about building a log splitter, planting apple trees so we can do cider again, how big to do the garden about building a greenhouse. (We will be retiring to that property..he is 65 now and I am close to 60 and we will be selling produce and my bakery goods at farmer's markets to supplement our SS) Anyway, I really want to get a couple of chickens, I loved my brown shelled eggs, but have learned after 40 years of marriage to work slow. I figure once we are out there and the orchard is planted and such, when we have the dog and the cats, I can probably come home with a couple of chickens. He may balk at first but he always loved the freshness of our eggs and the good taste of the butchered chickens. I know that it is a real ache to want to get to the country and some people do not understand that you can feel that kind of ache for wanting peace and quiet, serenity and simplicity. I have always baked and cooked from scratch and I still do that plus my canning, drying and freezing. What I was really missing was my garden so for the past few years I have gardened in buckets. My balcony is small but I am growing tomatoes, zucchini, lettuce, parsley, basil and one self fertilizing blueberry. As so many other have said... homesteading is a frame of mind, a way of life, a peacefulness of soul...not just being out in the country. I wish you peace and hope your dream will be realalized but in the meantime do what you can to make your life more peaceful and simple. Let you family taste the goodness of fresh vegetables, how wonderful it is in the dead of winter to have fresh strawbery shortcake, etc. Maybe you peacefulness will eventually penetrate them and they will understand that you are doing this for them as much as for yourself.

-- Cordy (ckaylegian@aol.com), May 02, 2001.

I've really loved reading this thread!! It makes me feel almost 'normall, lol!!

My husband couldn't wait to get out of the burbs and into this little town. He wants to go out into the sticks - not quite so far as I would like, but out... We live on the edge of a tiny town of about 300 (summertime only, about 100 in winter) - in an old trailer. He thinks its grand, but would like to be more than 50 feet from the neighbors. He says I act like a lion in a bird-cage - he's right!!!

We have four big dogs and a cat (several if you count strays), rabbits and I'll have my garden again this year. He avoids home-canned food if he can, and since he does most of our cooking (I love to bake, but HATE to cook), he gets away with it to a certain extent. But, every once in a while, I'll make dinner with what we have left of my canned stuff, and he loves it... Go figure!! (Neither one of us taste much difference in the foods as we both smoke, but there is still a hint of much more flavor - and it smells better, too!!!)

He wants a totally self-sufficient life. Only problem is, he wants to do all the building while I do the rest... Makes for some great arguements sometimes!! He built the rabbit cages, buys their feed and hauls it into the house. He even pets each one on occasion. Try getting him to feed them, or spread things around in the worm bin underneath, though. Does the same with the dogs and cat. Can't wait till its mucking out stalls and spreading manure!!

All in all, he does really try, though... Was born in a large town, and never had anything but the occasional pet dog. He at least wants to learn, and will help weed gardens for a chance to sit and talk a bit. He wants to hand-build our home when we move... Wonder if all that carpentry skill has prepared him for the amount of work it will require, lol!!

As for the kids... My daughter didn't want to come out here. She doesn't like small towns, and would love to visit if we got a farm, but has no intention of living that way. She loves and cares for a ton of pets at my Mother's, and has her own garden (she is 14), wants a horse, but also would rather board it than muck and feed... My biggest fear is that she'll turn into a 'yuppie'. But, its her life, and as long as her and Mom continue to get along and I don't see grades falling, (she wants to be a vet) etc etc, she can live as she wants.

If she were here, she'd be pulling her weight like the rest of us - till she was able to move out and support herself. My husband works in Boise, I am taking a part-time job at our Chamber of Commerce (I hope) and we all have our 'chores'.

His daughter (20) wants to come out for a visit this summer, but can't stand the thought that we spend weekends in the woods with no bathroom! She wants a bed, shower and a 'real' toilet - and her air conditioning. Rich and I have talked about this, and there will be some real tension when she comes... I don't mind her not helping out, as she is only visiting, but if she's going to turn our lives upside down I have a real problem with that. Especially since he will not be taking time off from work to keep her busy - that is my job....

-- Sue Diederich (willow666@rocketmail.com), May 02, 2001.

How do I keep hope alive? Let me count the ways!

I chose a wife who not only was raised in the country, she enjoyed peace and quiet and hates to shop (PAYDIRT!!). She was raised by parents who raised a large garden for better produce, and raised rabbits (as pets). She enjoys working outdoors and is very stubborn about finishing projects (dammit, I said we're going to weed the garden, darkness be damned). I enjoy hunting, she accompanies me but the hunting experience is secondary importance, she wants the tasty (and free) venison which comes from it, as well as companionship.

As far as moving "off the sidewalks" permanently, well that is where we have differences. Our son is nearly three years old now and will be in school soon. Her career is teaching, mine is architectural drafting, so a little urban living for now is the requisite. But I think time will change that attitude; when we go on vacation, she really enjoys the countryside and imagines what it would be like to live there permanently. I have my fingers crossed.

I read and order as many books on homesteading as possible; knowledge is the key to doing things without making expensive mistakes. When I see interesting postings on this site and Backwoods Home Magazine, I print them so my wife can read them too. (By the way, thanks to all of you for your valuble contributions and opinions).

I could go on, but I think I've pretty much said my piece. Hope it wasn't too wordy.

-- jr guerra (jrguerra@boultinghousesimpson.com), May 02, 2001.

Spouse and I both share the dream, son still being reprogrammed (may have to surgically remove PlayStation controller from hand :>) I came up with a rather devious way to get him to show interest. Cook veggies that are not on his "preferred list" , as he complained Lynn and I told him if he wanted different then plant em. DJ now has a small plot beside our gardens for sweet yams, strawberries, cantalopes, watermelons and he is babysitting our plum trees. I bet if he thought gummy bears would grow, he would have a row of them too. One very positive note is that he wants to plant pumpkins this year to run his own stand at the local flea market.

-- Jay Blair in N. Al (jayblair678@yahoo.com), May 02, 2001.

I can't thank you all enough for all the responses. Guess the day I posted it, I musta been feeling a little lonely to share what I hold so dear to me with the people I hold so dear to me. Never did I dream that I did just that right here on the forum. This place is more and more like home & family to me with each post I read or each time I get a response to something I have posted. We are all dealt a different set of circumstances. I believe that I am right where God wants me to be at this point in my life. I also belive that God has given me the interests that I have for a reason. (My Mama told me so - she said, "Hold on to them b/c God gave you those interests for a reason." Over the years, I have learned to listen to my Mama).I have learned many things on this forum. Not only about homesteading, but also about life, love, friendship, heartaches, sadness, rainstorms and rainbows. I think what I have learned most from this post is that you can be happy wherever you are and YOU alone are responsible for your own happiness. Someone once told me (many years ago), "If you're not happy with what you have, you'll NEVER be happy with what you think you want." Over the years I have found this to be very true. To be content with life, one must make his/her life content. And so I will press onward toward my dreams and goals sharing them with whomever choses to be a part of them and cherishing them all to myself should no one wish to take part. I thank each and every one of you for sharing a piece of yourself, your loved ones and your life with me. You are a great source of inspiration and encouragement to me. I wish for each of you, all that God has planned for your lives. THAT is TRUE happiness!

-- Greenthumbelina (sck8107@aol.com), May 02, 2001.

I just want to say to Cordy....you are a real inspiration to us all!! I loved your response! Now I'm also curious as to why it seems to be us women (with the exception of a few good men!) who seem to be more the homesteading type or maybe I should say the "just do it!" type??? I'm not meaning to start a gender war, but more women responded to this post than men.

-- Marcia (HrMr@webtv.net), May 03, 2001.

Yes, it is I the woman, who wants to live way out in the boonies, on a homestead. I never have gotten what I wanted. I dream of living in Alaska in a log cabin with no electricity.

My hubby is a house painter. His attempts to build things are frustrating to him, and hysterical to me. He does like cows, but he hates being tied down. The open road is his idea of paradise. He will plant a garden, and tend it, if I make sure he is praised highly all along the way for his efforts. But to live in the boonies is to him a sentence of death.

So, I just dreamed out loud. I talked about wanting chickens for over 10 years before I got them. I pined away for 2 years in the ranch house he bought in a subdivision. (Even there I had 6 chickens in a little pen on the yard.) I got physically sick wishing for space. I was severely depressed. He finally caught on that I NEEDED the country life, to survive emotionally.

We worked out the compromise. We prayed, and God gave us a 125 year old farmhouse within 4 miles of the city, so he is close to his work. We have only 2 and 1/2 acres to play with, but we have a milk cow, 20 layer hens, 50 baby chicks, and cats from the barns around us. We were blessed with old apple trees, an ancient grape vine, pear trees, and a HUGE mimosa in the yard as tall as the house. 20 foot swing attached. The huge garden proved too much for just me to handle last year, so I turned the management over to him. He is really beginning to put his roots down here. I am so very happy with what God has done for me. Hubby is even talking about leasing a real farm!

The teenage son missed out on growing up country-style, so he is not interrested. He does dearly love the cats. But 8 yr old daughter is really into it. She goes barefoot into the barnyard to throw sticks at the squishy manure piles. Now THAT's a country child!

-- daffodyllady (daffodyllady@yahoo.com), May 03, 2001.

Greenthumbelina, pardon my vernacular, but the Pollyanna in me has always believed you CAN make chicken salad out of chicken s--t! I was always the one who believed there really was a pony under that pile of manure! My Ex and I are still friends and it's a good friendship. He does have a dream of country life, he's just on a different schedule than me: "someday". Well, someday never comes, and I'm more into rolling up my sleeves and getting to it. Turning 50 this year, and time's a-wastin'.

If I had children, I would have been so sad that they chose the city life! But, isn't it funny how certain dreams and likes skip a generation? The older members of my family who grew up in the depression, think I'm 'quaint' (if not downright nuts) to want to go back and do things from scratch... the hard way. But, I WANT to know how it's done! Sure, I might buy a bread machine one day, but first I want to know HOW to make it... ME, with my hands... I want to know how. Don't they get it? I will probably never do the dream I had in my 20's, similar to the above post about Alaska, no utilities, way out in the boonies.. But, I will homestead in whatever way I can make do for me.

Yes, this forum is a blessing. I enjoy it so much and learn so much, and consider everyone part of an extended family. Peace, and happy homesteading to you all! dh in nm

-- debra in nm (dhaden@nmtr.unm.edu), May 04, 2001.

What a great thread- I almost posted the same question a few days ago but this thread has great responses. My husband seemed like a country boy when we met but not really after 13 years of marriage. Wouldn't trade him for the world although he does'nt get the country lifestyle. Hates the bumpy dirt road, hates the mobile home, but tolerates the critters I bring home and is amazing supportive when there is a farm "crisis", hang in there, if there are any redeeming qualities, then hold on! Joy

-- Joy (JNews1223@hotmail.com), May 04, 2001.

I always told my sons that if they wanted to marry a woman who could do just about anything marry a girl who was raised in the country. I also would like to share a comment from one of their friends who is 22. He asked me if I watched Martha Stewart or This Old House. I told him I didn't have time. His comment: Well you sure know how to do it all. I told him not quite, but I am learning. Their friends tell me they would not see their moms doing what I do. I think their moms are missing so much. I am going to tell them to start checking out this sight and they will realize that there are a lot of us "moms" and women out there who know how to do a what it takes to get things done. I always remember the saying "behind every good man is a good woman." My dh seems to have a comfort zone that he doesn't want to go outside of to try something new. It will take time, and that I feel I have a lot of. I smile when I look back to see how much has been accomplished by everyone on this sight and that everyone is sharing their dreams and accomplishments. I also am so glad to be a part of this sight also. Jenn

-- jenn (normaj3@countrylife.net), May 05, 2001.

Hi Everyone. This is the first time I've posted, but I've been reading (lurking) for a while.

Yes, I'm in the same boat - my wife likes the subdivisions and can't comprehend why in the world I want to move to the country. We both HATE the house we are now living in, and have very different opinions on where to move to. It's almost driven us to divorce and we are both severely depressed over the situation.

I work 50 to 60 hours a week in a very stressful job, but it pays really well. I know that most of you will scoff at this, but up until recently I thought it was what I wanted. Now I realize that the money will never make me happy and what I really want is to simplify my life, and this forum has given me hope.

But my wife thinks I'm completely crazy, and if I were to just pick up and move to the country, dragging her with me, she would never be happy - therefore I would never be happy.

She suffers from manic-depression; it's bad enough that she can't really work so she stays home by herself. She's not a house-wife, not a cook, and isn't interested at all in doing the things that would have to be done to be a true homesteader, and she doesn't like animals.

I want her to be comfortable and happy, so I'm trying to compromise. I'll keep my job to afford a nice house and some land, and start doing things slowly to try to find a way to support us and not have to work such a hard, stressful job.

My problem is I live in central Ky and we can't find anything like I'm describing that I can afford. She doesn't want to live more than 10 minutes out of town and to be that close costs a lot of money - more than I earn with my big paying job!

Sorry I'm rambling. I just wanted to vent and you folks on this forum seem like you might understand. At least this post lets me know I'm not alone. Thanks for listening.

-- Jeff (wiwacb@hotmail.com), May 05, 2001.

Jeff, Have your wife go online here and maybe some of us could "talk" to her. I'd be willing to answer any questions or comments she might have. Maybe she needs female support!!??

-- Marcia (HrMr@webtv.net), May 05, 2001.

This is such a great thread. It's nice to know we're not alone in many ways.

My dh was raised on a farm and I in town. I love our family's farm and could stay in our little house forever. DH wants a big fancy house (that we can't afford) in town. We are only 4 miles out of town but it seems like a million. We use to garden, fix barns, lambs out our ewes and go antique shopping together all the time. Now all he wants to do is figure out ways to get more money and hang out with his newly divorced friend. Never actually does anything about getting more money, just thinks about it.

Fortunately, my 8 year old loves the garden, the animals, everything but the work. I just decided last year that this is what I love and why should I give it up because no one else likes it any more. So, I laid plans to make it easy for me to do. Slowly, I switched my wood fences for metal, I never plant anything new until there is water near it, I re-did my barn so I could easily corral and work my sheep by myself. Now, when it's shearing time I don't even ask for help, I just go to the barn and do it. It makes him feel guilty, but too bad.

Enough ranting. My only suggestion to those with spouces that want a town life is try and find a compromise. The town next to ours has several areas that are animal zoned and under 1 acre. I know it's not country or homesteading but it could be a good workable solution.

Just remember , if you give up yourself for the desires of another the one thing that gets lost in the bargin is you.

Good luck everyone.

-- jennifer (schwabauer@aol.com), May 05, 2001.

Jeff,

I can sympathize with you completely. I'm sorry to hear that you and your wife are going through such a rough time with depression. Depression can destroy so many things. Just yesterday my husband told me he is so sick of having to make so much money for us to get by on. He said if he could live someplace where we didn't need money for everything, he'd be happy. He, like you, works way more hours per week than what he should have to. I also work outside the home 40+ hours per week. We STILL have trouble paying all our bills on time and rarely have time or energy for much else. We have been married 20 years and although we don't see eye to eye on some things, we both have a deep love for one another that I know will stand the tests of time. (There were times when we also contemplated divorce). It sounds to me like both you and your wife could use a change. If neither of you are happy where you're at, then a change in location would be a good thing. Also, once exposed to a quiet, peaceful, scenic area, I think it would give both you and your wife a new perspective on things. To start slowly is the best way. That is what I'm trying to do with my family. Homemade bread, trying to grow a few home grown veggies (which at the moment, all that is planted are some potatoes and tomatoes - just beginning to sprout). Maybe you could try planting some flowers for your wife to enjoy. From the sounds of it, you don't have much time to "tend" to a lot of things outside your job so don't go overboard. Just start out small and find out what plants thrive best in your area with minimal care. Just maybe when your wife sees these beautiful flowers blooming, it will touch her and bring a spark of interest. Not to mention the fact that YOU grew them especially for her! How could that NOT just melt your heart. Maybe she would see then how important this is to you. Main thing is...do what gives you peace. If you are stressed out all the time, it's not good for you or your marriage. I get outside (while hubby lays on the couch watching sports) and putter around with my planting, composting or stay in the kitchen and fiddle around with starting a sourdough starter and an Amish Friendship Bread starter. Hubby thinks I'm completely NUTS and doesn't understand that I get relaxation, peace and MUCH pleasure from doing these things. He'll "get it" someday though. In fact, he's closer now to "getting it" than I've ever seen him in our 20 years of marriage. Not that I think he'll EVER be a country boy....No, I no longer kid myself about that, but I do feel that there is hope for him to accept, and even partake and enjoy SOME of the aspects of living a simpler, more peaceful (definitely slower) life. I wish you and your family the best. Keep close to this forum. It's GREAT "therapy" !!! LOL

-- Greenthumbelina (sck8107@aol.com), May 06, 2001.

Greenthumbelina, Hi! I've been reading this thread with much interest, thanks for starting it.It seems there are a lot of us out here. Thank goodness we have this forum to keep us sane. I was wondering if you could post your recipe for the Amish Friendship Bread Starter? I've a couple of friends i would like to share it with. Thanks in advance from another homestead wanabee Mom Nancy

-- Nan (graf_nan@hotmail.com), May 06, 2001.

To Marcia..I wonder if it is the Maternal Instict that has more women wanting to get back to the land...Mother Earth. It seems because we need to nuture to satisfiy a need. Maybe it is a need given to us so that there will always be someone to take care of the earth.

I know in my case that it really makes be feel good to sit down to a meal where everything on the table, including the tablecloth and the grain in the bread, is there because I had a hand in the planting, weeding etc. I have accomplished something, made a contribution and I am helping to keep my family healthy. In the spring my fingers itch to get into the soil.

When I see a goat that has a big udder, I would love nothing better than to go and milk her out. I feel a oneness with the earth and all that she gives us...including the goats, chickens, bugs etc. I

I don't think men (who are from Mars anyway) feel the same way. It is probably called Mother Earth because of the way we women are made.

By the way...has anyone every read the book Findhorn Garden. I read it about 25 years ago and re-read it often. It is about nature spirits and divas and our role in keeping things in balance. About land that was nothing but gorse (it is in Wales) and how now it is a Garden of Eden.

-- Cordy (ckaylegian@aol.com), May 07, 2001.

I am here to tell you that people can change. My husband wanted out of the rat race and I still wanted the Republican Cocktail Parties. When we were first married, I'd flip out if the kids had a tick. I panicked with inner fear when he would go into the pasture to check on the cows. I was a city girl to the core. He just kept on keeping on, didn't push, didn't stop.

Miracle of all miracles- I slowly adapted, dealt with it, lost some of the fear.

Pre Y2K we moved to S.Central Ky- Amish country. I've evolved further. I love it out here now. Don't want Suburbia and its ways. Hate it if I can't get the time to garden (have wee ones).

You just keep on keeping on- love them for the way they are, stay the way you are.

Also, all you see is the here and now. You may not see it but you ARE making an impact. Everytime your kids and DH see you in the garden, kneading the bread, etc., you have an influence on them. Those are the memories of you that they will recall because that is you. And maybe those thoughts will someday bring them to a closer understanding of love, sacrifice, and joy. They may think of you and pick up a shovel.

Blessings Mrs G

-- Mrs G (gunnar@yifan.net), May 07, 2001.

My hubby and I just had our 20th anniversary..we didn't think we would make it this far. When we moved out here to the country, it was going to be my house, he was staying in town in the old house. We were splitting. He was going to support me and the kids since I have alot of health issues that don't allow me to hold a regular job. Well...although he isn't "into" the country life, he held my hand while I cried buckets over the goats when the dogs got them. He even came home from work to bury them for me (sorry, not enough homestead in me to be able to have eaten them)not yet... I never thought he would stay, I thought things were over between us. He is city through and through..one thing he did do in town when he felt stressed was trim the bushes...so when he was feeling stressed out here, I would come up with something I needed cut..that got him going..he began spending more and more time out here cutting down saplings that were in the way. He made paths through the woods for the kids (we have 6, the oldest being 14), he began to notice deer tracks. Things that I have gone on and on about for years that I loved (I was raised in the country) he was beginning to see. He moved out of the old house, back in with the kids and I. Now, he isn't totally converted, but he couldn't argue with me yesterday when he was saying we needed to give it up and let one of the houses go forclosure (we still haven't gotten the other house sold and his pay got cut in half last week),I told him we needed to stay out here because we could live off the land. I began telling him how we could save money this way and that. I have been saying this all along, but it never hit home to him...well, he is coming around. I think he is beginning to understand at least from that view point that this is a good life. He even pet our little goat doe yesterday! Now if I could get him out in the garden...sigh...the girls and I saw a rattle snake out there when we were working so now we are skittish. sigh well, I have gone on enough,. hang in there!

-- Cindy in Ok (cynthiacluck@yahoo.com), May 08, 2001.

Last year, a couple who came to our homestead for a weekend was pretty much in the same situation. He had bought land, but she was not going to ever live "out there". Before they left our home that weekend, she said to him, "Now I understand what you want. Let's go start building." They have dug a well, put in septic, and started laying block on "their" homestead. She says she can't wait till they can actually make the move. No guarantee that it would work for anyone else, but we are having a get-together at our homestead June 29-July 1. (His comment was - "all the talking and trying I've done for these years, and all it took was 2 days at your place - I should hve brought her here years ago") If you can get him here (southern Indiana) for a few days, maybe it will help.

-- Yvonne (poorfarmclan@hotmail.com), May 08, 2001.