'Sup. It's hump day.

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2001

Answers

Actually, it's "Mike goes to get his two cavities filled" day.

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2001

WHAT? I'M GOING TO REPORT YOU TO

THE SICK OF MY MINd FBI! BEEYATCHES!!! FEAR ME!!!

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2001

Uh oh. Abui Dewey is here.

Hey - can you get me a Slurpee discount?

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2001

I SLURPEE ON YOUR FAMILY'S GRAVE!

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2001

Hee. I bet crazyarabian.com porn is just pictures of women's faces.

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2001

Did anybody watch the Hip-Hopera last night? I missed it. Damnit!

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2001

It'll be on 8 million more times.

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2001

Joh, that's really funny. Women's faces. Hee.

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2001

Okay, so my goal now is to find out how I can be a part of the Southern Living test kitchen team.

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2001

My other goal is to not be the L_L.

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2001

Hee.

How was cooking class last night?

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2001

It eas great - the menu was fantastic. I love good beef. Unfortunately, beef does terrible things to Chris' stomach, so I don't make it at home very often.

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2001

T, Southern Living is ALWAYS hiring in the test kitchen. Please apply for a job there, and get it, and then I can apply for the Birmingham News Fine Arts Writer job - a job I have wanted since literally, I was TEN YEARS OLD - and we can move to B'ham and live in Homewood togetha.

Screw the Chrises!

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2001

Wait, really? They're always hiring in the test kitchen? Would I have to do it from Birmingham, of could I do it from Atlanta? I swear, every month I read their test kitchen hints, and every month, I think to myself, "Well, of course it's a good idea to do such-and- such. I could have told them that, if I wa a test kitchen tester!"

We will live in Homewood bliss, and the Chrises (one of whom had better get on the ball, already) can live together in NotSmyrna bliss, if there is such a thing, talking about American history all day long.

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2001

I don't think they have kitchens or editorial offices anywhere but B'ham, so you'd have to probably do it from there, but every time I call their jobline, they are hiring.

I could be wrong, though - they could have some stuff in Atlanta. I know they have a sales office there.

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2001

Allison, this makes me want to cry. I want to work there so bad.

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2001

Me, too. I always have.

You know where I reeealllly want to work? One of their other ones: Coastal Living. That magazine makes me cry.

Here's the job board: http://southernprogress.com/employ.html

There's a test kitchen staffer position open right now.

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2001

I just saw the listing. I don't have any professional culinary experience, though, other than waiting tables one summer when I was in college.

But a $1,500/week grocery budget?!? I could get an associates degree for that.

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2001

Yes, and none of us would ever go hungry again.

I wish you would apply, because I am currently on Ginger cookie/ Ginger Ale diet and it sucks.

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2001

I really don't want to go to the dentist.

Have y'all seen this story http://www.usatoday.com/news/world/mideast/2001-05-09-slainteens.htm ? One of the dead teenagers is the son of the rabbi at Maryland when I was there.

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2001

Mike, you'll be ok at the dentist. You've always been ok in the past, right? They won't hurt you.

That's awful about those kids. Truly.

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2001

God, Mike, that is so sad. All of it is.

On the other hand, the dentist is fun! But I've never really had a cavity, so I'm not one to talk.

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2001

Oh, they'll hurt me. But I'm used to the pain.

My entry for today, should I write one (and it'll be after COB if I do), will be all about pain, since I jammed my finger pretty bad at softball last night because I'm a mo-ron, dove headfirst into third base and caught it on the bag.

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2001

M, do not go diving into bases. You'll hurt your pretty face.

Dude, that story is awful. I just read the whole thing. People are crazy. When is all that shite going to stop? They dipped their hands in their blood? Man. It's all so surreal. This line: "Eighteen Palestinian suspects were arrested, including several shepherds." If it wasn't so disgustingly tragic, that would make me laugh.

The whole thing is terrible.

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2001

My head hurts. Too many decisions. Paper? Glass? I just don't know.

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2001

Willis, what are you talking about? Paper or glass for what?

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2001

How scary is it that nick at nite is full of shows from our childhoods?

Very.

Anything exciting going on in cyberspace today?

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2001

Woo hoo! I just got 60 free minutes of long distance from priceline.com.

Go me.

For that, not for being the perpetual L_L.

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2001

How'd you do it? That's cool.

Have I mentioned how freezing cold my office is? I hate it.

People, in preparation for this weekend, I just read through the entire Iron CHEF! thread on the Squishy forum. I think it's my favorite topic on the entire forum. DAMN it's funny.

I know H and M are not big freaks about the show, but y'all... you simply have to get on board. June is going to be a huge Iron Chef month.

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2001

It is? Because they are FINALLY, god bless them, wiring out neighborhood for cable. I miss the Food Network more than anything. Actually, the guy who led the class last night is Molto Mario's sidekick, if there is such a thing. Mario would probably want to eat him, too.

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2001

T.

Seriously.

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2001

Shit.

That's all I got to say about that.

Except, have you considered the Iron Chef book as part of the Cheesiversary present? It would be a good complement to the Chin Feng Chen card in terms of things that shaped the first year of your relationship.

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2001

I thought that very thing just a few hours ago.

I can wrap it all together in cheesecloth!

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2001

Oh my god, you have to.

See, when you move to Atlanta, we could start our own business where we help people figure out what to give as gifts. Or something.

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2001

Al - I got our hotel room in Vegas through priceline, so since I'd done something on there recently, and am on the mailing list, I got the hook up for this latest promotion.

60 minutes is great, but since I'll probably use them all at once. . .

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2001

That would be a very good idea. We would have to make AB the president, though, because we already have an idea for AB Chao's It's All Goods, Incorporated. Heh. It's All Goods. Man, it's brilliant.

For the cheeseversary, I also want to give him a cd with some important songs on it, maybe me singing, and get AB to design the cover. Oh, yeah, she'll have to burn it for me, too. Uh...

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2001

That is absolutely a great cheesiversary idea. There will have to be songs with you singing. He can play them for his momma, and she'll love you even more.

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2001

60 minutes is great, but since I'll probably use them all at once. . .

Still, that's 60 minutes you did not have before! For free!

See, T, I don't know if Mrs. Huff likes me or hates me or even can remember my name. The MOC's family is extremely understated when it comes to him. They don't get too excited about anything.

He told them we were moving to Atlanta together and they were like "Oh, good. You'll be closer to home."

I guess it's just different with sons. I was like "Have they even asked you if I'm an axe murderer?"

I think I did sort of impress her at Christmas, when I sent his things there and they were all wrapped pretty and stuff, but I don't get the impression they are really hands-on with him. I guess it's because he's lived far away from them for ten years now.

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2001

But Chris strikes me as understated. In a totally good way. He's solid.

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2001

They sound like the opposite of Edna, bless her heart. I bet you do lots of things that impress her. How can you not like someone who loves your child? Unless, of course, they're an axe murderer.

I updated. Lots of links.

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2001

Yes, Chris is as solid as a wheel of cheddar. Hee.

Yes, he is. He does not fly off the handle or get upset or worried about anything, much. Whenever he does, I know the situation is very serious. His thinking is very organized.

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2001

T, I believe that is the best T Goes to Town yet.

Y'all, I have gotten some really great "I'm a Survivor" e-mails. I can't wait to update and post them.

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2001

T, if it makes you feel better, if I were entertaining for six I'd have matching coffee mugs, and that's it.

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2001

Really? Is it the Mr. T link?

Seriously, what makes it so good? Because I'd like to write more good entries, and stuff.

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2001

T, I copied it into e-mail so I remember to nominate it for the diarist.net awards next time around. I think I liked it so much because it seems for me, the single male with no matching dishware to speak of, to be a uniquely excellent way to write about your relationship and taking the next step.

The Mr. T link did rock, though. Were you referring to his role on the A-Team, or his short-lived cartoon?

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2001

M! You have returned! How are your teeth?

T, I just thought it was good. This was particularly good, I think: "And while I know that before long, we’ll have a bevy of place settings that we can serve our friends with, it takes more than six matching plates to make a home."

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2001

I was referring to his role in the cartoon. Although, the A-Team did teach me several valuable lessons.

Thanks again, y'all. I'm really trying to give my entries a cycle, so to speak. Like, they start out, I tell the story, and then I tie it all together. (Not unlike a Mr. T cartoon.)

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2001

They hurt. You'll get to read about it in a couple of hours.

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2001

I thought you meant the cartoon, but didn't want to assume anything since I don't know how many people ever watched it.

He was one heck of a gymnastic coach, though.

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2001

That's what I try to do with mine, as well. Not unlike a Mr. T cartoon, yes.

Aw, poor Berman. Did they at least set you up on a date this time? Because why go to the dentist otherwise?

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2001

Ha!

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2001

Mike, I can't wait to read about your pain and suffering. Or something. Yeah, what happened to that date?

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2001

Oh, they brought it up. Within, like, 40 seconds.

I still have the number, but I doubt I'll call. We'll see. My sister- in-law is trying to set me up this weekend.

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2001

Surely your sister-in-law will not do you wrong.

I have a good feeling about it.

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2001

I'm sure it'll be fine.

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2001

How could it only be 4:20? I ask you.

I'm ready to gooooooooooooo.

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2001

I think it's about time for me to leave. I gots to cook. I gots to make a bechamel sauce and some cornbread.

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2001

I'm leaving. And I really am going spinning tonight. I am. I have to. Okay. Yeah. Bye.

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2001