We've all done this. I thought Jeremy's "anal sacs" vs. "anal sex" one was pretty classic, but I'm sure you have others. Any good examples where you thought someone said something racy or nosensical or whatever, but it turned out they'd said nothing of te kind?

-- Anonymous, May 15, 2001

Answers

Recently, in a very crowded bar, my best friend was waxing nostalgic. "I love knob cream! Knob cream is the best. Tastes so good. Better than that other stuff."

After a lot of blinking and helpless, snarky giggling, it turns out he was talking about Knob Creek. Creek. Right.

This is, I believe, whiskey. A shame, because I'd drink a whiskey called Knob Cream.

-- Anonymous, May 15, 2001

This is in the category of misheard lyrics, except I *know* what the lyrics are supposed to be, I am just incapable of hearing them correctly.

Lately, I've had Simon & Garfunkel's Bookends playing in my car, and there's the song with the line that says "Preserve your memories, they're all that's left you"

I hear "Preserve your mammaries". Every single time.

-- Anonymous, May 15, 2001

Well, that's just good advice. If you lose your mammaries, what do you have left?

-- Anonymous, May 15, 2001

My kids went through bathroom humor about 10 years ago, and ruined two perfectly good songs for me.

something something something "when your shit comes in" (instead of ship)

Winnie the poo...p, winnie the poo...p

-- Anonymous, May 15, 2001

Sorry, the only one I can think of is a song lyric: instead of "Our lips are sealed," I heard, "How does it feel?" only because that was the only thing I could parse out of the Go-gos' lisps. I didn't realize my mistake until finally after some years I looked at someone's tape and read the title.

-- Anonymous, May 15, 2001

The one that my dear husband will never live down is the Jackson 5 singing "ABC". He was pushing thirty and still wasn't quite convinced that the line is "you and me, baby you've got me (yeah)" or words to that effect. He was quite sure that the girl had...sneakers. Yep, "you and me, baby, you've got sneakers".

Heh. Cracks me up every time.

-- Anonymous, May 15, 2001

I was riding in a car with my friend’s mom one day and Oingo Boingo’s song “Mirror In the Bathroom” came one. She started sing to it really loud. Then I noticed she was singing “Nigger in the bathroom.” I quickly corrected her. She said that she liked that song, but hated the words until I told her what they really were.

-- Anonymous, May 15, 2001

tried telling my lil' angel that in the song "Lady Marmalade", the correct chorus line sounds like "Gichi gichi ya ya da dah". After arguing about it for ten minutes, we resolved the debate and I too now sing the line as "Itchy itchy ya-ya yah".

-- Anonymous, May 15, 2001

It's the English Beat who do "Mirror in the Bathroom", actually. I'm just sayin'. Yo.

-- Anonymous, May 15, 2001

There's a new song "Drops of Jupiter" by a band called Train. The lyric in question is "And heaven is over-rated" ... but until I looked up the lyrics, I woulda sworn they were saying "Van Halen is over-rated."

-- Anonymous, May 15, 2001

I always thought the line from "Lady Marmalade" was "getcha getcha ya- yas da-da/getcha getcha ya-yas here (pronounced "he-yah"). Makes sense in her line of work, I'd think.

I have, however, been known to be entirely wrong.

Oh. One of the acronyms for one of the publications we work on sounds like "testicle." Never fails to make me snicker. Yes, I'm 7.

-- Anonymous, May 17, 2001

Lisa Houlihan: instead of "Our lips are sealed," I heard, "How does it feel?" only because that was the only thing I could parse out of the Go-gos' lisps. I didn't realize my mistake until finally after some years I looked at someone's tape and read the title.

I used to hear that line as "As long as I see you ... " I thought the rest of the song must be about problems in a relationship or a bad boyfriend and the singer didn't care about any of it "as long as I see you." I was only a casual Go-Gos fan, and even though I figured out the right words pretty quickly when I heard a DJ say the song title, I still to this day hear the line as I originally did.

-- Anonymous, May 18, 2001

Not that being just a casual fan kept me from crushing on Jane Weidlin (I outgrew that ... well, ok, I still haven't, shaddup) ... but I only ever owned one of their records, "Talk Show."

Sorry, offtopic, I know.

-- Anonymous, May 18, 2001

I often mix up the Italian words for "grapefruit" (pompelmo) and "blowjob" (pompino). Needless to say, when I'm out on the town, I never order grapefruit juice...

-- Anonymous, May 19, 2001