Do you have a bad temper? Are you occasionally filled with rage? What do you do about it? Do you count to ten? I can't count to ten, because I just find myself counting really fast so I can hurry up and get to ten and then kill whatever is pissing me off in the first place.

Has your temper gotten you into trouble? Do you know when you're just in a bad mood and likely to snap? Do you intentionally extricate yourself from situations before you start screaming at someone?

And how quickly does it all blow over?

-- Anonymous, May 25, 2001

Answers

I can be a complete crab on the basketball court. You would not believe the number of pushing matches, bumping and silent elbow wars under the basket I've been in. I have a loud mouth too - something inside me likes to egg it on. For instance, four months ago I got so iritated with this one twenty year old monkey looking kid who was about three quaters my size, that I decided to quit the game an offer a sub the chance to play instead of getting in to something.

I picked up my keys and watch and planned to leave without incident, but ol' monkey boy couldn't leave it alone. He yelled to me, in front of everyone with an evil grin on his face as I'm walking out the gym door - "See ya 'round sometime." I said, with an equally evil grin on my face, "See ya round right fuckin' now monkey boy!" Then I conveyed with a twitch of my head that should he like to join me outside for a conversation under the starlit sky that I would be there anxiuosly awaiting his presence. I saw him make a motion for the door so I steped on outside. I waited for a couple minutes, then heard the pick up game start again. He wasn't coming. Fuckin' chicken... err monkey.

It's really weird cuz I'm like the sweetest guy you'll ever want to meet.

Oh, and I still bury the blade of my pitching wedge in the tee box if I miss the green on a par three.

Oh, and I yell fuck (half under my breath) at the pins sometimes if I roll a good ball and leave the ten pin up. It hurts their feelings.

-- Anonymous, May 25, 2001

Oh, I have these times of blind rage. Over nothing, usually, but it leads to yelling and swearing and seeing the world in absolutes of Me and Wrong. I usually manage to keep it under control, but unfortunately the most common audience is my sweet husband. He used to try to logic me out of it, but he's learning that it will run it's course. It usually lasts just a few minutes. I never feel better when it's done---never feel cleansed---so I wish I could just keep my big mouth shut.

-- Anonymous, May 25, 2001

I'm ashamed to admit it but I'm the most irrational fucking yelling bitch to hit the southeast.

The definition of "harpy" comes to mind. I have a nasty bitchy evil temper and I don't usually hold back. I always know when I'm a bad temper and I TELL people to not fuck with me. Do yo think they listen? Hell no. Then they wonder what they did when I sound off. I give one warning and after that you better just step out of the way.

This is why I like spending so much time alone. It tends to keep me calmer and my temper under wraps. Good thing I don't drink. I can just imagine how ill I'd be with tequila flowing through the ol' veins.

But I get over it quick.

Until I get pissed off the next time, it does tend to come back faster if you've been making me mad on a regular basis.

-- Anonymous, May 25, 2001

I have temper tantrums.

This morning it involved tieing my shoe up, cause you see the lace had snapped a couple of weeks ago, and so is slightly to short, and when I opened the shoe to put my foot in, the lace slips out of the top hole, and my jeans were clean, so therefore a bit tight, so I was couldn't bend over as easily so had to take the shoe off, put the lace through the hole, put my foot in, bend over to tie it up, the lace would slip out, take the shoe off... I did it about 5 times before throwing the offending piece of crap (accompanied with the loudest swearing) across the room and putting on a pair of slips on. Luckily Kevin had already left so he missed that particular temper tantrum.

Over all, I have a wicked temper, but I have it pretty much under control. I have temper tantrums over dumb things (shoes, running toilets in the middle of the night, trying to hang pictures etc) but my temper over real things (boyfriend being an ass) is much quieter, Kevin says much more deadly. I don't yell. I don't swear.

I guess I am quick to temper, but not quick to get mad. I think a lot of my friends would disagree with me though.

-- Anonymous, May 25, 2001

Susan: brilliant, the Me and Wrong thing. I might have to steal it.

I am actually frightened of my temper. When my head starts buzzing and my vision gets blurry, I make myself nervous. Must stop it. Consequently, I usually wear myself out with the effort and just cry or something. I have, however, been known to intentionally knock over a chair, slam a door, or throw something. Not AT anyone, just to hear the sound. These are recent developments. Actually, The Girl brings out the Irish in me like no one ever has. She's infuriating. And she's got a temper like I've never seen. Whew.

-- Anonymous, May 25, 2001

I usually only have RAGE when I'm working (I drive a truck) and the road is covered in assholes for half the state. But see, I'm alone in the truck, I scream and rant and bellow all I want and afterwards I feel better. Well, after I get away from whoever was causing me to rage, at least. Otherwise I am in a good mood most of the time, but I do snap at the slighest provocation. It passes though, I don't dwell on it.

-- Anonymous, May 25, 2001

I just thought of something else, you know that scene from Survivor 2 between Alicia and Kimmy, the infamous finger wagging scene.

I would have broken her finger. That type of fighting I cannot ignore, and I lose my mind. There is a co-worker here that had a huge problem with me and the "respect I don't give her". As soon as anyone demands "respect", I go apeshit..and that includes finger wagging. The term bitchslap gets me going to.

-- Anonymous, May 25, 2001

I get whirlwinds of rage or annoyance that I usually hold in, which is often bad. I walk around muttering to myself and taking things out on my boyfriend which are not his fault.

They also seem to come at specific times of the month.

Beth, with the help of my OB/GYN I've already narrowed down a monthly bout of depression to my pill, and switched (from Ortho Tri Cyclen to Estrostep). I don't know if it's worked or not, as it's only the first month on the new one. My depressive drop would happen the first couple of days of a new cycle, which she said is very common, because the estrogen is screwing with your serotonin. I wouldn't be surprised if it was doing the same with you, only it's manifesting differently. She told me to start taking a calcium supplement, as calcium can soothe your serotonin, or something like that. (Anyway, Viactiv is really yummy. Thumbs up on the orange cream flavor.)

Of course, we women can't blame everything on the pill, but you know what? These depressive and temper-y episodes *aren't me*. I can feel that when I'm in one. It doesn't feel natural, and yet I can't figure out how to make them stop. I seem to remember your having to switch your pills before, but it might be something to consider talking to your gyn about.

-- Anonymous, May 25, 2001

Yeah. It was a big deal for me when I could finally step back and say, okay, this rage is irrational, but for some reason I can't help it. I used to get really depressed about how mean I was. It still depresses me, but now I can tell when I'm in one of these rages that are not the same thing as just getting mad or being irritable or being righteously angry. I can't seem to make it stop, but I can take myself out of situations where I'm likely to hurt someone's feelings. (And Rudy's used to me. He just ignores me. He's dealt with my moods for eleven years.)

I've changed pills so many times that I'm reluctant to do so again, because the one I'm on now (Ortho Cyclen) is working out pretty well. I'm not having any other dreadful side effects, which is good. I'll try the calcium ... I should probably be doing that anyway. I think it's worse this month because I screwed up my pill schedule; everything seems to be worse this month.

By the way, I know men who have the same bouts of rage, although I don't know whether it's as cyclical as it is for women. I'm sympathetic to anyone with a bad temper, as long as they do the best they can not to take it out on people who don't deserve it.

-- Anonymous, May 25, 2001

Outwardly, I am one of the most even-tempered people I know. I never yell.

On the inside, I have a running dialogue with myself about the things that piss me off. I am easily annoyed by stupidity, which I run into all too frequently at work. I find myself composing pointed and profane e-mail in response to some idiotic mail I've received. Then I delete it and send something more reasonable. (One of these days I will send an unedited message by accident and get my butt bounced out of here.)

I think my lack of visible temper is a result of growing up with a brother whose temper was frequently out of control. He punched enormous holes in the walls. He punched his siblings frequently. To me, having a bad temper was too much like being like him. I didn't want to be even remotely like him.

If you push me to the point where I actually do lose my temper, I will hold it against you for a long, long time. I could teach an advanced class on holding a grudge.

-- Anonymous, May 25, 2001

Like rudie I get my rage on when I'm at the lanes, but that's part of the game. Of course, Bowling is a Harsh Mistress, and if you get too mad at her, she'll make you toss nines for like six months as punishment.

I find that not getting enough sleep and having my personal space encroached upon makes me terribly fucking angry at everything for days. I.E. - my roommate decides she's going to have six people stay at the tiny apartment for a few days, and I wind up hating everyone and everything for a week.

I know men go through a hormonal cycle somewhat similar to women's, but not nearly as frequent and acute. I know there have been times where for weeks I would just be depressed or hostile without any real reason, and then be fine again for a few months. This seems to happen a couple times a year.

-- Anonymous, May 25, 2001

I'm not on the pill, but I have noticed the cyclical depression and tantrumlets have gotten worse over the last year and a half or so. I just figured I was getting crotchety. The TV tells me I may have PMDD, though . . . that's way worse than PMS, you know. Whole different medication.

-- Anonymous, May 25, 2001

Jeremy and I were discussing ways I could use this power for good. Our plan: me, the Red Hot Chili Peppers, a locked room, and a weapon. Oh, yeah.

-- Anonymous, May 25, 2001

I have been told that I have a death-glare which has made grown men step back and get the fuck away from me. I like this. It takes an awful lot to piss me off enough to get really angry, but when I do, I'm going to rant, and I'm going to nail whoever's ass to the wall. As I once told Diane, "I throw things."

otoh, the majority of the time, I'm extremely laid back. Most things which just annoy me can elicit a mini-rant, but apparently, unless I'm issuing the death-glare warning system, people find me funny when I'm annoyed. I've had my family laughing, nearly in tears, when I'm like this and I don't quite know what it is that I'm doing that they think is hysterical, but they do, and they will sometimes go out of their way to annoy me just to get me to that point. I am obviously doing something wrong here and I'm going to have to figure out how to conjure up the death glare warning system more often; unfortunately, right now, the glare is set somehow to not show up except for really big issues and damnit, I could really use it for the little issues, too, before they accumulate into a really big one. Must figure this out.

-- Anonymous, May 25, 2001

Am I the only one with road rage? I never, ever get as angry as I do behind the wheel in any other life situation. I mean, I get positively irate the the point where I frighten myself and think, "What the fuck is wrong with me? You just screamed at a grandmother who couldn't hear you, not because she is hearing impaired, but because she is in a different car!" I mean, I'm a lunatic. I tailgate, I honk my horn, I scream obscenities at people. Who. Cannot. Hear. Me. I don't know how to stop doing this. Oprah, can you hear me? Can't you do a Dr. Phil segment about this or something?

-- Anonymous, May 25, 2001

I yell at other people in the car, but that's because they can't hear me and because it cracks me up. For example, at a stoplight if someone takes a half second too long to get going, I scream, "It's the one on the RIIGGGHHTTTT!!" and then laugh at me. That's the good rage, not the scary one.

-- Anonymous, May 25, 2001

Very much like what Laura said. I don't have tantrums, I don't yell and throw things, and I consider people who do to be childish or monstrous. If they do it with me, we're not friends anymore.

If I'm really pissed off, I'll generally be extremely short with people, argue with them loudly and "rationally," withdraw, leave, or some combination of those. I prefer leaving, giving myself some time out with coffee and my journal, and coming back when I'm in a better mood, though at a Greyhound bus counter the day before Thanksgiving, for instance, this may not be possible and I may end up acting like a bitch and hating myself afterwards. Oh, and of course I swear when I trip or drop things, but that's different.

-- Anonymous, May 25, 2001

You don't want to be in the same room with me when I'm pissed off. No, you don't want to be in the same *state* with me. You don't even want to know me, I promise.

Hi, my name's Jan, and I have The Rage (tm). "Hi, Jan!"

I've trained myself, now that I'm older and more wise, to simply bite my tongue and stay quiet when someone is really pissing me off, because invariably if I say anything at all, I say something that is viciously sarcastic and unbelievably hurtful, and you know, you just can't take that stuff back. No matter how much you apologize later, it's out there, like a stinking rotten fish, and you can't get rid of it. Nasty comments stay with you forever.

Interestingly, I don't get along with most people, but the people I do get along with tend to be friends for life. I wonder if what has politely been referred to as my "strength of personality" has anything to do with it.

-- Anonymous, May 25, 2001

I, too, get these blind rages. They're not connected to my use of the pill, despite all the brands I've taken, and they're a lot better since I antidepressants.

I still get them from time to time. I've been known to hit people, break things, bump my car into other cars, scream and cry. They have gotten me in trouble. When I was a kid they got me into a lot of trouble.

It makes me feel compassionate towards people who commit murders during rages. There but for the grace of god goes me.

-- Anonymous, May 25, 2001

Well, I guess I'll weigh in on the dispassionate side since nobody else really has. I'm pretty unflappable...in fact, my former roommates nicknamed me "Spock" because I was so rational and unemotional.

Occasionally, I'll get really upset about something (like my qualifying exams being rescheduled at the last minute), but it really takes a lot to set me off.

However, being even-tempered can also be a problem, because sometimes I'll unwittingly provoke my more thin-skinned friends and associates...it doesn't always occur to me that stuff that wouldn't upset me might upset other people.

-- Anonymous, May 25, 2001

Spock? They're full of crap. You're a Seven of Nine based on breast size alone if I ever saw one.

-- Anonymous, May 25, 2001

i have a terrible temper. i used to throw tantrums on the basketball court and more than once was tossed for getting two technical fouls in one game. if the coaches left me on the floor that long. i frequently was benched for losing my temper in games.

i tend not to lose my temper at people; more often it's at things. cars, machinery, furniture. but when i do lose my temper at you, watch out. it's been said that death is a more pleasant option that having me rail at you.

i've gotten a hold on my temper in the recent past, much more so than when i was younger. like someone else mentioned, when i was young it got me into all kinds of trouble. but if i'm tired or stressed out, i'm more likely to snap. i screamed at one of my best friends in front of our entire production staff the other day because he was purposefully pushing my buttons - which i can usually take from him - and i was just so tired and grumpy that i couldn't deal. but it's becoming rarer and rarer these days, which makes me happy.

-- Anonymous, May 25, 2001

toni, i know what you mean about the death glares and then people laughing when you are spouting your angryness. And you know what it is? it's the sarcastic tone in which you relay your anger. At least, this is what it is for me. I have a very very dry sense of humor, and my tales of woe are usually full of sarcastic remarks which are usually cries of horror (to me), that others find funny.

And really, I can't blame them for finding it funny. I mean, if you stop and think about what you are saying sometimes, you will probably find it funny too.

but then, yes, sometimes ppl may not be taking you seriously, or it's hard to tell if they are.

______________

i try to take walks when i'm filled with rage. i've found at work that i will get angry and then inadvertedly start telling people at levels higher then me that they are incompetent, so i take a short bathroom break. or that clients are being major asses, and i know i can't yell at them, so i nod and leave the room and decide it's time for lunch.

how long it takes to blow over is a different story.

-- Anonymous, May 26, 2001

I have a horrible temper, the likes of which I let loose on strangers. For instance, the last time my stupid cell phone company sent me a disconnection notice instead of a regular bill, AND charged me $175 for cancelling my contract (which I hadn't done), the customer service rep heard an earful. And the manager still hasn't called me back. I am crafting a long, mean, and spiteful letter to send to ... someone in that company.

I get huffy, and then calm down, until further reminded about the injustice, at which point I get huffy all over again. It ebbs eventually, but man.

I hate getting irritated. I hate letting other triggers affect me like that. Grr.

-- Anonymous, May 28, 2001

I don't go into full blown rages too often, but my temper flares very quickly and then subsides. Hormonal fluctuations (not pill related) do bring on a day of Extreme Pissiness, but that's about it.

In most situations on most days, I'm a calm, happy woman, but then something will happen that will piss me off and I'll either be snipey, yell or seethe. I don't necessarily like being so volatile and I'm quite certain my son doesn't care for it much either.

-- Anonymous, May 30, 2001

I completely agree with Laura. I'm called Ice Queen, inhuman, Spock, etc. I simply consider displaying emotions juvenile and impolite, not to mention a loss of control. Of course things irritate me, and people who imply I am less than competent usually get DeathStare and a quick analysis of their personal and professional faults, as well as a guess as to their parentage (sheep?). It would be a breach of etiquite to say any of that out loud. I've learned that simply correcting someone when they ask for it (this is a good color on me, right?) can provoke people to the oddest reactions, though. When I get angry, or depressed, or irritable, I mostly just withdraw myself until I'm presentable again. The Pill made it worse- I went to Depo-Provera and it's been 'normal' I feel like the hormones aren't in control anymore. God I envy men. However, there are a lot of good sides to displaying only emotions I choose. One of these is that people take you more seriously. Another is that when there is a real reason to get mad you have the ability to really explode, and it scares people.

-- Anonymous, May 30, 2001

I was forcibly sent to a psychologist in elementary school by my school guidance counselor. Okay, not forcibly exactly but she made it clear to my parents that I would either need to do this, or face punitive consequences from the school administration. I had done things like trashing a locker, breaking another kid's glasses, et cetera. Repressed rage was a regular feature of my childhood.

I now treat my temper the way someone in a 12-step program treats alcohol - zero tolerance. I am not allowed even a single glassful of rage. If I feel it coming on I isolate myself into a medium where I have no face-to-face contact with other humans and can therefore do no harm. I have accepted this as a facet of my life.

Cars, however, are still a problem since there the audience is captive. I usually just apologize to my passengers in advance and warn them to cover their ears and not take it personally.

-- Anonymous, May 30, 2001

I like to consider myself to be a laid back type of individual... but the last two years or so I've noticed that I have a very physical rage (that is to say, that I can -feel- my anger)... and now refer to it as my aneurism.

"Honey, I can't drive today. My aneurism may blow"

And that's really when it occurs: driving. I just recently moved to the San Francisco Bay Area (Palo Alto) and I swear to Maud that I've never encountered such mindless drivers. I really get worked into an unhealthy froth. It's gotten bad enought that I've actually followed some guy home who cut me off, then flipped me off... and while the fear in his eyes when I pulled up in his driveway was on some dark level satisfying, I take no pride, in retrospect, in being the obviously lesser man. I absolutely know that it was a stupid, stupid thing to do.... putting myself into greater harm's way than what a "cut-off" by him may have caused... but also legally, and morally. I mean, what the hell was I going to do... debate the appropriateness of his attempt at sign language? And, by nature, in most other cases, I am not prone to violence.

So, I can't allow myself to say that it's the Bay Area, since that paints a completely depressive view of any future spot of residence (I hope to be moving in 10 months). I try to limit my driving on the weekends, I commute to work by bike, and whenever possible, I ask friends to drive. But in reading the other responses, I'm going to try to adopt the "Zero Tolerance" approach as well. Maybe quotting Saturday Night Live will help.

"Don't get me started. Don't -EVEN- get me started."

-- Anonymous, June 04, 2001

Rage is a useful force. Properly managed, it can fuel your success, even when facing the most daunting of tasks. I imagine a lot of people who've improved this world had a lot of rage.

~

Unless, of course, you're talking about the sort of rage that led me to (in front of a park full of small children) leap off my bike the other day and yell "WELL FUCK YOU THEN, BITCH, I'LL BEAT YOUR ASS" at the motorist who had the miss fortune of almost running us over, and then lowering his window to offer his assessment of the situation.

That kind of rage isn't very helpful.

-- Anonymous, June 04, 2001

I also fit into the Spock category. Nothing really gets me going. I haven't lost my temper in years. As with Laura I never yell.

I get pissed off but don't really see any benefit in yelling at people or losing my temper. Being rational and not letting emotions dictate behaviour seems like a more useful way to approach a given situation to me.

Friends of mine have said I should show more emotion and that people think it means I don't care. If others get that opinion then that's dissapointing, but not true. I just see no benefit of losing my temper or getting over emotional either positive or negative. A steady cruise on the happy scale is better for me than fluxes up and down.

I hadn't really thought about it before, but after reading Laura's post perhaps I am this way for the same reason as she is. My brother used to and still does have an explosive temper. It never got him anywhere so perhaps that is why I have never chosen to be overly emotional or prone to outburts of bad temper. I enjoy cruisin along! I also keep names.

-- Anonymous, June 06, 2001

For those of you struggling with nearly unmanageable rage, I offer this as a potential explanation. I have found, in my own life, that my unmanageable rage is a dissociative reaction to stress. I've gotten therapy and found some control over it.

I always had near-total control over my temper, if you want to call it that, but it was a scary thing. Only scary internally, because I almost never let loose. I did, however, often get tipped into a cycle of rage from which there was no coming back until the next morning. Usually it was either something that put me in physical fear or involved a diss by someone in a place of relative authority, like a professor or a boss.

I noticed in law school that I had incredible tolerance for late nights and drinking on days when this syndrome gets activated. I could go days without sleep. Since I'm writing under my real name (at least, the regulars around here will know my real name), I'm not going to provide any other details except to say that I once accurately explained the rule against perpetuities in the style of Jimmy Swaggart after drinking a fifth of Maker's Mark in about 3 hours. And didn't slur.

Turns out, this rage cycle is not uncommon in people with a childhood history of abuse. It can be treated, and let me tell you it's a relief to get some control over it.

-- Anonymous, June 06, 2001

Omtay, two things:

One, thanks for a really helpful post. Your description rings true, and there is probably something similar going on with me.

Two, I will give you a hundred dollars to come to JournalCon and do that Swaggart thing.

-- Anonymous, June 06, 2001

I'll match that.

(that's still cheaper than my property casebook was)

-- Anonymous, June 06, 2001

I'd love to do a reprise. I was at a birthday party for one of my classmates shortly before our property final, and it hit me that the rule against perpetuities is really about "Judgment Day." And you only need one friend on judgment day. But you have to be able to name that friend. Et cetera.

-- Anonymous, June 07, 2001

If I lose my temper with you, if I raise my voice and get really angry and tell you off, I feel comfortable with you and probably love you. When I'm angry at someone I can have a temper with, I lose it pretty quickly. Quickly hot, and then I cool off almost immediately. But I need to be left alone for a little awhile, before you can talk to me with me saying something nasty.

Otherwise, I never, never lose my temper. Ever. I bite my tongue, and I seethe. I get very very quiet, and will probably avoid you for a really long time. I won't even be able to discuss it with you in person for another long time. I fester and boil. Very unattractive.

However, if I'm in the car, and a driver does something ridiculously stupid, I will bounce up and down on the seat and pound the wheel and screech and make all sorts of gestures that scream "spastic numb-nut" rather than "consumed by road rage." It takes something immensely terrible, however, to make me do that. Like, say, cutting me off and then hitting the breaks and nearly killing me and everyone in the car.

-- Anonymous, June 07, 2001

I know what you mean about how being on the pill contributes to rage. I'm on that depo shot, and I will cry at the drop of a hat or completely fly off the handly at the smallest thing. As a matter of fact, the other night my father would not turn the tv down so that I could sleep (I can hear it through the wall because my bed was up against it) He said no and I flipped out and took my computer apart and disassembled my desk and re-arranged my room so I could get some sleep...this, of course, meant that I was up until really late trying to clean up the mess I had made of all the crap in my bedroom.

-- Anonymous, June 07, 2001

I'm genuinely surprised to hear so many people describe the onset of "rage" I feel from time to time. I'm relieved to hear it is more common than I thought. Of course, that doesn't make it any better.

I'm getting better at controlling it, but there are times when I just lose it and feel like I've lost the ability to get back any control over my anger. It's scary and I don't like it anymore than the people who get mixed up in it! I think my husband's learning to just step back from me when I'm like that, but I still feel incredibly bad about it afterwards.

I do believe some of it is hormonal, but as someone else mentioned, it also has to do with the overall mood of the day. Typically, once I "blow up," I cry or scream or yell for a few minutes and then become inconsolable, and then retreat to be alone and feel really bad about what's just happened.

-- Anonymous, June 07, 2001

My husband has such a quick and hot temper. He gets upset about the smallest things, and then I am to get the heat...it's so fustrating.

He yells, throws things, and then just leaves in a huff. I guess I am glad he doesn't hit me, but the verbal damage is as bad.

He doesn't count to ten. It does blow over fairly quickly, thou.

(To reach me...remove the "no spam" at the end of my address.)

-- Anonymous, July 07, 2001

I do have a bad temper. I guess I was just born with it....when I get angry, it is not irrational anger (most of the time), I get TRULY angry. I guess its natural for some people to have hot tempers..but some people say they do, but they never really get truly angry....i guess it depends on your definition of ANGRY and TEMPER. Rage is not really anger to me....rage is sort of like a uncontrolled blinding emotion...not anger. When my temper flares, I get really angry, but not rage-like. What is anger? What is it to have a temper flare?

Interesting.

-- Anonymous, July 30, 2001

Missy's post made me think of a billboard I saw in town the other day. I'll never understand how we can call ourselves civilized when we actually need reminders that "It's never ok to shake a baby."

-- Anonymous, July 30, 2001

I *used* to have a bad temper, but I would hardly ever exhibit it in front of people. I would gunnysack, and then explode later throwing things aroung the house. I broke a guitar that way. I learned this growing up. My mother was a very abusive and violent person, which is where I learned the anger. I learned to gunnysack by being a target of that violence if I ever exhibited any anger of my own. I ended up being schizoid/borderline. Once I recognized the roots of my own violence and dealt with it, my temper got a lot better. I still worry about it, though. I've gotten mad at my girlfriend twice over stupid things, and yelled at her. Once I almost felt like hitting her, but I started to walk out of the house instead. I ended up calming down and talking about it, but I come from a violent family (two brothers are/were wife beaters) and I worry that there will come a day when I lash out without thinking.

-- Anonymous, July 31, 2001

Rudeboy: the sad thing is, I think a lot of people who shake babies do so when they're holding themselves under control. I picture it like this: the baby's driving you crazy, you're a violent sort of person who's prone to hitting when you're angry, and you should never, ever have been left alone with a child, but this is a baby, for pete's sake, and you're not quite a monster. So you don't hit, you shake. Probably while pleading, "Can't you please be quiet for ten seconds?"

You don't have to shake a baby very hard to do a tremendous amount of damage. I hope everyone now knows how much damage shaking can do, but just ten years ago, I don't think it was common knowledge at all. It seems like common sense to me, at least with newborns -- tiny little babies feel so fragile that I don't know how anyone could think shaking would be okay -- but I guess I can see how you might not think it was so dangerous with, say, a two year old. I guess. It's a hard thing to understand.

-- Anonymous, July 31, 2001

I think RAGE is not a good thing. Althought i do get angry sometimes but I have the ability to count to TEN!

-- Anonymous, August 14, 2001