Ok, so one of the things I do is make travel arrangements for my three gov't. guys. One of the rules for gov't travel for these guys is that I need to check availability of gov't quarters if they are going near a military facility (much cheaper that way). No problem, except that different facilities have different rules about civilian govt employees staying there, so checking often involves a lot of time on hold, faxing various things to the facility to show that they are there on official biz, etc.

My boss is a real bulldog for this - when it comes to the other two travelling (he always seems to wind up at the nearest Marriot), to the point where, after I've confirmed that there is no room available on base, made the travel arrangements through a regular hotel, etc, he'll hold up processing the orders while I go do it AGAIN, 'just to be sure'.

So, I'm working on travel for him - and hey, guess what? Gov't facilities were available! So I put him there, and then go tell him the good news.

And get a dirty look and a growl. "Well... is it ADEQUATE??"

I wonder if this means he wants me to fly to Nevada and critique the place for him?

Yeesh.

-- Anonymous, June 13, 2001

Answers

My boss is English.... 'nuff said.

Ugh. Really... does anyone else work for someone who is -really- into the latest catch words? "Synergy, Efficacy..."

Plus, I can hear him chewing all the way in his office.... ugh, I say again, ugh.

-- Anonymous, June 13, 2001

My boss started using "ramp up" a few months ago (see too does the latest buzz word thing.) It got so bad, that I once spent a meeting counting how many times she said "ramp up" with little hash marks at the top of my page of notes. I want to say she used it 27 times 45 minute meeting.

Also for fun in meetings, I've spent time counting how many times the same women poo-poo's another person's ideas. I'd write Project Manager A's idea down, the, before getting Manager's reaction, I'd guess based her level of dislike for Project Manager A. Even more fun is when the ideas got reintroduced as her own later in. the. same. meeting.

Did I mention I quit yesterday?

-- Anonymous, June 14, 2001

Know how some women can cry at will? Well, I wish I could sneeze at will. I am forced to attend stupid meetings with boring presentators that have very little to do with me. I just wish I could summon a sneezing fit at will.

I've tried the coughing bit before but they sound too fake and besides not many people are afraid of a cough. But a sneeze in close quarters, whooweee. All it takes are a few juicy collateral droplets on the conference table and people will be begging you to go.

My boss, god bless him, is a no nonsense mountain man kind of guy and he hates boring meeting bullshit worsse than I do. He's got this system that works everytime.

Everyone knows he has something wrong with his prostrate or something (whatever it is that makes old guys pee every twenty minutes), so, right in the middle of a boring meeting or presentation, he gets up and takes off. He leaves his coffee cup, notebook and pen as counter measures to throw everyone off -- kinda like a fugitive would when running from the FBI. Everyone thinks he's going for a quick trip to the head and will be right back cuz he left all his stuff, but once the man is gone, he ain't coming back.

-- Anonymous, June 15, 2001

Rudey, why don't you shake a little pepper into your palm before you go in to a meeting - when it gets boring, just bring your hand up to your face, and breath in deep through your nose.

Instant sneeze attack!

-- Anonymous, June 15, 2001

Rudie, buddy! This sneezing solution is right up your alley. It has a backstory. Once upon a time a female friend of mine met me for lunch and suggested we go by her father's place for lunch. Which we ate on the back patio overlooking the lake. At that point, she stripped down to a bikini and plunged in for a dip. I plunged in, too. For a dip, of course. Whaddidya think I meant?

The moral is, a few years later I read that thinking of something sexually arousing and looking at a bright light will make oyu sneeze. Goddam if it ain't true! Now every time I need a sneeze, I look at a bright light and think of the bikini. Hope it works for you, my friend.

-- Anonymous, June 15, 2001

I had a boss who was so dumb...

No, really. I had to boot her computer up every morning (you know, push the little button on the front) because she was afraid to. But she wasn't afraid to just hit that little button to turn it off, even when I told her many many many times that she needed to go into the start menu and SHUT DOWN the computer...

She was also the one who did the budget, so it's no wonder that the mob dipped into our grant money. Honest. The place went under about a year after I quit.

-- Anonymous, June 16, 2001

This is the best topic, ever. I bet there's enough material out there to keep permanently current.

One of the people I support is the marketing manager. She says she's been hired for her design skills, not the other stuff...here is the list of things she can't do: type, fax, print, photocopy (it's a big, "intimidating" machine she says), use Microsoft Word ("I'm not a word person"), use Excel, her knowledge of her "specialy" progams--QuarkXpress and Photoshop--are mediocre as far as I can tell. She also doesn't know image formats, though she's been in the business for 20 years. She sends GIF images for magazine publication! I've also found out that she can't write ad copy, and she can't proofread. Or design newsletters. She also couldn't put on her new diamond tennis bracelet (yes, I did it for her.)

But her speciality, remember, is DESIGN.

So what did she do? She designed a new company logo with the most diffuse, blobby drop shadow I have ever seen. Somehow it was approved by all the corporate people (they didn't ask me!). Then when I was faxing a flyer the other day with the new logo, I faxed one back to us...just so I could see the copy. And guess what. Our logo--the company name--is COMPLETELY black/unreadable because of that silly drop shadow.

My God I could have told them!

I think you have to be incompetent in order to earn the big bucks.

God, I'm glad I got to say all that, because I try to be a little careful about what I say in my journal.

Jade

-- Anonymous, June 16, 2001

As of 2 weeks ago, I had a boss that was so determined to fill the office with bimbo synchophants that he hired a bunch of brainless fuckwits who had to harass me every 2 minutes to do their job for them because they were unwilling/unable to use the company software.

He only became my boss after the woman who hired me quit. She had been demoted and he attempted to force her out because she needed to take time off for cancer treatment. Yes, she was dealing with an expensive life-threatening condition and he tried to get her fired.

After she left the office went through 100% turnover. Every new girl he hired was more brainless than the last.

And to top things off, he marched me down to HR 2 weeks ago and proceeded to completey fabricate events that pointed to my supposed incompetency and fired me out of the blue. Since he has no written documentation of any of this I plan on suing the company for all I can get. And I'll enjoy it.

I needed to get out of that job and find something better anyhow.

-- Anonymous, June 21, 2001

My 'temporary' boss -- the one who hired me, just became my permanent boss. Consultant hired to permanent employee.

And I still can't figure out how I feel about that ... because though he seems like a perfectly nice guy and very with it.

I cannot for the life of me, read the man.

And that, is a very very weird sensation to me.

I cannot get a fix on this person at all.

Which leaves me in a welter of confusion about how to react to him.

I can never tell when he's kidding and when he's not.

Oy vey.

But we do good work. And I suppose that's what matters most.

-- Anonymous, June 22, 2001