...send a sweetie e-mail to your boyfriend and copy two of your best friends on it by accident.

-- Anonymous, August 03, 2001

Answers

What have you done to humiliate yourself lately?

-- Anonymous, August 03, 2001

. . . tell your office manager, at an office party, at the exact moment that all other conversations die down, that everyone in the office wants to sleep with her.

-- Anonymous, August 03, 2001

I hope JoLo sees this and tells about the time she gave blood at an office blood drive...

-- Anonymous, August 03, 2001

...after hydroplaning on one heel for 3 feet and flying through the air in a perfect L shape, landing on my ass in a puddle outside our office (but I really would have loved to have watched me do that).

-- Anonymous, August 03, 2001

...you try to ride a razor scooter with miranda on the back around your building and everyone knows it's you by your cackling laughter.

-- Anonymous, August 03, 2001

But really, that has nothing on Allison, naked banjo player.

-- Anonymous, August 03, 2001

...you go to buy your wedding dress and bring a friend with you to take pictures to send to your mother in New Orleans. You get dressed up in full regalia - double crinolines, the veil, everything - and take lots and lots of pictures, from every angle. You load the dress in your car and start to drive away, only to realize that there was no film in the camera. You politely go back in and ask if you can get all dressed up again, and they laugh and laugh. You do it anyway, though, even though the bitch child-bride in the next dressing room gives you mean looks.

-- Anonymous, August 04, 2001

Well, the office blood drive was pretty bad. I lost consciousness and hence control of my bodily functions! I slid out of my chair and all the guys who had been just DYING to see if they were real found out they WERE when they picked me up under the arms and by the ankles. Everyone wore dresses then (short ones-it was the time of the mini's) and you wore those panty hose that were sheer all the way to the top because you didn't want the lines to show. Now, how many of you don't wear panties with panty hose? I do now, didn't then! Some of the men I worked with can't look me in the face NOW without blushing! I HATE THEM ALL!

But maybe that was not THE most embarrassed I have been. I embarrass MYSELF sometimes by what I think and it has been said of me "If she THINKS it she SAYS it!" Both of my children have said I embarrass them sometimes. I hate them too! and I HATE YOUR DADDY!

-- Anonymous, August 04, 2001

I'll tell you who I don't hate.

JoLo.

-- Anonymous, August 04, 2001

Poor ol' Mother.

-- Anonymous, August 04, 2001

Al, I think if your mother and my mother were in the same room, they would be so opposite each other as to create a vacuum.

-- Anonymous, August 06, 2001

... get home, throw off your clothes immediately so you can change and get out to the ballpark for the Rangers game, rush around the apartment naked, flapping your arms like a chicken because it's HOT, then realize, while your ass is sticking out of the closet, that the "thunk" noise you just heard was the sound of a brush being dropped into a paint bucket. By the guy on your balcony, painting your storage room door.

-- Anonymous, August 17, 2001

. . . puke in front of not one but two crowded subway trains.

I'd tell more, but my notify list has exclusivity.

-- Anonymous, September 04, 2001

I just wanted to tell everyone they're revising Webster's to make sure my picture appears next to the word "dork."

A word of caution: when Delta Air Lines, the lying skanks, tells you they can get you from JFK to Amsterdam for $254 round trip, don't believe them. Even if you try to book tickets FOUR MONTHS in advance, they won't give you that fare. And above all, don't go to your boyfriend and say, "Okay, you're going to Amsterdam," and then find out the tickets are too expensive and that you suck and you are an evil, disappointing girlfriend who should've kept her big mouth shut.

Anyway.

-- Anonymous, October 06, 2001

Pass out from low blood sugar in public places. My "favourite" ones:< br>* a crowded Morrison's cafeteria, becase you are too timid to cut in front of thirty hungry senior citizens just to get a Coke
* front row at a White Stripes show that is so crowded you can't escape rough the crowd, meaning that Jack and Meg White both glare at you for looking "bored to sleep"
* in the doorway of the ladies' roomuring a Brian Jonestown Mssacre show, while people step over you grumbling about 'shameless public drunkenness'. I wish.
* three floats into Gay Pride Parade festivities, to which your best gay chum has taken you, and which he insists on leaving right the and there, meaning his Family friends all call him up and call him a bitch for abandoning them to help his menstruating friend home. Yup, probably only person at Gay Pride having a real period AND a hypoglycaemic fit. Joy.

My mom's fave story is about her debut, where she thought she was looking totally gorgeous, since everyone's eyes were glued to her, only to realize her clothes hanger was caught in the lace overlay of her dress and clattering along behind her the whole time. (NO WIRE HANGERS!!!)

In general, though, I'm pretty unembarrassable these days. I grew up in Savannah. There's always someone more whack than I out there.

-- Anonymous, July 03, 2002