Inspired by Allison's Friday update.

Let it out before you suck it up.

-- Anonymous, August 28, 2001

Answers

The Lord is my shepherd
I shall not want. (Except for a job.)

He maketh me to lie down
in the bed all day
and cryeth because I am broke.

Amen.

-- Anonymous, August 28, 2001

Our Father, who art ignoring me, how loud do I speak thou name (coupled with dammit)? Thy kingdom's heat is bringing me down. Thy will needs to be central air in my home, and a personal gym would be nice, too. On earth as it is in an exceptionally humid heaven.

Give us this day, but keep me out of the bread, for the carbohydrates are making me all fat. Forgive me for wishing death and scarring on the skinny, belly baring, bimbos that riddle this campus like termites. And I will forgive them for giving me the stink eye.

Lead me not into temptation with that Whatchamacallit downstairs in the student lab refrigerator on the second shelf to the far right.

Deliver me from evil work and get me to my 6:00 yoga class on time.

For thine is the kingdom that is driving me slowly mad with irritation and disgust, the power, and the glory of Dr. Pepper forever.

Amen.

-- Anonymous, August 28, 2001

Dear Lord, I know this is supposed to be a joke thread, but please, please let our new little puppy get better.

-- Anonymous, August 28, 2001