Strange Question - How do you put up with the boss' wife when she works with you? I am eager for help on this subject. Unfortunately I have to have a city job for about five more years for sure. But until then, I either have to put up with the boss' wife or drive 20 miles to a different job. Anyone have any hints or stories to share?

-- JoAnn in SD (jonehls@excite.com), September 07, 2001

Answers

Hi Jo: Since I don't know what the problem is with the boss's wife, I will try to give a little insight from my side:

I am the boss's wife and we have numerous employees that work with me from time to time.

I make it my mission to not be "the boss's wife but rather a supervisor" However, there are some things that employees should understand when they work with "boss's wife":

--don't say anything about your boss that you would not say to his face. Chances are the "boss's wife" will repeat anything that she feels he should know.

--the boss's wife directly or indirectly probably owns part of the business - therefore, in reality she could be considered the boss too or she may think she is the boss - that sometimes happens.

--Again, not knowing the circumstances, perhaps she sees you as a threat to her relationship with her husband. If perhaps this is the case, then you could maybe sit down with her and talk about it.

--And speaking of talking about - have you tried sitting down with her and discussing whatever problem you might be having. Perhaps she doesn't know that she is being a pain.

Boss's wives can be a pain if they like to lord it over other employees.

For myself, I expect the respect of the employees, but I will never ask them to do anything that I would not do myself. I work with them and we work as a team. The good goes with the bad. For us, it works; and I hope that your situation can be resolved to the satifaction of both of you.

Also, you might try talking to the boss - you never know - it might help.

Good luck

--

-- Kari (wildcatt@telusplanet.net), September 08, 2001.

Kari, Thanks for the nice response. This boss' wife "does no wrong" and makes sure we understand that. She is not well liked in our small town either because she is a micro manager type and it's her way or the highway. I needed to have surgery earlier this year and needed to have it within one month of finding out. The boss' wife had a fit and told me that I could not schedule it that soon as we were short on help and were busy, doctor's excuse or not. So, I went to the boss, and he said his wife would never say something like that. It was not a nice conversation. I went ahead and scheduled my operation anyway and figured it was their problem that they had not hired help after they fired one employee. I was to have the surgery to prevent emergency problems so I had the surgery. Period. I was not treated very well for quite a long time. It also works both ways with the boss and his wife telling each other what was said. Oh yes, and you should hear her talk about him. Not a nice person. I realize boss' wives can be a great but this one surely is not. My resume is hot off the press.

-- JoAnn in SD (jonehls@excite.com), September 08, 2001.

Well, JoAnn, that is one unpleasant person to work for! The boss doesn't sound like a prize, either. I'm afraid I have no advice, as the surgery incident alone would have found me telling that woman to shove it up where the sun don't shine, reminding her to remove her head first. Not exactly diplomatic here. LOL! That's why I like my new job, people can't talk to me because I have headphones on all the time and am busily typing away. I don't have to worry about being hassled by assholes this way. They can't do it because they'd be interrupting my work, plus us lowly transcriptionists are housed down in the basement by ourselves, so no management types come down there to bother us anyway.

I sure hope something else comes up for you, or maybe the woman could have one of those strokes that doesn't really hurt you, but changes your personality - in her case, for the better. One can only hope.

-- Sojourner (notime4@summer.spam), September 09, 2001.

I feel for you. I work with a lady who tries my patience every day (although she's not the boss's wife)!

in every work environment you'll encounter people with personalities that just absolutely don't mesh with your own. It's a fact we all have to deal with at one time or another. it's unfortunate this person happens to be the boss's wife!

My suggestion? as long as this woman doesn't stress you out to the point it could cause health problems, stay. as soon as you wake up every morning dreading the day ahead because of this single person, or come home everyday only to vent/unload on your spouse move on to a more happy, less stress work place.

really, 20 miles is not a bad commute at all.

-- Buk Buk (bukabuk@hotmail.com), September 09, 2001.

Hi Jo:

I certainly agree that this woman is on a power trip, and her husband sounds like, well - not henpecked, but buzzard bitten.

When it comes to health matters, the only important thing is the health and welfare of the employee, not whether or not there is enough staffing. Might mean that the lady might have to do more than her share and doesn't like it.

Probably would be a good idea if you can find something else to do even it if mean driving further. That 20 miles might give you peace of mind rather than dreading going to work with the boss/s wife every day.

Take care of yourself first. If you don't look after yourself, for sure she won't.

Kari

-- kari (wildcatt@telusplanet.net), September 09, 2001.

Sojourner, I too have to have my headphones on at times, but that doesn't stop her from interupting me. BukBuk, I am at the point where I dread everyday and go home and unload on my good hubby (not so fair to him so I try to not do that). The 20 miles drive seem sbetter and better, even in teh cub zero blizzard conditions of our harsh winters. A lot of people make the drive so I wouldn't be alone. Maybe I could find someone to carpool with (as long as they aren't like the dreaded boss' wife, haha). Kari, I like the phrase "buzzard bitten." He isn't a pleasure to work for, he too can bite but I just usually bite back. "She" would never allow that but I let him know I won't take s#$%t. With her, she treats me worse if I bite back at her. So I just go to work and do my job and try to lean to the side when she hurls "it" towards me. Waiting for calls for interviews ...... Anyway, thanks for letting me sound off to you. JoAnn

-- JoAnn in SD (jonehls@excite.com), September 09, 2001.

JoAnn- Have you considered secretly taping the wife saying things about her husband and then leaving it where you know he will find it? Anonymously of course. Might be a little mean, but then again it might be fun to watch the fireworks!

-- debra in ks (windfish@toto.net), September 11, 2001.

Just goes to prove there are more horses' rear ends than horses and you can't fool the little black flies. Hang in there. Ever try working for yourself?

-- Sandra Nelson (Magin@starband.net), September 12, 2001.

I like the idea of taping her secretly. And you know, that IS legal as long as one person of the conversation (moi) is aware of the taping. Learned that at work, I sure did! I know that today is a day of prayer for the people affected by the WTC bombing, and my prayers have a little extra in them (forgive me if I seem callous) - I am praying that the airplanes are on schedule today as the boss and his wife are trying to get to the East Coast for a wedding. They were supposed to leave yesterday but Minneapolis airport was not open yet for regular business. Now, I am not praying that their plane gets highjacked, I am praying that they can leave so I can have a day of peace in the office. I had an anxiety attack, I guess that is what it was, on Wednesday and my doc said, "Get a different job." Still waiting to hear on two applications I turned in to jobs. Thanks for your support everyone, Gotta go and load the tapeplayer ... just in case they are in the office today!

-- JoAnn in SD (jonehls@excite.com), September 14, 2001.

I agree with all who said your health comes first, don't let them make you ill because you can be sure that they wouldn't let you or anyone else do it to them. JoAnn been meaning to ask you where in SD are you? We have been looking into buying land around Hill City and retire out there. Yes, I know the winters are hard but then I'm from upper, upper NY so I'm used to it. I think the country is beautiful and as an artist I would love the quiet to ply my craft. I already checked with several school districts and they would welcome my as a sub, seems that subs are hard to get out there. So the bottom line is I could work part time as a sub and also have time to draw and do my pottery, weaving and whatever else I'm into at the moment.

Living in MO. is ok but the summers kill me the heat is awful.

Thanks, Sally

-- sally stanton (mallardhen67@hotmail.com), October 11, 2001.