Am I alone? Does the recent introduction of electronic menus mean that America's tech advances are the future? I dispise them, yesterday my phone line responded to a light rain by going away, I had to go to a remote pay phone to report it; the total conversation was with a machine. Press one ifyou speak English. Press two if your phone line needs service. Press three if you think it might be our fault. Press four if you think we give a fecal material (about you). Press five if your serious. Press six if you think you need service. Press seven if you want us to get off our hineys and earn money legally. Press eight if you pay your bill on time. Press nine if we can get away without tending to your problem. Press 10 if we have to give you service. ( Pressing 10 will put your name and number on the ignore list) Press 11 and we will come burn your house. Press 12 and we will deport you. Press 13 and we will deport your body. Press 14 and we will deport your defaced body. Press 15 and we will deport your defaced, burnt body. Press 16 and we will deport your defaced, burnt, and abused body. Press 17 if you want to speak with an innocent, recently graduated, customer repersentative who knows nothing except how to avoid direct conversation with those who seek service. Press 18 if you think your civil rights have been violated. Press 19 if you have been stupid enough to hang on this long. Press 20 if you want to speak with a person who can do something about about the problem you are experincing.....

-- mitch hearn (moopups@citlink.net), September 26, 2001

Answers

They aren't my favorite either, Mitch. And what I hate worse is you punch a button when you are supposed to and get disconnected and have to redial and start the whole process all over again . . . :(

-- Jennifer L. (Northern NYS) (jlance@nospammail.com), September 26, 2001.

YOU actually expect a real live person????? When one answeres the phone I am usually so shocked I am rendered speechless!!!! Too bad they don't hire all of the telemarketers who call when you don't want, need or desire a phone call to answer the phones when you do want, need or desire a real person. Just my thoughts!!

-- Melissa (cmnorris@1st.net), September 26, 2001.

I love the calls,, where the computer calls you, and says<<:plese stay on the line,, someone will be with you monentarily,," Like Im waiting for that !!!

-- stan (sopal@net-port.com), September 26, 2001.

Stan, I've gotten calls that, when I answer have dead silence followed by a click when their party gets on. That's the first clue you've been called by an auto-dialer and, when you answer, their system connects your call to a telemarketer. That's when I hang up.

Those systems are also responsible for calls that, when you answer, have no one there. That's just a sign that the autodialer hit on someone else who answered before you picked up.

-- Gary in Indiana (gk6854@aol.com), September 26, 2001.

Ohhhh, I get it. I thought the title said "ECLECTIC Menus, the Worst Thing That Can Happen in America" I was thinking more like......

Next on Martha Stewart, How to Cook and Serve Rat and Have your Family *Really* Believe its Chicken.

Electronic menus, If and when I come up against those, I hit 0, If I don't get a real person, I hang up and write a not very polite letter.

-- Laura (LadybugWrangler@hotmail.com), September 28, 2001.

Mitch,

Once you get a live person get their direct line. Then when a telemarketer call ya just say Hey I'm not interested but a friend of mine might be Here's the number. heheheheheheh

(K)

-- K & S (healthywizard@earthlink.net), September 28, 2001.

Mitch; #17...grad from what?? 1st or 2nd grade If there's a voice-not silent/auto- saying is Mr. Jim there.....instead of hangup I've got a question for them!! More often than not their response will leave me chuckling for an hour or so...I wonder if it ever makes them think about what their doing[telemarketing...Had a woman going recently...I got the feeling she wanted to............no don't finish that thought.

-- Jim-mi (hartalteng@voyager.net), September 29, 2001.

Mitch; #17...grad from what?? 1st or 2nd grade If there's a voice-not silent/auto- saying is Mr. Jim there.....instead of hangup I've got a question for them!! More often than not their response will leave me chuckling for an hour or so...I wonder if it ever makes them think about what their doing[telemarketing...Had a woman going recently...I got the feeling she wanted to............no don't finish that thought. They can ask personal questions & demand answers....ya...sure.

-- Jim-mi (hartalteng@voyager.net), September 29, 2001.