Even if it makes us bad people because we love it, we love it just the same.

Which couple will take it all? Will bug-eyed Toni's brain explode? Will Anthony recite anymore horrible, horrible poetry?

-- Anonymous, September 26, 2001

Answers

Oh crap! Sorry Hannah, can you delete my thread I made?

Okay, Toni. The girl has boobs -- SO WHAT? Gina was being entirely too Rules-ish and giving away all her power to Toni. Gina was such a cute girl, with such an ugly, ugly heart. And all over Darin? Um, why for?

Anthony = faux Tommy Lee with a pencil neck. And how much did he make you vomit with his immediate Mating for Life with his chica?

Bob = Kenny G!!! Who here didn't SEE that?

I don't know about you all but if I was trapped on the Sea of Skank I'd be sidling right up to Tony the Carpenter and never leaving his side for the remainder of the trip.

-- Anonymous, September 26, 2001

My choice right away was Tony.

And that Lisa girl - get a GRIP. I wanted to tell her exactly what Toni did. I actually like Toni, even if she looks sort of scary.

-- Anonymous, September 26, 2001

Toni is such the hooker with the heart of gold. But here she's wanting to kick Gina's ass at the voting, and then crying when she leaves? And her crap about not getting enough attention as a child -- HELLO. She's an emotional car wreck! But definitely a natural ringleader and master manipulator. I can't wait to see her lose her shit later on.

I was very surprised to see somebody like Lisa on the show -- intelligent, pretty, probably successful. Until her inner insecurities came bubbling to the surface in the form of tears, like three times in one episode. These shows are so typical with the people they attract. The women are either emotional vampires or sluts, and the men are just sluts.

That is so damn good TV, y'all.

-- Anonymous, September 26, 2001

I howled last night when they said it was coming on again tonight!

We're going to see the Black Crowes tonight. Our VCR will be entrusted to keep the Love Cruise safe until we get home. If the VCR malfunctions (as it has been known to do) you will hear my cries across the nation.

I have no like for Toni. I think she's a tool. So was Gina (but with good good hair). If Lisa doesn't stop crying, no one will come near her other than Other Jewish Person (can't remember the name...Bob?)

When the carpenter guy came on screen, Partner's head whipped around and stared me down, saying, "You think he's pretty, don't you!" I can't be sure, but I think the drool gave me away.

-- Anonymous, September 26, 2001

* Anthony - I definitely agree with the Tommy Lee opinion. And that poetry made me just want to hurl. An again, what's with the whole "we're the power couple" thing with him and Laura? I think it'll be interesting to watch Anthony turn into a little bitch when Laura ends up whoring her way around the boat - don't they have to switch around?

* Toni - she'll lose her shit within the next 3 episodes. Either that, or kill one of the guys, in bed.

* Gina - Bitch, definitely the right choice to get the boot.

* BOB IS DEFINITELY KENNY G!!!

* Lisa is going to begin to grate on everyone's nerves, I think, with her damn insecurities. Hell, I think she's already turned Michael off with her whining, and he's the one "she thinks everyone would pick for her." Gah.

* Michael is Paul Lassiter from Spin City, I think.

* I think Ralph is either going to get in a fight with someone, or have really obnoxiously loud sex before the whole thing is over. I don't WANT to like him, but I loved it when he told Lisa he'd "tear her ass up." Hee.

* I would SO have glommed onto the carpenter. Pretty, pretty, pretty.

-- Anonymous, September 26, 2001

That settles it - Tony is the offical MATH + 1 pick.

I do like Ralph too. He'd be that guy who is best friends with your boyfriend, and you adore him, but you'd never EVER set him up with any of your friends.

I just love that it's on AGAIN tonight. Ha.

Also - in classic B/M style, I think the Lisa/Tony conversation occured later in the show, when perhaps they were coupled up. It just seemed odd that she'd be having a heart to heart with him on day one when they both had other dates. I don't know. I think they just wanted us to know that she's older, divorced and a crier.

-- Anonymous, September 26, 2001

It's on again tonight?? Oooo thanks for the heads up! Is it the next episode, or are they replaying episode one?

Hannah, good observation skills on the Lisa/Tony conversation. It DID seem odd to have her confiding in him, especially with him touching her arm like that. Maybe my girl Lisa will find true love with Tony? Or least get a nice slice of that ass before it's all over?

I hope Adrian's misogynist ass is the next one to go. Did you guys read their comments at http://www.fox.com/lovecruise? (Don't go to lovecruise.com unless you're looking for porn. I found out the hard way -- at work.) God they are all such pigs, every last one of them. Except Tony. Beautiful, beautiful Tony with his cerulean eyes. *sigh*

Laura was totally bowled over by Anthony craptacular "poetry." VOMIT. Those two deserve each other.

-- Anonymous, September 26, 2001

The second episode is on tonight. I guess they're doubling them up for the next two weeks since the premiere got pushed back.

Aidan's a porn looker.

-- Anonymous, September 26, 2001

Yes, Hannah, those most current shots of you, with the feather boa? FABULOUS.

HA! ;)

Michael has manboobs, y'all.

-- Anonymous, September 26, 2001

I don't know if it's the same guy as referenced above, but Michael looks just like the guy on Mad About You, the husband half of their couple friend.

Lisa was full on agressive in the early part of the show, but as soon as she got the dis from her 2 picks and ended up with Michael, she turned into this quivering mountain of insecurities. I don't understand what the hell those two were expecting? Just because you lose weight does not make you automatically good looking, and didn't Lisa realize that Fox would fill the boat with Barbies?

Speaking of Barbie, Anthony lost me at the very beginning when he said he wanted someone smart and fun and who looks like a barbie doll. Did someone refer to him as "deep" at some point in the show, or did I just dream that absurd dream?

-- Anonymous, September 26, 2001

It's all an absurd dream, Robyn! And thank God I'm dreaming it again tonight.

Well if Anthony's looking for a Barbie doll, Laura certainly has the vacuous stare down.

My husband and I watched it together and felt sad, sad, sad for the pathetic single people. It's the flip side of you guys watching Dr. Phil on Oprah and feeling sad, sad, sad for us pathetic married people.

-- Anonymous, September 26, 2001

Yep, Robyn, it's the same guy. I think Michael looks just like him.

Oh, and get this - I just read on the MBTV forum that there's now a link on the official site where you can see bits that they didn't post on the show last night. In one of them, Gina tells Bob that some girls LIKE guys who look like Kenny G; then she laughs and laughs. I can't believe something like that didn't make it on the show.

-- Anonymous, September 26, 2001

I'm not really down with the Laura love. She's okay. Why do all the guys dig her? Is it because she's the youngest?

-- Anonymous, September 26, 2001

Well, I guess they DON'T all dig Laura because she got the boot. How much does Anthony SUCK? Shut the eff up you whiny baby. Lord.

I admit it. I like Toni.

And Tony's sensative, loving and now gone?? WAH!

-- Anonymous, September 26, 2001

Go Dawn for calling the Anthony=Massive Bitch transformation ahead of time, and Hannah for realizing that Tony and Lisa would have a date.

I missed most of the first episode but managed to catch this one. And honestly, the Anthony/Laura/Tony triangle got real dull, real fast; I wanted to know how some of the other new couples worked out. And that whole Balls of Shame thing? Boring.

My roommate came in, saw me watching, and asked, "Did we not learn anything from Temptation Island?" And I said no, no, we didn't.

I hope Wednesdays at 9 isn't the regular time slot, though, because I'll never be able to wrest the TV from her while The West Wing is on.

-- Anonymous, September 27, 2001

I think Tuesday at 9 is the normal time slot, as next week it's on Monday and Tuesday.

Could Toni cry anymore?!

I also thought it was interesting that Lisa told Michael she really wanted to get to know him better blah blah, after saying he's the guy she doesn't want even though everyone expects her too.

Also, Greg is HOT. I think I kept missing him the first ep because he and Tony are either twins or at least brothers.

-- Anonymous, September 27, 2001

Y'all, Michael is the brother of a friend of mine. I've never met him but my friend describes him as a totally sarcastic and hilariously funny. Anyway, I missed both of this week's episodes, so my friend sent me this. This is Michael doing episode summaries. Too damn funny.

http://web.realitytvworld.com/lovecruisesinks.com/lcsepisode1.shtml

Sorry, I have not the first clue how to link here, so cut and paste, my friends. Cut. And. Paste.

-- Anonymous, September 27, 2001

Oooo Catherine! Thanks for that!

Hannah, I kept getting Greg and Tony confused on the first episode too. Greg IS hot, but not as hot as Tony. Who, hot as he may be, is still a child direly in need of some help.

I actually found his "no sex without true love," "I've only done it once" thing pretty endearing. Until he proved to be a social retard unless full up to the brim with the likker. The sparkly Dancing Queen shirt? Um, no. And don't even get me STARTED on whatever the hell he was doing during the dancing competition! And his lust for Laura? So predictable. Still -- crap. There went my one good reason to watch this show. Now all I have are Toni's potential freak-outs.

Adrian is the largest asshole EVER. WHY did he want to stay on the ship when 1) all the girls wanted him gone, 2) he obviously hates women, and 3) he himself GUARANTEED he would get ZERO ass on the ship with his hateful diatribe about how women "can't make decisions for themselves"???

Anthony, I hate you. Hate hate hate. I hate you because you treat a 21-year-old girl like your wife of 30 years after only knowing her for two days. I hate your crappy poetry. I hate your cheesy "need for music." I hate your tai chi moves at the after party. I hate that you seem to have hypnotized the rest of the guys into doing your evil bidding. I hate you so much I clapped when the only girl remotely interested in you (Lisa) wanted to vote you off to LEWZER ISLAND.

-- Anonymous, September 27, 2001

Okay, Aidan makes me laugh.

I was laughing out loud when Tony was dancing. I love how he completely said screw it to the salsa and started busting out moves from 1991.

-- Anonymous, September 27, 2001

"I love how he completely said screw it to the salsa and started busting out moves from 1991."

BWAHAHA! He totally did!! He totally did that. To HIGH-LARIOUS effect. Good Lord. I don't know what that Rico Suave pulling-on-your- leg thing is called, but it was like he just whipped himself into a bigger and bigger frenzy trying to get Laura's attention on the dance floor.

I'll give Laura this, she did have quite a stage presence and she was a good dancer. *cough*stripper*cough*

And I swear, that shot of Laura's head in Tony's lap after the contest was over? Post-fellatio.

-- Anonymous, September 27, 2001

Tony, Tony, Tony... darlin', you sadden me. Although the 1991 dance moves? Busted mah gut, darling. Truly. Now, answer me this, what is your deal with taking your shirt off all the time? Not that I'm complaining, honey, but... it comes across as a tad cheesy. Especially that whole Le Bare dancer tuxedo thing.

And you've only had sex with one woman, and that was five years ago? No... I don't think that's a line. No, really, I believe you. Or, well, I would if I were, say... 21.

Which, coincidentally, happens to be Laura's age. Hmm. Interesting.

What I'd like is a Love Cruise followup, 5 years from now. Included would need to be the footage where Laura walks into the bathroom one morning, naked, checks herself out in the mirror, and shrieks, "WAIT a damn MINUTE!! Where did these... these... HIPS come from! And this little TUMMY!! What the HELL?!"

-- Anonymous, September 27, 2001

I think Adrian's ok, and I'm getting the feeling that he and Tamiko (is that her name?) had some serious feelings about being the ONLY BLACK PEOPLE OTHER THAN SHIP DECKS! Bunim and Murray - hindering diversity for years to come.

I still don't understand how Laura bewitched the menfolk. Either she's secretly a voodoo queen, or she had Anthony spread the word that she has a mouth like a Hoover. Not one but TWO guys fall in love with her inside of 3 days? Utter enigma.

Toni is bipolar. Seriously. Someone must get her prozac and escourt her away from the cameras immediately.

-- Anonymous, September 27, 2001

http://www.whoisgina.com/

I know she di'int.

-- Anonymous, September 27, 2001

Michael calling himself "Micow." I love him already.

-- Anonymous, September 27, 2001

By the way, he apparently posts as "Shakes the Clown" on the MBTV forums. I think they should make him a recapper. Not in place of Kim, but give him another show. Isn't Stee recapping, like, eight?

By the way, in a completely off-topic note, I found out over the weekend that Nikki Cox (#1 on The Smoker's Top Five list) is engaged to Bobcat Goldthwait, and when the interviewer asked her why, she replied, "Because Shakes the Clown is a hell of a movie." And she's right.

-- Anonymous, September 27, 2001

People: I know nothing about this show, except for the premise. Again, I am always late to the good TV trends. Can y'all please let me know ahead of time what's cool and shit? I ain't got no TiVo or nuffin'.

-- Anonymous, September 27, 2001

Oh my god Robyn! Where did you find that?!

-- Anonymous, September 27, 2001

Robyn!!! BWAHAHAHAHA! Oh Lord, she did. She. Did.

Gawd. Her bio page essentially says, "Take me to all the trendiest restaurants. Buy me lots of clothes. Wink at me, cowboy. And don't forget to name drop!" Blech! Does she know her pictures are all scrunched and out of proportion?

Now my man and I have this thing, every time he asks me to do something, I open up my eyes all wide and tense my neck muscles and scream at the top of my voice, "YOU WANNA MAKE ME???" a la Toni. Hee!

-- Anonymous, September 28, 2001

Oh my GOD. Did y'all watch the video? What. a . skank. Damn that's funny.

I was disappointed in Michael's recap. I want dirt dammit!

-- Anonymous, September 28, 2001

I got that from the website that has Micow's recap.

Did you see the one picture where she's draped across a couch, and there is some sort of large shiny boil on her foot? Seeeexy.

-- Anonymous, September 28, 2001

Another one tonight, babies.

Poor Toni. Is she about to get played?

-- Anonymous, October 01, 2001

I could be wrong, but I think tonight's episode might feature Toni's eyes bugging out of her head.

I'm pretty sure she's smoking in the preview. Isn't she a "fitness consultant"?

-- Anonymous, October 01, 2001

She's a "personal" trainer.

-- Anonymous, October 01, 2001

UGH! How much do I hate Lisa. What a manipulative bitch. (Yeah, yeah she's playing the game blah blah.) But come one. I can't wait for this to blow up in her face.

My hope? That Greg is the one called back and he and Toni win this thing. Although, Andrea is growing on me.

Down with Lisa!

-- Anonymous, October 01, 2001

What the hell are these women DOING?!?!?! Voting off the twin hotties Greg and Tony, and leaving total ASSBITCHES like Adrian and Anthony?!?! (Okay, I realize technically they didn't vote off Tony but they left it up to Adrian when they could have rid themselves of Anthony.) Christ on a crutch! The pickins are already shamefully slim! Don't they realize they're cutting off their noses to spite their faces??? Who's left now -- RALPH? Sheesh!

Toni is a total whackadoo. WHACK. A. DOO. That freak-out crying fit when she learned she might like Greg more than he likes her (which, since he's about as animated as a burnt stump, should be obvious to ANYONE)? "I'm NEVER going to date!" WTF? Peeps, I dated a guy for TEN MONTHS and didn't cry that much when we broke up. And frankly, I could have lived without ever having heard her moose-in-heat makeout noises. Blech.

Adrian -- you, sir, are an AAAAASSSSS.

-- Anonymous, October 02, 2001

I was relieved when they booted Greg. Somewhat cute, yes, but balling an obviously unstable woman while being Mr. Aloof just screams asshole to me. If he's so great, why is he sleeping with Booby McCrazypants?

It does make me laugh the way they are systematically voting off anyone they might be interested in. And how exactly did they all miss those questions on the floaty rafts? Do they keep reality tv contestants in a big dark cave and just apply a tan right before air time?

Lisa blew it. No one will buy her timid routine now. And she is hardly the winner of this quivering mound of insecurity contest. But she might be the winner of the weirdly pale and skinny contest.

-- Anonymous, October 02, 2001

I really hope it's Lisa that Toni goes all bug-eyed on.

I hate her.

-- Anonymous, October 02, 2001

But Lisa's an idiot too! Here Greg is, being nice to her when nobody else will look at her -- so she votes his ass off? And supposedly out of some misguided loyalty to TONI? I don't buy that for a second. Lisa is much more guilty of messing with an unstable woman than Greg is. It wasn't his aloofness, but Toni's paranoia, insinuated by Lisa, that did them in.

Look at me assessing this like I'm Freud and shit! BWAH!

Now I'm well aware that my preferences for the guys don't reflect at all on the girls', but they are seriously shooting themselves in the feet with their voting strategery. Which of the girls honestly has interest in Adrian, or Michael? Who do they want to spend the rest of the cruise with, and potentially win the money with? Freakin Anthony? Please.

-- Anonymous, October 02, 2001

Lisa is a bitch, plain and simple. Her "I'm so insecure" bullshit was just sad at first, but now it's downright irritating. And if she's so freaking insecure, HOW THE HELL does she come to the conclusion that Greg was HITTING ON HER? Answer me that.

I thought Toni's reaction was way over the top, too. The last time I cried like that over a guy was for someone I had known for SIX YEARS, y'all. But Toni's crying jag over her 3-day fling struck me as very... 7th grade.

Hello? Ladies? Call me next time it comes time to vote, hoookay? That way you can be sure to get that asshole Adrian OFF the boat. Then you can follow that up with that crybaby bitch, Anthony. Sheesh.

High five to the girls last night for all running over to Michael when they had to make their choice, though. I love that guy. Ralph grows on me more and more each time, too, which scares me a little.

And... am I the only one who thinks it'd be funny as shit if the couple that gets voted off each time had to actually walk the plank? You know, pack up your stuff, walk out onto the plank, splish! splash! into the water, oh dear, now all your stuff's wet and you look like an ass. Thanks for playing, have fun on LOSER ISLAND?

I think that'd be FABULOUS.

-- Anonymous, October 02, 2001

Don't forget to watch it again tonight. Hopefully Lisa will get her much deserved comeuppance.

-- Anonymous, October 02, 2001

HaHA! And she did.

Bye, bye Lisa. Bye, bye. But DUDE! Toni? Why didn't you switch Adrian for Anthony? Ugh.

And I like Michael. No yelling at Michael next week, please.

-- Anonymous, October 02, 2001

How much am I loving Melissa for seeing through all of Lisa's "I'm so insecure" bullshit, and Ralph, for telling Lisa that he "didn't believe her when she said she didn't mean to make a drama." Hee.

Could these people be more pathetic? What are they, 17 or something? The DRAMA! and the ANTICS! remind me of my early college days.

Hopefully Anthony will be the next to go - for now, I'm just wondering who he'll decide his soulmate is next. Since there have already been TWO of them, on THIS BOAT ALONE. Sheesh.

And they better not vote off my Michael. No, sirree. My vote for next girl to go is that Andrea chick, who has made absolutely zero impression on me, except to say that if I ever wear a dress like the one she wore to the salsa competition, just slap me and say something like, "girl, your mother is rolling OVER right now. Here, borrow my sweater and cover that shit UP."

-- Anonymous, October 03, 2001

One other thing... I'm unclear on this, but could Toni have brought back someone who was already on Loser Island with her "switch card"?

Because if that's the case, why didn't she let Adrian leave, and ALSO switch Anthony out and bring Greg back?

-- Anonymous, October 03, 2001

I don't think you can do that with the switch card. But as they haven't explained the whole "calling someone back" thing who the hell knows.

Anthony and Andrea have managed to squeak by despite their names coming up every voting session.

-- Anonymous, October 03, 2001

I think Toni and Anthony are scheming together.

How about Toni totally screwing Adrian? After saying "whichever one of us gets the switch card, we'll save each other" right after he held her ass up in the air (and you know that wasn't fun) while she wobbled around in the chicken game. Then she kicked him to the curb.

And how screwed did Lisa get for keeping her promise to Anthony? "Oh no, Michael, I promised I wouldn't vote Anthony off." And then Anthony, "Yeah, I did promise her, but I'm a big fonky liar."

What a bunch of phony bastards. Thank you, God, for giving me this show. Amen.

-- Anonymous, October 03, 2001

Obviously they're going to make us wait for Toni's eye-bugging freak- out (the switch card victory dance was insane, but still a piss-poor substitute). Frankly I don't know how much longer I can hold on. Anthony is INSUFFERABLE, people. Does he think his smart-guy glasses make his loopy psychobabble more convinving? And thank GOD Lisa is gone. And I have a sneaking suspicion she's who Michael is calling back to the boat. Please God, NO.

Michael thinks he's so clever for getting over on the rest of them. Why? They are COMPLETE IDIOTS.

Maybe I'm an asshole, but if people are going to pair up in alliances to win the money, can't they at least pair up with people they LIKE and are attracted to? There's not a damn couple on the boat who genuinely LIKE each other (unless Toni is a part of that couple, because she loves EVERYBODY).

-- Anonymous, October 03, 2001

Okay, I've seen bits of this show the past few nights. Can anyone tell me what the deal is with this Toni person and her tacky-ass black bandanna? Does she not wash her hair, or something?

-- Anonymous, October 03, 2001

I think Michael, Melissa and Ralph all like each other in a friendly, platonic kind of way.

I think Michael will call Greg back and here's why. In those teaser shots where they show them finally showing everyone the money (on the boat), you see Greg going all drop-jawed over it. But wouldn't they have to call a couple back? It makes no sense to me.

-- Anonymous, October 03, 2001

A friend of mine called this show Buck Foat. I hadn't heard that one before. Hee.

-- Anonymous, October 03, 2001

Hannah, you and your mad observation skillz! You're right about Greg, of course. But I'd think they WOULD have to bring back a girl with him. I wonder who they'd pick? Gina and her bunion? Who knows.

Buck Foat. Hee!

T -- suffice it to say that how she looks is the LEAST of Toni's problems. She has developed "deep feelings" for no less than three guys on the boat. I think she DOES have a big heart and genuinely care for people, but she herself is emotionally unstable. She cries every last damn time they vote somebody off, even if it is HER idea to vote them off. Lately she feels it necessary to cry and tell everyone how much she loves them (and I don't think she's drunk). And also, she cries a lot. About everything. Good or bad, happy or sad, she's got tears for it.

-- Anonymous, October 03, 2001

Oh Love Cruise, how we love thee.

Well, well, would you look at Toni and her crazy game playing skillz. She's the weasel here. "I miss him." Uh-huh, sure you do. But I still like her. What can I say, I'm a sucker for her bug eyes.

Michael will still come out of this ahead, me thinks.

And how CREEPY was Anthony and his little spying head? Lord!

Hindsight 20/20 Island. Hee.

-- Anonymous, October 08, 2001

Shit!! Was this on last night? I thought it was on TONIGHT. Did I really miss an episode?

Damn. I even arranged my workout schedule this week for Love Cruise tonight, and Survivor III on Thursday.

That last sentence says wayyyyy more about me than I'd like for it to.

-- Anonymous, October 09, 2001

I persuaded Partner to come watch with me by telling him that this was the night that Toni's eyes flew out of her head. She's horrifying. I know they have edited to make it look like the others have fallen for her act, but you know they are all walking around holding their eyes wide open with their fingers and saying, "Boo hoo, I'm Toni and I'm crying again because I'm a little whiny bitch."

I'm telling you, she's in it with Anthony. "Would you take half the money if I won?" Puhleeeeese.

Dawn, I skipped a dinner and movie with the girls AND a writers group meeting. I am the Love Cruise's bitch.

Temptation Island 2 is coming. It's coming.

-- Anonymous, October 09, 2001

Dawn, last night's ep caught me by surprise as well, but as I have no life, I was home and able to watch.

It's on again tonight too.

Oh yes, I think Toni and Anthony are in it together. She only pretended to be part of the Chi-town alliance in order to trash it.

-- Anonymous, October 09, 2001

Crap! I missed it too! Could we losers get a quick recap from somebody in the know? Is Toni making fools of the rest of them? Did she go buck wild on somebody? What happened?!?!

-- Anonymous, October 09, 2001

I know! Somebody catch me up so I'll be all in the know for tonight's episode! Don't spare any of the nasty details, either.

-- Anonymous, October 09, 2001

I'm sure Kim will have the MBTV recap up soon, but here's a breif run down. (What you need to know.)

The couples were: Melissa and Darin, Anthony and Toni, Ralph and Tomiko and Michael and Andrea. This was so the Chicago Four were split up and would all have a chance at a switch card.

Andrea somehow knows about the alliance and wants in on it so Michael sort of talks out of both sides of his mouth, feeling guilty about it the whole time because he actually wants a real friendship with Melissa back in Chicago.

They get the opportunity to either keep their partner or switch them out with someone from Loser Island. Michael's the only one who does this and gets rid of Andrea for Jeanette. Everyone gets mad at Michael because they felt like his mislead Andrea, especially Melissa because she was feeling played even though Michael was really just trying to placate Andrea. Toni flips out on him calling him a weasel and saying she can't STAND people like him.

Wah, wah, she cries when Andrea leaves but jumps for joy when Jeannette comes back.

Toni tells Jean that she's going to offer herself up for eviction because she misses Greg. Then she tells Jeanette that if she (Toni) wins will Jean take half the money.

Melissa and Michael sort of make up and realize that Toni must've told Andrea about the Chicago alliance because neither of them did. (Hmm, Ralph? But I think it was for sure Toni.)

Melissa and Darin win the switch card.

-- Anonymous, October 09, 2001

I'll try to do it from memory, but if I miss some stuff, don't be all hating me tonight!

At couple choosing time, Mike said that the partnering up was no mistake-the Chicago 4 (whatever, stupid group name) were divvying themselves up amongst the non C4s to make sure that they would always be in control of the switch card, as though they were all so charismatic and irresistable that if their out-of-the-loop partner got the switch card, they would just obey the member of the C4.

Melissa went with Darrin (name misspelled? maybe) Andrea went with Michael Toni went with Anthony Tomika went with Ralph

They all made a big deal over Tomika (Tomiko? whatever) going with Ralph, as though anyone was even paying attention at all.

Then Michael says about 500 times, "I'm in bed with too many people now."

Michael talks to Ralph, whispering about how things are getting screwy because Andrea knew all about the C4 and wants in. Andrea evidently told Michael that she wants in and they can all vote off Melissa and it's all cool. Michael looked tortured, slightly, and shook hands with Andrea. Then he made some more troubled faces.

Melissa is in the bunk getting cozy with Darrin, but talking a whole lot about her boyfriend back home. Boring the hell out of the world, who tuned in specifically to see single people hooking up, not boring hos pretendint to consider cheating on their boyfriend. Please tell me what the hell she's doing taking up space on the show?

Melissa is struck with conscience, says that the whole C4 thing is wrong, and she'd rather be voted off than play dirty. She says so to Michael.

The whole "bring someone back from Loser Island" is explained thusly: each person went alone into the booth and put a polaroid of themself in a box. One of those polaroids would be chosen "randomly" (Bunim and Murray style) and the chosen person would have the option of switching their partner with someone on Loser Island.

The switch card battle started with all 4 couples doing a relay style race, with one person on a big plastic disc and the other person pulling them across the sand. Then they would switch. It was really dumb.

The 2 couples who won the pull-you-across-the-sand-on-plastic battle (Melissa and Darrin, Toni and Anthony) went on to an endurance test. They had to dangle from a monkey bar with both hands, and their partner could relieve them when they were ready to give out. One partner always had to have 2 hands on the bar and 2 feet up. Melissa and Darrin won when Anthony and Toni kept having both of their feet on the box in a blatant attempt to cheat. Melissa won the switch card.

Everyone has reassured one another that they will not switch their partner with someone on Loser Island. Then the polaroid is drawn, it is Michael's choice, and he says that he will bring Janeatte back from Loser Island, because all the women have repeatedly said that they just want Janeatte back because she deserves the chance to send her kid to school blah blah bullshitcakes.

I think I'll break here.

-- Anonymous, October 09, 2001

Hannah totally beat me with the recap! And she's so much more succinct even.

You be rockin' the hizzah HB!

-- Anonymous, October 09, 2001

But you have more details!

I was a little surprised to find out this show was taped in the summer of 2000. That seems like a huge lull from film to air, doesn't it?

-- Anonymous, October 09, 2001

HB, we may have a joined future in the recap career field. MBTV better look out.

Evidently, Michael is no longer doing the recaps over at lovecruisesinks.com. Which seems pretty chintzy to me, like he can't finish what he starts.

-- Anonymous, October 09, 2001

Thank both you fine ladies for the speedy and detailed recaps! You each covered different details, making them both essential. Thank you again!

So Toni blew the Chicago 4 thing by telling Andrea about it? How did Michael think he was going to get Toni to diss Andrea when she's been dragging her around on her coattails since the beginning?

Oooo those endurance tests sound positively Survivor-esque! How long did those lazybones last, hanging from the monkey bars?

-- Anonymous, October 09, 2001

Aha - you forget that Toni is a "trainer" - and really, she has a man- body. She could outlast any of them on the monkey bars.

-- Anonymous, October 09, 2001

But she didn't. She was the one cheating. It was pretty funny when she said "Monkey boy over there could hang forever," referring to Darrin. I think Darrin's cute, but dumb.

I can't wait to see what Melissa does with the switch card. Oh, 9 o'clock EST, will you ever get here?

-- Anonymous, October 09, 2001

Ho ho! Ha ha! Hee hee!

Hooo...

Oh man.

Toni's crazy crazy crazy!

-- Anonymous, October 09, 2001

I love you Love Cruise, oh yes I dooooo. I love you Love Cruise, oh yes, I DO!

Yup, Toni's a big ole whack-a do, and for once Anthony made me actually laugh.

There's no WAY Darrin will switch out Melissa, but hmmm, Jeanette might be a cause for concern. Although I really hope not.

And what's this talk of bringing in a 3rd final couple?

Gah, Toni. CLAZY!

-- Anonymous, October 09, 2001

So uh Robyn, think Toni and Anthony are still in it together?

-- Anonymous, October 09, 2001

Good freaking Lord. I am SO glad I didn't miss last night's episode!! BEST. EPISODE. EVER!!! Toni is stone cold WHACKED, y'all!!! First she gets all the losers chanting "Jeanette! Jeanette!" like mindless minions on the bus ride over, then she's thrusting her eye stalks at Jeanette in a menacing fashion and screaming in her face??? WHAT? Props to Jeanette, though, for holding her ground in the face of that much crazy!

Alright, Anthony, you get ten points for orchestrating that little spectacle, but I still hate you. Tell me this, how does a guy with a pencil neck have such fat thighs?

You know what? I was all convinced Toni genuinely cared for people. Now I realize I have mistaken invasions of personal space to touch people's hair, schmoopy terms of endearment, and misappropriated tears of anguish for genuine caring. Is it me or did she call Andrea "Mommy" last night? Hello?!?

When Ralph was packing in his cabin, the camera for just an instant focused on Darin SUCKING ON A CRACK PIPE! Please tell me somebody else saw that?!?!

-- Anonymous, October 10, 2001

Woo! The bug-eyed episode, at long last!

I hate Anthony, too, but damn if that wasn't funny how he called it... "give it five minutes, guys, and the whole thing is going to blow up." And that cackle. Hee.

I thought the "To Be Continued" posted at the end was hilarious. I mean, they've ALL been "to be continued", yes? Maybe the producers thought that would be more DRAMATIC, like that time when the Bradys went to Hawaii and found the tiki idol and all hell broke loose but we had to wait until the NEXT episode, when the story would "Be Continued", to find out the outcome of all the wacky hijinx?

I am SO there for the final episode. And, of course, Survivor starts this week, too, so I'm awash in happiness, here.

-- Anonymous, October 10, 2001

Dude, my whole Toni + Anthony theory was all wrong. That crazy popeyed bitch foiled me again!

I absolutely did not see a crack pipe, and I'm so pissed that they don't do reruns so that I could look real hard.

Andrea was looking like 10 miles of bad road with her Marlboro voice all trying to get Popeye to open the door for a cup of coffee. In 10 years, she'll look 60 and will be found sitting on a barstool in someplace that locals call the honky-tonk.

I thought it really ruined the integrity of the show (snarf) that they kicked Tomiko and Anthony off for losing the juice contest. That just seemed wrong, when everyone else has had to go through the voting/switching thing.

-- Anonymous, October 10, 2001

So maybe Tomiko and Anthony are going to be the 3rd couple they bring back?

You know they're totally making up the rules as they go. Sort of like when Chandler wanted to give Joey money so they played "Cups."

-- Anonymous, October 10, 2001

That "Andrea brings Toni coffee" scene was extremely reminiscent of Survivor II and Amber's blind devotion to Jerri. And Colleen from Survivor I (my secret girlfriend) was on That '70s Show last night. FYI.

With her odd Svengali-like hold over everyone, Toni is the LAST person you want alone in a room with the group of voting losers. She can make or break your ass single-handedly. And you guys, she is such a FREAK. Running around like her ass is on fire, screaming at people and slamming doors when she was hunting for Mike, to bitch at him for crap she HERSELF had done and known about. Did you catch the way the crew FLED from her when was on that rampage? Sitting at the lunch table with Andrea screaming at the top of her LUNGS about "to my FACE!" She is the scariest person EVER. I pity anyone within a five mile radius (the reach of her bugging eyes).

Okay, Darin might have been lighting a cigarette or just had something in his mouth. But I SWEAR it looked like he was sucking on a crack pipe.

And you're so right about it being rigged, HB. How easy would it be to rig that up?? Anthony and Tomiko, you stand here with the underripe fruit.

-- Anonymous, October 10, 2001

Yeah, I think they're totally pulling rules out of nowhere. And NOW we will bring back a 3rd couple. Hmmm, it will be anyone who's.....uh, yes... it'll be YOU!

I almost lost it when that poor crew guy ran away from clazy Toni. So funny. Poor little crew guy. He's just trying to make a buck. He didn't sign up for bug eyes.

-- Anonymous, October 10, 2001

Oh my God! I swear, the entire reason I started watching the show was to see Toni's bug eyes! I just about died laughing when Anthony started that whole thing...

I'm so sad that next week is the last week.

-- Anonymous, October 10, 2001

Okay, tomorrow is the finale.

Who will win? How hard will I cry when it's over?

-- Anonymous, October 15, 2001

Don't be sad, Hannah girl, because Fox is giving us Temptation Island 2 in just a few weeks.

-- Anonymous, October 15, 2001

H, I think the most pressing question is: will any of them find true love?

HAW! As if any of these self-absorbed freaks has the capacity.

I can't wait to see who wins too. Maybe they will drop all pretense of rules and regulations and declare Gina and Bob the winners. The mindless minions might be so confused by Der Kommissar Toni's confliction actions (first cheer for Jeanette, then chew on her face!) they might do just that!

I'm not sure if I can hang with Temptation Island this year. My set almost exploded from the sheer power of Ytossie's and Taheed's hatred for each other last year. AND THEN THEY STAYED TOGETHER! O the humanity.

-- Anonymous, October 15, 2001

Oh, come on Aidan. You know you'll be right up in the tawdry Temptation Island hell with us. It's the only way to live!!

This year, thankfully, they're promising some actual action. But I swear, if I have to see that stupid butterfly on the stomach shot one more time. . ..

I want Toni's eye to actually pop out.

I'm voting for Melissa and Darin. Just makes sense. But who knows!There are no rules in Love (Cruise).

-- Anonymous, October 15, 2001

I don't think it's Michael, because he still seems way too bitter.

I want Tomiko and Ralph to win, even though I think it's pretty much impossible. He's funny, and she's foxy.

-- Anonymous, October 15, 2001

Maybe Toni's eye will pop out of the socket, and then she and her liberated eyeball can take the prize.

-- Anonymous, October 15, 2001

Tomiko is by far the prettiest of the Love Cruisers.

I think Jeanette still has a chance. She might get some sympathy votes from the lewzers, as compensation for having been on the business end of Large Marge's bugging eyes. If she whips out some big "don't vote for me because I'm a single mother" speech, she's definitely got it in the bag. And I don't know if they vote for couples or what but Darin could probably win it if he paired up with the right girl.

So are you telling me, Hannah, that there will be actual ass-grabbing on this year's Temptation Island, instead of the implied, behind the scenes ass-grabbing of last year? I might have to watch it then. *sigh*

-- Anonymous, October 15, 2001

Who was the saddest girl east of the big river last night?

I swear I thought the show finale was last night. I stomped around like a 3 year old when Partner made me actually look at the TV Guide.

But tonight, tonight, tonight is the big night!

-- Anonymous, October 16, 2001

I love crazy Toni and her lying ass.

-- Anonymous, October 16, 2001

ha! ha ha ha! ha!

Suck it hard, Toni!

-- Anonymous, October 16, 2001

Woohoo! God, if Adrian and Gina would've won I would've been piiiiissed.

Could Anthony and Toni BE bigger bitches? Gah. Hate them. Toni is such a huge liar. Cannot stand her.

I loved how Jeanette held her own against dumb, blind follower Andrea. (You know that when she watched the show she was like, D'oh!) I loved when Darin told Anthony to not call him "brother" anymore. I just love Darin. Period.

-- Anonymous, October 16, 2001

It was much like Don't Call Me Daughter.

When does Temptation island start? When when when?

-- Anonymous, October 16, 2001

How dissed were Michael and Jeanette?

If Gina had won, I might have had to boycott Temptation Island 2. That is one skankified tower of nasty. Adrian was kicking himself for getting accidentally paired with her.

Man, I was so wishing we were on conference call for group freak outs! I said a whole lot of "I know she di'int!", and nobody was there to say "Daymn, Gina!"

I think T2 starts in mid November. Maybe they'll post the couples on the site early.

-- Anonymous, October 16, 2001

And I love Keli because she told Toni to suck it.

I should be going to bed and finishing my book for reading group tomorrow, but instead I'm checking out the Love Cruise chat room with Michael chatting about the show. Kill me.

-- Anonymous, October 16, 2001

AH! Robyn, what did he say?? Mayn, I was hoping for an epilogue. Did Darin and Melissa get together? How was their trip?

You know. Toni is the devil. She and Anthony are SUCH bitches.

Actually, Gina sort of redeemed herself at the end when I found out that she stayed away from the rats on Loser Island. Good for her.

-- Anonymous, October 17, 2001

I didn't last long in the chat room. Evidently, I am spoiled by the continuity and relatively decent grammar skills of the 3WA chat. It was a mess in there, and I don't know if Michael was there or not. I couldn't deal.

I did read, though, that Lisa was on a radio morning show and said that she and Anthony are now a couple, and evidently she said something to the effect of "he's good in bed". Uh huh, just like Tommy Lee, except without the girth or length.

-- Anonymous, October 17, 2001

I did read, though, that Lisa was on a radio morning show and said that she and Anthony are now a couple, and evidently she said something to the effect of "he's good in bed". Uh huh, just like Tommy Lee, except without the girth or length.

oh, GROSS. Well I WAS eating breakfast. . . . How can she like him after watching this show? He's such the little bitch.

Since it was filmed so long ago, I'd really like to see a Where are they No on the site or something. I need more!

-- Anonymous, October 17, 2001

Y'all, boy Tony done lost his mind.

The mohawk?? The sobbing?!?! What the HELL???

-- Anonymous, October 17, 2001

I've been living vicariously through this thread and didn't bother to watch the show. Could someone please post the winners? Was Toni one of them? Eeeck!

-- Anonymous, October 17, 2001

Darin and Melissa won.

Jeanette and Micheal were the other finalists, and Gina and Adrian were the 3rd couple brought back. (SO ridiculous.)

-- Anonymous, October 17, 2001

Is anyone registered for the lovecruisesinks.com boards? I want Michael's email, but don't feel like registering.

-- Anonymous, October 17, 2001

I love how Toni had made such enemies out of everyone that her only choice was to vote for GINA, who had ragged her and her implants mercilessly at the beginning of the show. HAW! And she even tried to sound genuine while she did it. What is this total crap about "I think Gina and Adrian have the best relationship"??? They just happened to be standing next to each other on the beach!!! No one else would have her skanky/his woman-hating ass!!!

A friend of mine pointed out, it's nice to know that a screaming bitchfit imploring everyone NOT to vote for you will, in fact, result in a win for you. WTF? Are Jeanette and Michael really that awful??? And it is a bit of a joke that one of the winning couple HAS A BOYFRIEND. I mean, come on.

I STILL freaking hate that sniveling asshole Lisa, who didn't have the cajones to break the tie. She and Anthony deserve each other eternally.

-- Anonymous, October 17, 2001

I really hate Toni. I read on MBTV that she and Ralph knew each other pre-LC and in fact he told her to audition. Now, it THAT'S not shady. . ..

I really need a post-mortem. Seriously. Must know what happened to losers.

-- Anonymous, October 17, 2001

Oh wait, see, what had happened was, AB was just tryin' to karaoke with her new very large friend who had the soulful voice, and he gave her the mike, and then Toni went apeshit and tried to grab the mike back from AB and asked for a karaoke do-over, and then we all kicked Toni's bug-eyed shit clown ass. Then we drunk-dialed Ralph and told him he was hot and that we all wanted him and to come meet us at this bar that we weren't even at, so he was SO burned. Ha! I bet he waited like, 2 million years for us to show up while he horked down a six- pack of Zima.

Uh, seriously. Don't know. But it would have been fun if those other things happened.

-- Anonymous, October 17, 2001

Michael answered a bunch of questions on the lovecruisesinks.com. Like he and Toni aren't friends, Darin and Melissa are just friends, mostly because she's still with her boyfriend and he lives in San Diego. Toni and Greg never hooked up post-cruise. I guess Toni has spread a lot of lies in the talk-show circut about Jeanette, Melissa and Michael.

-- Anonymous, October 22, 2001