ATTN; DOOMER DIMWITS. IN CASE YOU NEED A SPECIAL TRANSLATION: THE FOLLOWING IS NOT TRUE. DO NOT RE=POST IT AS "FACT" TO ALL YOUR STINKBOMB BOARDS.

DOOMZIE REPORT OF THE DAY

Don't go to the bathroom on October 28th!

Don't go to the bathroom on October 28th! CIA intelligence reports that a major plot is planned for that day. Anyone who sits on a toilet on the 28th will be bitten on the butt by an alligator. Reports indicate that organized groups of alligators are planning to rise up into unsuspecting Americans' toilet bowls and bite them when they are doing their business.

I usually don't send emails like this, but I got this information from a reliable source. It came from a friend of a friend whose cousin is dating this girl whose brother knows this guy whose wife knows this lady whose husband buys hotdogs from this guy who knows a shoeshine guy who shines the shoes of a mailroom worker who has a friend who's drug dealer sells drugs to another mailroom worker who works in the CIA building. He apparently overheard two guys talking in the bathroom about alligators and came to the conclusion that we're going to be attacked.

So it must be true.

While the above is a nice parody of some of the war-related hoaxes, there are others that aren't funny at all. Reader Scott Kaiser points out that the excellent anti-hoax site, Snopes, has created an entire subsection designed to filter out the credible from the crud among war stories. See the Urban Legends Reference Pages ( http://www.snopes2.com/  ) and click on the "Rumors of War" link

Answers

IDIOT REPORT OF THE DAY

 
 MeMail.com: Joke of the Day


  In 1994, a New Mexico jury awarded $ 2.9 million U.S. in damages to
 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who suffered third-degree burns to her legs,
 groin and buttocks after spilling a cup of McDonald's coffee on herself.

 This case inspired an annual award - The "Stella" Award -for the most
 frivolous lawsuit in the U.S. The ones listed below are clear candidates.

 All these cases are verging on the outright ridiculous and yet (in the good
 old USA) with the right attorney you could win anything! (see OJ trial)

 1. January 2000: Kathleen Robertson of Austin Texas was awarded $780,000
 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who
 was running amuck inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were
 understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving little
 prick was Ms. Robertson's son.

 2. June 1998: A 19 year old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and
 medical expenses when his neighbour ran over his hand with a Honda Accord.
 Mr. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the
 car, when he was trying to steal his neighbour's hubcaps.

 3. October 1998: A Terrence Dickson of Bristol Pennsylvania was leaving a
 house he had just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to
 get the garage door to go up, because the automatic door opener was
 malfunctioning. He couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting
 the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on
 vacation. Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He
 subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found, and a large bag of dry dog food.
 Mr. Dickson sued the homeowner's insurance claiming the situation caused
 him undue mental anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of half a million
 dollars.

 4. October 1999: Jerry Williams of Little Rock Arkansas was awarded $14,500
 and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door
 neighbour's beagle. The beagle was on a chain in it's owner's fenced-in
 yard, as was Mr. Williams. The award was less than sought because the
 jury felt the dog may have been provoked by Mr. Williams who, at the time,
 was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.

 5. May 2000: A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of
 Lancaster, Pennsylvania $113,500 after she slipped on soft drink and broke
 her coccyx. The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson threw it at
 her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.

 6. December 1997: Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware successfully sued the
 owner of a night club in a neighbouring city when she fell from the bathroom
 window to the floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred while
 Ms.Walton was trying to sneak through the window in the ladies room to avoid
 paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.

 7. And just so you know that cooler heads do occasionally prevail:
 Kenmore Inc., the makers of Dorothy Johnson's microwave, were found not
 liable for the death of Mrs. Johnson's poodle after she gave it a bath and
 attempted to dry it by putting the poor creature in her microwave for, "just a few
 minutes, on low." The case was quickly dismissed.



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  The Famous Joke of the Day One Liner!

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-- Anonymous, October 22, 2001