Last week, my youngest daughter came around drawing names for Christmas. Since it's that time of year, I thought I'd share a solution to Christmas expenses we came up with about 8 years ago. As the father and sole breadwinner of a family of four, I used to hate to see Christmas coming around the corner. It was like a dark, threatening, cloud looming on the horizon. My wife became disgusted with me because I hated Christmas, yet she loved it so. Finally, I realized the problem was the amount of money we spent at that time of the year. It took a few years, but in the early '90s we eventually put into place a practice where we draw names in the fall and limit our Christmas spending to $50 or so for the person whose name we drew. Of course, I still get my sweetie a special gift even if I don't draw her name. Ever since then, Christmas has once again become special to me. The wife and I haven't had a Christmas argument in 8 years!!!

As a side note, the best Christmas years we ever had were the two years when the wife and I made all the gifts we gave to our children, family, and friends (I'm a woodworker and she's a china painter, crafter, and ceramicist).

-- Steve in So. WI (Alpine1@prodigy.net), October 23, 2001

Answers

Hi Steve, appreciate your post and have a couple of questions: How old are the children? and do they use their own earned money for the $50 they spend or do you give it to them (this last may be irrelevant if they're adult children)? If they earn the money themselves, what kind of jobs do they have or chores do they do to earn it? And, does this do away with Santa, or in addition to? We have a 4 1/2 year old just beginning to learn who Santa is and we're not sure how we're going to handle that this year. Also just curious as to why you gave up the homemade gift giving? In our house, I also love Christmas and my husband isn't too fond of it, for emotional reasons, not monetary. We never have spent much on gifts, I purchase inexpensive items all year for special people if I see something that I'd really like to give them (mostly books!). Otherwise, I'm a weaver and we make a lot of canned goods so the rest of our gift giving is homemade. Our family (my adult brothers & sisters and I) also does a gift exchange. There is no price limit as each families financial situation is different. The gift is to be something for the entire chosen family, like a basket with the makings of their favorite meal in it, camping items for those who camp, books for the readers and homemade is stressed as better than store bought. It's always fun to see what you're going to get in the mail, or when you finally do see each other again (we all live pretty far apart). Good time of year to discuss this topic.

-- Rose Marie Wild (wintersongfarm@yahoo.com), October 23, 2001.

I was never a big christmas fan. Got tired of the extended family getting me gift certificates I got. If I am not important enough to make an effort to find me a gift, then why get me anything. I can afford to buy what I need and want. A christmas gift should be something special, not to show how much you can spend on people.

As with Steve, my wife loves christmas. Already has much of her shopping for the year done. THe amount spent sometimes came to an issue but it was mainly why are we buying all these people gifts. The only time we see them is xmas. Why are they so important now.

Anyway. We ended up limiting how much we spent. Our Son (6yrs now) gets a few things from santa, (our choice) and a few requested items from mom and dad. The santa gifts are the educational gifts mom and dads are the "toys". My DW and I dont get gifts for each other, but find some time alone for a dinner and a movie. We have told grandparents that we will not accecpt expensive presents or large amounts of presents. The first year that was a bit hard, they over bought and we would not let them give our son the extra gifts. They have since learned that we mean, limited gifts. We do try spend a fair amount of money providing gifts for those who otherwise would not have anything. Christmas angle, Gifts are presented to kids of prision inmates. In many cases this is the only gift some of the kids get. We also support some of the local community xmas present drives to help those in our community. We have also picked in our neighborhood we wanted to help as well. This has had mix reactions from the gift receiver, but we try.

-- Gary (gws@redbird.net), October 23, 2001.

My hubby comes from a big family - 2 brothers and 4 sisters and most of them have 2 children each. I have one brother and he has one child. So there would be quite a lot of people to buy for.

This year I've decided I'm only giving gifts to my 2 children and that is it. For the other family members I am making a donation in their name and calling it a day.

I hate Christmas shopping, I hate shopping malls, I hate feeling obligated to buy for family members that I don't see for years at a time, that don't even bother writing back to me, that I have no idea what their interests are or what they like. Not only that I bought all the nieces and newphews presents last year and have yet to receive one thank you note.

I don't even send my parents anything as they live overseas and it is way too expensive to send things to them, instead I treat them when they come to visit me, we do the same for hubby's parents.

Also, since we are watching our money my kids will get only a few presents - haven't decided on a dollar amount yet. We're going to focus more on getting together with friends and family than on spending money we haven't got.

-- Anita in NC (anitaholton@mindspring.com), October 23, 2001.

Steve, that sounds like a great plan. I tend to overdo when it comes to gift-giving at Christmas (and birthdays... and weddings... ). I figure I'm more than frugal with most things and if I'm going to have a spending vice, it may as well be in spending on those dear to me.

Gary, I know what you mean about gift certificates. I've never been a fan of those either. Unfortunately, my daughter is a BIG fan of getting them. I usually end up getting her a couple of gifts I pick out and (grudgingly and reluctantly) two or three gift certificates to her favorite stores. The up side is that later she always tells me or shows my what *I* got her. ;o)

-- Gary in Indiana (gk6854@aol.com), October 23, 2001.

Growing up, we received a lot of gifts, but each person (even the adults) received only 1 gift from Santa, or the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy was frugal too.

-- Charleen in WNY (harperhill@eznet.net), October 23, 2001.

We have two children, and we limit our Christmas expenses in our own home to $100. It doesnt take a lot of gifts, nor expensive gifts, to make christmas special. One year, I made all the gifts for the kids. A little table just right for tea parties was very easy. A rag doll was very loved, because "Mama made it just for me!" So were knitted mittens and hat for each child. And a magazine rack and display shelves (for sports cards) for the son went over very well.

In my hubby's family, we get together for Christmas, and used to exchange names, but it became uncomfortable for those who had differing incomes. So now, we do a Christmas gift exchange where each person brings a yard sale item that they themselves either would like very much to recieve, or would NOT like to recieve. Really silly or stupid stuff is greatly appreciated. There are about 40 of us, so we divide according to sex and age grouping. We sit in a circle and draw numbers out of a basket, and number 1 gets to go pick up a wrapped gift and open it. Then number 2 gets to either go take number 1's gift away from her, or she may unwrap another gift. By the time we get to number 5, there is some really silly stuff going on. There will be a stupid pair of slippers that resurfaces every year. There will be a really good smelling candle that gets taken away from at least 5 people before it's all over. When the last one in each group takes the last gift, then number 1 gets to exchange her gift for whoever got the one she wants. Everyone has a great time, and spirits are high! It really doesnt matter what you get to take home, because if you didnt like it, you can pass it on next year.

-- daffodyllady (daffodyllady@yahoo.com), October 23, 2001.

Hi Steve, My children and grandchildren get a predetermined amount spent on their gifts. They give me suggestions based on what we are spending for each that year.The amount spent is subject to change based on what we can afford. Each gift is to be something for their household so that covers spouses. The grandchildren give hints but it still can't be more that the designated amount. Extended family get homemade gifts. My siblings and I get together for one bigger gift for my parents. Because we are of varying financial means each one gives what they are able and all names are included. We also do community and charity giving. We give out of what we have not out of what we can charge or borrow. Some years have been very lean and other years better. When my children were young and living at home, they would give gifts of service. One of my daughters is very gifted at giving back and foot massages and gave coupons for this service to her siblings. What a treat to get such a gift. And every single year I want my special gift of a home-made card. The funny thing is that now that they are grown, I still get them and still treasure them. Sorry I am so long-winded today.

-- Ria in Ky (MinMin45@aol.com), October 23, 2001.

I have to disagree about the gift certificates. I really like getting them (amount doesn't matter) and give them out a lot, especially for baby gifts, simply because people always seem to give a lot of useless stuff for baby showers (such as clothes that are too small from the get-go, etc.), and this way Mom and Dad have money to buy the stuff they really need for baby. You don't have to go to the malls to get them either, order them online or over the phone.

The other nice thing about gift certs is that there is no problem with getting something somebody won't want, they can get their own, unless you totally miss on the store choice. (I have had that happen where it was to a store I never went into. I just bought something for someone else there instead).

The other thing is to just give money or a savings bond or a share of stock that carries some benefits with it (I understand that for example, owning Disney stock comes with a park discount--don't know for sure, but it might be worth checking out). Or even something like a AAA card, or Costco membership, which would be very useful. You can even get grocery store gift certificates and give with a note saying "this is so you can treat yourself to your favorite gourmet (whatever) that I know you're so fond of"

Of course, it is important for the person receiving the gift to be sure to tell the giver what they spent the money on.

-- GT (nospam@nospam.com), October 23, 2001.

Daffodyllady's family and ours play the same game! Exactly and here I thought we made up the last rule, about number 1 getting to end the game with stealing any gift they want! Our white elephant gift that circled each year was my Grandmothers embroidered pillow cases with a 1 pound box of See's candy. Now away from home, 44 myself and Grandmother deceased, would kill for those pillow cases, and of course See's candy!

I also am a fan of gift certificates, food coupons and scratch tickets. I give magazine subscriptions also, especially for those special goat friends. Now with ebay and goat auctions I am nearly done for the year.

We also play party games Christmas Eve, a small gift is given for the best song, the best drawing, memory or any new games anybody comes up with. Especially fun after a few egg nogs. Vicki

-- Vicki McGaugh (vickilonesomedoe@hotmail.com), October 23, 2001.

For the last 10 years or so I have purchased ACLU memberships for each person on my list. With the amount of money they're giving to conservative, right-wing Christian groups, I felt that it provided a sense a balance, plus the information sent out by the ACLU to its members provided a nice balance to the hate-filled rhetoric that these 'family values' groups espouse.

-- Justin Shelton (justinshelton@netscape.net), October 23, 2001.

Justin, with all due respect, hate-filled rhetoric and Christianity mix like oil and water - they don't. Christmas is a season that celebrates the love of God for mankind. I hope this Christmas season is a happy one for you and your loved ones.

-- Liz Rhein (merhein@shentel.net), October 25, 2001.

Jesus is the Reason for the Season. I was raised catholic, but I am not particulary religous. I still feel that Christmas has lost it's meaning in our modern world. I have stuck by the plan for 25 yrs.: 3 token gifts, to honor the birth of Jesus.

-- Kathy (catfish201@hotmail.com), October 25, 2001.

My favorite gifts as an adult are gift certificates & magazine subscriptions (my COUNTRYSIDE subscription is my b-day present from my mom!). Even if I could afford anything I wanted, the fact that it is a gift certificate sort of gives me license to buy something a little more extravegant for myself than I would normally do. (Plus I don't have to tell anyone what size I wear :-))

For my sisters graduation from college I gave her a grocery store gift certificate. I knew how expensive it was to get started in your own place - all those basics - and that she didn't have much money. It was much more practical than another picture frame or plaque. And it started a tradition with older family members who saw it and were reminded of all the start up costs they faced when they started out.

-- Jane (jwagman@mail.com), October 27, 2001.