I just looked at Meg's American ferrets page and... I swear to God...

It cheered me up

Yay! I mean, what would America do without the Jazzy Ferret page?

God Bless Ferrets

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2001

Answers

Actually, I'm fairly sure the Taliban uses ferrets as their American secret agents.

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2001

God, I love Mike Berman.

Y'all, what's the URL again? I forgot it! I must see the Jazzy Ferrets.

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2001

I'm a little upset that I didn't even KNOW Meg and her rats had returned to the web. I feel like we should have known.

But, her journal's not back, right? So sad.

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2001

Hee. Ab - http://www.geocities.com/mekada/america.html

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2001

Oh God. Jazzy Ferrets Respecting America. I don't even know what to say, that's so beautiful. The tears? They are streaming down my cheeks.

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2001

I didn't know Meg and her rats had LEFT the web.

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2001

The Jazzt Ferrets have, once again, made my day.

Y'all. How can you not even comment on, "You know, life is rough without a colon."

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2001

Well, because it was so good as to defy comment.

Y'all? In the spirit of "L_L", I'd like to propose an addition to MATH+1 shorthand -- the use of "WG" when someone's manner indicates a belief that they are an Expert on Everything.

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2001

Oh, Mike, that is perfect!

Yes, T--I had no comment on the colon lady because I was speechless.

Of course, when you have colon problems it can really take a toll on your body. When you are without a colon--well, that is even worse! I know this because I took a class one time on colons. You might even say that I am a colon "expert."

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2001

AB, perhaps Chris could use you as an expert witness.

Mike, that is perfect.

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2001

Does that make AB a WG on colons?

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2001

I'm tempted to post something about exploding colons to see how WG responds. With a dissertation, probably.

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2001

I think it does, H. I think it does.

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2001

L_L the WG!

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2001

I didn't even think of that ... but man! What if someone's both at the same time?

There needs to be a distinction between a WG and a Meg. A WG is when you're just pompously exaggerating your knowledge in a particular topic, while pulling a Meg means flat-out making things up.

Although I guess "Pulling a Meg" has become sort of an archaic term, what with her being driven from her journal like Frankenstein's monster. At least the ferrets are back.

We need our own dictionary!

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2001

Why you L_L the WG?! Make WG saaaaad.

And I know about sadness. This one time, I was really sad? And I went to the library and read up on sadness. Did you know that sometimes the ancient Greeks got sad? It's true. They did.

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2001

Now AB, the Roman Goddess of Sadness ("Imsosadia") had shrines in both Rome and Verona. The Verona shrine was actually the nicer one ... it had marble columns and a mosaic floor that took seventeen years to finish. Unfortunately it was razed when the Visigoths, under Fred the Uncouth, sacked Verona in 567 AD, and then again three years later.

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2001

Mike, the Greeks had a different name for Imsosadia: "Desondentara."

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2001

I think what you meant to say, T, and I know I'm right, as I am also a mind-reader as well as an Expert on Everything, was "DesPondentara."

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2001

Y'all are eeeeeevile.

Yeah, pulling a Meg is when you just make stuff up with no care as to continuity.

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2001

Well T, as I'm sure you're already aware, that was what she was called in Athens, Sparta and most of the major Greek city-states. In Crete and parts of Asai Minor, however, she was "Despondentia."

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2001

AB, I appreciate your astute correction. My office is frigid (not unlike the vast expanse of tundra, where the salmon are spawning as we speak, in fact) and my typing is impeded. (Not that explains my slack proofreading, however.)

Y'all. God bless the MOC. As sweet Allison has no email or voice mail, I've been emailing the MOC about plans for tonight. From his latest email:

Is it just me, or does WriterGirl come off as a pretentious little snot in her journal?

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2001

Y'all are eeeeeevile.

It's the novel writing. Gets the ol' creative juices flowing.

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2001

Ha! Even the Meat of Cheese is aware. He's astute, that one.

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2001

astute: adj. From the Latin astus, astutus, meaning "craft."

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2001

Yes, AB, but don't you think erudite would be an equally appropriate word choice there?

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2001

Well, I thought of that, Mike, and while it's a good word choice, I think astute is more appropriate to the statement that Hannah was trying to make.

Of course, I could have used "shrewd", or "perspicacious", or even "edumacated", but I feel that my decision was wisely made.

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2001

Edumacated.

I like WG's journal when she's normal. But why does she usually have to be such a WG?

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2001

I dunno.

But you were the lunch L_L!

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2001

I know. But I'm always the L_L!

Mike, I'm shocked that you're not watching Survivor this year.

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2001

Yeah, there are two reasons.

1.) I was very sad at last year's ending and soured on the show. And...

2.) From what I've heard/read, all the contestants this year are douchebags.

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2001

1. Because Colby should've won?

2. Yes, they are.

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2001

1.) Yeah. Because he deserved to win. Everyone who voted for Tina said she must have played the game better to still be alive at the end, but Colby won, what, five challenges in a row where losing would have meant him, in all likliehood, being voted off? Tina won nothing. About all she did was get the rice out of the river and vomit up a bug.

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2001

By the way (especially for Shae): you don't have to write all 50,000 words in order. You can skip ahead to the stuff you want to write and then go back and fill in. What I've got so far mainly consists of fragments, and then I save them as scenes -- "charactera_meets_characterb.doc," etc. Those 1,200 words I bragged about writing Wednesday night occur about 3/4 of the way through the book.

(And if I come off as more-prolific-than-thou, I have written a novel before. Granted, it sucked donkey dick, but it was 110,000 words after cutting.

Did I miss the part where someone asked her advice?

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2001

And frankly I have no desire to read her novel. I'm sure it's about communist China. You think I'm joking, but I really think that's what it's probably about.

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2001

Oh, y'all. Please, can I smack her down? Please oh please? I'll give you a dollah.

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2001

Isn't that what this is for?

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2001

She's a sweet girl, but OH so clueless.

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2001

No, I meant her. On our forum. I am sick of her Neal-know-it-all self!

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2001

She is clueless, and young. She's 22 - barely 23, I think. She has a LOT to learn.

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2001

I think she is already 23. But she's been living in NYC for a year. You'd think she would've grown up a lot. But evidently not.

I still can't believe the smoker won't move to NY because of the gun laws. That floors me.

It's liek - you're unemployed. She has a dream job. And you want her to move back to ATL to be a STRINGER?

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2001

Is that REALLY the only reason why he won't move up there? It's so absurd.

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2001

Oh, and because NY is too expensive. I think there 3 reasons, but I can't remember the 3rd. It was stupid whatever it was. She wrote abotu it in her journal.

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2001

I think she gave three reasons at one point, and that was one of them.

I mean, I read her last update, and it's great that The Smoker was there for her. And maybe it's just my personal bias, but her description of him raises so many red flags that it's tough to count them all.

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2001

No doubt, Mike.

I type gud.

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2001

He is FULL of red flags. He's gun-totin', semi-employed, holier-than- thou, has (we think) a child from a previous relationship, and he hangs out at sci-fi conventions picking up women who are ten years his junior.

Did I miss anything?

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2001

Yeah, I can't see why her parents would disapprove.

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2001

Hee, T, I don't think so.

Although, you know the standard saying, that no noe really knows a relationship except for the people in it. Although I think she's someone who shouldn't be in a relationship at ALL right now.

If in 2 years she wants to date someone exactly like the Smoker, more power to her.

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2001

That's the saying, but sometimes, you can just tell, you know?

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2001

You've met him, right?

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2001

Yep.

I just don't see why she has to sell him to her readers. She's always writing about his virtues - like she's constantly going on the offensive about her choice of a boyfriend. It almost seems like she's justifying her decision to herself.

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2001

Perhaps.

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2001

I'm thankful for my readers, who, miraculously, never flame me.

Oh, if she only knew...

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2001

You know, I am so glad we are all on the same page about WG. I liked her a lot during the Squishy days - even blessing her with the moniker "WG," for lord's sake - and since +1 has been rolling, I have not loved her at all.

And The MOC, who once thought she was very cool and smart, now has a nerve attack every time she posts.

My position on The Smoker is thus: She is dating him to piss off her parents (as T recently said), he is an ass, and she is too dumb and "rebellious" for her own good. In five years, after she has ruined her SWEET ASS JOB in New York and London by constantly complaining how she misses her worthless garage-intellectual boyfriend, she is really going to hate herself.

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2001

AL!

Okay, y'all. Poor Byung-Hyun Kim is breaking my heart. Last night, after that home run? When he looked like he was about to cry? Saddest thing in baseball, I tell you.

Which brings me to this:

How have we made it through an entire baseball season, and nearly all of the post-season, without talking about Chin Feng Chen??

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2001

Al is very wise.

Have you or the MOC ever met up with her in Atlanta.

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2001

Allison - did you see what the MOC emailed me today when we were getting things together for tonight?

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2001

All right, just to get it out of my system.

By the way (especially for Shae): you don't have to write all 50,000 words in order. You can skip ahead to the stuff you want to write and then go back and fill in.

Holy crap!! Really!! I don't have to start the month at "Once Upon a Time" and finish with "They Lived Happily Ever After"?

Who knew?

I'll bet I can also use a computer for all this. It makes revisions much easier than using a typewriter, plus you save on the white-out.

Also, what's with the "especially for Shae"? Does WG think she's a moron?

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2001

Hee. I know!

And when was Shae ever even asking about that?

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2001

Poor Shae. Maybe we could email her and give her the MATH+1 authorization to issue a smackdown of her own.

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2001

Mike, what do you think about Byung-Hyun Kim? There was a column in the AJC today, and they always referred to him as "Poor Byung-Hyun Kim."

Last night, Chris said, "Damn. That poor kid. He's going to be shot."

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2001

There are no words for how bad I feel for him. Being a reliever is one of those rare positions where you can lose a game by yourself, and he's done it twice in a row. Most of the time things like this have happened, the victim has never been the same player.

And by all accounts he's a good guy, so that makes it worse. Roger Clemens could do the same thing for New York in Game 7 and I wouldn't cry.

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2001

Yes, Poor Kim... I felt bad for him on an Asian level. Chen-Feng, from his basement apartment in Deltona, FL, released a statement of great mourning but no one could read it, because, as Mad Mad would say, it was "full Taiwan."

Teri, no - what did the MOC say? He just called me and said we were going out with y'all. Did he say something particularly cheese-y?

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2001

I'm so very against the Yankees. I know it's all American Pride to root for them, but I still consider them to be the team of the devil.

My friend LBJ is a rabid fan of theirs and I don't get it. I mean, for one thing, she LOVES baseball and can talk stats as good as any man. So... why the satanic Yankee love? It baffles me.

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2001

I posted it above - just how WG was on his last cheesy nerve: "Is it just me, or does WriterGirl come off as a pretentious little snot in her journal?"

Poor Kim. I hope they don't send him back to Korea.

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2001

Al, Chris is a big-time Yankees fan. He'd have sex in his Yankees hat, if the game is on. Chris is a man who loves his eleventy- million baseball caps, and they all have superstitious significance to him, and if it's a team hat, like the Redskins or the Terps or the Yankees, he MUST wear the hat while the game is on (if there's a schedule conflict, he wears a shirt for one team and a hat for the other, ie, Yankees cap and Maryland shirt, but that's rare.)

So. Anyway. His dad grew up in rust-bowl Connecticut, ergo, Chris is a fan. Last night, he went off on how the Diamondbacks ripped the Yankee's uniforms off - they both have pinstripes.

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2001

(if there's a schedule conflict, he wears a shirt for one team and a hat for the other, ie, Yankees cap and Maryland shirt, but that's rare.)

Oh Teri. Lord. I really can't wait to see what he's wearing on New Year's Day.

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2001

He'll be wearing his jeans, his fish belt, his Birkenstock clogs with socks, his Maryland t-shirt, a plaid button-down, and baseball cap - proabbly his yellow Fish Hawk one. I bet you cash money.

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2001

I hope Maryland is playing on New Year's Day, so he can wear the shirt for its luck-giving purposes.

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2001