Okay, this is my first-ever question asked at MATH+1! (Did I need to ask someone's permission first?)

I was inspired by "You know you wore it, now 'fess up!" thread over at 3WA - about the hideous crimes people have committed fashion-wise. And I think there just isn't enough style talk at MATH+1! (joke).

So, 'fess up!

-- Anonymous, November 13, 2001

Answers

And, to answer my ownself - this is the atrocity that I confessed to at 3WA. Please, while reading, remember that my dear departed mother was not present to say, "Hey, you are not bringing that filth into my house, much less my precious child's closet...

"As soon as you said 'bolero' I had this cringe of fear, a twinge of stomach pain. Trust me when I say you will not believe this.

I had a three-piece outfit in high school, purchased for me by a boyfriend. It was for special occasions (like whoring around?? Like seeing 'Cabaret'? Like a Madonna Karaoke night?). Please remember this was 1987, and that I only wore it so as not to offend him. [ed. note: he did pay almost $200 for it, which was quite a gift from a HS boyfriend in 1987]

The skirt was short but very full - black with gold lace petticoats. It had a high banded waist, the yoke of which was accented in the front by two vertical lines of gold buttons, with chains dangling between them.

The top was a black bustier with gold lace accent panels.

The jacket was a short black bolero with a gold lace lining and gold buttons. I didn't purchase it, so I can't accept all blame. But I did put this ensemble on my person, twice, along with a gold lame clutch and black ballet flats (Sam & Libby, natch)."

Do you understand how much love and trust I have for you people, that I would confess this?

-- Anonymous, November 13, 2001

One word: Multiples.

They were what the cool kids wore at my school in 1988-89. Imagine a one-piece bright blue (or bright pink) jumpsuit with a huge elastic bright pink (or bright green) band at the waist.

I can't find a picture online, but rest assured, they were hideous. And I so wanted to look like the cool kids.

-- Anonymous, November 13, 2001

I wore "Multiples", although they were called something else. Were they that bad? They were, weren't they?

I probably did every fashion-don't that you can think of. Wore my peg legged jeans tucked inside of my socks. 2 pairs of socks, 2 different colors, folded neatly so each color could be seen.

Ankle boots with skirts.

Braided blue headband across my forehead, a la Olivia Newton-John in "Physical".

Leg warmers. Over jeans. Living in the South.

But, I do NOT apologize for wearing socks with my sandals. It gets too cold too quickly, and Birks are too comfy to only wear 3 months out of the year.

And I will never apologize for wearing just a bra under a suit jacket when I was 16, because I got many dates from that little ensemble. Sometimes, the ends justify the means.

-- Anonymous, November 13, 2001

I'm still stuck in Chinos (Dockers) mode. I know I shouldn't, they are so 5 years ago, but I love them. The blue ones gotta go though. They're too short.

The nylon running shorts. Not the spandex ones, the loose-fit ones. I did not have the thighs for them. Don't have the thighs for them now for that matter. Mid-thigh is the rule now!

The polyester disco stuff. I wasn't too far into it, but it was all bad. The long blouses, left untucked and tied with a belt. So much shiny fabric.

My entire college wardrobe. Sweats and jeans in cool weather, jeans, shorts and tshirts in warm weather. Mercifully, I have few pictures from college. Actually, my casual wardrobe hasn't changed that much, I just buy nicer sweats.

-- Anonymous, November 13, 2001

*sigh* So many bad outfits...so many.

...the acid washed pants with the zippers at the bottom and the bows at the top of the zippers... ...the neon pink pushdown socks...

I dress western and have for a long time, and there were so many terribly ugly Brushpopper shirts...huge vertical stripes..I looked like a rodeo clown.

Oh, and the bad shoes. So many bad shoes! The light up sneakers, the purple candies loafers with huge block heels, my purple and black and white reebok basketball shoes that were worn with *three pair* of socks, one long pair of white tube socks (up to my knees), one pair of crew length black socks, and a pair of pushed down crew length green socks. (Had to match the school colors you know.) To top it all off in this time period, I had a massive perm, which I wore in a ponytail on top my head. My mother was showing me vids of a basketball game from that time and I laughed hysterically. I looked like an idiot!

There are so many more...but I just can't describe them all.

-- Anonymous, November 13, 2001

Y'all are talking about "Units," right? I never wore them, because JoLo refused to pay $20 for a couple of strips of elasticized t- shirt fabric.

-- Anonymous, November 13, 2001

DUDE. I just did a google search for Units, and perpetualblonde.com, our own Keli, was like, #10 on the list!

-- Anonymous, November 13, 2001

That right there is some instant karma... that Keli, the Queen of the Google, comes up in a Google search initiated by another poster at MATH+1 on a totally random topic...

-- Anonymous, November 14, 2001

I was in high school from 1982-86 and while I never gave into the fashion bug myself (I never even had a skinny leather tie), I was keenly aware of what the ladies were wearing. .

I feel for your 1980s fashion pain, ladies. It must truly be horrible at times to think back on.

-- Anonymous, November 14, 2001

Al, my mother refused to buy me Units, too. But, I can think of a certain member of the MATH+1 Club who had a mother who did...

-- Anonymous, November 14, 2001

Two, actually.

-- Anonymous, November 14, 2001

I had a similar get-up to Pineapple's gold lace/black bustier ensemble (pronounce it the French way for that pretty outfit!). Mine was a black satin strapless bra with a black satin bolero that went over it -- it had the gold chains, but alas, no lovely gold lace for me. :( I didn't have enough money to buy the skirt, so I wore them with these Dirty Dancing-style supertight jean shorts that had black piping down the sides. With white socks scrunched down and black flats. And huge gold hoop earrings whose bottom half was gold chains. To the under-21 ghetto dance club. YES, I was super duper number one skank! And very popular as I danced to Salt 'n Peppa's "Push It" or Bobby Brown's "My Prerogative."

I actually didn't wear too much I'm embarrassed of, except I had that jeans-pegging fetish. I was extra cool because I could sew and I would fold over and sew pegs into jeans which had zippers on the back -- otherwise impossible to peg! People actually paid me to do this to their jeans! I also used bobby pins to peg cotton pants that were too short to be rolled up. I tell you I knew all the tricks. And now I wear bell bottoms. Go figure.

I can remember going to football games in 40 degree weather wearing FLATS WITH NO SOCKS. Because it just wasn't cool! I'm surprised I still have all my toes.

I remember Units but they weren't all that desirable at my school. We had those tights from the Limited that had no feet, remember those? I wore black ones under black and white houndstooth dressy shorts with a white blouse (buttoned all the way up with brooch at throat) and black flats. YEAH!

-- Anonymous, November 14, 2001

Uh, I had the tights with no feet and lace trim. In fact, I had lots and lots of tights. More tights than anyone should have. And I wore them all the damn time. Under cutoff jeans, even. With a pair of Sam & Libby Chinese slipper-style flats.

God. I had Gap tights in every single color and pattern. I had forgotten about that. Oh, and I think I was one of the first people at my high school to have a hair wrap. Because I'm a trendsetter like that. And, I strived to dress like Natalie Merchant. Now, to want to sing like Natalie Merchant is one thing. But to dress like her? So sad. I was just so sad.

-- Anonymous, November 14, 2001

Oh God, the tights thing takes me back to an outfit I wore TO A JOB INTERVIEW at the mall. The prospective employer? Chess King. Did I get the job? NO.

I wore a white lacy camisole, and over it, this overpriced, cheaply made but oh-so-cool white cotton blazer type jacket, with huge puffy sleeves and a PEPLUM in the back, and big gold buttons. A super tight white cotton/stretchy miniskirt, and under that, the white capri- length footless tights trimmed with lace. And of course, the ubiquitous white flats.

I think I'm realizing there ARE some things I'm embarrassed I wore, I just blocked them out!!!

-- Anonymous, November 14, 2001

1. Aiden, that outfit sounds fabulous!
2. Who can show me a picture of Units in action ... I am but a poor foreigner whose strange foreign land didn't even sell Member's Only jackets.

-- Anonymous, November 14, 2001

HA! Kristen, you should consider that a blessing. (Although I did have a pink Members Only in around 1981, when I was nine, and I was pretty happening.)

I tried to find a Units picture on the web, but could not. I swear to God, I think they still sell those somewhere.

Basically, the concept was, make a bunch of different size bands of clothing that can be worn as shirts, belts, skirts, headbands, whatever, and sell them for a lot of money.

-- Anonymous, November 14, 2001

I will never forget the time in 9th grade that I got in a huge fight with Master V, because he was being silly and put one of the Units (we called them Multiples, I think) on his waist, and then told me it was way looser on him than it was on me. Big dummy. He had not been schooled in the AB arts at that point.

As well as the multiples, I was a big fan of zippered and tight- rolled jeans, Polo button-downs, and big ol' bows. I also owned, and wore with pride, a denim balloon skirt.

-- Anonymous, November 14, 2001

If I still had my Units, I would still wear them.

Not the bandeau thing, but those were my first yoga-pants, and I wore the hell out of them, with the matching long sleeved top. They were black, not that crazy neon blue or hot pink.

Ok, at one point I had the big one piece Units thing, and I'll cop to the fact that it was horrid. But the loose pants with the elastic waist? I miss them.

I wore Used clothing. That was a brief period right before I started doing actual thrift shopping, but when I was 13, my poor mother did cave and bought me $75 jeans that had pre-made tears/holes, carefully rounded off with perfect fringe tatter.

And I put safety pins in everything. Because I was so punk like that, in my Outback Red shirts. The early teens are an ugly time.

-- Anonymous, November 14, 2001

Okay those Units things never happened at my school though I graduated in 87 so maybe I just missed it. My school was all about wearing sweatshirts with t-shirt bottoms sticking out from under them. And the pegging and all the lace and brou-ha-ha that the '80s New Romantic music unleashed on us.

Oh god. I just remembered that in my senior year I got an asymetrical hair cut - chin length on the right, shoulder length on the left, with the swept to the left side Flock of Seagulls swoop too. And then I dyed it purply black. And then I put on a pink brocade print shirt with a lace scarf affixed witha big purple broach, long, slim black skirt, black boots. People, just shoot me now.

Also, in my freshman year of college we wore all of our sweatshirts inside out. That was the cool thing to do. Even the ones with appliqued greek letters that represented our dorm floor (no sororities allowed so that was our lame substitute).

And then when I turned 21 and went out drinking one night? I wore a blue strapless bustier with white polka dots and matching loose flowy pants topped with a man's white silk shirt unbuttoned but tied at my waist. The bustier/pants combo? I ordered that from Victoria's Secret. That's some shame right there. Also, I wore it to a strip club and someone thought I worked there so clearly I was looking pretty sleazy.

-- Anonymous, November 14, 2001

Outback Red! Robyn, you don't know how I have been wracking my brain to think of that.

Sigh...Those were the salad days of ten-button shirts.

-- Anonymous, November 14, 2001

Um, I remember Outback Red because I still have a couple of those shirts.

I still wear them.

Mount the cross and crucify me now. But, in my defense, I no longer own anything with the Forenza label.

-- Anonymous, November 14, 2001

Okay, kids .... I think there need to be some pictures posted.

-- Anonymous, November 14, 2001

Actually, T, if I remember correcty you had Units too. But they weren't name brand Units, they were the generic ones that Paige's mom sold. Remember? Mine were nautical - a white shirt with blue anchors all of it and a big red belt and pants. God I loved that shit. I still remember exactly where the Units store was in Willowbrook Mall.

-- Anonymous, November 14, 2001

Outback Red!!! In my yuppie phase, before my New Romantic Whore phase, my very favorite outfit was completely Outback Red (again, from the Limited). I had a red ten-button shirt, an olive green and beige striped button-up sweater, and huge baggy olive green pants. Which were, of course, pegged, and topped off with slouchy beige socks and EASTLANDS!!! I was the first girl in my middle school to sport Eastlands. FYI.

-- Anonymous, November 14, 2001

In the bottom lace of my Eastlands, I sported a little brass tag that was engraved with my first name.

Oh, lord.

I did have the knockoff Units, but I rarely wore them as you could totally tell they were fakes.

Oh my god. I just remembered this awful, gigantic Gucci handbag I used to carry around.

I remember layering my Outback Red ten-button shirts, and coordinating my socks to match.

-- Anonymous, November 14, 2001

Ok, y'all? Electric blue shorts. Matching cropped top. Black and white checked suspenders over it.

I only wished I could have had Units. I did have a lot of pleated Esprit shorts for some reason. My family single handedly kept the Esprit outlet in Dallas in business. And T, I was right with you with those tights with the lace.

-- Anonymous, November 14, 2001

I had some Eastlands, PLUS the laces were made into this crazy little curley-q knot so that I never had to tie them. AND I wore Keds with no laces. (ok, I still do that, but it's good for the beach and gardening).

So you know what a rebel I was, my mom bought me everything the Limited sold, and then I ripped off the labels. Because those little tell-tale threads were much cooler than having the actual label. We put little bandaids over the alligator on our Izods too. Pretentious much? Oh yeah.

By the time I was 15, I would only wear black opaque cotton tights and black patent leather docs, making me look sort of duck-like. I'm hunting for pictures now. No one make fun of my perm and Sun-in orange hair.

-- Anonymous, November 14, 2001

Oh! I have VIDEO evidence of a serious fashion atrocity. In fifth grade, I picked out this electric blue (I have no idea what my obsession with that color was) sweater skirt and oversized sweater outfit. I thought it was the most chic thing EVER. And I was forbidden to wear it before Christmas, since it was an early present. But I wanted to wear it to school, so I snuck out and rode my bike to school w/o my mother seeing me leave.

I got to school and my dad was there, making a video for the grandparents for Christmas. The best part is I'm wearing the outfit with white Reeboks and white socks. And bangs in my eyes.

-- Anonymous, November 14, 2001

Gah! The white Reeboks! With the two Velcro strips on the high-top part? Loved those.

I also owned Eastlands, except I thought I was all badass because mine were red instead of brown. Purchased at DH Holmes in New Orleans. Aw, yeah.

-- Anonymous, November 14, 2001

RED Eastlands! I've never heard of such a thing! You were indeed a trendsetter, AB.

But I'm surprised you all had the boring old WHITE Reebok high-tops. What about red? Or bright yellow? Or baby blue? Or PINK?

-- Anonymous, November 14, 2001

Uh.

I had a "Choose Life" sweatshirt, with "Go-Go" on the back.

Ribbon belts, anyone? Friendship pins? Oh, and I had a denim jacket with about 75 buttons with either "funny" sayings on them, or members of Duran Duran. Agh. Talk about your "flair" - I looked like I worked at T.G.I. Friday's.

And of course, the collars on my izod shirts were always UP. Because I was so cool and sassy, you see.

-- Anonymous, November 14, 2001

Oh, white all the way.

My best friend insists that the summer we met at camp, I was wearing a yellow shirt with bears on it. This is a blatant lie- but makes me laugh anyway.

-- Anonymous, November 14, 2001

Help me, help me... I am trying to think of this one label that was all the rage at the Riverchase Galleria Mall... it was Something "Joe." Not Outback Joe... was it? Banana Joe? No. Their stuff was all big t-shirts with the logo and striped button-downs.

Somebody has to know what I'm talking about.

My worst fashion atrocity caught on film was the wearing of a silver V necklace for my senior portrait. I don't know why I thought that would be better than pearls, but I did. It doesn't look awful, but I wish I had worn pearls, so bad. I'd make fun of my huge hair in that picture, too, but my hair looks EXACTLY the same today. It's all natural, baby.

-- Anonymous, November 14, 2001

Oh, shit, Al, I know what you're talking about, but I can't think of it right now. Panama Jack? Bahama Joe?

I have a distinct memory of my cousin Lacey telling me, "Well, I never wear anything that isn't Jimmy Z!"

-- Anonymous, November 14, 2001

I just remember T had this tee shirt with a giraffe on it and the giraffe's shirt was actual lace and when she got in my mom's car to ride to 6th grade I was like, WHAT is that. She said "It's a conversation piece." That is so T it makes me laugh and laugh.

One of my favorite things was this acid washed denim skirt that was kind of a-line, but more swishy and it came with this giant white belt. God I loved that thing.

-- Anonymous, November 14, 2001

I used to wear a lot of vests, too. A lot a lot.

And a friend of mine had a giraffe shirt JUST LIKE THAT.

-- Anonymous, November 14, 2001

They have multiples for us now that we're all grown up, y'all. Look.

-- Anonymous, November 14, 2001

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-hahahahahahahahahahaha!

AB, you are my hero.

-- Anonymous, November 14, 2001

Oh mercy - how could I have forgotten Kelly's Kids? The horror of my mother dressing all five of her daughters in matching navy jumpers with white applique geese is something I'll never forget. Mainly because I was eleven, and far too old for that Peter Pan collar with the navy piping.

-- Anonymous, November 14, 2001

I don't think it was Kelly's Kids. It was just a random t-shirt. But I am so finding that photo of us in our semi-matching Kelly's Kids sweatsuits.

-- Anonymous, November 14, 2001

You're never too old for piped Peter Pan collars, T. Just ask Mad Mad, when she's thirteen and still wearing eyelet bloomers. Hee.

-- Anonymous, November 14, 2001

Hm...I missed most of the 80s trends due to my age, but I do distinctly remember wearing neon socks that did not match. Hot pink and lime green, baybee.

Do you all remember the hypercolor shirts? Were those late 80s or early 90s? I can't recall. Anyway, they were the shirts that changed colors when you touched them? Ew.

-- Anonymous, November 14, 2001

People. I am crying. Forenza? Denim pouf skirts? brooches at the throat? I love you all so much, you don't even know. And.... ten-button shirts? wasn't that "The Henley?" I swear I still have some Outback Red around somewhere.

Okay, here are some things that must be cleared up for me.
- Eastlands... are those the "I-wanna-be-a-Topsider"s with the curlicue laces that must never be uncurlicued?
- What ever did we carry in those Gucci bags? I still have mine at home on the top shelf of the closet, and I look at them every so often and think, "I could overnight in South Texas with that thing today - including a handgun and a clip."
- Here's where we get down and dirty (go anon if you want)... we have already established much Limited and Express shopping. But please tell me that someone else also was a patron of Contempo Casual, or Foxmoor, or Benetton, or Banana Republic (not today, ladies, but back when their entire inventory was safari wear - you know, khaki camp shirts with epaulets, that kind of thing).
- Pennies in your loafers, yay or nay? what was the rule for cool kids in your school?

-- Anonymous, November 15, 2001

OK, the Units/Multiples? Same or different from what they sold at Au Coton? Which, according to that yesterdayland website is a store that still exists in Canada. Because I grew up in the 80s, in New Jersey no less, mecca of trash fashion, and there were no Units in my mall(s), just Au Coton. But I think it was the same thing...

-- Anonymous, November 15, 2001

I will fess up to Contempo. I still have the baby-doll T-shirts I bought there. I still wear them.

-- Anonymous, November 15, 2001

Uh, the last sweater I bought, about two months ago, I got at Contempo. Did I do something wrong???

Only the GEEKIEST of the geeks at my school wore penny loafers, and if they actually put PENNIES in them they were absolutely groan- worthy and could look forward to a hostile pushing around in the bathroom.

My flyest middle school outfit was purchased at a store called Stuart's. It was probably today's equivalent of a DEB. I had a seafoam green oversized sweatshirt with seafoam green and peach flower-patterned stirrup pants. I wore them with a long strand of plastic pearls. I was so cool, 8TH GRADERS were asking me where I bought my clothes!!!

-- Anonymous, November 15, 2001

God, stirrup pants.

I didn't really shop in specialty stores until high school and then it was all Express, all the time. (Oversized sweaters and leggings anyone?)

But in junior high I kept the Foley's Juniors department is biznezz baby. I don't think I wore anything if I hadn't gotten it from Foley's.

Here's something embarrassing. In high school I found a Tommy Hilfiger button down in the hs parking lot. I took it home and washed it and wore it, because it WAS Tommy, after all. Gross.

-- Anonymous, November 15, 2001

Bennetton was all I ever wanted but could never afford. Fashion Bug was my friend though.

-- Anonymous, November 15, 2001

Oh, P! The Banana Republic shirts with the safari animals on them? I had one, with a tiger. And I was really jealous of this one girl in our class because she had, I swear, every single one. And this was in the days before ordering online, and Funroe had no BR, so I don't know how the fool she got them.

Shae, I loved Benetton, too. Sadly, none of it ever fit me, because I was four feet tall. I do seem to recall one outfit, though, in screaming pink and lime green. Ick.

-- Anonymous, November 15, 2001

HB - the black & gold atrocity of which I spoke earlier came from Foley's Juniors, yes it did. As did the open-work crocheted sweaters that I would wear over the coordinating bandeau tops with my jean shorts, rolled up at the knee a la Baby in "Dirty Dancing".... with My. Saddle. Shoes. *sigh*

I was all about some statement, obviously. I don't want to think about what the statement was actually saying to the public, but it sure was a statement.

-- Anonymous, November 15, 2001

Still have my flannel shirts from junior high. Because when you're a ninth grader at a conservative private school, you are so grunge.

Also had jeans with zippers at the bottom: at some point I yanked the zippers out. Oh, and the jeans with the carefully cultivated hole in one knee.

And don't forget the classic tights under preppy shorts look. Eek . . .

I did not, however, have a Hypercolor shirt, though I wanted one.

-- Anonymous, November 15, 2001

Oh my God! The flannel! So much flannel! Me and my massive perm again, this time in torn up 501's, terrible wanna be Doc's sandals from Payless Shoes, and the purple and blue flannel....

Not to be outdone...WHITE 501's BABY! They went with everything, including the purple flannel. I was so alternative in a middle school with 400 kids total in 4 grades. *rolls eyes*

-- Anonymous, November 15, 2001

Hahahahahahaaaaaaaaa! Hannah Beth had a Hypercolor shirt, only it didn't work!

-- Anonymous, November 16, 2001

Oh yes it did. We spent almost an entire English I period testing it, Rob Szot and I did.

Hypercolor RULZ!

-- Anonymous, November 16, 2001

Who had the broken one, then? Karisa?

-- Anonymous, November 16, 2001

T, you were not along in your desire to dress like Natalie Merchant. Freakish as it sounds, I too thought she wore cool clothes circa 1989.

Reading this thread reminds me that European fashions really were different back then - for example, I have never seen multiples, although that's probably for the best, because my mind is reeling just with the mental image. But I did have some outfits that were (almost) equally classy. I remember that around 1987 (when I was 12) one of my favourite ensembles involved a pair of peach coloured stirrup pants, a turquoise t-shirt, peach-coloured braces (suspenders to you Americans), turquoise socks, and white shoes with turquoise ribbons in the laces. If the weather was a touch chilly, I would top off the outfit with my peach puffa jacket. Oh yeah. I was all about the colour coordination.

-- Anonymous, November 17, 2001