Because the Stewart really needs her own thread.

-- Anonymous, December 06, 2001

Answers

I usually think her specials are at least good for some ideas, but I don't know what kind of rock she was smoking with this last one. We have already discussed the extremely dirty glass blowing incident. There was a children's choir singing, it ended up looking like a rip- off of a Gap commercial. (Her nephew's ultra-gay Yale Men's Glee Club from a few years ago was infinitely more entertaining. Ultra-gay effects this year were provided by some Swedish "callers.") In fact everything that wasn't shot on location seemed to be happening on a generic pastel sound stage. I like it much better when we're in Martha's house.

Everything is "prit-tee" and "charming" and "beeyOOOOOt-tiful." Seriously, a drinking game on those three words alone will get you and your friends hammered for days.

And David Freakin James Elliot of "JAG" fame was on it. I mean, it was totally surreal.

-- Anonymous, December 06, 2001

I didn't see the special, and I so wish I had...

But, people - do not talk bad about Martha. She is super crazy, and reportedly dictatorial, but she does beautiful things. I think she's out of control, seriously, but I love the woman.

-- Anonymous, December 06, 2001

Did y'all see the Buffy where they were talking about Martha?

"Martha Stewart is the devil."

"No, she's not. She's a witch. Only a witch could do what she does in the amount of time she does it."

I'm fully convinced that Martha Stewart is a witch now. And I, too, adore her.

-- Anonymous, December 06, 2001

But what sucked about this special, was that the beautiful things she was doing cannot be done by your average person at home. For instance, last year I made her pipe cleaner and bead snowflake ornaments, and if I had an extra three hours and could find those damned block-shaped sugar cubes, I would make that adorable sugar cube house. But this year, she's blowing a jillion-dollar glass sculpture and hammering out these metal luminarias with special metal working tools! The closest she came to something normal people could conceivably do themselves was some jank-ass wreath wrapped in American flag ribbon and cranberries. Her house is always awesomely decorated and I love to see it, but this year everything took place on the stark pastel soundstages. It was just disappointing.

-- Anonymous, December 06, 2001

I have a love/hate thing with Martha. I seriously love a lot of stuff in her magazine but I've spoken to the woman and she is a major bitch and I just hate her.

On the other hand, she cracks me up when she's on Letterman and Conan, she seems to have a really good sense of humor about herself and her image. Or at least plays it off well.

On the other hand, her tv shows irritate the piss out of me. She's always saying, "I do blah blah blah" as if she is the ONLY person on the planet to have ever thought of putting nutmeg in eggnog or whatever. Plus so much of her stuff is created by staff but she acts like it all formed out of her brain like Artemis springing from Zeus. (Or was that Athena?)

And yet, I watch anyway. And I got a lot of great ideas for my wedding and reception decorations from her magazine and was able to do them all myself at really great prices.

I just can't believe I missed the Christmas special, especially the "blow Martha blow" stuff. Damn.

-- Anonymous, December 06, 2001

It was Athena, though there's also a myth that after Dionysis's mother died, Zeus carried the unborn child for a while -- in his leg.

Anyway, Martha. She wrote a piece for the New York Times Magazine about how she lived in Westport and nobody was friendly and in two years or so she hadn't met any of the neighbors. I wasn't living in Westport anymore by the time I read that, but I still find it funny that I just missed being Martha's nasty neighbor.

-- Anonymous, December 06, 2001

Please. Like she has room to talk about being nasty to people after she tried to have that bacherlorette party arrested. See, this is why I hate Martha.

Anyone else read Just Desserts, the unauthorized biography? In some ways it made me admire her ambition cause that girl pulled herself up, found herself a preppie and got herself the life she wanted, critics be damned. But man do I feel sorry for her kid. Plus, who knew she was a stock broker with a young Brian Dehnehy (uh, or however that is spelled). And she apparently sleeps like 3 hours a night and expects guest to keep her same schedule and get up at 4am to exercise with her. She just CRAZY.

-- Anonymous, December 06, 2001

Ohhh, I HATE Martha Stewart!!

You know why? Because she tries to create this image/world that was 'just like it used to be.' You know, a simpler time, when America was innocent, and children didn't talk back to there parents, and everyone lived in 8 room farmhouses woth dutch doors, and everyone woman spent 8 hours a day making handcrafted muffin tins out of old tree stumps and bird's nests.

This never happened! She is perpetuating a myth. She just seems to want to spread her little middle America state of dilusion on us all.

She's Satan, I say.

-- Anonymous, December 06, 2001

She's a witch, damnit!

I made muffin tins out of tree bark and bird's nests just last week.

Ah, just like in the old days.

-- Anonymous, December 06, 2001

The closest she came to something normal people could conceivably do themselves was some jank-ass wreath wrapped in American flag ribbon and cranberries.

Jank-ass is right... the thing was heinous. I wouldn't have donated it to the Salvation Army, much less put it up on my house.

As I've said before, Martha is like a gory car wreck for me - I just can't look away. Though, most everything she does that I love is created by her staff, which I accept and respect. I just love her empire, including Martha by Mail, from which there is so very little I would actually want.

Though I would love to see those elaborate Noah's Ark cookie kits go away forever. I mean it.

Also, I have decided -- that even on the projects that reasonable people could actually do, she doesn't tell you quite enough info that you could do it just like her. She eliminates just enough detail so that the thing comes out a little bit wrong.

Like with the beaded gift tags she had in 1997... she intentionally did not clarify that the wires must be fully bent before the stringing.

And with the egg Christmas ornaments she did this year, she does not mention that mica powder is toxic, and also that you have to let your eggs dry completely overnight before decorating or they get icky inside. (luckily this was stuff I knew before tackling it, but it made me realize that she subtly sabotages the crafty reader).

I wish readers could submit Good Things. I have some but wouldn't just share them, because I know she would steal them and never give any credit to anyone else.

-- Anonymous, December 06, 2001

She did, in the latest Martha Stewart Living, say to wear a mask before you handle mica powder. I don't know if it was the part about the eggs, though.

Maybe you just no able to read so good, Pineapple Girl.

-- Anonymous, December 06, 2001

I just had to say something here. One of my best friends mother is SUCH a Martha Wanna-Be. Not only does she spend hours a day making cutsey little shit for whatever holiday is coming up, but she is also crazy, bitchy, and thinks she is everyones mother. (We won't discuss going through my stuff and taking my cigarettes to hang on her refrigerator so her family could remember to pray for my sins...too bad they were half her daughters smokes as well...) In this nut house, EVERYTHING is color coded, including each of the closets, the FOOD IN THE PANTRY, and her marker collection. I do have one good thing to say about Melanie though...the woman is a cooking demon.

I don't miss having to taking my friend home after school...and life is alot more fun when you don't have to worry about Melanie chasing you down and bashing you over the head with her bible for having a Camel. :/

-- Anonymous, December 06, 2001

AB:

In re: Maybe you just no able to read so good, Pineapple Girl. ...

what? WHAT??? Bring it on. Do you derive some joy out of smacking me down in every thread today? It's you and me, punk. I'll meet you at Dead Man's Curve after sixth period.

And.... while, yes, Martha does say that one should wear a mask when working with mica powder, that is not the same thing as saying "Please be sure your children, pets, and unfed husbands do not put these in their mouths."

-- Anonymous, December 07, 2001

I smack because I love, P.

We're still meeting after sixth period.

So, to stay on topic, was it wrong to use mica powder as a garnish on my family's pork chop casserole last night? It really looked beautiful.

-- Anonymous, December 07, 2001

I might have missed someone else saying something in this thread...but I just wanted to say something about the tin lanterns.

I do Mexican paper-cutting and metal punching (bit of a mexico- phile...). You can do the lanterns without special tools. Go to the hardware store and buy sheets of tin or aluminum. Then use the tools you already have around the house (screwdrivers, chisels, spoon tips, whatever), lay out the tin, and use a hammer to punch them GENTLY into it. This works particularly well over a wood cutting board if you have one. And then finish them off like she shows. My point is that you don't need the metal working tools. She just wants you to think she knows how to do hard things that you can't.

-- Anonymous, December 09, 2001

And, another tip on Mexican-lantern-style metal-punching... my favorite trick is to fill the container with water, then freeze it... You can punch right into the ice and not need to worry about damaging a surface. Works for nails, chisel tips, screwdrivers, etc.

-- Anonymous, December 09, 2001

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA You ppl crack me up. Martha isn't a witch; she's a domestic terrorist. It's her mission on earth to destroy the homelife of all American families, by getting Mom to refocus her attention on inane crap, instead of her hubby and the kids. Ask ANY family what they'd rather have you doing. Would any of them EVER say "organizing and cataloging the family photos and crafting a new wreath for the current holiday"? NO. The kids want to have fun with Mom, and you know what husband wants...to have FUN with Mom. Keep a clean house, cook some good food, nurture your kids' souls, and have LOTS of sex with your husband, and you will be WORSHIPPED. OH, and if the Martha wannabe hag down the street tries to make you feel inferior, just send your hubby over to brag to her husband how incredibly HOT you are...within earshot of said hag. That'll burn her biscuits.

-- Anonymous, January 23, 2002

I got a bonus magazine in December from MSL - organizing and tech stuff - funniest thing ever is, they show parts of her daughter's apartment in NYC, and it is the coldest thing you ever saw - no decoration whatsover, just a flat screen tv set into a wall, and all grey. Sort of the Anti Martha look. But the best is, they showed these rollout drawers that her movie collection resides in, and front and centre was the Prisoner Collection.

I bet her daughter can really relate to that show.

-- Anonymous, January 23, 2002