The Balance of Little Things

Small story today:

Two customers came in, both buying nice little healthful break-the-fast munchies. Both were short money. The first one has to leave behind the avocados, the salad and the lone banana. The resulting subtotal matched what he had exactly.

(Actually, it matched what he *thought* he had. He handed me a dollar less than what he thought was in his pocket, and I hadn't the heart to destroy his delight at the symmetry of the moment, so I bought it quietly for a dollar.)

Some while later, the next lady came in. She had to leave behind an apple, but got the rest of the best. The subtotal matched what she had exactly.

I'd say it's going to be a day of exactly and just enough, including unknown gifts thrown your way.

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In the Eugene Weekly, there's Rob Brezny's wonderful horoscope for Libra sun, this next couple of days/weeks - does it fit you? Have you run into Coyote yet?

"...The messenger god Hermes will be your archetypal companion for the next two weeks, Libra. As a facilitator of communication, he will help you lubricate your connections, strengthen your web of allies, and bring disconnected parts of your life into greater harmony. It's important to know that Hermes can also be a tricky thief. To be completely faithful to his spirit, you should also engage in a benevolent robbery or two. Suggested targets for your heists: a burden one of your companions is having trouble getting rid of; an illusion obstructing your ability to get closer to a valuable collaborator; and a symbol of an old mess that's preventing you from leaving the past behind..."

I'll have to let my mom know - She's got your same 'scope, remember. Rob's wonderful horoscope for a less fortunate Cancerian who seems to have more to work on:

"...If I were your agent or your mom, I'd declare this Cancerian Makeover Week. First I'd call in a masseuse to pound out all your (k)nots. Then I'd send you to the hairdresser, nutritionist, psychotherapist, career counselor, and the clothes store to change you around in every which way. I'd make sure you were denied everything that's even half-bad for you. I'd force you to commune with five experiences guaranteed to stir up your receptivity, reverence and self-healing. In conclusion, Cranky Crab, I'd stop at nothin until you were thoroughly debugged, unlocked and retooled.

(Rob's a Cancer - I love how he can always say the new age chicken soup things with so much grace and humor)

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In the Spirit of Brezny,

Saturday afternoon - Whew! I just had a *very* close call.

I'd finished my Saturday shift...stayed a little later. Got a little distracted with this and that task constantly rearing its head. I finally let myself go home by saying I'd come back later. Why did I do that? It's my afternoon off!! Slippage! Since I've started writing to you, I've been taking time off. Literally. Practicing carving timecaves to hibernate in, and paint wild pictures on the walls.

As I set out just a little while ago to return to the store, I stopped myself and said "C'mon, girl! Prioritize. What can't wait at the store that hasn't already waited til today?" I took stock. Everything I have right now can wait. It already is.

The horoscope says "take care of yourself." I want to pace myself.

So that means paying deeper attention to things as they arise around me, like the fact that I'm going to hear a harmonic singer this evening (kind of like getting a tone massage), and being relaxed enhances my pleasure. That I have ideas that want to be written down - that are insisting they be written down. Finally, really, I just want to putter around a little in my nest. (You must know what this is like)

I thought of you. I think of your rallying call "Dance!", and mine of "Grok!", and I'm able to change my behavior with just the memory of our enthusiams for better worlds. I don't go out the door. I put on music. I open a document. I light a candle, and do the dishes, and get a few Christmas things ready.

(....can it be I'm getting a little smarter?....finally?......dare i hope......)

I'm reminded of that set of rules you drew up as a kid. I feel like that now - like I'm really struggling to make sure my priorities are *right* and in place; that they feel right. Not that they think right, or that they *are* right, but that they *feel* right.

The list
Feeling is important

Feeling strong is important.
Feeling physical.
Feeling present.
Feeling.heard
Feeling comprehension
Feeling hooked up/wired/connected
Feeling magical
Feeling loved

I'm honing in on my feelings with an intensity I imagine you felt behind your "Rules". Feeling is a new priority for me. Maybe this is what Brezny's horoscope is talking about when he says I need to finish my personal make-over...

I am so ready for a deep psychic adjustment.

I've spent the last 5 years crafting the room to have my mind and world changed, after spending the prior ones knowing something needed to change, but not quite sure what, nor how to go about "getting it". Now, I'm just months, perhaps a year, away from moving on through the store. Not "from", but "through", for I'm entertaining the notion that I'm still here because I haven't finished it yet.

Somehow, I haven't quite got the whole lesson. That's what I'm thinking I'm onto, here, with this sense of option growing continually acute; I'm hoping I'm tapped into the track that takes me through the Red Barn, finishing up whatever it is that I have to, and letting me move on to continue whatever can be wisely carried on.

I've been lucky, because I've been so hungry for the old roaming freedom that I used to guarantee myself, that I've built up a huge reservoir of desire for something different., for novelty, for the unexpected. And yet - perhaps thanks to the influences from my community for the last 12 years - the best food, a lot of good heartedness and light and joy, high wit and intelligence - I'm reaching for what feels healthful, what I inuit is appropriate, and what brings me joy and energy.

Feeling my way into creating experience, rather than primarily thinking it into being, is a very compelling place. It's also very different for me, for though I've felt a lot, I've thought more, and my thoughts once trumped my feelings more often than not. That's changing, rapidly. It's nice to feel a winning hand coming on.

*****************

Now, off to the kitchen table for dinner, just inches away - I wonder if this apartment is the size of apartments in New York? Mind, I'm not whining - I love this right now. But God, where am I going to set up the table saw?

love,

Cynthia

PLUR. Remember PLUR

Peace
Love
Unity
Respect

Peace
Love
Unity
Respect

Peace

-- Anonymous, December 08, 2001