Here's my favorite kind of recipe. Short, simple, rewarding.

Parsnip "Fries"

parsnips
olive oil
salt (optional)

Use medium-sized parsnips, if possible. Large parsnips can have a woody pith that you should remove, if present. Heat the oven to 425 degrees. Peel and wash the parsnips. Remove the stalk-ends. Cut them into "french fries" of a semi-uniform size. Place them on a non-stick cookie sheet. Spray them lightly with olive oil. Sprinkle with a bit of salt, if desired. Bake them until they are soft inside, slightly crisp outside - usually 15 to 20 minutes, depending on thickness.

You wouldn't believe how good these are!

-- Little Nipper (canis@minor.net), December 10, 2001

Answers

I disagree that this is simple. To wit--

1)-what is "medium size"? Dimensions please.

2)-425 degrees? Fahrenheit or Celsius?

3)-"peel and wash the parsnips". What type of peeling utensil is best? What type of water? Tap? Distilled? Rain barrel?

4)-"cut them into french fries of a semi-uniform size". Please be specific--dimensions and tolerances. Think of an engineering drawing.

5)-"spray them lightly with olive oil". What type of olive oil? Virgin? Extra virgin? (cherry intact)?

6)-"bake them 15 or 20 minutes". In an era where time is commonly measured in picoseconds, a window of 5 minutes in inexcusably crude.

7)-"depending on thickness". This is so relative. Please give us a thickness standard, say Hillary's legs.

-- (lars@indy.net), December 10, 2001.

Please give us a thickness standard, say Hillary's legs.

Hillary's legs.

-- (what@i.think), December 10, 2001.

OK, Lars.

Select 12 parsnips of exactly 6.5" in length, each with a major diameter of precisely 1.25". Remove exactly 0.5" of length from each of the parsnips, from the ends nearest to their major diameter, using a hatchet. Lathe off the outer 0.1" of skin. Use a caliper to verify this measurement. If a parsnip is out of tolerance by more than 0.01", sand it for 50 seconds with 100 grit carborundum paper and remeasure. Discard any parsnips that fall below specifications.

Table saw the remaining parsnips into uniform rectilinear pieces measuring 3" X 0.5" X 0.3". Discard the excess or any pieces that fail to meet specifications. Assemble the pieces on a non-stick cookie sheet. Uniformly spray each piece on all sides with extra virgin olive oil, 0.15 grams of oil per piece. Discard any pieces that fall outside of specifications.

Heat the oven to 425 degrees Farehheit. Place the cookie sheet with the one remaining fry that meets specifications into the oven. Bake the one remaining fry until it reaches an internal temperature of 235 degrees Fahrenheit, when measured with a probe inserted to a depth of 0.15". Remove the cookie sheet.

Allow the fry to cool for 7 minutes and 00 seconds. Using the thumb and forefinger of your right hand, firmly grasp the fry at one end of its long axis and insert the opposing end in your mouth. Apply your front inscisors to a point midway along the long axis of the fry and apply them in a shearing motion until approximately one half of the fry is disengaged from the end of the fry grasped between your forefinger and thumb.

CAUTION! SHEARING HAZARD! DO NOT APPLY INSCISORS TO FOREFINGER OR THUMB!

Withdraw the approximately one-half of the fry that remains in the grasp of your fingers to a safe distance. Approximately one-half of the fry should now sit loosely in your mouth, on your tongue. Chew that portion of the fry between your molars with a rotary motion.

CAUTION! TONGUE BITING HAZARD! DO NOT CHEW ON YOUR TONGUE!

CAUTION! CHOKING HAZARD! MASTICATE FRY THOROUGHLY BEFORE SWALLOWING!

When the approximately one-half of the fry in your mouth is completely masticated, swallow it. Optionally, use your toungue to chase bits of fry out of the shallow pits in your molars and swallow them before proceeding.

Place the remaining approximately one-half of a fry in your mouth and repeat the chewing and swallowing activities. Optionally, wipe your mouth and fingers with a napkin.

-- Little Nipper (canis@minor.net), December 10, 2001.

That was a humorous exchange, you guys, but I'm someone who doesn't even know what a parsnip is. Are they sold in the produce aisle?

-- Anita (Anita_S3@hotmail.com), December 10, 2001.

I should probably defer to ZX1Y47 on this, since he is the most serious foodie at Unk's - but a parsnip is a root vegetable. It looks a lot like a pale yellow carrot, but it is fatter at the top and tapers more radically than a carrot.

Parsnips were especially popular in the Middle Ages, before all the new world vegetables arrived. They have a strong, pronounced flavor - sweeter, earthier and spicier than carrots. It's a 'peasant food', like cabbage or turnips.

They grow well in cold climates and you can store them over the winter in a root cellar. They say you can even just leave them in the ground over winter, if it's well-drained, and eat them in March. Supposedly they get sweeter if you do this, but I suspect the peasants just got hungrier.

Look around in the produce section next time you go. They'll be near the other root vegetables, like turnips, not prominently displayed.

-- Little Nipper (canis@minor.net), December 10, 2001.

LN:

You did a good job. Yep, they are good cooked that way. Parsnips are great and easy to grow. You can leave them in the ground into the winter. The colder the ground gets the sweeter they are [up to the point of permafrost of course ;o)].

Well tonight we had grilled steak and shiitake mushrooms sauteed in butter. The guy across the hall at work is doing research on the development of gourmet mushroom production. He weighs these things and has to throw away what we can't use. These aren't the flimsy little things you find in the store. These are class one; some as big as small portabellas and just as thick. Boy are they good. The ones that I had tonight have a spackled cap. They go for big bucks in the gourmet trade [for whatever reason].

Will have some with eggs in the morning. They last about 2 to 3 weeks in paper bags in the crisper, but you can't imagine how many I have. The oyster mushrooms were good this year too. He has started working on truffels [sp; I can't spell what I can't afford], but those won't start coming in for another year. Martha Stewart, eat your heart out. ;o)))

Best Wishes,,,,,

Z

-- Z1X4Y7 (Z1X4Y7@aol.com), December 10, 2001.

Hey thanks LN for thinking of me. They do sound delish, I will definitely try them. Thank you again. =)

-- (cin@cin.cin), December 10, 2001.

What kind of mushrooms?!

-- (nemesis@awol.com), December 10, 2001.

Shiitake mushrooms should go well with crappie...

With warm fudge for dessert...

(Sorry I couldn't help myself...)

Watchin' the boy eat...

The Dog

-- The Dog (dogdesert@hotmail.com), December 11, 2001.

I bet Cin stops by McDonalds and sneaks a few burgers at least once a week.

-- Allen Funt (you're@candid.camera), December 11, 2001.

how much you wanna bet, hmm?

-- (cin@cin.cin), December 11, 2001.

You pick up the boys from school, feeling too tired to fix dinner. Oh look, there just happens to be a McDonalds on the way home! The boys are screaming, Mommy Mommy, can we get a happy meal? So you give in, and while you are eating your fries, you notice that gooey cheese dripping from their burgers. You point out the window, and tell your boys that Ronald McDonald is out there. While they look, you grab one of those burgers and sneak a few succulent bites of that delicious red meat.

-- Allen Funt (we@got.ya), December 11, 2001.

Allen, what's in those burgers isn't what you'd normally associate with delicious red meat.

-- helen (ya@want.fries.with.that?), December 11, 2001.

Oh Allen, are you projecting here?

On those days it's Del Taco veggie-works burrito, yumm.

-- (cin@cin.cin), December 11, 2001.

ps...if you have a Panda Express nearby, gotta try the tofu-eggplant. It's out of control.

-- (cin@cin.cin), December 11, 2001.

Cin,

You ever tried Jicama? Real similar to potatoes. It is popular here in the desert SW.

I am not a vegetarian and probably never will be, but I admire those who are and still maintain their health. Cin, my regards.

I am one of those people that sometimes, I must absolutely have to have a steak... no if's, and's, or but's.

My .02...

Chewin' on a spud... (bleeech....)

The Dog

-- The Dog (dogdesert@hotmail.com), December 11, 2001.

Apparently cin has not been enlightened as to the dangers of Tofu. Meat is relatively harmless compared to that stuff.

-- (tofu@very.dangerous), December 11, 2001.

I'll bite. What ARE the dangers of TOFU? I've only bought it twice. AFAIK, it needs to absorb the flavors of surrounding sauces to taste like anything at all. It doesn't take much TOFU to add to a dish like stir fry, so I found myself throwing the excess away.

-- Anita (Anita_S3@hotmail.com), December 11, 2001.

Anita:

Before I started this molecular genetics stuff, I had a large side program in toxicology; mostly dealing with food. The largest problem with soya based products is with children [this excludes the problems with improperly produced products which kill many people each year in developing countries]. Like I said before; I would worry about being run over by a bus and not worry too much about this one.

Tofu is great. It comes in many forms for different uses. Just made some the other night as a snack. Take the extra firm and cube it. Fry in your favorite oil until it is brown. Dip in soy sauce and enjoy. If you are into meat you can fry it in bacon fat. ;o)))

Best Wishes,,,,,

Z

-- Z1X4Y7 (Z1X4Y7@aol.com), December 11, 2001.

There's never any need to throw out tofu just because you can't think of what to do with it. Blended in a blender, tofu makes a great base for a low fat creamy salad dressing. Just be sure to doctor it up with something tasty like roasted garlic or it will be pretty bland.

-- Little Nipper (canis@minor.net), December 11, 2001.

Hi Anita

I like tofu made this way:

Take a brick of tofu and slice it into 1/2" slices if you're going to fry like this in slices, or cube it for a stir-fry, and put in a shallow pan with some soy sauce, crushed garlic clove, crush a slice of fresh ginger, maybe squeeze of fresh lime if you like, maybe fresh ground black pepper if you like. Let it marinate for a couple of hours. It will absorb a lot of flavor.

Then fry in a bit of oil, more oil works better than less. Let it brown, but not burn, better to use a good wok or non-stick pan. It will take a little while to brown, but keep stirring to brown evenly. Or if frying in patties, turn when they get brown. When the tofu is browned, add your veggies and continue your stir- fry. The tofu will be better if you marinate first and then get good and crispy if you can.

-- (cin@cin.cin), December 11, 2001.

Anita,

Here is one article you can read about the dangers of tofu and soy products. If you need more just do a search, there's plenty of studies available.

link to research story

-- (tofu@very.dangerous), December 11, 2001.

Tofu is dangerous:

I happened to be there. This article references real science. Unfortunately, if you read the articles [which I assume you haven't], they don't support the information in your presentation. It is bunk.

Now, if you ask me whether you should feed children on a soya diet for their main protein source; information presently available says no. Otherwise this article is merely propaganda.

As for me, I go for a good ribeye steak. ;o)))

Best Wishes,,,,,

Z

-- Z1X4Y7 (Z1X4Y7@aol.com), December 11, 2001.

Here is a link which purports the benefits of soy.

benefit s of soy

Obviously anything in excess is not healthy; everything should be taken in moderation.

-- (cin@cin.cin), December 11, 2001.

Here's another good article. Apparently Tofu causes premature senility, kind of like having Alzheimer's disease even though you may only be in your 30's or 40's.

another report on adverse effects

-- (tofu@very.dangerous), December 11, 2001.

Tofu is dangerous:

This is a better piece of work; but hardly conclusive. You are increasing your quality. ;o)))

Best Wishes,,,

Z

-- Z1X4Y7 (Z1X4Y7@aol.com), December 11, 2001.

Oh. Sorry about that, Your Supremeness. I keep forgetting. All research on the internet is incorrect, and you are the only one who knows the truth. Please, forgive me.

-- (tofu@very.dangerous), December 11, 2001.

Tofu is dangerous:

That is about it. Yes I am an expert. I have read the papers. I do have oversight responsibilities in the area. I am just trying to keep you honest.

Convince me. Remember, I don't, necessarily, disagree with you.

Best Wishes,,,,

Z

-- Z1X4Y7 (Z1X4Y7@aol.com), December 11, 2001.

Lol, you are such an egomaniac that it's absolutely laughable!

Best delusions,,,

-- (tofu@very.dangerous), December 11, 2001.

tofu@very.dangerous,

Sally Fallon is a genius in the kitchen IMO, but she just might be too rabidly anti-soy.

Z invited you to convince him... much as he would a student. Don't you think doing so is a good exercise, at least on principle? (Of course, people's egos can be irritating, but that's beside the point.)

Here is a more balanced assessment... http://www.tldp.com/ issue/11_00/joysoy.htm The article concurs about soy being harmful to children, and otherwise raises some interesting pros and cons with soy.

It IS quite evident that soy is B-I-I-I-I-G business, and soy money is putting soy on a glowing pedestal which other, less well-financed food items deserve as much or more.

I still don't know, but I tend not to trust soy as anything more than a condiment. You have to process the living shit out of a soybean to make it even close to edible, and that alone makes me think it can't be that well-suited a food for us as a staple, as are vegetables and meat and fruit. Well, you CAN eat raw soybeans (yummmmm actually), but that has its limits.

-- Debbie (dbspence@pobox.com), December 12, 2001.