My husband and I have been living on 160 acres of land in southwest NE for about two years. Our main project has been updating 1918 farmhouse and cleaning up the outbuildings. We have a small flock of chickens, guineas, and two milking goats. This last summer we fenced in a medium sized garden and planted a small fruit orchard. We have a simpler life compared to most but we definately aren't strict "back to the basics" folks. The main reason for my inquiry is that we have been blessed with four children: ages 4, 2, 1, and a baby. We hope to have even more...we think the more the merrier. However, I am very busy, to say the least. I would like, no I think I should say I NEED, some sound advice from women who have been through this before. I am especially interested in the advice from those that have large families (5 or more) and their children are very close together like mine. I don't want others to think that I don't value their opinion, its just that having this many children this close together is a totally different ball game than if the children were all 2-3 years apart. For example, I have one in diapers all the time, one getting ready to be potty trained, one almost potty trained, and one that needs a diaper at night. Here are some of my overall questions: 1)how do you keep track of all the shoes 2)How can I orgainize the church coats, farm coats, spring jackets, winter coveralls, and bibs? 3)How much can be expected of a 4 and 2 year old? 4) Any hints for meal preparation? I can't believe how much food it is starting to take! 5)I like to can but this last summer I didn't have the time or energy since I was literally 10 months pregnant when the beans started coming in. Is it cost effective to can or should I try buying more from the store and spend my time doing other things? 6)We are Christians and I value the time I have in His Word but it is hard to find quiet time. (I am not an early riser..My husband, bless his heart, watches the children from 7:30 to 8:30 every morning so I can catch a little more sleep.) 7)Please do not write that this is just a phase, I hear that all the time from mothers who only have two and they are now in school. I will have little ones around my feet for at least 15 more years. I need to learn to thrive in this situation. 8)O.K., lets make this even tougher...we are going to homeschool. I already try to carve out 1 hour a day for constructive playtime: art, playdough, learning about letters or numbers, book reading, etc. I don't find this a burden because I am a teacher by nature and would much rather do that than another load of laundry. 9) the list could go on forever...HELP! I love my children but I am bogged down in work. I don't want to be a person people see as a worn out, hag of a woman, who had too many children. I want people to see a glowing, vibrant woman who enjoys life, cherishes her children, and maintains an orderly, godly home. Please help me to become that. Thanks!

-- Paula Sandberg (coyotpam@gpcom.net), December 15, 2001

Answers

Hi Paula, I am not a woman but I have been where you are, read on.

My mother started having babies at 16. I am her second child, she had me when she was 17. My mother at times had babies 11 months apart. My mother had her last baby when she was 35. My mother had a total of 11 children. She also had 3 or 4 miscarriages(sp)

I can remember my mother back to when she was 19-years-old.I remember starting to help my mother out with the younger babies when I was about 4 or 5 years old.

Shoes were kept in a line by the door lined up from youngest to oldest. Good clothes and coats were kept in bedroom closets while everyday clothes were kept in dressers and jackets by the front door. You knew if you had the right jacket on by the fit. If it was too small it belonged to a younger sibling too large and it belonged to an older sibling, sometimes the coats would be handed back and forth.

At 8-years-old we were taught to cook. We helped with all meals and did housework there was never an excuse to get out of any chore unless you were really sick and my mother knew if you really were sick or trying to get out of chores.

Not only was it exspected that we would help in the house but we were also exspected to take care of the other farm chores as well. We were up early to milk the cows, slop the hogs, feed chickens and collect eggs and weed the garden or whatever other chore needed to be done.

If my mother was to far pregnant during canning season then her and my farther would buy food in bulk for the winter.

We all started baby sitting at 8 yrs old (times were different then) Even though we were young we were more mature in those days. Nothing ever happened while our parents were gone. Not only would we babysit our siblings but alot of times we would baby sit other peoples children too.

I grew up always helping take care of the house, farm, and younger siblings. It was tough at times but I'm glad that is how it was when I was younger. I never talked back and never questioned why I had to help out with everything. I also do chores for other people for extra spending money ( a quarter went a long ways in the 60's) I also did field work for farmers during the summer months and gave this money to my parents to help put food on the table. For some reason I looked forward to being ble to work and give my parents my money. The best I ever did for a 60 hour work week was $29.00 but i thought that was a tremendous amount of money and was very proud to hand over that weeks pay to my parents.

I guess the best thing to do is start your children on the right track and have them help you out. It had always been done that way until about the 70's when all these lawmakers made parents afraid to be parents to their kids. I was never given a spanking by either parent but the look in their eyes told me I had better toe the line with them and I did. I sure wish things were like back then.

Teach your children to start helping when they're young or you'll probably end up waiting on them hand and foot until they move out. They'll respect you alot more for it. You'll be surprised how much they'll be able to help out.

-- george (bngcrview@aol.com), December 15, 2001.

:-) Sorry, I'm not the mom. I have five kids myself and we have been buying diapers for ~12 years. The oldest is 12 and the youngest is in pull-ups at night (and travel). Soon we won't have to even buy pull- ups!!! Save a little more money. For encouragement, a friend of mine has eight, three of which are under 4 I believe, and they homeschool. As far as storing clothes we use those plastic tubs (use them for toys also). Best of luck!

-- Mike (uyk7@hotmail.com), December 15, 2001.

Paula, I haven't got kids at all (unless you count the critters) but from reading your post it seems to me that you need a wife :) Prolly doesn't come off as funny, it was meant that way...anyhow...Another adult female in the house to help. When folks were in the back to basic mode they often had multiple generations around to help out. If you can't arrange that, maybe provide room and board to a willing soul for help around the house and with the kids? Adopt a teenager? Sponsor an immigrant? Free an able-bodied family-less woman from the local retirement home? Just a thought. There does come a point where it really is just too much for one person to handle.

-- Susan (smtroxel@socket.net), December 15, 2001.

Another wife? I think my husband has his hands full with one perpetually hormonal pregnant wife :)!

-- Paula (coyotpam@gpcom.net), December 15, 2001.

Dear Paula, My very best friend has 6 children, all 16 months apart; ranging from 4 to 14. She also went from diapers for the last million years, to now it is 'pads' for the older girls! She lived on the farm (community) with us for 3 years, and I learned alot from her. I have alot to offer, and if you have time email me personally and I can help you some. In His Grace, Sissy

-- Sissy Sylvester-Barth (iblong2Him@ilovejesus.net), December 15, 2001.

Aren't they fun, though?:) I'm not the most organized person in the world, so I'll just add a couple of thoughts.

Always be sure you know where those Sunday shoes and clothes are the night before, and get the children bathed and their nails trimmed, so Sunday mornings can be pleasant and not hectic.

If you are using cloth diapers, you might splurge on paper for nighttimes and outings.

If the children take a nap, take one with them:), just be in the same room.

I'd definitely go with skipping the canning at 10 months pregnant! (I usually gave up gardening altogether by 7 or 8 months!)

Try to remember that a 4 year old is still, in many ways, a baby. Don't expect too much of him, and give him lots of hugs, too. Let him sit on your lap in church sometimes.

I have found that a 4yr old can sometimes grasp simple phonics. Don't push, but spending a just a little time every day will put him way ahead of the game. Make it fun.

Good luck, and remember to enjoy the adventure.

-- mary (mlg@aol.com), December 15, 2001.

I'm going to get personal here and I hope you're not offended. Since I've been around over 59 years, I might be your mother so I'll give you some motherly advice. If possible, delay having any more children. Give your body a chance to rest from having the children and give it time to recuperate. You need your strenght in the future years to raise these babies and,hopefully, have more. I saw my sister give birth to a baby a year for too long and it took so much out of her! She never had a chance to really enjoy her babies as there were other ones that needed her attention too. I think God will guide you with the decisions you have to make. Take care now and God bless!

-- Ardie /WI (ardie54965@hotmail.com), December 15, 2001.

I "only" had two children and wasn't that organized at that but maybe I can offer some advice. Bless your husband for allowing to catch a few more minutes sleep in the morning but possibly you could use that as your quiet time for yourself. I always found that if I didn't get up before the family it made my day harder. Get that load of laundry in and on the line before the children are up and get yourself dressed, hair done and that lipstick on and into bed early too !! After church on Sunday get the clothes washed and hung up on Monday for the next week. Right down to pinning the little socks and undies onto the clothes. So next Sunday you don't have to think where anything is. Get yourself a teen age girl to help with occassion baby sitting. I don't mean leaving them even...just a couple of hours so you could catch a nap or take a walk by yourself or catch up on some reading and that occasional date out with your hubby. Even if it is just a couple of peanut butter sandwiches in the car parked at the end of the drive way !! Time together is important for both of you. Canning season is still very busy for me even without little ones around but this would be a good time to maybe trade baby sitting services with another Mom in your church. You take her children for a day and then she takes yours for a day. It helps the children learn from others and gives you each a kind of day off. Then can together...more make the job easier and faster. Just remember....don't worry about how clean you home is...will the children remember the clean kitchen floor or the day you spent with them sledding in the snow ?? I wish you the best ... God Bless !!

-- Helena (windyacs@ptdprolog.net), December 17, 2001.

Well.... I only was blessed with 2 sons so I can't offer much. But I can offer this: Carla Emery's book, The Encylopedia of Country Living has stories and suggestions in there for raising many children. Its a huge book and basically an auto biography of Carla's life. She had 7 children. Throughout the book she talks about her adventures, will have you laughing in some and about weeping in others. Hope this helps.

-- Bernice (geminigoats@yahoo.com), December 17, 2001.

Paula, Praise God for your committment to family (and a large one at that!) and Praise God for the blessing of a husband like that!

We only have 3 children but I have learned a few organizational tips that do help things run more smoothly. Some of these things I learned by working in fast food for a while and some by being a house- parent to 13 mentally handicapped children for 6 months when married for less than a year. We actually started the job within a month of the wedding.

Have a storage box for each child's clothing. Winter clothes go in it in the spring, summer clothes in the fall. At the time you take the clothes out, see what fits and what doesn't. If it does not fit pass along to the child who it will fit. Also assess the clothing for keeping. If it is not fit for wearing anymore save it for rags, clip off the buttons, or just take it to the textiles recycling trailer at the dump if you have one.

Make a rotating menu. Yes, it will take a little time planning it but the emotional/mental relief you'll get from not worrying over meals is payback enough. At the children's home, we had a cook for breakfast and supper (they were gone to school during the day) but on weekends we were on our own. My husband and I managed to get all of them up, fed, and dressed for church on time. I usually made a breakfast coffee cake the night before and we had that with a slice of cheese and a glass of juice and milk. Have meals that can be put together with minimal preparation. Something we enjoy having in the fridge: a salad I've already made up enough of to last 2-3 days. Doesn't take much more time to make a larger salad than for just one meal and it sure is nice to just reach in an get out a (clean) handful when you need to add a nice fresh veggie to a meal.

Laundry: at the childrens home we had a laundry chute from the bathroom to the basement. After baths, I would go down and sort the laundry into washing piles, white, dark, color, jeans, towels. We had three washers and three dryers. Laundry was done daily, about 4- 5 loads, more in the winter. It will help with laundry if you have a sort of uniform for the family to wear. For example: everybody wears jeans and t-shirts in the summer, jeans and sweatshirts in the winter. If your girls are to wear dresses only, denim works fine there too and is very durable. This makes sorting and washing easier. Label the clothing with names/initials. This way you know who's stuff is missing and who to blame. :) Have a small basket for each child's clothing and let them put their own clothes away. Buy everybody the same kind of sock who can wear the same size. Don't bother sorting and rolling the socks, just throw them all in one basket and they all match anyway. Don't bother folding diapers, just throw them in the basket and take out as needed.

A word about rest.....Take a Sabbath rest. Enjoy the blessing of a rest commanded by God. Don't do any laundry except to start a load before you go to bed. Prepare something simple the night before for dinner the next day that can be warmed in the oven or just have sandwich fixings available. Don't clean, use paper plates if need be. Or just keep the dishes simple. If you have sandwiches, you might not need dishes. A little preparing the day before and you can easily do it.

More to come later as I think of things and have more time....

-- LBD (lavenderbluedilly@hotmail.com), December 17, 2001.

Well I think my bigest help was my husband. He never complained because there were always dishes in the sink or the laundry was never caught up because I was playing with the kids. Once they got to school the things got done but you just can't give up a day you can build a tent out of the dinning room table and pretend camping with the kids, or going out on a hot day and playing in the sprinkler with them. There young lives are gone so quick don't pass up one minute. My youngest just got married this summer and moved out and my oldest has passed away but in a year or two I should be hearing those magic words mom were Pg!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am going to be a funny Grandma with a straw summer hat and long hair and teaching them how a garden grows. Just remember when people get old and there time is near they never say I wish I had kept my kitchen cleaner or I wish the beds were made every day they always say I wish I had spent more time with my kids and family! When your kids get just a little older they will be a biger help but enjoy the time they look at you like you have all the answers to the world, it goes by way to fast.

-- Teresa (c3ranch@socket.net), December 17, 2001.

I was the third of 6 kids. A few things I saw my mother do.

She gave up gardening for a few years while family demands were the greatest. When we kids were 7 or 8 years old we started helping with the canning. We picked and washed fruit, and when we were about 10 we were able to trim using a paring knife. Veggies were frozen, not canned: it's quicker! Mom handled the canning and the stove work until we were about 12, at which time we could spell her though she was still usually in the kitchen doing something while we were working. We started emptying the dishwasher at age 5, and setting the table at age 7. It takes more work to start a child doing chores than to do them yourself but it pays off on the long run. My mother got very ill when I was about 12 and her doctor insisted she go out with my dad one night a week, even if it was just sitting in the car in the driveway. He said my parents needed the break, and that she would get sick again if she didn't. It had gotten to the point (just before she got sick) that she was pushing herself so hard she wasn't getting to sleep before 1 AM and was up again before 6 AM. She DID use birth control to space out her children, she wanted a large family but after a while dicided that it was better to space them out so she could give each child a little more attention. Otherwise, she would have spent her life cooking and cleaning to provide just the necessities of life instead of being a mommy.

-- Terri (hooperterri@prodigy.net), December 17, 2001.

I think you have gotton a lot of good advice. We have 5 children when our last was born they were 7,5,2,9mths and newborn.(2 had problems - one of which is now blind in R eye) All of them were preemies. It isn't easy in todays world to raise a large family, but it can be done if you keep yourself focused. Discuss with your husband and know how you want to raise your family. How strict are you going to be and what type of disipline will you use. You need to have a "game plan" ahead of time so the children will know what the rules/consequences are and "how to play the game". I believe Consistency is the most important thing in raising children. On organizing thier clothes, I had a hard time keeping up with whose shirt was whose. So I started putting a single mark on the collar of my oldest son's clothes. I put 2 marks on the second childs clothes and so on. This way if I pass #3 child's pant to #4, then I just add a mark. While doing laundy, I can just glance at tag in clothing to see who it belongs to. I also like to cook up one months worth of meals at a time. This really saves time during the week. It is one hectic day of cooking, but frees up sooooo much time each day. Visit www.frugal-moms.com They have alot of good information. Hope this helps. Lisa B.

-- Lisa B. (j5diecast@aol.com), December 17, 2001.

Paula, I'm a homeschooling mom of 6 children, ages 16-5. Some thoughts for you: Minimizing the number of outfits per child helps with the amount of laundry. Shoes, socks, undies, etc can be marked with a line of fabric paint, different color for each child. I try to mark on an inconspicuous place. When the item passes to the next child, I mark over the previous line. Although I am not a routine person, I have learned to follow a (loose) schedule. Breakfast is about such and such a time, then chores, then.... Bedtime is more strictly enforced. It seems to help the children be more settled if they know what's supposed to follow what. 4's can help put laundry away, and fold clothes, both with help. On the summers when I am not pregnant, I would can for 2 years. Then the next year I wouldn't be so hard pressed if I was unable to can. Bulk buying on the years that you can't can is a possibility. This country lifestyle can be wonderful, but we need to keep our perspective. If we kill ourselves to do everything, we won't be around to enjoy anything. The Lord has given us our children to enjoy and train. That work needs to come first. The fruit trees, etc will still be there in a few years. They can wait if need be, but the children oftimes cannot. I think that maybe we try to do all the homestead things excactly right, just as all the experts say, down to the last detail, in order to get things to produce; forgetting that our forefathers produce enough to live on without so much "knowledge". I wonder if we don't succumb to the temptation to be the "Martha Stewarts of Homesteading". The Lord has called each of us the do only what He requires of us. When we ask for His guidance, we find His requirements not overwhelming, but they may not be the same for us as for our neighbor or friend. We may need to downscale our garden for a while, or put up with more weeds for a few years, or even develop our own style of gardening that requires less weeding ( then share it on the forum?)! But we need to find a way that works for us, and one with which we can be comfortable. For meals, with teens I have to cook a lot. Restaurant supply companies sell food in huge cans, and also sell good quality huge pots to cook them in. Crockpots can be very helpful, as they can be started during morning nap time, and left to simmer all day. If you have a good day (feeling good and children playing happily), double what main dish you are making for supper. Pop it in the freezer for a "bad day" meal. Olders can entertain youngers in the corner of the kitchen while you are preparing supper. Just make sure they are well away from the stove. Any casserole containing macaroni is usually welcomed by all ages, and freezes well too. About homeschooling, just keep it simple for a few more years yet, especially for your boys. There will be time enough for "real school" at a later age. All I could think of off the top of my head. You can e-mail if you want. Deborah

-- Deborah (jlawton@kaltelnet.net), December 17, 2001.

While I only had twins, I also had to take in my sister in law's three children for a year, one was 6 months younger than my twins, and mentally challenged. The sister in law had a third child, against her husband's wishes--like he wasn't a participant!, so he took off on a TDY assignment to Alaska for 12 months, and she had a breakdown, so I ended up with the children. I'm by nature not an organized person, but muddled through. My house was always a mess, and I never had enough energy. My mother finally told me to nap when the kids did, rather than try to use that time to play catch up. It did help. Also marked the clothes with the one line for oldest method, etc. Had a neighbor who had raised 10 children, and told me that 10 were no more work or expense than 2--but of course, he was a man! Good luck, and you might consider that cooking once a month method. Even if you can't do the entire month's cooking, it helps a lot to have some meals frozen that you can pop in at the last minute, and just defrost and heat, giving you time to spend with the kids, hubby, or just a minute or two to soak in the tub and recuperate! Best wishes, Jan

-- Jan in CO (Janice12@aol.com), December 17, 2001.

Hi Paula! :o) You have gotten a lot of good advice. I have five children that are a tad older than yours. My youngest is two and a half. We homeschooled last year. (this year we are not) We also moved to southEAST NE when I was pregnant with number 5. That was the toughest move, and the weeds grew like crazy in the garden. I would plan out the day and get a short 15 min. to pull weeds, a half hour during nap to feed the chickens, etc. Do not expect to get an hour on any project, :o) because the two year old will wake up half way through the babies nap! Ha!

MOST important was getting in the Word everyday. This allows you to be grounded and see that the little stuff is not important!(I couldn't do hour devotions or anything like that, but 15 min. of reading helps!) Every mom has to deal with feeling like things will never get organized, but take little steps and you WILL get there. You will have those bad days where you are too tired, but tomorrow or next week you could get a spurt of energy. Just do not get frustrated, count to ten, recite a verse or whatever. When you are tired, sit and fold laundry or sit on the floor and sort something. (we always have something to sort)or read to the little ones.

Shoes for our five kids go up under their beds, except for a pair they may have just gotten muddy. These go into a box by the door. Not fancy but it's off the floor, in one area, and they know where to put them. Even the four year old can put away shoes. We also use those tubs for out of season clothes. My four year old takes tipee cups to the table at dinner. He works with me on his letters and phonics (just the basics every other day). If the child forgets to put something away, have the child come and put it away. They do not want to be taken away from a good book, etc. and will start putting the item where it belongs. It takes 21 days for us to form a habbit too, so do not expect them to get it on week one. Do not put it away for them.

While I was not a stickler on homeschool hours, (we did an hour here and there, taking a brake for a chore or two) my daughter in fourth grade just tested out at a TENTH grade reading level. So, you can do it, it does not have to be what everyone else expects of you. Get a teachers planner and make sure to hit every subject that you need, when you have the time. Baby will invairably cry during math, but maybe you can get the instructions done and then leave the older kids to work. We do bible first, in a notebook, they would read their chapter and write a verse in the notebook to get it in their head. They picked the verse and drew a picture below the verse, about the verse. (having a homeschool "area" helps, as they can leave work and come back to it. Not on the table where we need it picked up for every meal, etc.) It is fun to go back to their old bible "journals" to see where they were at in the past. They still have journals to do, even though this year we are trying the public school system.

If you want to be seen as glowing and vibrant and enjoying life, then cherish the mess your house can be. Think how clean it will all be... and empty when they are gone,( makes me love the "mess" a little more). They can have a couple of chores to help you out, but I do not expect them to be adults. My daughter does dishes, but just breakfast bowls and spoons, etc. My eldest son takes out the trash. Do not explode if they forget their chores. Just calmly say they have to go to bed an hour early. See if they forget the chore again! :o) When they ask for something, if they didn't do chores the day before, tell them that calmly, how they have to do their part. Maybe do not do something for them, no TV, or games, and show them how it feels when they expect something of you. I think getting stressed is harder on you, since you are pregnant and need your energy, but if you keep yourself calm, you can teach them lots about forgetting responsibility. If ANYONE says you have too many kids,(I cannot imagine someone being that RUDE) then they are bitter people that will be lonely in their old age while you have plenty of children to visit you. (And of course, pray that they understand not everyone has to have a small family). I cannot get help from family because of that very reason. They think we should have stopped at two. Because I didn't, I have to pay the price of not complaining to them when I am tired. They will just say "I told you so" even though they had a small family and were JUST AS TIRED! Your side will blame your hubby for keeping you at home, bla bla, and his side will blame you for not being more than a bump on a log, bla bla.(only nicely put) I hope that your family is more supportive. I do not have family out to visit often, because I had to draw the line. You can not let them insult you or your choice.

I only mention this as it can wear you out more to worry what your parents think, than anything your children will ever do. Do not be ashamed of a vibrant, fun home (even if you have three kids doing different things and the company gets "tired". The company can go home!) :o) Your kids are with you for such a short time in life. You can give them more than many families by just being there for them. Be thankful they are all healthy, because everyday ANYTHING can happen. That little life depends on you to provide security until they can make it on their own. Keep a journal of what you DO get done. You will be surprised! Everything you do with the kids can be seen as a building block for your family. Know that EVERY day will not go how YOU want, but you can plan it anyway.;o) Have a GREAT day!!! Be encouraged. Sorry this is so long!! Mom-o-five

-- You are blessed! (no_sweat_the_sml_stuff@yahoo.com), December 17, 2001.

I have 6 and homeschool them, too. I chuckled at some of your questions, because I sometimes have the same ones, like keeping shoes and boots in order. My first four were girls and one thing I would do over is to buy different colors/types of socks/pantites for each age group. (like alternate white with colored). It's just impossible to sort out 12 pairs of white socks which are supposedly 4 different sizes! My biggest suggestion on the food, which you probably already know, is bake your own snacks, and try to eat bean- based meals 3 or 4 times a week.

-- Christina (introibo2000@yahoo.com), December 17, 2001.

First of all, just remember that there are no experts out there. People have written wonderful advice (some of which I will take!) but no one has all the answers. Do what works for your family, and discard the rest!!!! I too, am a Christian, saved after 10 years of marriage and 4 children. (Better "late" than never!) I certainly know that children are blessings from the Lord. Strange, but even before I was saved (my husband was) he called us to have as many children as He would give us. At the time I was nervous because I knew that if they came too close together, I was sunk. But the Lord taught me, through one book in particular, that we could have them (most likely) very nicely spaced apart. I am not the only one who has done this, but I have several friends with large families 8+ (40 year + moms) and no one ever has them less than 2 years apart. This is all acheived through "proper" nursing techniques...no birth control of any kind. (Yuk! Can't even imagine that!!) This past August the Lord was so kind to give us our 11th child. I am 45 years old and my oldest is 25. I have always had a two year old and a new baby, but usually the 2 year old is 2 1/2 or so and lately closer to 3. Things slow down as we age. Good thing, I am tired...but blessed! If you would like some advice in the breastfeeding/childspacing regard I would love to help. I have noticed that perhaps some of the younger women have not learned some of the tricks us older ones have. I will not even attempt to give you advice on raising so many littles one in the country. We have only recently moved to the country after years of praying. Homesteading (goats, chickens, gardens, we have those, too) and homeschool (18th year) is quite a job, even with older children. I will say: Get your sleep. Nothing else really matters, because if you are too tired, it is all over (I know, you know that.) Give yourself at least some understanding. No, this is not a "phase" but in a sense it is. I knew that this year, if it was not for my older ones, my canning/gardening would have been laughable (but then again, I am talking about canning for 13!) But I knew, that next year the baby would be toddling instead of nursing all the time! Just think, next year the four year old will be five and then six, and before you know it you will have a 25 year old too! :) So just remember you are only one person, do the best you can, buy what you need to, keep the housework to the minimum that you can stand, learn as many organizational techniques as possible (you can never have too many), and know that every year, it will improve, you will learn more and the children will be much more of a help as they age. And in the end, just think Paula, maybe our children will rise up and bless us. "Do not become weary in well doing." The Lord bless you for your faithfulness, and I know he already has. Jane

-- Jane in Wisconsin (autumnwindfarm@yahoo.com), December 17, 2001.

Hi Paula... Wow! What a lot of thoughts shared! I am am a Mom of 4 kids and we homeschool. My perspective is to use good organizational skills so that I can accomplish the necessities in less time and give more of me to the kids. Some great books, "Confessions of an Organized Homemaker" and also "Homeschool Handbook"? by Dorothy and Raymond Moore.

My kids are ages 9,7, 4, 18mos. I often wish I had started training them earlier. I didn't understand that there are several stages for training a child to a task until late in the game. Such as, a child to take compost out. First they learn to go with you, see it done. Then they learn to do it with you, you supervising, then they learn to do it alone when asked. Next, they learn to do it alone without being asked. Break it down. Figure out what you want them to do, then teach them. This time being invested in consistency will pay off big. I am not a rigid homeschooler, and I have seen many of these things in our life would work better if some things were done more consistently. Children respond well to consistency. Also a great series of books by Linda and Richard Eyre... "Teaching Your Children Joy" "... Values", etc.

In our family we sort our clothes by person. Each person does their own laundry. I do babies. Dad does the 4 yo with her involvement. I help the 7 yo fold and remind to rotate laundry, and the 9 yo does it on his own. Another thing you could implement is the buddy system, where the oldest has some responsibility for a younger, in pairs and this can work well from basic chores to teaching homeschooling, etc.

As far as homeschooling... much of what you do around a home if you are alive and vitally involved in learning and doing will continue to motivate your kids to learn and many subjects can be practiced through daily life. Relax and be easy on yourself!! Homeschooling is easier in my opinion because your family is not pulled by outside sources to become something other than it is. There is not as much effort expended to reduce/explain negative societal influence. Your families' way of doing things is the standard because your children are invested in the family. Just my opinion : )

Best thing to learn is to train 'em to do it and delegate.. essential...!

Good luck.. Meagan

-- Meagan Fuson (fusons@ados.com), December 18, 2001.

I would also recommend the book "To Train up a Child" by Michael and Debbie Pearl. I wish I had this knowledge when my children were small. Training them correctly saves much aggravation and time. God bless you, and have more children, they are your "arrows", and you'll never be sorry. Mary

-- Mary Fraley (kmfraley@orwell.net), December 20, 2001.

Paula: Somehow I missed this question last month but am thrilled that you have gotten so many good ideas and help from others. I am 46 years old and have 9 children. We did not start our family until my husbands last year of college and I was 22 years old and I sure wish I could have asked someone a bunch of questions back then. We have been homesteading for 15 years and it is the best way to raise a family. Simplifying your life is a way to help that has really lightened my load. For instance everyone in the family has their own towel hook in the bathroom and they are to only use their own towel and on Friday I wash all towels and replace on hooks. All of our towels and sheets are forest green, so no discussion about who gets what towel or sheet. Every child has his own glass ( a 12oz Ball jelly jar) with their name on it (written with a black wax pencil) and lined up in bathroom by sink for drinking water. Every child has as many chores as they are old. This is mainly to keep me on track and not overload a willing worker and let a lazy child get away with pushing responsibilites off on others. On their birthdays it is with great suspense as to what will be their new chore. When our eldest son left for college my second oldest son said to me "Mom, I know why you're crying" and I replied, "Why?" and he said "Because 18 chores just walked out the door." LOL I have found that 8 is the year that you see the greatest surge in abilites and help from a child. Instead of just coming in and telling you that so and so is doing something wrong they are able to tell the younger brother/sister to behave and do what is right and basically begin to make judgements on their own.

We only each have two coats a piece. One for town or church and another for play. The boys have jeans with Navy blue or dark colored shirts and Navy blue sweatshirts if too cool. Navy blue socks and we just get the same color in small, medium and large and they are sorted according to size. On Sunday the boys wear Navy blue slacks and white collared shirts with a dark colored sweater. Everyone has only two pairs of shoes, home and town/church. All underwear is white. The girls wear denium jumpers or prints with a dark background (usually Navy blue or Forest green) All of this, of course is to lighten your laundry load. I rarely do not have my laundry "caught up" Church/town shoes are kept in bedrooms and play shoes or in the winter their boots are kept on the back porch with snowpants/coats. Inside the house we wear our socks. The older children can have more, but they also at that point do their own laundry. I agree with the lady that cans for two years at a time. I figure my canning on how much we would use a week and times that by 52. I tried to can on the years that I was not pregnant in August-October.

We have oatmeal 4-5 times a week for breakfast but vary it by the toppings offered. Granola is the favorite topping with bananas or canned pears/pearsauce, or applesauce. With a couple of slices of whole wheat bread and it fills them up. Oatmeal is also easy when you begin to introduce solids to baby. Any leftover oatmeal is kept for another meal for baby.

I also liked Raymond and Dorthy Moore's homeschooling books. Especially "Better Late than Early" Pearl's books are excellant also. We have six boys so that was good advice for me.

One other lady wrote in about nursing/spacing and I do not have any printed material but just discovered that when I was full time nursing that I did not cycle. It was a win-win for me and the baby. I wonder if it was not just God's way of making things work out?

I know how wonderful it would be to have sisters or family that would help make things easier, but that was not the case with us. However, we just adopted Grandparents from within our church. Older ladies who have snapped beans for me, watched our children, been a wonderful influence in the lives of my children....look around and see who is in your lives now.

Spending time in prayer and Bible study is important and one of the sweetest times my husband and I have is early in the morning reading our Bibles by the fire in the woodstove, but that means that our whole house is usually in bed by 8:00 with my husband and myself there by 9:00. We are therefore up before the children. I find if I can just get a quick snooze in my rocking chair, maybe 15-20 minutes after lunch it makes all the difference. All of our children took naps until they were 5 years old and then I would nurse the baby and of course when that one fell asleep I would also.

Please be encouraged that there are many that have gone on before you. Years ago I asked an older women who had given up her dreams of a career and chosen to stay home with her children if she had any regrets and she said "No, and that she doubted if any women at the end of her life would look back and say "I wished I had spent more time at the office." God Bless.

-- Marie (Mamafila@aol.com), January 15, 2002.

i only have 4, spaced 2-1/2 yrs apart, but a laundry hint:safety pin those socks together when they take them off-saves time sorting and folding after they're clean. when they wear the same size socks and or undies, don't worry about who's is who's (gender accounted for, of course)-if you wash em it won't matter. they'll never care. also, a four year old can feed chickens and carry a basket of eggs, and a two year old can pour a can of grain into the feeder. mine love to help- they always have and don't complain (often) because it is just part of life. once they learn colors, they can sort laundry, too. all of it helps. take a break from the kids at least once a month-makes a HUGE difference, and take time to do something for yourself regularly.

-- laura (okgoatgal@hotmail.com), April 04, 2002.

I feel for you, Paula. I have 5 kids. When the twins were born, the other kids were 4, 21/2, and 14mos.. It was rough. The twins are now almost 8 and its a bit easier. Everybody works and I mean EVERYBODY! My kids started folding clothes when they took an interest in it- usually at age 2. Start with the easy stuff and lower your standards. I didn't garden at all until I got a handle on organization- about 4 years ago. I bought at a warehouse-type grocery store. I have low hooks in the hall for coats and hats. Each child has a limited number of outfits for everyday and two for good wear (When they get older it will be lowered to one, but spills happen). They keep their shoes under their beds, good ones in a shoe box. I mark their left and right with arrows. Each child has their own color. Mark the toe of their socks and their underwear, too. Helps alot in sorting. I washed clothes by hand for about 3 years and I had 4 in diapers at the same time. I homeschooled for a time, but didn't care for it and the kids wanted to go to school. I know about being exhausted. My husband was gone to work at least 12 hours per day and I have no relatives in this state (and I had now time to make friends), so it was all up to me. I used to call my mother and tell her I didn't think I could do it. Sympathetic person that she was told me, "If you don't do it, who will?" I have tons of recipes for cheap meals and they all make large quantities. Just let me know what you want. By the way, they don't eat less as they get older. Its amazing what a 9 year old can pack away. You can email me if you need help or just need an ear. *Gayle

-- Gayle in KY (gayleannesmith@yahoo.com), April 05, 2002.