I personally have a problem with all of the materialistic crap this Christmas. Kids need $1,000 in gifts or they feel cheated. Everyone keeping up with the Jones'. My kids are young and we're trying NOT to "cheat" them (or make them feel cheated) but we are not going overboard with the gifts either. Trying to teach them what Christmas is really about. Anyone else run into this problem?

-- Mike (smfine@yahoo.com), December 20, 2001

Answers

I tell you what I'm noticing, Everyone around me seems to be stressed out this Christmas, there are so many things going on to "celebrate" Christmas, office parties, kid's plays, dance recitals, etc. On top of having to run around and get gifts for everyone and their brother, send out Christmas cards, not to mention the fact that this year has been pretty difficult on most people financially...Well, it just seems to make everyone a little short with each other.

As for me and my house....

Merry CHRISTmas. Period.

-- chuck in md (woah@mission4me.com), December 20, 2001.

I think in the long run we cheat our children by giving them so many gifts. They lose out on the true meaning of Christmas and all it teaches them is that you have to go in debt in order to have a merry christmas.

As homesteaders throughout the rest of the year we preach less is more. Hummm...somehow at Christmas more is better?

-- Karen (db0421@yahoo.com), December 20, 2001.

not "everyone' is. I agree with Karen. Don't play into that 'cheated' stuff. That's why kids become adults thinking that the world owes them something. I meet so many people in their 20s now with that attitude. I haven't raised my kids to expect anything from anyone. I've taught them to be happy with what they have and to not ever feel cheated. Part of the reason for that was to help them deal with not having a mother anymore. That could have destroyed them and left them dysfunctional but they've dealt with it much better than I expected, not that it wasn't rough for a while. I make a point of showing them that lots of kids have things much worse and they should appreciate what they have, even if it's less than ideal.

The gifts are a small part of our Christmas. I've spent about $100 total on my 2 kids(6 and 8) this year, last year about the same. As they get older I'll probably spend a bit more. They get one present from Santa, a few from me and about a dozen from other people. Last year Santa got them scooters, which they've riden almost every day since. This year he got them Cybiko wireless handheld computers for $30 each(these were $100 just a few months ago and are the best value for tech gadgets I've ever seen) I'm hoping along with the games, etc these are used for that they'll be used to help them learn Spanish easier since it has a nice program for that. My kids have never expressed disapointment or a feeling of being cheated over this stuff. They know that even if there's some kids out there getting more, there is also alot more kids out there getting less. 1 or 2 times a year I have my kids go through their toys and clothes and we take what's no longer used to the homeless shelter. We did that a few weeks ago, 2 boxes of clothes and toys. They understand there's lots of little kids out there with no toys at all and by giving away something they never use anymore, some other kid will be very happy. I think that's helped them alot to have a realistic view of the world. It's helped them appreciate what they have and not be selfish. I want them to look at Christmas as a giving experience, not a 'what can I get' experience.

Christmas is stress free for me. If I added up the time I've spent on cards, gifts and decorating, it'd come up to about 8 hours. All I have left to do is cook a ham(got a real nice one for $6) dinner on Christmas day which won't take much effort.

-- Dave (something@somewhere.com), December 20, 2001.

That was my point Dave. My kids are young enough that we're teaching them NOT to feel cheated. Christmas is not about the gifts. If you just give them a gift or two and don't teach them and show them why then they will feel cheated when they compare to the friends/neighbors. Also, ANY kid who only gets a gift or two then sees their friends getting tons of gifts WILL feel sort of cheated or jealous, it's just human. My job is to find a way to make them understand.

-- Mike (smfine@yahoo.com), December 20, 2001.

yup Mike. I feel that teaching kids those things will pay off many times over throughout their life. Too many kids go out into the world with unrealistic views, then have problems because of it. There's also quite a few adults that get those jealous/cheated feelings when they see others with more. Like you said, it just takes showing them and helping them understand.

-- Dave (something@somewhere.com), December 20, 2001.

I see too many kids demanding presents. Our child knows one way not to get something is to demand something and whine about it. In past years I have purposely keep the number of gifts low. We have had to demand the grandparents limit the number and price of items they get as well. They are getting better. This year my DS has a larger count of gifts but price wise is similar to last year. Some of the gifts get set out before christmas. Santa only brings 1 or two gifts, the rest are from mom and dad. This way Santa is part of christmas but the real reason is also.

With the larger box count, our DS ask about why so many, then He ask about taking one of the gifts and giving it to a friend who wasnt going to get any presents because his mom and dad were not working. My wife started crying (i teared up a bit as well). I think he knows the reason. So both he and his friend will have a christmas.

-- Gary (gws@columbus.rr.com), December 20, 2001.

Hello Mike, How much television does your children watch? I know that most kids watch about 40 hours a week. I am sure as they watch, they develop a liking, thus a need for the toys and gizmos that are flooding the screen. Maybe if you limit the tv viewing to just a few hours a week, they would not want as much during Christmas.

We live without TV. Occasionally, a friend will tape a few cartoons for our daughter. The cartoons are just as full of commercials and any tv viewing. My little girl (20 months) saw a particular doll that giggles, coos, and cries on one of those commercials. Now she wants it! Imagine!

The unfortunate part of tv viewing that is causing your problem, is the flood of commercials. Children are no different than adults when it comes to wants. Commercial after commercial repeating themselves over and over during the course of time re-enforces a child's wants into needs! They come to believe that a particular toy or gizmo is necessary for their exsistence. They believe that without that particular item, their lives will be less than average. They desire it more than anything else, because the commericals tell them that with it their lives will be more fun and exciting!

I try to stimulate my children with things that are not going to elate them just for a few minutes before they throw it down and cry for more. Board games are really great family fun. They allow the whole family to interact together. Sure, at first the kids are going to be "bored" but, as you continue to offer them as an alternative to electronic games, they may come to realize that playing a "game boy" by oneself is not as fun as playing a "board game" with mom, dad, sister and brother! Board games are just one thing that can help.

My oldest daughter and I work in the woodshop. I taught here enough that she can work with some of the tools and she has built a couple of small projects. She helps in the garden. She helps with the chickens. At night she reads or writes to here friends online. There is a host of activities where she can interact and learn that keep her so busy that see does not need to watch TV to amuse hereself.

It really is summed up by how much of a consumer you and your wife are too. Here at my home, Meli and I joke about how some of our neighbors "have to have this or that", sometimes they have several of the same things. Most of it is just sitting around and hardly being used. But, when ever you talk about something or another, they right away say "we have one of those or we have a couple of those" and so on. Now, their boys have grown up with this same thinking. And where are the boys in reality, nowhere!

Both are in their early twenties. Both have been married twice. One just moved away leaving all his debts behind . The other one is in debt so bad that he can not even afford to live on his own with his new wife. They stay in a cabin on his parents property. Right after they got married, he went out a bought two newer vehicles, a new computer, new this and that all on credit. He lost his job because of an argument with his supervisor and now, one of the cars have been repossessed. Their lives have become a living nightmare because they both believed that they had to have everything, now! Immediate Gradifacation.

I do not know about you but, I know that I want my kids to grow up with the understanding that you have to work hard to get the "normal" things in life. First of course is taking care of their needs. What I want them to understand is that there is a difference in their "needs" and their "wants". By allowing them to get all that they see on TV and not regulating it being a need or a want, I fear that they may grow up not knowing the difference. When the slightest change occurs in their lives, I want them to be able to step back and adjust, instead of succumb to their desires.

I hope this is not taken offensively or is it anyway an attempt to tell you what to do. I wrote it as a person that understands your situation and was only offering experience advise as to a possible solution.

Sincerely, Ernest

-- http://communities.msn.com/livingoffthelandintheozarks (espresso42@hotmail.com), December 20, 2001.

I agree Christmas is much too comercialized. We don't have any children at home and we do a lot of homemade gifts which doesn't seem to bother anyone. By the way Gary, you and your wife should be very proud of your son you have taught him well the real meaning of Christmas. This give me attitude is getting out of hand and the kids grow up feeling the world owes them.

-- Irene Burt (renienorm@aol.com), December 20, 2001.

Thank you Earnest. But again, I didn't write my original post very well. My problem is with society and the things my kids are/will be subjected to. The "kids needing $1,000" and the "keep up with the Jones", is in reference to everyone around us(it seems).

In reply, they/we watch little TV...we don't have cable which is a shock to most people. I have the same views as you and then some about it so we opted to do without.

My kids are VERY good about not wanting (or not asking/coaxing for what they want) everything under the sun. I guarantee you they will be very happy with what they get...no matter how much it is.

We seem to have a lot of the same views and morals. Your next to last paragraph sums a lot of it well. Religion plays a big part in mine as well though. Thanks again.

-- Mike (smfine@yahoo.com), December 20, 2001.

Mike, I'm always amused when people go into shock over us not having cable. A common reaction is 'how do you live without tv'? I always respond, "how do you live sitting in front of a tv all night?" ; )

-- Dave (something@somewhere.com), December 20, 2001.

Mike, I think TV isn't the problem (the commercials, etc.) so much as the peer group (as well the adult relatives) which give reinforcement to either good or bad influences. Usually, "this is how we do it here", and "that is just TV, not real life" works as responses when it is just you and your children. But, put them in any school, good or bad, or let them go to just ONE friend's birthday party and you will hear about kids who get tons of stuff. I took my then 3-year-old to the party of someone from church, (and remember, this was a 3-year-old's party) and there was an ornate Barbie cake, Barbie Bingo, and the "loot bag" (party favors) alone was easily more expensive than the gift we brought. I am to the point of vetoing any future invitations and just making sure we have something much better to do (ice skating, bookstore visit) that day. Whatever happened to cake, punch, ice cream and a few games?

So maybe the answer is to vet the playmates (which a lot of those who homeschool do) and the parents to see if you all have similar values, or teach your kids to be very independent, which is difficult if you have very social children, rather than say shy or cautious children.

I can sympathize with you, Mike!

-- GT (nospam@nospam.com), December 20, 2001.

We have been without cable for so long that they called us to offer free installation, and a month of basic service for one buck.

I told them I'd him them know. That was two weeks ago. The irony is the only things I like (Learning, History, Old Movies) are on cable.

-- Rick (Rick_122@hotmail.com), December 20, 2001.

I understand what you mean about them feeling "cheated" -- and they will feel that way. It will not until they are much older that they will understand the values you are instilling in them and be grateful for such a mean old Dad. Just remember, you will have some unhappy kids for a couple of years -- but, hey - lots of things bug kids..lol. But in the long run you will be creating responsible loving adults which will pass thier ideals and morals on to society. Good for you, Mike! Stick to your guns! Merry Christmas.

-- Karen (db0421@yahoo.com), December 20, 2001.

Let's call a spade a spade and rename Christmas "Retailers Day."

-- fred (fred@mddc.com), December 20, 2001.

You can hope they get the message in the future. Some of them never will, no matter how you explain it to them.

-- GT (nospam@nospam.com), December 20, 2001.

My trouble isn't with my kid's disappointment(they are easy to please), it's more like my nieces and nephews and their parents and the grandparents. There's something about a kid that rips through all their gifts without waiting turns and thanking you for your thought. I am not looking forward to Christmas with the family. Sounds sad, and it is. When did getting together at the holidays stop being about being with loved ones and start being about spoiling someone else's kids? It seems like so many people have forgotten what the holidays are even for.

-- Dawn (olsoncln@ecenet.com), December 20, 2001.

Since we live in the most prosperousnation on earth it is too easy to want to give abundance and to receive abundance. I think that it is natural to want to give a lot and the best things to our families. What do you do when the funds are as long as a week and not a month? Give what you can comfortably give and no more. Tell the Jones's that they can buy the kids the toys if they want you to keep up with them. A lesson to be learned here is ::Stands up on soap box:: (This is presuming a Christian belief) Christ came to give of himself, to give His life for the lives of everyone. Christmas is a celebration of giving, oneself for others without thought of returns and without need of praise and since it is about giving, the greatest gift is the gift of love (not the lipservice crap most give) that overlooks faults and mistakes and "sins", looks at the beauty of being created in the image of God (He created them male and female; so all are included in this image idea) that is not perfect can be evil (you being evil know how to give good goft to your children, do you know that your Father in heaven knows what good things to give to his children) to rejoice that the giving of oneself for anotehr is the greatest gift. And that could include saying "I Love You" and mean it; saying "I'm sorry"; "Can I help you"; "I need you"; we need to learn that it is giving and not >>>receiving<<< that matters, it isn't about getting toys, it is about giving love, hope, peace, joy, etc. Don't feel cheated, guilty, overwhelmed, just do what you can and give your all, heart souls and mind. :::::>>>>>>Steps down off soap box:::::<<<<< crowds go wild, yeah he's done, who made him a preacher. no more soap boxes!!!!! the crowds go on with life... doubt that this will help, and I am not sure if I made myself clear. I hope it does help and it was clear. Be blessed this season. PS>>> (I made my wife her present A bathroom shelf and small jewelry box (definately not some trendy item)

-- jonathan (jonathan_sz@yahoo.com), December 20, 2001.

Regardless of the price of these horrible items the consumerist world requires us to buy, I believe the majority actually harm our kids. There are limited things you can do with a computer game or a singing plastic toy. They really will be just as happy with a normal doll. My happiest childhood memories involved playing with a large cardboard box my godfather gave me!

-- Katherine Dakin (katherinedakin@aol.com), December 21, 2001.

Amen jonathon. It's good to hear a lot of "positive" responses. I was beginning to lose faith in mankind(OK, I still am). It's good to hear some people still teach their children morals and values(and that some parents actually have some themselves). Have a Merry Christmas everyone.

-- Mike (smfine@yahoo.com), December 21, 2001.

When I was in 1st grade, I was told "if you are good, you get lots of presents, if you are bad you get none." I was the most obedient child of all. That was what I was told 'good' was. Come Christmas I got 6 pr of cotton panties, a sweater and a doll. I was very pleased.

Then when school started again and the kids who misbehaved all the time brought a few of their goodies to school I decided I must not be good after all. I tried harder and harder to do exactly as I was told.

I never let my daughter believe in santa. I have asked her if she ever felt cheated - she said, "No, I felt sorry for all the kids believing a lie."

-- carol (kanogisdi@yahoo.com), December 21, 2001.

I never did understand the point in a kid having so much junk. It seems to breed a careless attitude towards life in general. Buried in possessions to the point that they can't even keep track of all that they have, they don't seem to really treasure any of it. It seems that the focus is all on GETTING. Once obtained, it gets tossed into the ever growing pile, and as often as not, is ignored. Strangly enough, some of the biggest fits I've ever seen a child throw were in response to a parents suggestion to thin out the unused toys for donation to charity. Nevermind that the toys were never played with, they were THEIRS, and nobody else was getting them.

Compare this with the care that I have seen lavished on toys by children that have fewer possessions, there's no doubt in my mind which child is coming out ahead. These kids have learned to treasure things for what they mean, not for what they cost. They don't look at the pile of toys as a way to keep score, each item is actually used, and cared for. These are also the kids who seem to think nothing of sharing, and who can give gifts that mean something other than, "look how much I spent."

I know which attitude I prefer.

Happy Holidays, all

-- Connie (Connie@lunehaven.com), December 21, 2001.

Mike, we feel as you do. Our daughter is now 19, but from the time she was very small, Santa brought a gift or two, plus stocking stuffers, and we gave her some (and family, of course, had gifts for her). What we tried to do was make a big deal out of making homemade gifts for people prior to Christmas from the time she was small. We'd buy the supplies for what we were making together, and show her similar things for sale in stores at inflated prices. We'd then deliver all the items for neighbors, friends, etc door to door - it was an annual event that we cherished for years. She's out on her own now, and is proud of the fact that she made most of her gifts, and shopped for bargains for the others! I think it's important to start your children out concentrating on ways to Give, and make Receiving a more secondary thing if possible. And, yes, most definitely remembering Christ in Christmas is crucial! Good luck!

-- Leslie in MO (whomestead@hotmail.com), December 21, 2001.

My greatest treasures throughout my growing years were the Breyer horses my folks gave me, and scraps of cloth, and my dolls, and my imagination. I got 22 Breyer horses (over the years), and I re-named every one, and had hours upon hours upon hours of fun and enjoyment making up stories and adventures about them. The one gift I hope to give my children (when I have them) is imagination. Being able to think(!) and think outside the box, has helped me more than anything else! (And those horses, plus a few new ones, are in a box just waiting to be discovered!)

-- Connie L (MykellSilver@aol.com), December 24, 2001.