I force my children to attend church. They need a firm base from which to push away when they are older. Some of their friends show up to share the misery every Sunday. These kids come from homes where their parents have either abdicated all responsibility for their kids or they are close to doing so.

Today another joined us. He'd been to his own church already, across the street. He is Mormon. I warned him that a Catholic church might be very different from what he was used to, but he joined us anyway.

He was too nervous to sit down. All morning (Catholics are stragglers of the most dedicated sort) this boy stood attention at the door of the Catholic church. He held the door, wished them a warm welcome, and shook their hands. They had no idea who he was, but they were all delighted with him. Dogs attempted to enter the church with the people, and this boy drove them away time and again. He was literally guarding the doors.

Eventually it was time to either take communion or be blessed or sit quietly in the back. He joined us in line. I noted with interest that his head didn't explode in flames when the priest blessed him. I hope he noted this too.

Codependent enablers sometimes are obligated to more than one church at a time. After mass we rushed over to the Unitarian church. Our stray boy came with us. He seemed to enjoy the music, and when the candle lighting time came, he jumped up and lighted a candle too.

He joined us for our potluck dinner afterward. He visited animatedly with our minister and several of the elderly people. They all seemed to enjoy him very much.

My kids said this boy has parents, but for some reason he lives with anyone who will let him stay. His parents don't go to church. He's effectively on his own. I don't know when I've seen someone try so hard to fit in with more disparate groups than the LDS, Catholic, and UU churches in one day.

I know from experience that it's hard to live with our bigger kids. Watching this boy try to be just about what any proud parent would want him to be on a Sunday, I felt very sad that he and his parents had lost their connection if they had ever had one.

I had to leave church and work until this evening, so I didn't get a chance to talk to this boy more. If he shows up again -- I have a feeling he will -- I may codependent enable him for lunch.

-- helen (looking@for.a.manger), December 23, 2001

Answers

Helen, sounds like this boy is just looking for attention and love, not God. From your description, sounds like he is a people pleaser. So unfortunate that his parents (either one) have never realized it. We all just want to be loved, it is inherent in our species. As you said, it is sad that the parents lost their connection if they ever had one. Some people, sadly, are just not equipped to be parents emotionally and psychologically, even if they are capable physically. One of the inequities in life. Tragic but so. The really sad thing is that if the kids cannot adjust, then society, and the unadjusted child, once an adult, and society as well, must pay in the long term. Kinda makes a case for Hillary's take on It Takes a Village to Raise a Child theory. I have to wonder what happens in this child's house on Christmas Day.

-- Aunt Bee (Aunt__Bee@hotmail.com), December 24, 2001.

A model codependant enabler would embark on a mission to rescue this child.

-- (just an@anonymous.one), December 24, 2001.

I noted with interest that his head didn't explode in flames when the priest blessed him. I hope he noted this too.

SO and I were invited to a "renewal of vows" mass, wherein his mom and dad did the whole marriage thing again. When it came time for people to go up for communion, she put her hands on our legs and said, "You two just stay in your seats." It had never occurred to me that she thought our heads might explode in flames.

-- Anita (Anita_S3@hotmail.com), December 24, 2001.

It still scares the hell outa me that if I ever get sprinkled with the priests water I'll do a reenactment of the wicked witch of the west ; )

-- capnfun (capnfun1@excite.com), December 24, 2001.

You probably have good reason to fear this Cap. Look at it this way. If it wasn't for us poor sinners priests, ministers, preachers, etc. would have to struggle for material. They need us.

-- Jack Booted Thug (governmentconspiracy@NWO.com), December 24, 2001.

Catholic and Unitarian? And I thought Baptist and Church of Christ was a strange mix! ; )

-- Pammy (pamela_sue57@hotmail.com), December 24, 2001.

Hell, we not ony serve it on a silver platter, we pay the tip too.

-- capnfun (capnfun1@excite.com), December 24, 2001.

"A model codependant enabler would embark on a mission to rescue this child. "

aaaiiieeeeeee!!!

Failed again!

Pammy, I have been unable to refuse affiliations with Baptist and Church of Christ congregations, so I have minor obligations there too. As I grow older, I find it difficult to "do" more than two or three churches in a day. Once I forgot I was in a holy-roller charismatic establishment and knelt to pray. The denizens were very upset that I knelt to pray and then failed to throw up and seize for Jesus. To each her own. >;)

-- helen (looking@for.a.manger.size.x.large), December 24, 2001.

Pammy you strike me as a catholic-type person. Are you catholic and did you attend a catholic school?

-- (just@wondrin.), December 24, 2001.

No, 'just wondrin' I've never even been to a Catholic service. Well, I went to a Catholic wedding once, does that count? : )

Helen, a church that wants you to hurl? Wow! Is it an exorcism kind of thing? Attending all those different denominations.... no wonder you're a blue hair!!!!! ; )

-- Pammy (pamela_sue57@hotmail.com), December 24, 2001.