My mother has vascular dementia and I am her caregiver. Does anyone know of a good forum or support group that I could visit online.

-- sherry in Arkansas (chickadee259@yahoo.com), January 27, 2002

Answers

If you can sign up for free hotmail, they have a lot of those support groups in their communities chat lists. I wish you the best of luck. My Father just passed away last month, and it was very difficult for my Mother to care for him before he finally entered a care facility. Also, ask your doctor if he knows of any programs where someone will call you regulalry to see if you need any help and support. My prayers are with you and your family.

-- Littlefarmer (mothergoosefarm@hotmail.com), January 27, 2002.

Hi Sherry,

You have all my sympathy. I have been caring for my dad who has diabetes and short term memory loss. It is so hard. We are in Newton County Arkansas. I'd be happy to email privately with you. Sometimes it just helps to talk. Kim

-- kim (fleece@eritter.net), January 27, 2002.

Sherry, hang in there. I was a homehealth aide for ten years. I've seen many caregivers exhausted, demoralized and at the end of their ropes. It is easy for me to say, but it is very important to take care of yourself. Brainstorm with family and friends for help and respite. Put an ad in your local paper for volunteer help. There are many people who have been in your shoes and will respond with love and care! Do the best you can but get help. I don't know your mother's exact form of dementia or if her illness has resulted in fear or paranoia. I know it must be tough. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Let us know how you are doing!

-- Terran in VT (homefire@sover.net), January 27, 2002.

Sherry, I'm just a lucker here, but when I saw your question I may have a site for you. Try Thathomesite I think on the forms they have a garegiver form. My prayers are with you. I am a caregiver with the DHHS in WV. It is sometimes tough, but very rewarding. I know that caring for a loved one can be draining. I don't know what "vascular dementia" is, but you may check and see if your city has a day program. I hope this sugestion is not hurtful if your Mother is unable to go out. As I said I don't know what "vascular dementia" is. Good luck and God bless.

-- Donna in WV (Totertruck@msn.com), January 28, 2002.

Welcome, I have taken care of two elderly aunts, till death and now have both parents. There are of course tons of things to say, but the thing that comes to mind, is be prepared for a major lack of privacy. It is so much like caring for an infant. My parents were mystified as to why I set up my and my husbands lunch in our (large and sunny) bathroom one day. Eventually the older person grows VERY dependent on having you there ALL of the time. Older people who rest all day do not sleep all night and get lonely waiting for you to wake up. My father misses me if I go to the storefor a couple of hours or somewhere all day. Along with that you will quickly learn what they want/need and exactly what they are used to, (my father likes long handled tea spoons to eat with, Mama wants large soup spoons.) These sort of things sound uninportant, but when you are relying on someone for everything, and don't really do anything all day, little things become very important. For us the best investment has been a Bidet. Negotiating bathroom functions and keeping your balance is very difficult, especially if there has been any injury. My father was taught to use it before he got too confused. It is a lifesaver!!! Being able to be independent in the bathroom is such a lift for an elderly person's dignity. You may email privately if you wish. Caroline G.

-- Caroline Graham (cfgraham@highstream.net), January 28, 2002.

Sherry-----I really understand---I took care of my Dad who was dyeing of cancer & my Mother-in-law who had Alzheimers-& ran a Mom & Pop motel 24 hours /a day for almost 6 years!!! I'm still not right! ha!

The only thing /I can say is keep a good sense of humor!!!!! Sometimes it is all you have to keep you from looseing it all---- My prayers are with you----God is all powerful---He is the only way I was able to do it!!!!

-- Sonda in Ks. (sgbruce@birch.net), January 29, 2002.

Sherry: I also had my parents to look after but now Mom has passed away and Dad is in a Home. I was amazed at the support groups even in my little town and one of the things that was helpful was the adult "daycare" that looked after Dad for a few hours and gave him lunch (he had Parkinsons then now he has dementia too). It gave Mom and I a break. Make sure you look after yourself very well and try to remember all the patience and care you got from your mom when you were little. It's just that the roles are reversed now and you have been given the opportunity to repay her in a very special way. Take care.

-- Kathy in B.C. (homefarmbc@pacificcoast.net), January 29, 2002.