When we moved to the old farmhouse on Barton Road we thought we had made it to the big time. Instead of having a one-holed outhouse we now had a two-holer. I believe in the world of outhouse users a two-holer gaves us bragging rights, and us kids did brag but none of our friends who had an indoor bathroom seemed to impressed. Still the same remarks about rats,snakes and hornets.Yes, us kids who had to use the outhouse did worry about these three things but there was one thing that worried us even more and this was the outhouse dweller.

When you are kid who has no other choise than to use an outhouse when nature calls then you go to the outhouse even if you know you are risking your life with the beast who lives in the outhouse pit. In my mind I had this creature all figured out. I knew he had to be very bad smelling considering where he was living. His smell wasn't what bothered me though it was the way I thought he probably looked and what he would do to me if he caught me that bothered me the most.

Any kid who has any sense at all knows the outhouse dweller has grayish brown colored leathery skin. He is nearly hairless and he has a very large deformed mouth with very long sharp teeth.This monster has saliva dripping from his mouth at all times because he is unable to close his deformed mouth. His body frame is very bumpy and bony. He has very long and slender feet and hands which are also bony and deformed. His toenails are very worn and tattered looking and his fingernails are horrible. His fingernails are very long and sharp, they are used to tear you to shreads once he reaches up from the outhouse pit and grabs you. This is my vision of the outhouse dweller when I was a kid. And one night I thought my brothers, Little Jim and Bobby along with me were going to meet him face to face.

Us kids almost always went to the outhouse in groups of two or more. On night well after the sun had set Little Jim, Bobby and Me went to the outhouse together. As we walked out the kitchen door which led into the shed where the outhouse was we thought we heard something moving above us on the second floor of the shed. My older brother held his hands out so they rest on mine and Bobbys'chest. This was his way of saying, "Stop." without actually having to speak the word. We also knew by years of his training us to be quiet and listen, which we did.We did not hear anything so my older brother dropped his hands from our chest and we proceeded towards the outhouse. Again my older brother stooped us and again we listen but again we heard nothing.

We found our way to the outhouse in the pitch black of night. Once inside we closed the outhouse door and locked it. In the darkness you have to feel around with your hands for the hole. Once you found the hole you had to decide if this visit to the outhouse was going to be a standing visit or a sitting visit. Usually at night we would only do the standing visit, if sitting needed to be done we figured we were able to suffer until the morning when we could see. In the daylight you could hold yourself up off the seat with both hands and glance down into the hole. This way if you saw the outhouse dweller you could sort of give yourself a push off from the seat and run out of the outhouse even if your pants were still down. Better to trip all over yourself than be pulled into the pit.

Us boys all stood, one at one hole and two at the other, and dropped our water in the hole. I know I was thinking about how awful it was because we couldn't see at all and all the beast in the pit had to do was reach out of one of the holes and one of us would be gone. There were many times when my brothers would finish before I did and start to leave. I had no choice I had to put things away even if there was still fluid coming out. Again, like falling all over myself, it was better to be wet than a meal.

As soon as we exited the outhouse all three of us heard a noise on the floor above the shed. We all stopped in our tracks. Each of use was frozen with terror. The noise was getting louder and louder. Whatever it was up above us was making its way to the stairway, which led down to where we were standing. I was breathing so hard from fright my breathing sounded raspy. I could hear my two brothers breathing also and they were also breathing raspy. My heart was beating so hard I felt it moving my shirt in and out. There was a stumbling sound followed by a sound like something hall been knocked over.

Little Jim asked in a very nervous and scared breaking voice, "Who's up there?" Whoever or what ever it was made a sort of growl sounding HUH sound and started running directly towards the stairway which we had to pass by to get to the door which led into the kitchen.

Us boys were all over the place. We were tripping over each other. Each one of use was screaming as loud as we could. We were also trying to push the other two behind us. To me I figured one of my brothers should just be willing to die for me, after all I was a planned child and they were accidents.

Mum opened the kitchen door and us three boys barged in just as whoever or whatever it was ran down the stairs. Once inside the house we told Mum the whole story from the time we went out to the outhouse until she opened the door to let us in the house.

We were keeping a new lamb we had just gotten in the shed. The lamb was kept in a section of the shed just beyond the outhouse and down four stairs. I kept saying out loud to no one in particular, "I sure hope the lamb will be alright." Mum told me it would be o.k.

Mum made up her mind right then and there that there would be no more trips to the outhouse at night. A pail would be brought into the house to use at night.

Early the next morning us three boys went to the shed to check on the lamb. We were all very nervous and afraid what ever we heard the night before was waiting for us just around the corner. We walked past the stairway in the shed and looked up. We saw nothing. We walked past the outhouse and again saw nothing. We made our way towards the four steps that led down to where the lamb was. It was a little dark but daylight was shining thru the windows. We could see the lamb but it wasn't moving. We all hurried to it and then started screaming. The lamb was torn to shreds. The lambs wool which had been white the night before was now pure red. Its stomach was torn open and its inside were laying on top of its body. We could not find where any part of the lamb had been eaten. Mum and my stepfather came running out. Everyone was upset. What if whatever it was had gotten one of us boys. It was for sure now, no more trips to the outhouse at night. No one was ever able to figure out what had killed the lamb in such a brutal way but I knew it had to have been the outhouse dweller. I spent the rest of the time I lived in the old farmhouse afraid of the outhouse and what lived in its pit.

-- george nh (rcoopwalpole@aol.com), January 28, 2002

Answers

I'd have been more afraid of what lived in the shed at night

-- Stan (sopal@net-port.com), January 28, 2002.

George! That's not a happy story! :(

-- Shannon at Grateful Acres Animal Sanctuary (gratacres@aol.com), January 29, 2002.

As a proud owner of a "two holer" I have to remember not to let my kids read Countryside. As it is my 9 year old still won't make trips to the outhouse alone at night!

-- kim (fleece@eritter.net), January 29, 2002.

Georgy sent me a nice message saying he hadn't meant to scare kids. I replied and thought maybe it belonged here. I didn't mean to sound like I was complaining about his story. Living in the wilderness can be scary. I think I was just expecting a funny ending, like we so often end up with our fears.

Here is what I posted George:

George, I'm sorry too! I wasn't meaning to complain, just letting you know we still share your fears!!!!!! Your description of the outhouse dweller was on of the best I have ever heard. I'm sure my son imagines something just like that! I agree, life isn't all laughs, living in the wilderness has some downright scary times. Mind you we have had a lot of laughs too (like when my kids thought they were being attacked by a bear and it was a killer racoon!).

I didn't mind your scary story at all. Please don't feel I was complaining! Guess you scared me a bit too!

Kim

-- kim (fleece@eritter.net), January 29, 2002.

Hi Kim.

I did not take your post as a complaint. I thought maybe you were concerned about your son reading my post and becoming afraid to go to the outhouse and I would not want to be the cause of his fears.

If your son should read this story please be sure and let him know it was probably a dog that killed the lamb and there is no such thing as an outhouse dweller. The next funny story will be for him, you and Shannon. Oh o.k. Stan too! And while I'm at it I may as well say, "The next story is for all you people who like a laugh." :-) George P.S. What is your sons name?

-- george nh (rcoopwalpole@aol.com), January 29, 2002.

these stories are just to funny

-- Deneen Clark (Gradydubose@aol.com), January 29, 2002.

these stories are just to funny, made me laugh out loud

-- Deneen Clark (Gradydubose@aol.com), January 29, 2002.

Sorry everyone my little sister Deneen is confused. I think she meant the other stories were funny. She told me this story is scarey. George

-- george nh (rcoopwalpole@aol.com), January 29, 2002.

Hello this is georges younger sister, I remember this story,I should say I remember when this happend, we were all scared

-- Deneen fl (Gradydubose@aol.com), January 29, 2002.