This is the section that's the opposite of the "my great job" entry. In a certain movie, which I won't name because it was ass (but it rhymes with Rotting Bill), the characters played a game to compete for the last brownie at dinner. We've played it at my house; it's much fun. Try to convince us that you're the most poor, pitiful wretch EVAH.

-- Anonymous, February 03, 2002

Answers

Ok i'll try. I'm so pitiful that i dont even have cable. Heck, i dont watch TV. I'm 27, still single, and i usually go to bed before 12:30 am on weekends. I wear a star trek shirt to the gym sometimes. Umm, i gotta go feed my cat.

-- Anonymous, February 04, 2002

Brian. I love you. And your Star Trek shirt.

I am pitiful because I am living in sin at age 29, don't have HBO, am micro-managed at my job, need to lose 20 pounds, have a dead daddy and two dead dogs, and never eat breakfast.

-- Anonymous, February 04, 2002

I'm a college student with no job prospects and I am living completely and totally off of my parents' money, which is going to run out in the not-so-distant future.

I pay too much for cable and can't even watch Buffy because I don't have goddamn UPN.

I am putting off doing schoolwork because there's a cute boy in my apartment and I'm going to choke on my 18 credits this semester.

And I miss my sister.

-- Anonymous, February 04, 2002

I love Brian too. I don't have cable, either. The Gilmore Girls and Alias are the highlights of my week. I leave for work before the sun comes up so I'm in bed by eleven most nights. My cats push me around.

-- Anonymous, February 04, 2002

Suz,

Off Topic: Suz, glad to see you turn up. The DFWCG have been missing ya'.

-- Anonymous, February 04, 2002

I'm pitiful because I'm a law student who hates law and doesn't have a single friend at Penn. I live in a studio on the corner of Hooker Alley and Discount Row that faces the main building of SEPTA, the transit authority.

I'm so poor that I had to decide between typing paper and kleenex at CVS today. The cable in my building costs 90 dollars a month and there are no other options and my local phone bill is 36 dollars even though I don't call anyone local.

And, to top it off, I have no pets, I need to lose weight, and I still can't breathe 'cause my sinuses won't heal from surgery 'cause I have practically no clotting factor.

And my web journal officially sucks.

-- Anonymous, February 04, 2002

And while I'm at it (whining, that is), someone has visited the aforementioned journal SIX TIMES using the search words "ear+clogged."

-- Anonymous, February 04, 2002

I went home to visit my sweetie and promptly caught a massive cold, which has left me near in tears when dealing with my first phone call at 9:30 this morning.

Oh, and a girl I've been calling my best friend for years spent a good portion of said weekend ignoring me.

-- Anonymous, February 05, 2002

The ABRIDGED VERSION 5.0

Get out the linen hankies…

I worked as a manager, in line for District Manager, at a very well known mall store (THE shower gel – lotion store), was completely miserable and channeled this misery into my job performance. I had convinced myself that the only way I’d be happy would be by moving to the city where ‘BOY’ lived to give ‘US’ a chance (snort). ‘BOY’ hadn’t asked me to move but in every conversation and every visit to the city to look for a job to be closer to ‘BOY’, he made it known that it would be a good thing if we could spend time together on a continual basis. September 2000, I get a job in ‘BOY’s city. ‘BOY’ does not visit me until November 2000. ‘BOY’ later informs me that he now has a girlfriend…a really young girlfriend. A 21 year-old girlfriend (‘BOY’ and I were 29).

Okay. Fine. We’ll be friends. Whatever (heart gently breaks).

‘BOY’ invites me to church, insisting that he and his child- bride ‘don’t act like they’re dating in a group setting (‘BOY’ is 29 and belongs to the youth group at his church. No, not as a leader/counselor, but as a regular ol’ member. Did I mention he was 29?) I declined the invitation. Didn’t speak to each other for a while.

February 2001, I get fired. Totally unrelated to ‘BOY’. Was told I didn’t fit the ‘store that rhymes with CRAP’ image. Turns out I was stabbed in the back…another story for my online journal that I have yet to start (Ya’ll want to learn how to steal from the Crap? Email me. They’re practically begging for it with their Loss Prevention policies).

I get another job fairly quick, an awesome job at a BIG ORLANDO RESORT (yes, THAT one) that pays less than what I made working part- time in college. BUT I had a title. A kick-ass title. And business cards! And responsibilities I should have been paid $10,000 to $15,000 more a year for but hey, I was desperate and they knew that so they got me on sale.

(Okay, I’m shortening things here because this is getting really long and I don’t know you people yet and ya’ll don’t need to be all up in my business.)

‘BOY’ gets dumped, ‘BOY’ and I semi-date for the summer, ‘BOY’ has ongoing issues that have more or less dictated his behavior toward me in the past and proceeded to continue into the present, ‘BOY’ says yes to my request to attend church with him after Septermber 11th, because I wanted to be with someone I was close to, and ‘BOY’ stands me up FOR CHURCH, ya’ll.

Wait! I’m almost finished, I swear! I have refused to speak to ‘BOY’ since September 2001 and amazingly enough have managed not to become (that much) of a raving alcoholic. But I think that’s about to change…

I’m being laid off March 31.

Ya’ll, please let me win. At least I can say I won something.

-- Anonymous, February 11, 2002

I'm a bum - have been for the past two years or more. I don't do much. I get money, but I sometimes feel guilty for it since it's grandpa's money. I can't drive. I have anxiety disorder and can't really go places that often anyway. my IQ is apparently not that high and overall I have low self esteem. hah.

-- Anonymous, February 11, 2002