Ken mentioned something about children and wills in another post which made me want to pass along something of my experience with kids when a parent dies. One of my sisters died unexpectedly several years ago. I wound up with her kids for awhile, although her husband retained legal custody. Well, I just finished working on my tax return for last year, which was the last year I had the kids. My accountant and I figured out that over the roughly 4 1/2 years that I kept the kids they cost me over $250,000.00 (In both actual cash outlay and loss of income incurred when I quit working to stay at home with the boys). My sister had no life insurance, nor did her husband, who was the sole wage earner for their family. This was a real eye-opener for my entire family. My father subsequently purchased a life insurance policy on my BIL, with the kids as beneficiaries. He and my brother then had to force my BIL to have a will drawn up. When my BIL asked if he could name me as the guardian for the kids if anything happened to him, I had to sit down and do some calculations. Immediately after my sister's death, I lived off savings, which I was fortunate to have available. But, eventually my savings were dangerously depleted and I had to return to work. At the time, my parents took over some of the child care responsibilities, but they would no longer be able to do so now as they are in their mid-80's. So, I took out a life insurance policy on my BIL naming MYSELF as the beneficiary, and here's why-

The policy my father took out would benefit the boys, but the money would be held in trust until they are 21. Granted, the trust would pay for the KIDS' expenses, but what about MINE? I would not be able to work and earn the kind of income that I do at present, yet I would still have several thousand dollars in monthly expenses. I could charge the trust a fee for keeping the kids, but I would be reluctant to do so, for several reasons, including the fact that I would not feel right charging to keep my own relatives, and I would never want the kids to grow up thinking that I had done so. Additionally, the accounting that would result would be a nightmare. And at the end of the day it would still only cover a fraction of my expenses anyway.

At the time, I asked around amongst friends to find out whether any of the ones who were named as potential guardians/godparents had considered what would happen if they actually had to take in the kids, and not a single one of them had ever done so. Now, any time I hear of a friend with a new niece, nephew, godchild, etc., I urge them to make some financial provision for themselves just in case. And, as Ken pointed out, if you are a parent, PLEASE make sure that your children's custody is accounted for in your will. When my sister died she was alone at home with the boys. They were in the house with her for at least a couple of hours before the 7 year old called 911 to report that his mommy was dead. When the sheriff's deputy arrived at the house he took the boys to a neighbor's house (a neighbor they did not know), and left them there until family members were notified and started to arrive. The 3 1/2 year old had nightmares for over a year in which the "police" came and took him away from his father and brother to a place he did not know. So, trust me- you do NOT want your kids to wind up in the care of the state for even one night. Suffering the loss of one or more parent will have been sufficiently traumatic for them.

-- Elizabeth (ekfla@aol.com), February 09, 2002

Answers

The thread referred to is "Update on claiming estate of deceased relative," also in the Family/Children category. In that same category also see the thread of "Cost to Raise a Child," near the bottom of the list.

Wills and most other legal documents should be reviewed periodically and updated as required. Circumstances change.

-- Ken S. in WC TN (scharabo@aol.com), February 10, 2002.

Excellent post, Elizabeth. That's a side of the guardianship most people don't think of.

-- Jennifer L. (Northern NYS) (jlance@nospammail.com), February 10, 2002.

You're very right, Elizabeth. My husband and I are legal guardians to our granddaughter, age 10, and I also had to quit work to care for her. She has ADHD, besides a host of emotional problems from being left by her mother. She had to be picked up from school almost daily for disturbing the class, and I worked 20 miles away. Besides the medical costs, clothing, and all the other expenses are things you don't plan for when you do this. Even with medical and dental insurance, you still have deductibles, and when you are retired, your income and insurance doesn't cover things like braces, camp fees, and a host of other things. It is just something you have to be aware of, if you are in a position to possibly have to take in a relative, either child or adult--I'm sure caring for an aging parent can be costly, too. I think you are smart to have taken out the life insurance on your brother in law- we still keep a policy on our daughter, with us as the beneficiaries. We would of course, put part of that into a trust to help with education expenses for the children if something ever happened, but some would have to be used for daily expenses, too. A good eye opener, thanks for posting it. Jan

-- Jan in Co (Janice12@aol.com), February 10, 2002.