One day during the summer of 1966, my mothers sister and her kids came over to our house to spend the day with us. My mother and her sister were in the house talking, while us kids stayed outside and played.

At sometime during the day, us kids went to the barn to look at the animals. We had a retired harness horse, two cows, some pigs and a sheep or two. We were all gathered around the horse petting her. One of my cousins said, "If someone can find some matches I will teach you how to start a fire, and then, show everyone how to put the fire out.

I believe it was my younger brother Bobby who ran to the house and got the matches. He had to have been very sneaky to get matches, and bring them to the barn without Mum stopping him, and asking what we were all up to. Mum always questioned us kids about what we were doing. Mum would warn us over and over again to, "stay out of trouble."

The matches were handed to my older cousin, who was about seven-years-old, at the time.She struck a match on the black strip, on the matchbook cover. I saw a small spark and then the match lit up. I had never paid much attention to how people lite matches.

My cousin put the lit match under some hay. She then showed us how to step on the fire, to put the fire out. She said, "you have to make sure there is no more smoke. If you see smoke it means the fire isn't out yet." All of us kids stomped on the hay to put the small fire out. As soon as we could not see anymore smoke my cousin lit another match and put it under a handful of hay someone had placed in the center of the barn floor. Again, we stomped the fire out. We stayed in the barn, playing with the fires we had set here and there. Each of us kids took a turn learning to lite a match, and making a small hay fire, and then putting the fire out.

We all stayed in the barn starting fires, until the last match was lit. We all laughed as we put the last fire out. We looked around to make sure we did not see any smoke coming from the hay. When we were sure there was no more smoke coming from the hay we all left the barn and spent the rest of the day playing in the yard.

Later on that night a few friends of my parents came over to visit. All the adult women went to town to go shopping, while the men stayed home to watch us kids and play poker. I remember I was sitting at the kitchen table watching the card game. I was sitting in the chair closest to the kitchen door,which was the door we always used to either enter or exit the house.

One of the men stood up during the card game and announced to everyone, "I have to go outside to take a leak." Dad shuffled the cards and started putting cards down one by one around the table.

The man who went to take a leak walked back in from outside. He was very calm as he looked at my father, and asked," Hey Jimmy, did you know your barn is on fire?" I felt my heart sink in my chest. Dad and all the other men jumped up and ran past me. I sat and watched each of them run out the front door as fast as they could move. A couple of the kitchen table chairs were left tipped over around the table.

I ran to the door and looked out. I couldn't believe what I saw. The barn was engulfed in flames. I ran out onto the front steps but could not stand the sight of the barn on fire or the sound of the animals in the barn screaming out in agony. I ran back into the house.

I ran up the stairs to the bedroom where my brothers, Bobby and Little Jim were playing. I screamed, "WE SET THE BARN ON FIRE, THE ANIMALS ARE ALL GETTING BURNED UP!!!" Like lightning us three boys ran down the stairs. We all gathered at the front window, which gave us a clear view of the fire.

Little Jim, Bobby and me were all crying. I was only five-years-old, but I can still remember how I felt at that moment. I was so full of guilt and shame. I could feel my heart, in my chest, it was beating like a drum. My breathing was so heavy and rapid, I felt almost like I was going to pass out.

Mum and her lady friends came home from shopping, not long after the men raced out of the house to try and put the barn fire out.By the time Mum got home the fire department was on the scene. No matter how many fire trucks there were, or how much water was put on the barn the fire did not get any smaller. As the minutes passed the fire grew in size.

None of us boys moved from the window. We had our faces pressed against the window so hard. As we breathed the windowpane would fog up with moisture from our breath. When the window became to fogged to see out of we would wipe the moisture from the window with our shirt sleeve.

Mum came in the house to check on us kids. Mum walked over to the window where us boys were looking out at the fire and asked, "What were you kids doing in the barn today?" We told her about us playing with matches. Mum said in a stern, but sad sounding voice, 'See what happenes when kids play with matches? Now the barn is on fire, and the animals were burned alive." I felt terrible. I could not stop crying. I couldn't believe I helped cause this horrible fire.

Us kids watched the fire all night long. We knelt at the window on our hands and knees and stared out the window. I don't think any of us moved more than a few inches from where we were all night. I watched as several people helped hose the fire. It seemed like sometimes the fire would start to die down and then flames would shoot back into the sky.

I could tell by the color of the sky, which was a pinkish, orange color, that the sun would be rising soon. I kept thinking as us boys watched the fire, how we were all going to hell for this. The saw the two walls of fire leap into the sky just as the sun came up over the trees. I screamed, "LOOK,THE DEVIL IS COMING OUT OF THE FIRE TO GET US!!!" When the sun came up, the two flames, which lept into the sky were placed so they looked like the horns on the devils head. I just knew from going to church, we were bad for what we had done and now the devil was coming to take us to hell.

Mum walked over to us boy again and I told her about the devil rising from the fire. I told her about him coming to take us to hell. Mum said, "God knows you didn't mean to set the barn on fire and kill the animals. God won't let the devil take you. " I was so relieved to hear Mum say this.

It wasn't long after daybreak, when all that was left to the barn was a heap of smoldering, charred rubble. Dad came into the house and said, "I have to get a tractor to dig a pit down back to bury the animals in. Again, I felt terrible having to look Dad in the eye when he ask us about playing in the barn the day before.Dad said, "We will have to wait for awhile until the fire cools down before we can get the animals out to bury them.

Several hours had passed when the adults started digging through what remained of the barn to get to the animals.

I watched as one by one the black, crisp bodies of the animals were brought out from under the pile, which once was a place used for their safty but because of us kids and matches had become their death trap.

It was hard to tell which animal was which. The animals were burned so bad they looked like some big, black, crispy chunk of coal.I kept looking for the horse to be brought out, but I wasn't sure I would even know if it were the horse or not anyway since most of the animals were falling apart as they were dug from the remains of the barn.

Dad had to tell me which carcass was the horse when he came down the driveway with the horses body in the tractor bucket. I started crying again when Dad said, "See what playing with fire does to animals."I couldn't see how Dad could tell the black thing he had in the tractor bucket was a horse. I could see the head, but it was so badly burned the flesh was almost gone from it. I could see bones in the legs also, but there wasn't a tail.

All day I stood and watched as trip after trip was made with the the burned bodies of our animals to the graveyard pit down back near the woods.

For years afterwards us kids would go to the big mound of earth in the back field and talk about the day we burned the barn down with the animals in it. No matter how many years had passed I still felt a terrible amount of regret, and guilt everytime I saw the animals graveyard.

-- george nh (rcoopwalpole@aol.com), February 10, 2002

Answers

Oh, George, that's one of the saddest things I've ever read. I hope it was healing for you to write it down. I will be printing it out for my kids to read.

-- Shannon at Grateful Acres Animal Sanctuary (gratacres@aol.com), February 10, 2002.

I know that was a hard one to write about. Thank you for helping me to spare my kids from feeling the same by averting a tragedy. You are truly a caring person. I also will be printing this one out for them to read.

-- Sandie in Maine (peqbear@maine.rr.com), February 10, 2002.