Thank you all for your contributions!! Some I will use....some we will take with a grain of salt!! To be clear, my children aren't on drugs or alcohol. They don't steal from stores just borrow from us and don't return. I call that stealing in my house. My oldest, is one who gets up all by himself and has a part time job. Today my daughter wasn't allowed to go ice skating with the Girl Scouts. I felt worse than her and the call to the Scout leader was hard for her. She has never been ice skating! Subconsciously I don't believe she wanted to go because Sunday is family day....and she has had outings pulled before. Dad used to work a full time job and farm. The job went 3 weeks ago for the sake of the family, and we'll make an income here. I homeschool the littlest one and I feel my daughter is subconsciously wanting and needing that too! The public school system and peers have contributed to our problems. For those of you who thought my children have never disciplined are wrong. I didn't get the end result with our 15 year old without discipline and so it goes on down the line. For those of you who want to put your kids in public school....my advice would be to homeschool. Public school and peers put way to much children to grow up too soon and look and act a certain way. If I had it to do all over again I would have never entertained public school. And yes we are christians! God Bless!

-- Carla (herbs@computer-concepts.com), February 24, 2002

Answers

Carla, also keep in mind that comparing a first child that's a boy to a second child that's a girl is like comparing apples and oranges. And I know my kids change so fast that it seems like I have to struggle to keep ahead of the directions they are going! My kids are in public school, but I take a very active role in their education, both in the classroom and out. There are many, many right ways to raise a child, as you've seen from all the posts and as I'm sure you've experienced. There are also many right ways for your daughter. Good luck finding a way that's good for you all!

-- Sheryl in ME (radams@sacoriver.net), February 24, 2002.

Back in the late 1980's, early 1990's, our then 16 year old ran up a more than $300 phone bill talking to a long-distance boyfriend....we paid the bill to keep the phone from being cut off but she worked at the Dairy Queen ALL THAT SUMMER to pay us back! She thought we were awful then but now says it was one of the best learning experiences of her life!

She is now a single mother and is temporarily having to work the night shift as a Waffle house-cook-waitress (so she can be with her son in the daytime)...She can handle the hard work because she has a strong work ethic now....I wish I had a million dollars to give her but I don't so instilling that strong work ethic in our kids was the next best thing!

-- Suzy in Bama (slgt@yahoo.com), February 25, 2002.

Carla, for what it is worth, this is what is working for my kids. Apply it if you think best.

1. Always be consistant, so they know where they stand. I always try to keep my promises to them if I possibly can, to help them know I mean what I say

2. Always be kind (angry once in a while, and I let them see it - but KIND! No names or snippy remarks, even to people I know - you know why!) and also

3. Never threaten a punishment I may regret, because of #1.

of course, this doesn't work with ALL kids, but then, NO ONE THING helps with every child, we all react differently to the world around us. And, lastly,

4. I don't try to change their personalities. I NEVER say try to be more like........ My oldest worries quietly at times, and my youngest is impulsive and hot tempered. I try to encourage the oldest to think and talk through her concerns, and the youngest to try to think through his actions, but I don't expect the oldest to not worry when she is under stress, and I don't expect the youngest to not get angry - we only control what we do, not what we feel! Everyone gets angry, some just more often than others. They both do pretty well, thank God.

Carla, I don't know if any of this is useful or not-only you are in the hot seat; only you know enough to decide. At any rate, good luck.

-- Terri (hooperterri@prodigy.net), February 25, 2002.