A woman is told by her doctor that the stress of her job is a very likely cause for her marriage remaining childless. Other possible reasons have been investigated and eliminated. Job stress such as work load, deadlines and relating with difficult co-workers is the direct cause of her infertility. The job she has is a high paying traditionally male occupation. She enjoys the work even though she is aware of the stress and has complained of it. She feels attached to the income; her husband works and makes plenty of money as well. However she knows that to have her family begin, according to the medical advice presented to her, she ought to be looking for a less stressful job, perhaps finding one with less hours or better working conditions or maybe totally relinquishing the double income and learn to be more thrifty.

My question is this; if she ignores her doctor and continues her current situation without effort to change it, is she in sin because she is not being open to new life? Is there any documented teaching on this?

Thank You

-- Mike H (michael.hitzelberger@vscc.cc.tn.us), March 05, 2002

Answers

Are you saying that the husband's medical condition has been completely ruled out as a cause (just checking, in that it is more common than you thing for people to blame the woman first in these things and not even examine the husband)?

I honestly don't think that "job stress" on either side can be the sole cause of remaining childless (no, I'm not a doctor, but it just doesn't make sense to me). If the work is causing one or the other to be "too tired", maybe, but even being a "stay-at-home spouse" is no guarantee that you will be in the mood all the time, any time, or not tired. If the husband travels in his line of work, for example, it really doesn't matter if she stays home or not, they're probably not together at the right time for things to happen.

She may not be psychologically ready yet for a child (consciously wants one, but unconsciously doesn't, for any one of a number of reasons known or unknown). Maybe it is the stress of being told to produce a child on command that is causing the problem.

I hope she gets at least a second opinion on this matter.

-- GT (nospam@nospam.com), March 05, 2002.

GT

Good questions. I was under the impression that it was a physiological body change of the woman due to the stress; which made her temporarily sterile such as can happen to men for different reasons. I am reading a letter from her so I can’t ask right now and I may not want to pry about personal items too much. Maybe she meant her job situation was not offering frequent contacts with her husband as you suggest. She did say she traveled a lot.

About the second opinion you suggested. She has a solution already. God has just blessed her with a surprise job offer from the first place she looked. She will be able to work from home for a lot less hours and for the same pay. God Blesses his children who do his will.

But I thought the problem was interesting anyway and so I asked for thoughts here.

God Bless

-- Mike H (michael.hitzelberger@vscc.cc.tn.us), March 05, 2002.

Mike,

I'm very happy for her too! Although I will say that even persistent queries from the well-meaning (And when will I be a grandparent?) can probably also set up just the opposite result than that desired :) Kind of like refusing to eat your veggies just because someone told you to....(big grin)

-- GT (nospam@nospam.com), March 05, 2002.

Back to the question of openess to life: My reaction is the priest or parish has no business in the bedroom plain and simple. The sacrament of marriage is a covenant between husband and wife and God. He alone knows what is in the heart.

-- Jean Bouchard (jeanb@cwk.imag.net), March 06, 2002.

Jean

Thanks for your post:"My reaction is the priest or parish has no business in the bedroom plain and simple."

As a human with free will, you are certainly entitled to this attitude. You are Catholic and are choosing to be outside of God's grace which comes through his Church. You quote a rebel mantra I heard before that went, "The Pope has no business..." At face value, this sounds absurd because it seems like you are telling someone else how to think. The priest is not "in" the bedroom but rather speaking on God's behalf about how married couples are to conduct themselves there.

Second, the holy Church guides us in ALL aspects of our lives. Your priest is responsible for guiding you on your spiritual journey to Heaven. You wouldn't want your medical doctor to know about all organs of you body except one. That one may be the thing that gets deathly ill.

Sexual issues especially need guidance because they are so important to God's plan for us. They were often the reason the Hebrews had grief in the form of chastisements. Religious orders take vows of: 1) poverty 2) chastity and 3) obedience. We may not be called to be virgins like a religious person is called but these three evangelical councils, as they are termed, point to the supreme importance of moral sexual behavior or chastity.

Let's face it. We really like our sins. God calls us to a higher place and Satan tries to undermine his plan.

"The sacrament of marriage is a covenant between husband and wife and God. He alone knows what is in the heart."

What is in the human heart is well known and has not changed since the fall of Adam and Eve. Further, Satan knows what is in our hearts and likes to use it against us. The devil is anti-cross. He says, "times have changed", "adultery?, everybody's doing it!" and "are you STILL a virgin?" Satan loves public nudity, violence and discord. He would love nothing better than to destroy marriages, that is, cause discord.

My suggestion to those reading my post at the top is that we don't, as a people, honor the perfect example of the Holy Family of Nazareth. Even though Mary and Jesus had every virtue possible, to the maximum, they still played the role they were called to play by their Father in heaven. We, as a nation, totally ignore our Christian roots. We want to contracept and have double incomes. What saintly person(s) ever lived that way?

I will also add that those who ignore the example of the Holy Family of Nazareth are likely to fall into sexual sins. This attitude has ultimately us led to Roe vs Wade or legal abortion. I am not saying we are all called and gifted to be married with children. But this is the most common call and gift. However, the general population today, reject the guidance from God that goes with this call.

By the way, on EWTN March 2,2002 begins Priests For Life leader, Fr. Pavone's, new Defending Life Series, Monday's 4:30 AM Eastern Time, Wednesday's 5:00 PM Eastern Time, Friday's 10:00 PM Eastern Time. It is in its 7th season and has 13 shows.

Peace of Christ to you and your family

-- Mike H (michael.hitzelberger@vscc.cc.tn.us), March 06, 2002.

Jmj

Good of you to plug Fr. Pavone's series, Mike.
I just saw the first episode of the new batch of 13. It was a great one, though heart-breaking. Nurse Jill Stanek revealed, in great detail, the widespread infanticide that has begun to occur in hospitals. She believes that it occurs 15 to 25 per year in her own hospital alone -- and probably thousands of times across the nation.

She discovered (and has now testified to Congress, etc.) that her own Christ Hospital (affiliated with the biggest Lutheran denomination [ELCA] and the United Church of Christ) is "causing" babies to die, including healthy, normal ones. The hospital avoids directly murdering the babies "in utero" (standard abortion) but instead intentionally causes premature delivery of some second- and third-trimester kids (by cervical dilation, etc.) and then sets them aside to die. Because the mothers want the babies to be dead, the hospital personnel make no attempt to feed or medicate or incubate those that are old enough to survive, and the younger ones die quickly because unable to breathe.

When Jill discovered this practice (a few years ago), babies were just being left gasping in containers, alone in a room, to die on their own. Since she has exposed this murder, the insane hospital administration has tried to "clean up its act" by offering stuff similar to what abortionist George "Killer" Tiller does -- photos of the "newborn" (about to die), baptisms, birth and death certificates issued almost simultaneously (with tiny footprints), opportunity for Mom to rock her tiny child to a permanent sleep, etc..

May God have mercy on our world.
-- (jfgecik@hotmail.com), March 06, 2002.