Someone else watched this, right?

Who knew we'd have a reality show about Mr. Black Sabbath himself?!

-- Anonymous, March 06, 2002

Answers

Oh my God, this show KILLED me. Those Osbournes are hilarious! It's amazing that a filthy rich family headed by an elderly drugged-out looney has the same problems as any other family.

But I have to say, 90% of the time I have NO idea what Ozzy just got done saying. Except I know it had "fuck" in it about twelve times because every other word ANY of them says is always bleeped out. Such language!

The look on the security guy's face while he watched Ozzy's Leno performance was priceless.

-- Anonymous, March 06, 2002

We stayed home specifically to watch this show last night and loved all over it. That security guard was hilarious, the way they edited him talking about all the work that he does while showing him snacking with the son and playing pool. We really enjoyed it.

-- Anonymous, March 06, 2002

I watched it and I love it. And! Stee is recapping it for TWoP.

-- Anonymous, March 06, 2002

BTW, Ozzy's not exactly elderly. He's 52.

Drugs are baaaaad.

-- Anonymous, March 06, 2002

It was brilliant. And not only did I have no idea what Ozzy was saying, half the time I couldn't understand what the kids were saying either.

When Ozzy was talking about how Kelly goes all "wobbly"? Hilarious.

Someone on TWoP said that Jack is 17 and Kelly is 16, just in case the rest of y'all were having trouble figuring that out too.

-- Anonymous, March 06, 2002

Oh my God, Keli. 52??? Drugs *are* bad. (His lectures to his kids about no drinking and no drugs cracked me up.) I think The Oz has had plastic surgery, his roots are grey, and he staggers around like he has arthritis or something. I loved it that when the kids left for the club, Ozzy was lying on the couch watching TV. When they came back hours later? He hadn't moved a muscle. Rock on, Oz.

The part where his ultra-spooky cobweb sweater got caught on the makeup chair just killed me. And Kelly's mortal embarrassment when her parents were making out in public. And next week, with the pet therapist, looks to be even better.

-- Anonymous, March 06, 2002

Yeah, the therapist thing cracked me up. Ozzy's yelling, "We don't need a bloody therapist! Just take them for walks in the morning!"

Ozzy: The Voice of Reason

-- Anonymous, March 06, 2002

I loved how when he couldn't figure out how to work the remote he HIT it. And Sharon was like, just make sure there's the History channel!

God, I am laughing NOW.

-- Anonymous, March 06, 2002

Am reading the "Law Down the Law" area on the Osbourne pages at Mtv.com. Completely in love with Momma Osbourne.

-- Anonymous, March 06, 2002

My dad gets that same confused look on his face all the time. Kills me.

Especially when Ozzy's kids are fighting, and he's trying to absorb the situation admist the chaos. When my kids start in with that, my dad looks at me like, "Well, what do we do now?" My mom was in charge of breaking up all the slapping when we were kids.

-- Anonymous, March 06, 2002

What about when the nanny was like, "NO, absolutely not, you're not watching a movie about smoking marijuana. No." And Jack looks at her like, "You DO know I'm seventeen, right? And also, my dad is Ozzy Osbourne?" But then he just says, "Fuck off."

I wonder about this mysterious Aimee that's never around. Will we ever get to see her?

-- Anonymous, March 06, 2002

Actually Hannah, it's the other way around. Kelly is 17 and Jack is 16 (though I think they were 16 and 15 when the show was filming...her birthday is in October and his is in November). The older sister is Aimee and she's 18. I read on CNN that she opted out of participating in the tv show.

-- Anonymous, March 06, 2002

Heh. Ozzy drinking a Coke and watching the History channel. I never knew my Dad had so much in common with Ozzy.

Who were all those random people in the background? There were always tons of unidentified people. They need labels from the Hip Squiggly Font of Real World.

-- Anonymous, March 06, 2002

I saw just a short clip of the show this morning and now I want to see it all! All the bleeping had me laughing like crazy.

-- Anonymous, March 06, 2002

This show was both hysterically funny and very, very sad at the same time. What a dysfunctional family! They're all cursing each other and insulting one another constantly. Except for Mom, she seems to be spared most of that. And I'm so glad someone told me there's another (off-camera) daughter. At one point they were showing some family pictures and there were three kids. I was afraid something had happened to one of them. I think she's probably the smartest of the bunch!

-- Anonymous, March 06, 2002

Yeah, Mom seems like the "calming" factor in the family right now. But both kids complained about her flashing their friends in interviews on Mtv.com. That cracks my shit up.

-- Anonymous, March 06, 2002

This show cracked my shit UP. I could not stop laughing. I'm totally with y'all on not being able to understand a bloody word that Ozzy said, but I thought it was hilarious anyway.

The "wobbly" speech was classic. I think maybe all the people in and out were folks who were doing renovations and helping with the moving...?

Does anyone find it odd that they have a "nanny," but their kids are all teenagers? Weird.

-- Anonymous, March 06, 2002

I think I've found a new addiction.

I laughed. Oh, my, how I laughed. I laughed each and every time they bleeped out one of them cursing. I laughed when Sharon threatened to kick the movers for breaking her lamp. And the part where Ozzy was trying to get the remote for the TV to work? Priceless. Absolutely priceless. This is good TV, y'all.

-- Anonymous, March 06, 2002

I think the nanny is more like the kids' personal assistant than their nanny. There's an interview with her on mtv.com

I wish they had cameras on them 24/7 and just streamed it from the website. I would never stop watching.

-- Anonymous, March 06, 2002

Amen, Hannah.

-- Anonymous, March 06, 2002

"You DO know I'm seventeen, right? And also, my dad is Ozzy Osbourne?"

Just for that line, and that line alone, I am going to watch this when I find it on. That is hilarious.

-- Anonymous, March 06, 2002

Check out this very funny article about the show: http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi? file=/chronicle/archive/2002/03/05/DD199869.DTL If that link doesn't work, go to sfgate.com, then search for ozzy AND mtv and it should pop up.

Here's my vote for the "huh?" line of the episode: "I love the smell of armpits in the morning. It's like victory." Whoa.

-- Anonymous, March 06, 2002

I MISSED IT$#@$!#@$!

When Ozzy was on cribs is was the greatest single thing I have seen on MTV in a long time...and now theres a whole show about them! I am so excited, y'all! I'll be hooked on this in no time. :)

-- Anonymous, March 06, 2002

For those of you who missed it, or just want to experience the craziness again, the first ep is being repeated Thursday at 9pm on MTV. Enjoy. ;)

-- Anonymous, March 06, 2002

I love this crazy family.

"I'm a rock star."

-- Anonymous, March 12, 2002

You know it's bad when Ozzy says someone's a fruit. That dog therapist? Seemed like such a stereotypical LA thing. I loved it, of course.

-- Anonymous, March 12, 2002

The best thing about this episode: the way Ozzy kept saying "man" after everything. "That bastard dog, man." And I loved Sharon's lecturing Kelly that she was going to get a yeast infection from wearing thongs.

And you know, it's always the night Elijah Wood comes over that your dogs decide to shit everywhere and make the place smell like a stable, dammit all.

Ozzy's drawerings were cracking me up too. He's all, "Don't bother me, I'm trying to color."

-- Anonymous, March 13, 2002

They're so normal it's crazy. Ozzy lifting his feet up so Sharon could vacuum, man.

Those animals rule that house.

-- Anonymous, March 13, 2002

Last night was the first time I was privilaged to watch the Osbournes. That show is frickin' hilarious. Ozzy rules. I loved how he said "man" after everything.

-- Anonymous, March 13, 2002

This family just gets more and more bizarre. How many hairstyles and colors has Kelly had now? And the pet therapist was funny, so "LA." Not the bit about being a pet therapist (I know one), but her clothes and style seemed very LA to me. And what the hell was Ozzy doing smelling his dog's butt and saying "ah, success..."??? Oooh, my head hurts...

-- Anonymous, March 13, 2002

I still haven't been able to sit down and watch the whole thing, but I did catch Ozzy sniffing his pits and declaring, "I love the smell of armpits in the morning...smells like victory." Wtf?

I cannot decide who I love the most.

-- Anonymous, March 13, 2002

My answer to everything is now set in stone.

"Can you pick up some water on the way home?" "No, I'm a rock star, man."

I love how Ozzy can't do ANYTHING. Everything causes him to call for Sharon. Also, the sight of Ozzy in a fluffy bathrobe and twisted up hair with head scarf makes me giggle like a dope.

-- Anonymous, March 13, 2002

And his insistence that they NOT break the law by removing the thingy on the shower nozzle!!! After years of illicit drug use and excessive drinking. I love it.

About Kelly's hair -- I think like every other reality show, this show is edited and spliced together in such a way that it looks continuous, but events really happen days or weeks apart. I noticed the chair Lola ate had a slip cover on it all last episode, so obviously she ate it before the first episode was taped. But they didn't show her eating it until the second episode. The time line is all wonky.

And I think we all know who the guilty party is in the ruthless destruction. That Pippy? Hell on wheels.

-- Anonymous, March 13, 2002

I did get to sit down and watch every wonderful second of the show last night, and Ozzy says, "See you Ta-ma-ra!" 3 different times that I picked out. And each time he gets this little look on his face, so proud of that sad little joke. I think my love grew every time.

The difference between those kids and the Real Worlders is astounding to me. How the Osbourne kids allowed themselves to be taped bleary eyed and disheveled, cleaning up poop, just as they are. What a contrast to the RW kids, always entirely fashionable and rail thin, always so conscious of the cameras.

This is the reality tv we've all been waiting for! Yay Mtv.

-- Anonymous, March 14, 2002

I love Ozzy. He's so crazy, even though I miss half of what he says.

So who's the neighbor? He must have a famous daddy. Any guesses?

-- Anonymous, March 26, 2002

It's been a long, long time since I laughed that hard at the TV, when Ozzy threw that log over the fence, broke the window, and came staggering out from behind the brush all caught up in a vine or something. Sharon's nuts, but in the best possible way. Hell they're all nuts, except maybe Kelly. I love how she was the only one calm enough to talk with the cops.

How they went on and on about Pat Boone!!! I don't have any idea who rich boy's daddy might be, I think there's a lot of rich people living in Beverly Hills who aren't recognizably famous. But it would be HILARIOUS if it was Mick Jagger's son or somebody like that.

-- Anonymous, March 27, 2002

God, I laughed like a lunatic last night.

Ozzy, stumbling around with the garbage, looking so confused at the lid of the trash can, then staring defeatedly at the still unbagged garbage cans in the kitchen? Priceless.

Throwing ham, cheese, bagels and finally, wood at the neighbors? These people are crazy and I adore them!

-- Anonymous, March 27, 2002

Last night was so painful to watch that I actually turned it off before the end. Someone said the Osbournes threw stuff over the fence at their neighbors?? Are they completely whacked? And the police came? Oh man. The whole OB/GYN thing drove me crazy. Hello, you don't go to the gynecologist only when you have a problem. There's such a thing as an annual physical. Oy vey...

-- Anonymous, March 27, 2002

Painful, as in pulling a muscle in your gut from laughing so hard?

The "vagina doctor" conversation was hilarious too, because no matter how hard they all try to explain it, Ozzy just DOES NOT GET IT. No matter what they said, he was utterly convinced Kelly was sexually active, probably pregnant. It's a good thing he more than likely forgot about the entire conversation five minutes later, or he'd drive himself (and everyone else) crazy.

I don't blame Kelly for being upset because I think Aimee made the appointment to play a practical joke on her, trying to be mean. Aimee's not much older than her, to go around making her gynecologist appointment for her and then not TELLING her about it.

How about the Beverly Hills Housewives? And Sharon shmoozing them? Classic.

-- Anonymous, March 27, 2002

Yes OB/GYN appointments are yearly but not for teenagers who aren't sexually active. She was 16 when this got taped right? And says she's not sexually active. There's no reason for her to go, you start going yearly at 18 or when you become sexually active is what I was always told. Also, if my sister had made me an OB/GYN appointment and I found out through a 'how to prepare your vagina' phone call while shopping? I'd be hella pissed too.

I loved how Sharon's accent got much more snooty-British when she was mocking the neighbors. "Come over and I'll give you a cup of tea!" Heh.

I will say I heard that one of those two "throwing things over the fence" incidents (or were they the same? the tivo cut off the end bit right after ozzy picked up the wood) was on New Year's Eve. I can see being pissed off about nosie and music every night but isn't New Year's Eve pretty much a free pass on loud parties?

-- Anonymous, March 27, 2002

Um, I have never ever been given instructions on how to 'prepare my vagina' pre-gyn appointment. I found that so very strange...and hilarious, of course.

-- Anonymous, March 27, 2002

I guess I was in a morose mood last night, but I just couldn't laugh at their antics this time. They all just seemed like a really sad, dysfunctional family. Although I did bust out laughing when Ozzy said "Beam me up, Scotty" after that weird OB/GYN conversation with Kelly.

-- Anonymous, March 27, 2002

God, I love The Osbournes!! I laughed so hard last night when Sharon and Jack were abusing the prissy rich-boy neighbors. I'm not surprised those guys never showed up for tea the next day.

I have some loud, rude-ass neighbors upstairs from me. I think I'll start throwing stale bagels up on their balcony. If they don't work, I'll bring out the big guns--a giant leftover Easter ham!!

I LOVED the part where Ozzy wanted to throw something away. He looked in the first trash can--no liner. Then he looked in another trash can- -no liner in there either. So Ozzy shuffles around, finding the liners and then putting them in. The sight of a pioneering rocker putting liners in kitchen trash cans kinda levels the field, doesn't it? We all throw our trash out one banana peel at a time...

BTW...I'm a nanny, and I'm so glad I don't have to be responsible for kids like Jack and Kelly! It would be priceless to hang out with Ozzy, though!!

God, I am SO addicted to this show!!

-- Anonymous, March 27, 2002

I saw Ozzy, Sharon, Kelly, and Jack on the Tonight Show Friday with Leno. They all were on good behavior - nothing had to be beeped out. Learned the answer to two of our questions: the cameras were in the house for five months, and Aimee isn't just off-camera she apparently moved out for the time MTV was there.

-- Anonymous, March 30, 2002

I couldn't believe it when I saw the Leno thing and heard that Aimee had moved out. Man, that is bizzzzarrree.

And did you catch that there was a camera in Jack's bedroom? I wonder why the teenage boy was the only one with a cam in his bedroom.... those naughty MTV producers!

-- Anonymous, March 31, 2002

Dude. Seeing Ozzy in drag was more than I could handle.

-- Anonymous, April 03, 2002

The drag was verrrry bad, but how about Ozzy falling backward in his chair?

-- Anonymous, April 03, 2002

I seriously think all those years of drug use have fucked that man up.

For the record, I really didn't need to see him working out either.

That show is like crack for the eyes. You don't want to watch, but once you start, you can't stop!

-- Anonymous, April 03, 2002

I loved the bit about the bubbles as part of the show! "I'm the Prince of bleeping Darkness! Evil, Evil, Evil. No bubbles!"

-- Anonymous, April 03, 2002

My favorite part of the entire show was hearing Sharon say "Martha Stewart can lick my scrotum." Ozzy falling over in the chair was great, too.

-- Anonymous, April 03, 2002

You know what though? Kelly's starting to bother me. I didn't used to think she was a fame whore, but the more I see of her, the more I think she might be. Flapping that faxed story from England about herself all around the office like she did. Going to the Tonight Show with dad. Going on TRL with dad. Going on tour with dad. And the whole time she gives this "oh I'm so embarrassed" act, but she's always right there in the middle of it. Accusing Jack of using his name to get into clubs? I think she's projecting.

It would have been much funnier to see Ozzy working out if they hadn't shown it over and over again on the previews. The subtle stuff he does is just as hilarious, like his whole "woe is me" fit when he figured out Sharon had booked him two nights in a row. "You've never played nine nights straight in your life." "Well you'll soon change that, won't you!"

-- Anonymous, April 03, 2002

It really bothered me that Ozzy was all in drag and looking foolish. It made me embarrassed for him, and really bummed me out. He's the Prince of Darkness, he doesn't even know who the Moulin Rouge girls are.

The Partner is convinced that "Martha Stewart can lick my scrotum" will be the quote of the week in Newsweek next issue.

-- Anonymous, April 03, 2002

Check out Ozzy's Web site: www.ozzy.com. It's, um, interesting.

-- Anonymous, April 04, 2002

Do they give out Emmys for editing? I hope they do, and that the MTV editors for this show get one. That shot of Ozzy and Lola snoring away while the TV showed an ad for D-Snore was hysterical.

Another trivia tidbit - it turns out that Ozzy has six kids total. Two biological kids from his first marriage and a stepson, then the three biological kids with Sharon. Jack and Kelly are the youngest.

-- Anonymous, April 11, 2002

I just saw it for the first time. "Even though it was 20 years ago- They still can't get over you biting the head of that bat." I died, y'all.

-- Anonymous, April 11, 2002

I LOVE Jack!!!

-- Anonymous, April 12, 2002

JACK IS SEXY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I LOVE HIM

-- Anonymous, April 13, 2002

I saw some stupid interview show on Fox News Channel (?) with Ozzy.

Man, my love for him just grows and grows.

-- Anonymous, April 13, 2002

Poor Ozzy. He's trying to be all parental and he just stumbles all over his words. And Jack - using every teenage pot-smoking excuse in the book. "I smoke it because I CHOOSE to!"

-- Anonymous, April 14, 2002

This is the most entertaining show i have watched in a while. I find myself smiling ear to ear during the entire 30minutes. Who would have thought Ozzy's family was so normal, more or less. They are a regular American family and I am so glad that Mtv decided to do this. I like all of them. Sharon cracks me up! The entire family just says what they feel and i love that. Especially the gyno talk Kelly and Ozzy had! LOL. So funny! Anyway that is that! ONE

-- Anonymous, April 14, 2002

Does anyone have any pictures of Aimee? I am looking for pictures to show my friends since they still don't believe there is a third child.

-- Anonymous, April 16, 2002

Well, actually there are six kids total but only three live with Mom and Dad Osbourne. MTV.com has a whole section devoted to the Osbournes with family photos and even diaries from Jack, Kelly and Melinda (the most recent nanny). Funny stuff. Louis, a son from Ozzy's first marriage, has been seen on-camera in the show but he's never acknowledged as a part of the family. I thought he was just a friend until someone at TWoP said the guy was Louis. The plot (plot? what plot?) thickens...

-- Anonymous, April 16, 2002

"Never (rarely and when so, nearly undecipherable) talking Just keeps walking spreading his magic

Evil power disappears Demons worry when the wizard is near He turns tears into joy Everyone's happy when the wizard walks by..."

Thanks be to Ozzy for all the great timeless music, the pen is mightier than the sword

-- Anonymous, April 17, 2002

Did he say "God bless..." at the end of the concert of just "bless you all"?

-- Anonymous, April 17, 2002

Extra or Entertainment Tonight or one of those celebrity shows aired footage of Sharon and Aimee last night. Aimee looks very much like Kelly would look if she had shoulder-length brunette hair. She's cute, and excessively normal-looking.

-- Anonymous, April 17, 2002

Picture of Aimee, looks like a head-shot. (Sorry for the non-HTML link)

http://www.mtv.com/onair/osbournes/family/

-- Anonymous, April 17, 2002

Yes, Aimee and Kelly look a lot alike. In pictures of the two of them at MTV.com when they were little they have the same chubby cheeks. Very cute. Probably my favorite picture of the kids when they were little is Ozzy feeding tot Jack, and it looks like Ozzy is doing the "open your mouth like this, here comes the spoon!" thing that all parents do.

The clan sneaking into town for Ozzy's bday dinner was classic. Who gave him the gem-encrusted litter scoop? That was pretty funny. And a little bird told me someone on this forum just had a birthday. Could it be... Omar!

-- Anonymous, April 17, 2002

The new Entertainment Weekly has some family pictures with Aimee, including this one.

-- Anonymous, April 17, 2002

Aimee looks the most like Sharon is the prettiest of the kids.

-- Anonymous, April 17, 2002

I feel so bad for Lola! Poor thing probably just needs a refresher in housetraining. When you move to a new home, and on top of that you have strangers coming and going all the time (like those construction guys) it's very common for dogs to "forget" their housebreaking and need a refresher. I had to laugh, though, when Ozzy said she had "plutonium poop."

-- Anonymous, April 24, 2002

That Lola/Jack pool/flashback montage was one of the most brilliant things I've ever seen on t.v. I laugh just thinking about it, and I also have to say that Jack must have a great sense of humor about himself if he okays that kind of stuff.

-- Anonymous, April 28, 2002

The dog vomiting was the most amazing thing I've ever seen. (OK, ever seen this week, at least). I kept rewinding to watch it over and over again, in reverse, forward, reverse again.

If I ever meet the cameraperson who shot that, I would like to just shake his/her hand.

-- Anonymous, April 28, 2002

Howard Stern on E! has been running old Ozzy interviews all week. Tuesday night's episode had Ozzy with Jack about 3 years ago and last night was Ozzy, Kelly & Aimee from about 4 years ago. On last night's show, Kelly was telling a story about Ozzy and said the word "shit" and Howard & Company totally balked at the fact that she had just dropped the S-bomb. Kelly said that Ozzy had told her to say it but that she hates when her father curses. Ha! What a difference a few years makes!

-- Anonymous, May 02, 2002

Oh, and, Ozzy with the James Brown dancing doll came close to surpassing my obsessive fascination with the Jack/Lola/Sade montage...it does not get any funnier than that.

-- Anonymous, May 02, 2002

Could someone explain what happened with Michael, the security guy? Especially the bit at the end when he's talking to Kelly and Sharon. Did he say it was a case of mistaken identity or something?

I think Ozzy and Sharon are on Leno's show tonight...

-- Anonymous, May 02, 2002

The plot thickens...did Mike the security guy and his son really rob the neighbors? Ozzy was ready to believe he did! His yelling at Sharon to check and see if his watch was still on the nightstand at home, as well as the whereabouts of his "golden belt." Don't think Mike could have relied on the Osbournes for bail money...It was great that he was wearing an Ozzy T-Shirt when he was busted, though!

-- Anonymous, May 02, 2002

Second (and possibly third) season! Up to $20 million, yikes.

...story here.

-- Anonymous, May 03, 2002

No, Mike the security guard was not the one who broke into the neighbor's house. He is taking the cops to civil court because they had guns to him and his son when it wasn't necessary. Also, I agree, the James Brown doll was hysterical. Especially since Sharon was on the phone and wanted to put the bag over her head. And a few scenes later, you see Ozzy back with the doll. Dance Ozzy, dance!

I wanna be an Osbourne!!!

-- Anonymous, May 03, 2002

It's so so brilliant. Dinner with Ozzy.

The cat in the mirror. The microwave popcorn. "It could be worse, I could be Sting."

You know, Ozzy's sort of pretty.

-- Anonymous, May 07, 2002

Poor, poor Ozzy. I'm sad it's over, but I'm glad to know they'll all be back.

-- Anonymous, May 07, 2002

I was so blown away by tonight's Buffy ep that I totally forgot Ozzy was even on tonight. When does MTV repeat the show?

-- Anonymous, May 08, 2002

"Dinner with Ozzy" was absolutely perfect and the editing juxtapositions were killing me. Ozzy talking about not having any food growing up and then digging into a huge gourmet meal; the montages of Sharon laughing, the cursing, and the pets were just great. I cannot wait until next season!

Kay, I read somewhere that MTV repeats "The Osbournes" 18 times during the week...the episode was definitely the perfect ending to the 1st season so I would go to
-- Anonymous, May 08, 2002