i am in trouble. i have been with my beautiful girlfriend for 8 months. we have had our problems but our love is too strong to break through. i question this now. why? well when i was 16 i stayed in a very abusive relationship for 2 years. i still have nightmares occasionally and the terrible memory will never leave me. lately tough my flashbacks have gotten worse. carrie, my girlfriend is aware of my past but i don't think she knows the severity of it. i know that she has a temper, but she would never hurt me and i know that. we all get angry at times. the other night we were horse playing around and she ended up throwing me on the floor. when i landed i had this image of chad throwing me down and getting ready to kick me. it sounds terrible. well i lied there for a minute and tears rolled down my cheek. she fell to the floor in a panic of why i was crying and i curled in her arms and told her. she began to cry. she backed away from me in a disgusted manner which made me more upset. i don't want her to think that i think of her like i did of chad. i feel terrible and i don't know what to do. i fear that she will soon not be able to tolerate what i am going through. someone pleaaaaaaaaasssseeeeee give me some advice! help me please. michelle

-- Anonymous, March 13, 2002

Answers

Sounds like you had a vulnerable moment together. When we get that close, all kinds of "stuff" can come out. Discuss it with her at a more reasonable time. She probably has a few things to get out of her in the future. It can only make you stronger. Ron

-- Anonymous, March 24, 2002

i think that if it doesn't work out b/c she couldn't stand to tolerate you anymore then let her go and someone else will love you even more and understand your pain!!

-- Anonymous, April 25, 2002

I have also been a victem of violence. That was over ten years ago. The sad truth is that you may never stop having that fear. If your partner truly understands, it is important that they help you. The best thing to do is explain that their actions can triger this fear and keep it going. Sometimes just a quick raise of a hand can send you to a sweat. Playing can remind you of the real thing. You need to establish a trust, and an understanding with eachother. If you had a broken leg, would they expect you to walk. You must also understand, they do not have the same anxieties you do. It is possible to have a normal life again, but it is up to you to help you too. Try some self defense classes. This will help you feel more secure in knowing how to defend yourself should you ever have too.

-- Anonymous, May 26, 2002