Take Me Seriously

Domestic violence issues and gender are more of a political position than a national social problem. Women have been victims of domestic violence as well as men for as long as humans have been on the earth. In recent years the silence has been broken about our once well-kept secret. That is that women are perpetrators of violence against men. I feel that a male, who has been a victim of domestic abuse, has little or no chance of getting out of the abuse a winner. This is because of the bias and social prejudices against men in our country in domestic situations.

What is domestic violence? Let’s try to define it. The domestic violence handbook says: Domestic violence and emotional abuse are behaviors used by one person in a relationship to control the other. Partners may be married or not married; heterosexual, gay, or lesbian; living together, separated or dating. Here are some examples of domestic violence from Domestic Violence the Facts. · Name-calling or put-downs · Isolation from family or friends · Withholding of money · Actual or threatened physical harm · Sexual assault The reality of domestic violence is that people get hurt, hearts get broken and children are in the middle of it; the children too are victims.

Domestic violence almost always escalates to the point where law enforcement gets involved. Either by a call for help from the victim or an outsider like a neighbor or passer-by. One would say great now that the cops are here this mess would be straightened out. On the contrary, if the female is the abuser and the male the victim of her rage, just the opposite may happen. The officers responding to domestic violence call arrive with preconceived notions that the husband is the perpetrator and the wife the victim. Much attention is called to this situation and awareness is elevating, but still statistically speaking the law enforcement agency will be biased against the man in these situations.

When the police arrive, she will most likely falsely accuse her husband or partner of a crime or battery. False allegations of child abuse continue to be a common feature in divorce proceedings and the courts ignore the problem. Now, the domestic violence accusation has become the woman's weapon of choice. Apart from the monetary and property gains, domestic violence is so easy to fabricate and these women crave the pleasure that comes from destroying their husband or partner. Most likely she will be believed and the man in bewilderment will be asked to leave his home and only come back when tensions have eased off. The male victim will ponder this situation over and over but never be able to logically explain why he is not believed.

The effect of domestic violence on children is devastating. Not only are they witnessing these crimes but many times very much a part of it. The mother may abuse the children when father is not around or sometimes before and after the wife abuses the husband. This emotional pain is often added to by the marriage ending in divorce. As if the pain of divorce is not enough for the kids to deal with, the domestic violence issues are heaped on top of it. When divorce enters the picture other issues follow, like custody and property division. Most commonly custody determined by a divorce court, generally leaves the kids with Mom. This happens about eighty-five percent of the time. However statistics show that the safest place for the children is with their natural father. This is due to the likely hood of the children suffering more abuse from Mom and her future boyfriends and or stepfather.

Domestic violent situations come to an end, sometimes abruptly and tragically. Many wives kill their husband when the man wants out of the relationship. We all know that this happens in reverse also, but my point her is to raise awareness on domestic violence from the male perspective. Divorcing an abusive woman can be devastating and dangerous. The woman will not stop until she has destroyed her husband completely. First the system is biased and will most likely oblige her in doing so. Secondly, the man will be isolated from his children, lose his property and possibly his job. Severe depression may cause his job performance to drop to the point of termination. Lastly, the determination of the wife to destroy the husband completely may long outlive his ability to fight a seemingly losing battle.

Domestic Violence is no longer the secret that it used to be. People are speaking out about its existence. Even more so the gender prejudices are slowly but surely changing. Statistically it is not a female problem but a social “people” problem. As long as there are people together in close relations there will be disagreement and fighting will ensue. Fitting will escalate to violence. Perhaps the bias that is now present toward males in domestic violence will someday change so that we as a people can work on the issue socially rather than politically. This would be a giant step toward resolving this problem of domestic violence.

Michael Caster

-- Anonymous, March 20, 2002

Answers

Your essay rings 100% true. Good luck. Ron

-- Anonymous, March 24, 2002

PREJUIDCE? WELCOME TO THE HOMOSEXUAL WORLD, I KNOW IT DOESN'T FEEL TO GOOD, NOW MAYBE THINGS CAN CHANGE

-- Anonymous, March 30, 2002

I am sorry if I don't understand your answer. Are you saying that the homosexual in a domestic violence situation is similar to the situation I have described in my essay?...If so in what way? I know that there is much hate directed at homosexuals, I do not condone hatred at all.

-- Anonymous, April 03, 2002