We have worst song ever, so why not? What's the worst movie ever?

Also, maybe worth focusing on ones that others have seen, since that movie with Lou Diamond Phillips that was on at 3:00 am this morning on HBO 2-zillion is probably not something anyone else has seen.

-- Anonymous, April 09, 2002

Answers

I tend to be pretty picky about movies I see so I've managed to miss most of the stinkers, but I remember being tempted to walk out on "Lethal Weapon Four." It's loaded with insulting stereotypes and racist cliches. Oh, wait, "Unlawful Entry" was verrry bad, but a friend dragged me to that one.

-- Anonymous, April 09, 2002

I haven't even seen this movie because I have been warned by so many people that it truly sucks...Zoolander. What a shame because I love Ben Stiller. Maybe I will buy it on DVD when it goes in the cut-rate bin and keep it on hand for a drunken evening.

-- Anonymous, April 09, 2002

Oh, I've seen much worse than Zoolander, though it wasn't exactly Academy Award winning material, I agree.

-- Anonymous, April 09, 2002

since we're sticking to movies that people may have seen, i'd like to offer up "america's sweethearts".

-- Anonymous, April 09, 2002

My husband and I like to think of ourselves as the crappy movie experts. Here's a link to a guest entry he wrote for me after one of our crappy movie parties.

-- Anonymous, April 09, 2002

Riding in Cars with Boys was just horrible. It's not the worst movie ever, but it's right up there.

-- Anonymous, April 09, 2002

An old Mitch Gaylord movie called American Anthem. It's the worst.

Riding in Cars with Boys was terrible terrible terrible.

-- Anonymous, April 09, 2002

Damn, I really wanted to see Riding in Cars with Boys...oh well, I guess I will put it in my Zoolander file. To stray for a moment from movies that everyone has seen, I was wondering if anyone saw the indie, Chuck & Buck. I would love to know what you all thought of it because I have never been able to decide whether or not I truly liked it.

-- Anonymous, April 09, 2002

I think one of the worst flicks I've ever seen is this Russell Crowe monstrosity called "No Way Back" - has Helen Slater (remember Supergirl?) in it. Bad. Bad acting. Bad accents. Bad beyond all possible descriptions of badness. Ok, maybe not THAT bad, but Lord it wasn't good. Rather funny to see Mr. nominated-for-3-Oscars in a B movie this lousy.

-- Anonymous, April 09, 2002

I didn't think Zoolander was that bad. I really laughed at a couple of things. The orgy with the Sherpas, for example.

Maybe I should be over in "My Secret Shame" for this, but I love love loved American Anthem. Any of those cheesy 80s "we're young and competing and in love" flicks had me at hello... witness Girls Just Want to Have Fun... so bad, it's good. For Worst Movie Ever, I'd like to nominate Here on Earth. The one with LeeLee "Helen Hunt's Love Child" Sobieski and Josh Hartnett and Chris Kline. This was the film that convinced me that I could get a screenplay optioned.

-- Anonymous, April 09, 2002

A three way tie:

Psycho Beach Party (been on showtime forever...starring Xander from Buffy,) The Big Hit (Lou Diamond Phillips and Mark Wahlberg...so very very bad it was funny,) and The Bogus Witch Project (Pauly Shore, nuff said.)

Also, if bad acting is part of this than I *suppose* that Pure Country should be on here somewhere...the acting was SOOO BAD, but the soundtrack and GEORGE STRAIT made up for it.

-- Anonymous, April 09, 2002

PG - "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun"? Yep, seen it about 25 times. Of course, they play it over and over again on Comedy Central but I just can't seem to look away! Sarah Jessica Parker, Helen Hunt, Jonathan Silverman, Shannon Doherty, Joey Lawrence...the list goes on forever as does my secret shame and fascination for this movie.

-- Anonymous, April 10, 2002

The Replacements, an anti-union football flick that labors over every. single. cliché and stars Keanu Reeves as a scab quarterback. I have never forgiven Greyhound for making me watch that piece of dreck twice.

-- Anonymous, April 10, 2002

"Girls Just Want to Have Fun" is cinematic genius. That was my favorite movie until I saw "Satisfaction". SJP dancing just couldn't compete with Justine Bateman singing.

I just remembered a movie much worse than "American Anthem" (sorry Pineapple, it just didn't even have kitsch value for me). "Nothing But Trouble", with Chevy Chase, Demi Moore, and various others who should have known better.

-- Anonymous, April 10, 2002

But Digital Underground shows up! And jams! With Tupac on backing vocals! And 80's-haired hookers! I've watched the movie at least five times, just for that part.

The worst movie ever? Anything with Madonna in it.

-- Anonymous, April 11, 2002

"Nothing But Trouble"

Oh, my God, thank you. Wow, did that movie suck. I mean, it went beyond sucking. It's so far in last place that it looks up to see down.

This may be unpopular, but I have to nominate "Raising Arizona." Except for the last five minutes (which are great), I thought that was the biggest waste of film ever shown on Comedy Central. But everyone else I know loves it, so maybe it's me.

-- Anonymous, April 11, 2002

"Death to Smoochy," fuckers. That's right. I saw it. Now you don't have to.

-- Anonymous, April 11, 2002

This may be unpopular, but I have to nominate "Raising Arizona."

Oh, Mike. You have got to be kidding.

-- Anonymous, April 11, 2002

Dawn was asking about Chuck & Buck:

I saw it as well. Thought it was very talented, multi-dimensional, and darkly comic. Not my fave film ever, but quite good. As for you liking it or not, that of course is up to you. Although, i do completely understand where you're coming from on that: When a g/f and I watched Todd Solondz's "Happiness", we had to take a good while to digest all its obtuse corners before deciding that it was a great film.

Chuck and Buck is also of this wicked recipe.

-- Anonymous, April 12, 2002

Kiss Meets the Phantom of the Park is SO bad... it really really sucks.

-- Anonymous, April 12, 2002

Dr. T And The Women is 2+ hours of my life that I will never, ever get back. And for that, I am pissed. I would rather have plucked my eyelashes out one by one using a pair of kitchen tongs instead of watching that steaming piece of poo. Note to self: not even Robert Altman can salvage a movie starring Richard Gere. Repeat as necessary until desired effect (viz., never ever again watching another frame of film in which Mr. Gere appears) is reached.

I'm afraid I don't understand anything Mike said about Raising Arizona, which is on my short list of Funniest Movies Ever.

-- Anonymous, April 12, 2002

OK, I'll come right out and say it ... I don't like Holly Hunter. It's no coincidence that the movie she won all the awards for ("The Piano") is the one where she didn't say a word.

-- Anonymous, April 12, 2002

Ahhhh. I see. Yeah, I can understand how the bizarre sibilance combined with sandpaper qualities of her voice could grate. I don't mind it, but it's an acquired taste. On the other hand, aren't the voice's annoying qualities more than outweighed by the pure genius of one of Nicolas Cage's great, pre-sellout performances? Man, I watched it with Mr. Boy a couple of months ago, and I was practically hyperventilating from laughing so hard. Ok, I'll stop with the hard sell now.

-- Anonymous, April 12, 2002

Oh, I think Cage is great, as are most of the other characters. But it's just too much Holly Hunter for me to take.

-- Anonymous, April 12, 2002

I hate the Monty Python movies. So. Not. Funny.

-- Anonymous, April 13, 2002

Oh, ouch. That hurts, Holly.

-- Anonymous, April 13, 2002

Nothing like Saturday afternoon cable to bring some bad movies to mind.

How about Grease 2? Lord,but it is BAD. I'm just not sure who watches this movie for not one, but several, channels to repeatedly show it.

-- Anonymous, April 13, 2002

You hurt me when you say that. I used to sing "Cool Rider" to myself when I was feeling lowly back in elementary school.

-- Anonymous, April 14, 2002

How about Grease 2? Lord,but it is BAD. I'm just not sure who watches this movie for not one, but several, channels to repeatedly show it.

Chris? We can't see each other anymore.

-- Anonymous, April 14, 2002

"I wanna C-OO-L R-I-D-E-R" Watch it everytime it comes on...it is hideous and yet, I can't look away. By the way, my friends and I did "Reproduction" as our Senior Follies act in high school. How C-OO-L was I?

-- Anonymous, April 15, 2002

Mike, I appreciate the way a hatred for one actor can make one feel odd about a perfectly good movie, but still,

you are broken. Granted -- had there been no "Raising Arizona," my friends and I might have nothing to say to one another... Just yesterday I bumped into a table and the Beav drawls, "mind you don't cut yourself, Mordecai." It's like breathing... -- so maybe I am not the most objective opinion.

Grease 2 is in the "so bad, it's good" category -- which is different from just "so, so bad."

-- Anonymous, April 15, 2002

Brian, my boyfriend just made a proposal to his boss to get the rights and re-release Kiss Meets the Phantom of the Park. They held a screening at lunch and figured it would sell well to all the Kiss/ horrible movie fans.

-- Anonymous, April 16, 2002

Fair Game

-- Anonymous, April 16, 2002

after watching Boxing Helena I didn't watch another film for two and a half years for fear that I would ever again fell so angry, cheated and alone.

-- Anonymous, May 06, 2002

Deuces Wild.

A cast that is pretty yet you can't tell one guy from the other, except poor Frankie Muniz.

-- Anonymous, May 06, 2002

Boxing Helena

Totally. Worst movie ever on just about every level.

-- Anonymous, May 07, 2002

I just can't think of Boxing Helena as being worse than Kids, though. BH disturbed me, but Kids made me want to throw up and cry.

-- Anonymous, May 07, 2002

Ah - see, Robyn? I could not vote for Kids because I did not dare watch it. I couldn't bear the thought of sitting through that film after I read all the hype surrounding it when it came out. Why such articles would make people rush into the theaters is beyond me, when they were all like "This movie will make you want to kill yourself and everybody else."

-- Anonymous, May 07, 2002

I take back Deuces Wild.

I just remembered Gummo.

-- Anonymous, May 07, 2002

Having not seen Kids, I do want to ask: is there a difference between a movie that's "bad" because the ideas it presents, or the events it depicts, are revolting, and a movie that's "bad" because it fails to engage the viewer regardless of subject matter?

My good friend who's a huge movie buff, for example, raved about Ichi the Killer; those with weak stomachs do not even want to read plot descriptions of Ichi the Killer. But she thought it was, for all the violence and carnage, skillfully done. I still think Battle Royale is one of the best movies I've ever seen, but I've heard people call it violence porn.

Should a movie get points for being daring even if the idea is badly executed? Or if it tries and fails, is it even worse than the movie that failed without trying?

I still vote for The Replacements for being clichéd, boring, and not only stupid but offensively, condescendingly stupid, but I haven't seen any of the oeuvre Kormine, and perhaps for good reason.

-- Anonymous, May 07, 2002

Should a movie get points for being daring even if the idea is badly executed?

I'd say no. A bad movie is a bad movie, whether or not it's the latest crappy blockbuster from Miramax or some obscure arts film where the subtitles are more entertaining than what's on screen. I don't think I've ever left a theater saying "Well, that sucked rocks and wasted two hours of my life, but at least it sucked rocks in a heretofore undiscovered way."

-- Anonymous, May 07, 2002

Hello? Battlefied Earth? The dustbin of History is calling you!

Yes, and in the old crap category, my favorite makes-me-wanna-gouge- out-my-eyes candidate, Xanadu.

http://www.badmovies.org/movies/xanadu/

Olivia Newton John! Inexplicably, Gene Kelly! Animated sequences! Disco Roller Skating!

It has it all, my friend my friend. And a bag of cheese.

-- Anonymous, June 15, 2002

Oh my god, I know you just did not bash Xanadu. Beloved movie of my youth! Everytime my friends and I went to the roller rink we WERE ONJ. If only I could've skated out of the wall, a beautiful painting turned real live girl.

And hello? Andy Gibbs? RIP Andy. RIP.

-- Anonymous, June 15, 2002

Sorry, hannahbeth. I really *wanted* to like it the first time I saw it. I actually liked most of the songs as a kid, and I usually like animation of any kind. I was a rabid rollerskater, too.

But the badness...the dialogue...Gene Kelly ending a mostly good career with such an awful, awful, role...why Gene, why?

After that, it was all downhill.

-- Anonymous, June 16, 2002

Oh my god, I know you just did not bash Xanadu. Beloved movie of my youth!

I'm with Hannah. Xanadu and anything to do with ONJ was like a religion to me as a kid. Let me put it this way, I even loved "Two of a Kind". And, truthfully, as a kid, I wouldn't have cared whether Gene Kelly's character was played by him or freakin' Rip Taylor. I was in it for the disco skating and ONJ.

-- Anonymous, June 17, 2002