A couple of weeks ago, my father-in-law fell. He's 84, and was fishing on a little dock near his home with his two grandsons (my nephews), aged 9 and 8 years old. He blacked out, or lost his balance, we don't know which, and fell out of his chair and off the dock into the lake. The 9 year-old kid jumped in and held his head above water while the younger boy went for help. Some workmen nearby came to their aid, and the old man was air-lifted to the hospital, and is now recovering nicely.

I arrived the next morning to find everything under control, but the boy's mother did not allow the news people to do a story on the two little brothers and their cool response to their grandfather's emergency . She didn't want them to get the "big head". Now, these kids have been raised by their grandparents mostly, with neither parent sparing them a lot of attention, and have just been dragged through a divorce. I thought it was time for a little bit of the "big head" in their lives.

I went and got Hero trophies, and had their names engraved on them, then went to the downtown fire station and told them an old fireman needed a favor. The next morning, I took the boys to "tour" the fire station, where they were met by the whole stationhouse crew, all in uniform in front of a truck pulled out on the apron. The Chief gave a little speach, mostly on heroism, and then presented the boys with the trophies. The boys never knew I set it up. It was a very good moment.

Then I took the kids (and friends) to lunch and to a local amusement park, where they went through a hundred dollar bill, riding the go-carts and bumper boats. It was a very good afternoon.

I had told the family what I was going to do, and of course, when we got back, the kids had some lively stories to tell. I was naturally about to break my own arm, patting myself on the back, but you know what? Not a single adult said a word. No attaboy, no good job, no thanks. Not the grandparents, not the mother, not my own wife. Nothing from anyone. And that got me thinking.

Later, in the grocery store, where I was buying a load for the household, I overheard two young men in line in front of me. They were talking about someone who had just passed away. One of the guys said that he had been a good man. A "good man". It occured to me at that moment that all I want to be, all I wish to have remembered of me is that I was likewise, a "good man". I know there will be no statues, no hospital wings named after me, no memorial scholarship, probably no namesake, but the thought of being remembered as a good man, is more than enough for me.

Long ago, a young woman said she adored me. I was speachless; she ADORED me! No one before or since has said such to me. My now-grown sons have never said to me that I am great in any way. My wife has never said in my hearing that I was even good as a father or as a man. I know they think such, but it would be nice to have it said. Just nice to hear.

So, if you got your father or husband an electric tie organizer for Father's Day, maybe you should think about just looking him in the eyes, or taking his hand, and saying "you know, I think you are a good man". Just a good man.

-- Lon Frank (lgal@exp.net), June 19, 2002

Answers

(just a bump to the new answers page)

-- Lon Frank (lgal@exp.net), June 19, 2002.

Well, Lon, many of us here may not know you as a father or husband or son or any kind of relation--- but we have known you as an FRLian since the FRL was started back over three years ago. In some ways, remembering back to '98 and '99, we all went through a lot together here in cyberspace. (What an understatement, huh?)

Based on our FRLian friendship, all I can say is that we as FRLians have been richer for your company. You have proven to be more than a 'good guy'; more than one of us has cried on your shoulder, and everyone of us has smiled a lot more. Perhaps you are going through a time now when you need reminding. . . well, we all need that from time to time.

Thanks for being an FRLian, and telling stories, and making us laugh, and just being you; week after week, month after month, and yes, even year after year. This here place, and the old place too, wouldn't have been the same without you.

-- Rob (thesonofdust@good.friend), June 19, 2002.

Well, gosh, Rob, thanks! I know I'm among friends here, so I knew I could vent a little. But my point was, to us all, that sometimes in even the best relationships, even though we often say "I love you", once in a while we just need to say "I like you" as well.

I know I'm as bad as anyone else, but maybe I'll keep it in mind to tell the missus that she has always been the best person I've ever known, and tell my sons that I appreciate them not being serial killers (or lawyers!).

-- Lon Frank (lgal@exp.net), June 19, 2002.

Lon, I second what Rob says... and raise him this: All the FRLians have done much over the years to enrich my life, to encourage me and help me to laugh in the face of disaster. You, Rob and Helen more so with your stories the last couple of years, and Gayla has always said just the right thing at the right time. So many others have been wonderfully kind that I hate to name some for fear I might miss one - all dear, all encouraging. And I hate to admit that I haven't said so nearly often enough.

I've often heard it said, "Recognition - children cry for it, old men die for it, all of us crave it". So true.

-- Tricia the Canuck (jayles@telusplanet.net), June 19, 2002.

Lon:

You're the hero of those two boys who will never forget your recognition of their own selfless act. Not only did you not give them the big head, you gave them the knowledge that thinking of others often brings a greater reward than we could have imagined.

As for your wife, perhaps she is so overwhelmed by the immediacy of her father's mortality (and her own) to be overtly thankful-I'm sure it will come. I've been in her shoes and the people who cared for my dying father have been thanked time and time again since his death (but more often prayed for which only God sees and hears.)

You're a good man, Lon Frank

xo, Linda

-- LindaMc (jmcintyre1@mmcable.com), June 20, 2002.

You're a GOOD MAN Lon!

-- helen (knows@em.when.I.sees.em), June 23, 2002.

I understand where you're coming from, Lon. It takes only a moment to say a kind word and 'make someone's day'. And yet not very many people do it. Perhaps they're self-absorbed. They're looking for someone to make THEM feel better. They don't seem able to observe life from the other person's point of view. I've often wondered if it's because of the way they've been raised (reared) or if it's their in-born nature?

For the most part, my life has been surrounded by self-absorbed (selfish?) people. I've always been the giver. The majority of them take advantage of that. It hurts.... but I keep on giving. It's who I am.

If consideration (appreciation) can be taught, then perhaps you've changed those boys lives. If not, you showed them love, and love is NEVER wasted. You're not only a good man, Lon Frank, you're one who cares and makes a difference. What a treasure!

-- Gayla (privacy@please.com), June 23, 2002.

WHOA!

Now I'm getting the big head! Please, I wasn't fishing for such kind comments (well, OK, so I was a little); I was just trying to make a point about men and fathers and Father's Day, and such. My family really isn't so selfish as I made out, it was just an illustration at hand. The point is, folks, that even though you love your spouse, sometimes they need to know that you still LIKE them as well. You still need to tease him a little, you still need to make her giggle.

I worked with a guy once who said, "you know, I love my wife, but I don't like her so much". It stuck with me, and I have always been fearfull of falling into that situation, or having my wife do so.

You guys are OK, you know that?

:*)

-- Lon Frank (lgal@exp.net), June 23, 2002.

I'm a Christian ~ as such, we're taught that praise on Earth is the end of the story. However, if we wait for the reward in Heaven....

Get it, Lon? You will hardly be able to hold your head up for the crown you'll be wearing in Heaven! It's worth the wait.

In the meantime, I think you are a wonderful husband, unbeatable dad, and your nephews' "I wanna be like Mike"!! Who could ask for more!

Love you, Nan

-- Nan Johnson (pooh68@door.net), July 30, 2002.

In case you "regulars" haven't realized it yet, Nan is a friend of mine and I'm paying her to post nice things about me. Please don't encourage her; I can't afford it.

Welcome to the forum Nancy, I know you will like it, just don't tell the missus about me and Helen. (or me and Gayla) (or, or me and Trish) (or, .... oh, just keep your trap shut, period, OK)

:-)

-- Lon Frank (lgal@exp.net), July 30, 2002.