... and at this point, neither is my husband.

We use goats ... yes, use them ... to clear brush in a quiet and organically correct manner. Which is to say, we let the little buggers do all the work whilst we sip coffee on the porch. Sometimes we sip tea.

My husband, not realizing that the National Weather Service spends a huge budget every year warning Americans about storms of all kinds, put the goats into a pond that is normally dry this time of year. In short, he failed to notice we were about to have a monster thunderstorm that would last for days. He thoughtfully added their plastic doghouse at the bottom of the normally-dry pond.

Sometime in the middle of the night, Saint Noah of Ark warned me that the goats were in danger. I immediately and thoughtfully woke my husband to enquire about the goats. He mumbled that they were in noooo danger at all. So what happened is still his fault.

The pond filled with water, flooding the doghouse at the bottom. The goats did not wish to go out into the rain. They stayed in the flooded doghouse whilst the waters rose about them. In fact, the waters were approaching the top of the doghouse door when I got there, and the poor babies were straining to keep their heads in the airspace at the peak of the roof.

I assured them that safety lay with me, up on the pond bank. They accused me of lying and refused to leave the doghouse. They didn't want to come out into the rain (where I was), and they didn't intend to swim to the bank either. They preferred to drown indoors.

The water was cold. The goats were obstructive, abusive, and no help at all. However, I managed to haul them out into the water and push them up onto the pond bank.

Goats apparently do not wee wee into the water surrounding them, their only sign of intelligence. These goats had obviously been holding back all night. Full bladders emptied within seconds of reaching the bank.

Unfortunately, I was still pushing them up the bank from behind.

finis

-- helen (still@washing.my.hair), August 14, 2002

Answers

LOL!!!

So which part of this story indicates your nomination to MENSA, Helen?

-- Tricy the evil Twin Canuck (jayles@telusplanet.net), August 14, 2002.

Saint Helen. There's no doubt in my mind. And I'm not talking about the mountain. Although Helen may have resembled a volcano when she saw her husband. ;-)

-- Gayla (privacy@please.com), August 14, 2002.

Well Helen, if the water was cold, at least in the end, your feet were warm-LOL! Bless you and the buggers for surviving. It was just meant to be hon! Now come into the kitchen, have a sit, and bit of fudge to go with your coffee. That should warm you up, while the goats think about what just happened! Not that they will remember of course... But I'm bettin the hub's memory has since improved! Now pull up a chair to the table hon...

-- Aunt Bee (Aunt__Bee@hotmail.com), August 15, 2002.

whew, Helen, I know what you mean. It looks like a repeat of last year down here. It's been raining for 3 days pretty steady now. I just looked out to see the dock under water and the bayou sniffing around the flower beds in the back yard.

The neighborhood has a lot of activity this morning. Folks putting up lawn furniture and such. I've been relocating some lumber stacked by the little house for it's remodelling. I'll probably have to go tie the propane tank to a tree pretty soon. By this evening the places further down the road will be unaccessable except by boat. No goats have come floating by yet, but LOTS of fire ants. Just life on the bayou.

-- Lon Frank (lgal@exp.net), August 15, 2002.

... sniffle ... is there perchance any pumpkin pie too ...?

-- helen (quit@my.job.will.be.free.to.starve.in.two.weeks), August 15, 2002.

Poor Helen! Now don't you go catchin' cold on us. Sheesh! Hopefully your hubby will make it all up to you---if he doesn't have any ideas about how, well, I'm sure we FRLians could come up with some things for ya ;-)

-- (sonofdust@drought.here), August 15, 2002.

I'm SOOO sorry Helen, no pumpkin pie, but I just pulled a lovely lemon cake pudding out of the oven (the old fashioned kind where the cake bakes on top and there's a lovely lemon sauce on the bottom you spoon over the cake part). Oh wait, there is still half of a chocolate silk pie in the fridge. Let me serve you some of each hon... Milk or coffee to go with that?

-- Aunt Bee (Aunt__Bee@hotmail.com), August 15, 2002.

I'm moving to Aunt Bee's house! ;-)

-- Gayla (privacy@please.com), August 15, 2002.

Are these not the same goats that have conspired in the past to take your life? If so, they must now aknowledge as their new "Goat Herder" and bow on bended hoof to you.

"Goats apparently do not wee wee into the water surrounding them, their only sign of intelligence. These goats had obviously been holding back all night. Full bladders emptied within seconds of reaching the bank.

Unfortunately, I was still pushing them up the bank from behind."

Maybe too much information is not a good thing.

-- SteveOH (thegoofycat@hotmail.com), August 15, 2002.

(((Helen)))

Gonna look for another job, soon? All the best, if so! (And even if not)

-- Tricia the Canuck (jayles@telusplanet.net), August 15, 2002.

Helen,

You are one of St. Francis' favorites, I am sure. I'm glad you rescued your goats. I hope your hubby puts the house on higher ground in the future.

And don't worry about the goatpee, it is considered environmentally friendly.

-- gene (ekbaker@essex1.com), August 17, 2002.