You know what it is. You tell yourself that next time you won't do it, but you do it anyway. You know it's dumb, but you do it anyway. And then you feel even worse because you knew you shouldn't have done it.

What it is that dumb thing you do?

-- Anonymous, August 15, 2002

Answers

I always get depressed at parties. I tell myself that it is stupid, but being around lots of people in a party atmosphere makes me feel really depressed.

-- Anonymous, August 15, 2002

Drink coffee on an empty stomach and follow it up with a fruit of some kind. Kills my stomach everytime, and I end up either puking my brains out (nice picture, I know) or being really miserable for about 24 hours.

-- Anonymous, August 15, 2002

Ohhhh, that would be getting my hopes up, letting my imagination of the possibilities run wild. Fucks me up every time. I really should work on that expecting the worst thing. I mean, you know . . . unless y'all think my eternal naive optimism is part of my charm. Heh.

-- Anonymous, August 15, 2002

I go to social events I don't feel like going to, because I think Len will be disappointed in me if I don't go, even though he outright *tells* me that he completely understands if I'm feeling anti-social and doesn't at all mind my staying home.

This is utterly ridiculous, because it plays out the same way every time. I work myself into fake cheeriness, I go, I feel crowded and miserable, and I go out on the front porch and chain-smoke until it's time to go home. Unless it's at his house, in which case I go fall asleep in the recording studio until everyone else goes home. I should really know better/

-- Anonymous, August 15, 2002

I teeter between expecting the worst of a situatin and expecting the best depending on the situation. And usually, like guppy, I either get my hopes all fucked up expecting a lot or something really wonderful to happen. I guess the better scenario is to expect the worst and than have it not be as bad as I was expecting. Do I make any sense?

-- Anonymous, August 15, 2002

Forget to deal with my department payroll paperwork until the absolute last minute, thus missing the deadline for fee remissions. It means I have to pay several hundred dollars more in registration fees than I thought I would. I'll get the money back later, when the paperwork clears, but it's pretty seriously fucking with my budget right now.

-- Anonymous, August 15, 2002

I will go on a carbohydrate binge. I know how this makes me feel and I know what it does to me - yet somehow I feel the need to punish myself with carb-overload every once in a while. How long do I have to keep doing this to myself before finally, really learning the lesson?

-- Anonymous, August 15, 2002

Never pay my bills on time. Even when I have the money in the bank, the bills just sit there, unpaid. And every time I say I'm going to get more organized the next month. It never happens.

Along those lines, let the mail and other papers pile up. Then, I spend days trying to deal with the overwhelming amount of paper and I swear I won't let it happen again. But it always does. Come to think of it, I'm the same way with the litter box, dishes, laundry...

-- Anonymous, August 15, 2002

Oh so many things -

- having fairly frequent attacks of feeling sure that everyone in the room is merely tolerating me (or just about to stop tolerating me) and so I avoid them so they won't have to deal with me (because it's such a huge pain in the ass to have to be around me).

- putting off things I am afraid won't work out until it's impossible for them to work out because I've put it off too long.

- stop talking to people because I'm afraid they're mad at me for being too busy to talk to them. And worse, that 'forgiving' me will mean I'm obligated to spend more time than I have.

- complaining to people who don't care or can't help while avoiding complaints to anyone who might do anything to help (because if they help I'll be obligated and I don't have time to be obligated!)

Stacey, your comment in the other thread cracked me up - I'm the worst mess I know.

-- Anonymous, August 15, 2002

Lynda, if I ever managed to come a journalcon, I think that you and I should set up our own little table of sandwiches and stand in front of them and have our own little food-blocking clique. Perhaps that will exorcise the no-self-confidence demons.

Or, you know, just be really stupid and cause people to laugh at me, thus making me even less self-confident.

-- Anonymous, August 15, 2002

Hrm.

There are lots of things I do that I shouldn't.

- Drink milk. I've discovered that I'm slightly lactose intolerant. I typically remember this when chugging down my third glass of milk while eating spicy spaghetti or chocolate something.

- I don't drink alcohol 'cause I'm allergic. The degree of my allergic reaction varies fairly wildly. On the 'good days' I could actually have a sip. Invariably, these are the days when my friends are drinking something with amaretto, which I totally love. I will then consume way too much and break out in hives or get very very sick.

- Impulse-buy crap while not-buy things I *really* want. I have this rule: never buy it the first time you want it. Only get it if you want it a second time. When I break the rule, I end up getting something crappy. When I grit my teeth, I end up gritting my teeth that second time and not buying it, even though I really want it (good example: the Lord of the Rings Millenium leatherback edition. Used copies are now going for 4 or 5 times the price. Sigh).

-- Anonymous, August 15, 2002

I'm with Vanessa on the unpaid bills/mail/laundry/dishes thing. I'm also very good at completing 90% of a project before losing interest and dicking around for a while before I finally decide to finish it, or not. I try to keep this contained to my personal life, but it spills over into work every once in a while.

-- Anonymous, August 15, 2002

See Chicago. Not even kidding. When i went on Tuesday, I actually felt sick beforehand, thinking I shoudln't be there, and I was gonna catch hell for it afterwards (the person who would have been giving me hell thankfully went out the back so I didn't talk to them). But it actually turned out all right, and I have every intention of staying far away for an extended period of time (read: over one month).

-- Anonymous, August 15, 2002

The dumb thing I do is take a pause from being on top of a project, problem or situation. Once I do that it takes forever for me to get back on top of that thing. Then I do, the thing concludes and I'm so happy. And I curse myself for letting it (the pause) happen again. I am currently on the pause and have been since June. I hate me right now.

-- Anonymous, August 15, 2002

Oh, the list is long, I tell you.

The biggest single dumb thing I do is to decide that I *deserve* X or Y or whatever. That I've been good for and that I've tried and that *therefore* I should . Got me up to 250 pounds, did that, since the indulgence generally involved chocolate. And yes, I'm doing it again. Another dumb thing is to forget what I learned, at some cost, in my 40's - that people's strengths *are* their weaknesses. That whatever you like the best about your boss (or friend, or lover, or whatever), that very trait is the one that will bite you in the ass. Invariably. As night follows day. Count on it.

-- Anonymous, August 15, 2002

Putting off those little but very important things, like checking the air pressure in my tires. I finally did a couple weeks ago, and they were all about half what they should have been.

I also keep saying I'm going to start a savings account so I can at least cover any emergencies that come up and eventually start investing, but then I see something that I just *have* to buy and I'm back to counting my pennies the week before payday again.

-- Anonymous, August 15, 2002

Yes, I too am all about the unpaid bills, dirty laundry, piles of paper, litter box problems.

I also keep procrastinating starting this mosaic mirror business I've been talking about for ages. The first thing I'm supposed to do is make more mirrors to build up my inventory and yet I can't find it in myself to sit down and spend some time doing it. Instead I watch tv, surf the net, nap, read, twiddle my thumbs. My general avoidance of an activity that I actually enjoy doing is just really dumb.

-- Anonymous, August 15, 2002

I don't practice singing. Let's review: I like to sing. I like my teacher. I pay her $35 an hour to tell me all the same things she told me last week. If I practiced, I'd get better at the things she criticizes, and I'd get to hear new things from her each week.

Why don't I practice? I know not.

Also, I spend too much time farting around on the Internet when I should be working. That makes me feel miserable and guilty, so I swear I will work hard the next day. Do I? Nope!

-- Anonymous, August 15, 2002

- I get really negative about everything (surprise). It usually isn't as bad as I think it is going to be, whatever it is. - whenever my friendly coworker invites me to these rave type parties of which he is part of the scene, I go. I hate them. I don't dance, am not superloveyhappy, have a limited tolerance for fucked up people in dumb clothes with glowsticks, and don't like house or trance music (although I like electro and straight techno). Why do I keep going? I keep thinking I might like it. I never do. - who said carb-bingeing? I do it too, and I always feel bloated and miserable afterwards. - fits of paranoia where I think everyone hates me and I am an idiot.

-- Anonymous, August 15, 2002

And, I post and screw up the formatting, quite often.

-- Anonymous, August 15, 2002

Donuts. I love glazed donuts....while I'm eating them. About 30 minutes later, I get a headache and feel sick to my stomach. The Cinnabons can actually send me to bed with a migraine. But man, while I'm eating them, yummmmm!

-- Anonymous, August 15, 2002

I'm big with the hope, too. It means I spend a lot of time fretting and anxious that things aren't going to turn out like I hope. And I give people far too much credit, for the most part, which comes back to haunt me.

And I carb binge. Now I'm on day 3 of eating very properly after weeks of comfort cookies, and I have a headache and I'm in a foul, foul mood and my stomach's upset, all because I'm *not* clinging to the vending machine like a spider monkey all day.

-- Anonymous, August 15, 2002

I convince myself that that woman I'm interested in couldn't possibly return the interest, so I never do anything about it. Can you say "self-fulfilling prophecy"?

-- Anonymous, August 15, 2002

I do that too.

Although, sometimes I do the opposite, get convinced someone is interested when it turns out they are absolutely not, and so I get to crash and burn again.

I'm much happier when I go to bed early, get up early, and am productive in the morning. And yet, I still tend to stay up too late, sleep late, and get in around 11, at which point the day feels shot. That I let myself feel the day is shot at that point is also dumb.

-- Anonymous, August 15, 2002

Oh, man, I do that. Well, not right now, with the being-in-a- relationship thing, but I've done it in the past. I'm still kicking myself years later over one particular person who I found out much later actually was interested in me when I'd convinced myself he couldn't have been. I still think we could have had something good. Well, inasmuch as teen relationships can be good. I never had one, but my sister's seem to be kind of miserable.

-- Anonymous, August 15, 2002

Here's another dumb thing I do...take out my frustrations at work out on my husband. Yep, very mature of me, I know. And oh so helpful after he's had an equally crappy day. The thing is the minute I start being shrewish, I know I'll end up feeling bad and he'll end up feeling bad, but I still go ahead and do it. Gah.

-- Anonymous, August 15, 2002

Trusting complete strangers for no reason. Is that dumb? Obviously, I don't feel dumb *every* time I do it, but when some of them later prove themselves untrustworthy, I feel like a moron and wonder why I didn't see it coming.

And, on the same note, trusting my brother is pretty dumb too, but I can't help it. He has so much potential, and if he weren't so screwed up, I know he could accomplish great things. God, I'm dumb.

-- Anonymous, August 16, 2002

Be late for things. Like, not everything, but most things. I tend to get absorbed in whatever I'm doing, and want to have it all done before I stop. I have a mental List of Things To Do that's under constant revision, and would be totally depressing and daunting if I ever wrote it down (which I don't) because no one could possibly ever get it all done. If I'm supposed to get my shit together to go somewhere, and I latch onto an item from this mental list, I will screw up both the task and my appointment by trying to cram it in before I leave the house.

Like right now, finishing a post when I know that I have to be at HR in 5 minutes for my exit interview, it's a 5-minute walk, and I suddenly gotta go to the loo BAD.

-- Anonymous, August 16, 2002

Current dumb thing -- taking pain pills for three days without eating or drinking much. I know it's bad for my stomach lining, but I don't feel good, damn it. How am I supposed to eat when eating makes me want to throw up? But I can't not take the pain pills ... Shoot me. Day four.

-- Anonymous, August 16, 2002

i always try to read a book on the bus or in the car. i know it's just going to make me carsick--it's been that way since i was a little kid. do i learn? no.

i'm also perpetually late for things. and i never go to bed early enough to get up at a decent hour, even though i know i'm getting older and i can't get by on six hours of sleep any more.

-- Anonymous, August 16, 2002

Not check xeney.net for days on end because I figure I'll give Beth her space, and missing out on three days of these worthless online relationships.

-- Anonymous, August 16, 2002

Killing plants.

My balcony herbs, my new herb seedlings and three houseplants I've had for a year are all dead. The last three I understand, because I had to put them near the microwave so my kitten wouldn't eat them, and there's not enough sun there. But the others? I dunno. Plus, they've been dead for more than a week (the balcony herbs have been dead way longer), but have I thrown them away? Nope.

So that would be the other thing I do: Procrastinate.

-- Anonymous, August 18, 2002