How do I leave will I lose my house he's is so verbally abusive he treats me like crap always bringing up my past marriage telling my grandchildren some of the most dirtiest things about me and then the next day acting like nothing has happened. I'm afraid in my own home afraid of what he'll say about me next. How do I get him out of my life. We have a four year old daughter. I want her to hava a normal relationship. Since there's no physical abusive just verbal how can I get him put? I live in MA anything you can tell me I would greatly appreciate. He also drinks heavily and smokes pot heavily!

-- Anonymous, August 19, 2002

Answers

Considering what you have told me you should have no trouble getting him out. You need to contact a domestic abuse shelter in your area and find out what legal options you have. You can do this anonymously through their crisis line if you want to. I run a domestic abuse shelter in Arkansas but I am not real familiar with other states laws. Good luck.

-- Anonymous, October 08, 2002

First of all the only real answer I can give you is go to the closest Mental Health department and explain the same story you wrote about. After that ask them if they know of an organization that deals with this sort of abuse or any other kind of abuse. I live in the state of Minnesota and I am thinking of becoming a volunteer for an organization that is for helping women out in abusive relationships. Where I live this organization has safe homes also for homeless women who leave their spouses for reasons that you have. See I understand where you are coming from, and my husband drinks heavily also and smokes pot. Will you lose you house? That all depends if you file for divorce, what the judge decides, and probably whose name the house is in. However, that is not the most important thing right now. Your safety and sanity and the safety of your daughter. Don't make the mistake like I did and wait 22 years, because I will tell you that weed and that alcohol is like your husband's best friend. Most of the time they won't put it down or give it up for anything. How do you get out? Find a best friend's house you can stay at, and get a restraining order or order of protection. Then explain the situation to your family and posssibly the police. The more you are afraid, the more your partner will sense it and make you more afraid. The only thing I can honestly tell you is get the heck out as soon as possible. No excuse will save your life or make you happy. It is time for some serious decision making. If you do not do it for yourself, do it for your daughter's happiness. If there is one thing you do not want your kids to go through is depression, like mine did because I stayed in my marriage. My best friend showed me the light and I will always be thankful to them for the rest of my life.

-- Anonymous, October 18, 2002

Hi Bev.

Your asking yourself how doy ou get out. Well, you are out. Your out of having a happy normal life. You have to understand that love is very close to hate and at times when things are good there is love and when things are bad their is hate but really, your already out of this marriage. The first step has already been taken now the second one needs to come.

-- Anonymous, November 28, 2002