Tonight is our first meeting with the priest. I am Catholic and my fiancé is Jewish and is not converting. I don't know what to expect at our first meeting. Please let me know if you are Catholic and what happens.

-- stephanie Parulis (kntregrl@hotmail.com), November 07, 2002

Answers

Response to 1st meeting with a catholic priest for my wedding

It will depend a lot on the priest. The Church's stance is strong against a Catholic marrying a non-Christian for solid theological reasons. Unfortunately our Catholic youth are not instructed in their early years on this so as not to get involved with a non- Christian. You're at a point now where it will be difficult to break this relationship to seek one where you can have a truly sacramental marriage.

I know that God can do wonderful things in tough situations, so I don't want to paint a bleak picture here. But be prepared for some straight-shooting from the priest done in wisdom and love (if the priest is a "straight-shooter").

I will pray that all goes well for you and your fiance and that the priest provides you with great counsel in this matter.

God bless!

-- Hollis (catholic@martinsen.com), November 07, 2002.

Response to 1st meeting with a catholic priest for my wedding

Stephanie,

Probably too late for your meeting, but if you wish to marry in the Catholic Church, you will have to promise to raise your children in the Catholic faith. Your husband will simply have to acknowledge your promise.

What are your plans for your children? Will your husband accept this? What were the results from your meeting?

-- Glenn (glenn@nospam.com), November 07, 2002.

Response to 1st meeting with a catholic priest for my wedding

Glenn,

The requirement to raise the kids Catholic is true, but for a Catholic to marry a non-Chritian is much more complex than for a Catholic to marry a non-Catholic Christian.

This is because the marriage is lacking valid form to be a sacramental marriage. Hence, this is not at all encouraged. Technically, it requires the approval of the local bishop.

God bless!

-- Hollis (catholic@martinsen.com), November 07, 2002.

Response to 1st meeting with a catholic priest for my wedding

Thanks Hollis. Should have let your original post stand but I wanted to ask Stephanie those questions in my post.

-- Glenn (glenn@nospam.com), November 08, 2002.

Response to 1st meeting with a catholic priest for my wedding

I need to correct myself. I said << the marriage is lacking valid form >>. Actually, it is lacking valid matter (the three requirements of a sacrament are matter, form and minister).

For marriage, the proper matter is a baptized man and woman.

God Bless!

-- Hollis (catholic@martinsen.com), November 08, 2002.

Response to 1st meeting with a catholic priest for my wedding

Hi, Glenn and Hollis.

I'm afraid that you have a partially incorrect understanding of the Church's present discipline on raising children in a "mixed marriage" (according to the 1983 Code of Canon Law for the Western/Latin Church).

Glenn, you wrote: "... if you wish to marry in the Catholic Church, you will have to promise to raise your children in the Catholic faith. Your husband will simply have to acknowledge your promise."

Actually, the Catholic need not "promise to raise [his/her] children in the Catholic faith," but must promise to do all within his/her power to so raise them. Sometimes circumstances may arise to prevent the Catholic spouse from being able to comply; when that happens, the Catholic incurs no guilt. The non-Catholic must simply be made aware of the Catholic's promise -- without being forced to agree to cooperate. Naturally, the Church encourages the couple to agree -- even before becoming engaged -- about how the children will be raised. If the non-Catholic openly refuses to allow the children to be raised Catholic, the Catholic bishop can take that into account in deciding whether or not to grant permission for the marriage.

It is correct to say that a marriage between Catholic and Jew is not "sacramental," but it can be a valid, "natural" marriage in God's eyes.

God bless you.
John

-- J. F. Gecik (jfgecik@hotmail.com), November 09, 2002.

Response to 1st meeting with a catholic priest for my wedding

John,

Thanks for the clarification. So while we're at it, let me add a clarification.

Technically, the marriage between a Catholic with another non- Catholic baptized Christian is a "mixed marriage." Loosely, the term is extended to include a Catholic with non-Christian (disparitas cultus).

I'm also going to question the last issue. I'm not certain and wasn't able to find the sure answer in a quick search on the web just now, so I'll throw out the question to some of the in-depth experts in the forum (I'll continue making a more in-depth search if no one responds).

My understanding is that it's not possible for a baptized Christian to have a "natural" yet non-sacramental marriage. A natural and non- sacramental marriage is only possible between two non-Christians.

But there is some sense of "validity" because it is possible for a bishop to grant a dispensation and allow the couple to marry - and I believe the Catholic can still receive the sacraments of Eucharist and Penance in that situation. This is where I'm a bit unclear - something isn't making sense. So you could be right, but that scenario doesn't sound completely correct either.

Anyone?

Hollis

-- Hollis (catholic@martinsen.com), November 09, 2002.

Response to 1st meeting with a catholic priest for my wedding

Jmj

Hello, Hollis.

I agree with your "clarification" concerning mixed marriages. The following is from the Vatican's "Ecumenical Directory" (1993):
"The term 'mixed marriage' refers to any marriage between a Catholic and a baptized Christian who is not in full communion with the Catholic Church."
Only by informal extension is the term sometimes extended to refer to a marriage of a Christian and a non-Christian. This is probably done because Canons 124-129 comprise a chapter named "Mixed Marriages," and #129 extends certain obligations to cases of "disparity of worship."

On the other point [natural marriage] that you raised, however, I have to disagree with you.
Here is a statement taken from a "This Rock" article published by Catholic Answers, Inc.: "A sacramental marriage, one that communicates supernatural grace, requires that both partners be baptized. If neither is or only one is, their union is only a natural one."
Acknowledging that CAI not an official source, I got confirmation from a page at the site of the Diocese of San Bernardino. This is in the form of a scenario sometimes faced by the marriage tribunal:
"A baptized non-Catholic person and an unbaptized person were married and subsequently civilly divorced. The unbaptized person now wants to marry a Catholic. The first marriage could not have been sacramental because one party was unbaptized. No 'dispensation' would have been given because no Catholic party was involved. It is, however, considered a 'natural marriage' which can be dissolved by the pope if certain requirements are met ..."

God bless you.
John

-- (jfgecik@hotmail.com), November 10, 2002.

Response to 1st meeting with a catholic priest for my wedding

John,

Okay. That makes sense. Thanks for the clarification.

Hollis

-- Hollis (catholic@martinsen.com), November 11, 2002.