Hi all, Here is part 2 of the report on Mother Teresa. What strikes me is her smallness, her willingness to die to self and ideas for obedience to Jesus. It's very humbling. God bless us all. Theresa

ZENIT News Agency, The World Seen from Rome ==================================================

The Soul of Mother Teresa, Part 1 (Continued) Hidden Aspects of Her Interior Life

ROME, NOV. 29, 2002 (Zenit.org).- As the process of beatification for Mother Teresa progresses, ZENIT is publishing in two installments the first part of a study by the postulator of the cause, Missionary of Charity Father Brian Kolodiejchuk.

The first installment appeared Thursday. The article is reprinted with Father Kolodiejchuk's permission.

* * *

The Soul of Mother Teresa: Hidden Aspects of her Interior Life (Part 1)

copyright by Fr. Brian Kolodiejchuk, M.C. Postulator

All rights reserved.

...

3 December 1947 -- "Please do not delay"

From the time he received Mother Teresa's first letter in January, Archbishop Périer showed himself to be a wise and prudent pastor. He did not rush to approve or reject Mother Teresa's proposal. He realized that her departure from Loreto and the founding of a new religious congregation was a decision on which rested the future lives of many people. Consequently, he repeatedly told Mother Teresa that before giving his approval, "I must be able to say that I have prayed much and long, that I have studied carefully, that I have consulted different experts in these matters, that I have placed myself in a state of complete indifference as regards the acceptance or refusal and that my judgment is based solely on the merits or demerits of the case. ... I shall do the will of God; but that must be clear to me." During 1947 the Archbishop followed this course of discernment.

Meanwhile, the desire to answer Jesus' call increased in Mother Teresa as the months passed. Throughout 1947, she communicated with Archbishop Périer through letters and through Fr. Van Exem, who continued to advise her. Finally, Mother Teresa's conviction that the inspiration was from God and her burning desire to answer His call without delay culminated in her letter of 3 December 1947 to Fr. Van Exem and Archbishop Périer. Here she recounts once more her original inspiration of September 1946, repeating the words of the voice verbatim from her letter of January. This time, however, she reveals more of her intimacy with Jesus by including her actual words in response to His. In the second section of the letter regarding the year 1947, Mother Teresa informs the Archbishop of the locutions and visions that climax the mystical phenomena surrounding the inspiration.

+ Feast of St. Francis Xavier 13

Dear Father, I would be grateful if you would give these papers to His Grace.

September 1946

During the year very often I had that longing to be all for Jesus and to make other souls, Indian especially, come and love Him fervently, but as I thought this to be one of my desires I put it off again and again. To identify myself so much with Indian girls would be out of the question. After reading the life of St. Cabrini, the thought kept on coming, why can't I do for Him in India what she did for Him in America. Why was she able to identify herself so much with the Americans as to become one of them? She did not wait for souls to come to her; she went in search of them and brought with her zealous workers. Why can't I do the same for Him here?

How could I? I have been and am very happy as a Loreto Nun. To leave that what I love and expose myself to new labours and suffering, which will be great, to be the laughing stock of so many, especially religious, to cling and choose deliberately the hard things of an Indian life, to loneliness and ignominy, to uncertainty -- and all because Jesus wants it, because something is calling me to leave all and gather the few to live His life, to do His work in India.

In all my prayers and Holy Communions He is continually asking, "Wilt Thou refuse? When there was a question of Thy soul I did not think of Myself but gave myself freely for Thee on the Cross and now what about Thee? Wilt Thou refuse?

I want Indian Nuns, victims of my love, who would be Mary and Martha, who would be so very united to me as to radiate My love on souls. I want free Nuns covered with My poverty of the cross. I want obedient Nuns covered with my obedience on the cross. I want full of love Nuns covered with My Charity of the cross. Wilt Thou refuse to do this for Me?"

My own Jesus, what you ask it is beyond me. I can hardly understand half of the things you want. I am unworthy. I am sinful. I am weak. Go, Jesus, and find a more worthy soul, a more generous one.

"You have become My Spouse for my love. You have come to India for Me. The thirst you had for souls brought you so far. Are you afraid now to take one more step for Your Spouse, for Me, for souls? Is your generosity grown cold? Am I a second to you? You did not die for souls. That is why you don't care what happens to them. Your heart was never drowned in sorrow as was My Mother's. We both gave our all for souls -- and you? You are afraid that you will lose your vocation, you will become a secular, you will be wanting in perseverance. No -- your vocation is to love and suffer and save souls and by taking the step you will fulfil My Heart's desire for you. You will dress in simple Indian clothes or rather like My Mother dressed, simple and poor. Your present habit is holy because it is My symbol. Your sari will become holy because it will be My symbol."

Give me light. Send me Thy own Spirit, which will teach me Thy own Will, which will give me strength to do the things that are pleasing to Thee. Jesus, My Jesus, don't let me be deceived. If it is You who want this, give proof of it; if not, let it leave my soul. I trust you blindly. Will you let my soul be lost? I am so afraid, Jesus. I am so terribly afraid. Let me not be deceived. I am so afraid. This fear shows me how much I love myself. I am afraid of the suffering that will come through leading that Indian life -- clothing like them, eating like them, sleeping like them, living with them and never having anything my way. How much comfort has taken possession of my heart. "You have been always saying, 'Do with me whatever you wish.' Now I want to act. Let me do it, My little Spouse, My own little one. Do not fear. I shall be with you always. You will suffer and you suffer now, but if you are my own little Spouse, the Spouse of the crucified Jesus, you will have to bear these torments in your heart. Let me act. Refuse me not. Trust me lovingly, trust me blindly."

Jesus, my own Jesus, I am only Thine. I am so stupid. I do not know what to say, but do with me whatever you wish, as you wish, as long as you wish. I love you not for what you give, but for what You take. Jesus, why can't I be a perfect Loreto Nun, a real victim of Your love, here? Why can't I be like everybody else? Look at the hundreds of Loreto Nuns who have served You perfectly, who are now with you. Why can't I walk the same path and come to you?

"I want Indian Nuns, Missionaries of Charity, who would be my fire of love amongst the poor, the sick, the dying, and the little children. The poor I want you to bring to me and the Sisters that would offer their lives as victims of My love will bring these souls to Me. You are, I know, the most incapable person, weak and sinful, but just because you are that, I want to use you for My glory. Will Thou refuse?"

"Little one, give me souls. Give me the souls of the poor little street children. How it hurts, if you only knew, to see these poor children soiled with sin. I long for the purity of their love. If you would only answer and bring me these souls. Draw them away from the hands of the evil one. If you only knew how many little ones fall into sin every day. There are plenty of Nuns to look after the rich and well to do people, but for my very poor, there are absolutely None. For them I long, them I love. Wilt Thou refuse?"

1947

"My little one, come, come, carry me into the holes of the poor. Come, be My light. I cannot go alone. They don't know Me so they don't want me. You come, go amongst them. Carry Me with you into them. How I long to enter their holes, their dark, unhappy homes. Come, be their victim. In your immolation, in your love for Me, they will see Me, know Me, want Me. Offer more Sacrifices, smile more tenderly, pray more fervently and all the difficulties will disappear."

"You are afraid; how your fear hurts me. Fear not. It is I who am asking you to do this for me. Fear not. Even if the whole world is against you, laughs at you, your companions and Superiors look down on you, fear not. It is I in you, with you, for you."

"You will suffer, suffer very much, but remember I am with you. Even if the whole world rejects you, remember you are My own and I am yours only. Fear not, it is I. Only obey -- obey very cheerfully and promptly and without any questions. Just only obey. I shall never leave you if you obey."

1) I saw a very big crowd -- all kinds of people -- very poor, and children were there also. They all had their hands lifted towards me standing in their midst. They called out, "Come, come, save us. Bring us to Jesus."

2) Again that great crowd -- I could see great sorrow and suffering in their faces. I was kneeling near Our Lady who was facing them. I did not see her face but I heard Her say, "Take care of them. They are mine. Bring them to Jesus. Carry Jesus to them. Fear not. Teach them to say the Rosary, the family Rosary, and all will be well. Fear not. Jesus and I will be with you and your children."

3) The same great crowd -- they were covered in darkness yet I could see them. Our Lord on the Cross. Our Lady at a little distance from the Cross -- and myself as a little child in front of Her. Her left hand was on my left shoulder and her right hand was holding my right arm. We were both facing the Cross. Our Lord said, "I have asked you. They have asked you and she, My Mother, has asked you. Will you refuse to do this for me, to take care of them, to bring them to me?"

I answered, "You know, Jesus, I am ready to go at a moments notice."

Since14 I have heard nothing, nor seen anything, but I know that whatever I have written, it is true. As I told you, I do not build on this, but I know it is true. If I did not speak of this, if I tried to kill these desires in my heart, I would be guilty before Our Lord. Why has all this come to me, the most unworthy of His creatures? I do not know, and I have tried so often to persuade Our Lord to go and seek another Soul, a more generous, a stronger one, but He seems to take pleasure in my confusion, in my weakness. These desires to satiate the longing of Our Lord for souls of the poor, for pure victims of His love, go on increasing with every Mass and Holy Communion. All my prayers and the whole day, in a word, are full of this desire. Please do not delay longer. Ask Our Lady to give us this Grace on her feast day on the 8th.15

If there are any other things, which I have told you16 but I do not remember now, please, tell His Grace that also. I told him that I wanted only to obey and do God's Holy Will. Now I do not fear. I leave myself completely in His Hands. He can dispose of me as He wishes.

Please tell His Grace about the two Yugoslav girls in Rome. Then there are six Bengali girls, the Belgium girl in the South, the one also you know in Belgium. Vocations would come. I do not fear about this, though everybody thinks me very optimistic, but I know how much love and generosity there [is] in Bengali hearts if they are given the means to reach the highest. Self-denial and abnegation will be the means to our end. There will be disappointment but the good God wants just only our Love and our trust in Him.

Please pray for me during your Holy Mass.

Yours sincerely in O.L.17 M. Teresa

P.S. Please explain to H.G. what I meant when I said, I don't build or believe in visions. I meant that even if the things did not come, my desires were just as strong and the readiness to do His Holy Will just as fervent.

When Archbishop Périer received Mother Teresa's letter, his consultation with experts was still under way. By the beginning of January, however, he had become "deeply convinced that by withholding my consent, I would hamper the realization, through her, of the will of God. I do not think I could do anything more to enlighten myself." Thus, on the morning of 6 January 1948, after celebrating Mass in the convent chapel, he called for Mother Teresa and told her, "You may go ahead."

Four days later Mother Teresa wrote a letter to her Superior General explaining her desires and asking permission to begin the steps that would lead her out of the Loreto convent and into the streets and slums of Calcutta.

After receiving permission from her superior, Mother Teresa then petitioned the Sacred Congregation for Religious at the Vatican. She received formal approval with an indult of exclaustration and was granted the privilege to live outside the convent while still remaining a Loreto nun with vows. Although the indult was granted in April, the letter from Rome confirming this never reached Mother in Calcutta until August.

With this permission, Mother Teresa dressed in a sari and departed for Patna on 17 August, to begin medical training with the Medical Mission Sisters. She finished this successfully and quickly returned to Calcutta by December. Thanks to arrangements made by Fr. Van Exem, she was provided temporary lodging with the Little Sisters of the Poor. It was from there, on 21 December 1948, that Mother Teresa went out to the slums for the first time to begin "the work," that would define her life and great mission of charity for the poorest of the poor.

She was soon to discover how prophetic were Jesus' words foretelling the sufferings she would bear in her heart.

---

FOOTNOTES

13 The Feast of St. Francis Xavier is celebrated on 3 December.

14 The implication is "Since then"...

15 December 8th, the Feast of the Immaculate Conception.

16 The rest of the letter is directed to Fr. Van Exem.

17 Mother Teresa usually closed her letters "... in Jesus Christ" or "... in J.C." Here, "O.L." probably means "Our Lord."

ZE02112920

=================================================== ZENIT is an International News Agency.

To receive ZENIT News Services by e-mail, FREE Subscription at: http://www.zenit.org/english/subscribe.html

For reprint permission, please contact infoenglish@zenit.org. Visit our web page at http://www.zenit.org/

-- Theresa (Rodntee4Jesus@aol.com), December 07, 2002

Answers

Jesus, teach us how to live in that great dichotomy of dying for you in our whole being, and living for you in the victory you've won for us.

-- Theresa (Rodntee4Jesus@aol.com), December 07, 2002.