...I 'am legally seperated...my divorce becomes final in 6 weeks...I know the marriage could be saved. I have met a wonderful woman and would like to date her...how soon can I do this?

-- David Hooker (dhooker@wfrv.cbs.com), January 08, 2003

Answers

A quick question...

If you know the marriage COULD be saved, why have you opted for a divorce? Or did you mean to say that it could NOT be saved?

According to the Catholic Church you are STILL married until it can be proven that a marriage really and truly never existed, in which case they will declare that it is null. So to answer your question, "how soon can I do this?": You can date (without being “unfaithful”) as soon as you know you are NOT married, which will have to be investigated by the Church.

As God himself declared, "what God has joined, let no man tear apart". Therefore, what the Church will do, by the authority given to her by God, is investigate your "marriage" (in quotes because if it is found null, then it really wasn't a marriage) and decide whether it really was a valid marriage. If it is a valid marriage, then what God had really joined - not even the Church could separate. If the Church comes to the CLEAR decision that the marriage was never valid, then she will give you an annulment (a document that states that you never were married).

Only when you know for sure that your marriage is NULL may you begin to date. That is, without the guilt of infidelity. Of course, if you don't really care about what God thinks, then (by virtue of your free will) you could start dating now. Or, for that matter, you might have started dating even before your divorce. But the fact that you came to a Catholic forum to ask leads me to believe that you honestly want to serve God. In this case, please talk to a priest.

I will pray for you! In the mean time, please try NOT to pursue this “wonderful” woman before you know for sure that you aren’t still married. After all (not to be too harsh), wasn’t your wife a “wonderful” woman at one time?

In Christ.

-- Jake Huether (jake_huether@yahoo.com), January 08, 2003.

Hey David....how soon do you want to date her???

Maybe your marriage didn't last because you couldn't make a decision on your own. Give this one a shot. Be a big boy and decide what you want to do.

-- Tiki (TKOA@rpi.edu), January 08, 2003.

Please, Tiki, be charitable. This is a Catholic Forum. Everyone needs advice at one time or another. As they say, "no man is an island".

David, please ignore Tiki's insulting advice. That is not how Catholics act.

In Christ.

-- Jake Huether (jake_huether@yahoo.com), January 09, 2003.