...and there always have been. But geez, that topic is hot nowadays. Incidentally, the question of interfaith-marriages, anulments, seperations, re-marriage, and so on have been around for so long that most people would find the perspectives they're looking for if they browsed the forum's older posts. But, understandably, that's not always easy to do.

The biggest question in my mind is: where is the priest in all of this? The fact that so many people come here is either a testament to the tight supply of priests, or the ineptitude of priests when it comes to marriage law and pastoral counseling. I suspect that it is, perhaps, more often the latter than the former. The way things happen here on Greenspun, it tempts me to take as many theology courses regarding marriage as possible while I'm here, while the getting's good!

However, there's a deeper question in my mind: why is this all happening? I mean, high divorce rates have been a reality since before I was born, but, uh, considering that most marriages used to be arranged (a curse word for modern loveseekers) as late as a century ago without much difficulty or divorce, then why is all this chaos coming out now?

-- Skoobouy (skoobouy@hotmail.com), January 22, 2003

Answers

Schoolboy, it's just that they come here before they dare to go to their pastor. They are afraid of the bad news so they want to prepare themselves with an aperitif.

-- (marios85ten@hotmail.com), January 22, 2003.

> "why is all this chaos coming out now?"

Ask yourself this question, are people more honorable today, then they where 50 years ago? That's the reason! Marriages cannot be valid in the eyes of God, if people have no intention of honoring their marriage vows on the day of their marriage. That's why we have such a huge increase in annulments being granted. Just a sign of the times. It's really sad, the huge number of people today who are suffering because of the lack of honor in others.

Examples: -people saying they are open to kids, but after being married, are not open to having kids -having sexual relations with others before and during the marriage, showing a complete lack of fidelity -not taking the vow "till death do us apart" seriously, as a lot of Catholics believe in staying married only as long as they are happily married. There are grounds for seperation, but I am talking about those who have no intention of honoring this vow, by divorcing and remarrying, and admitting they had no intention to stick in a marriage through thick and thin, when they made that vow.

Also part of the problem of the huge number of annulments, is that some people are lying to get them, by claiming they had no intention of honoring their marriage vows on the day of their marriage, when they did intend to honor them, but only are saying that now, so they can have a nice wedding in the local Catholic church with someone else.

We live in an age of liars, and dishonorable people, and that is the reason why we have this huge problem of so many annulments.

Pretty sad, and a reflection of the lack of faith people have today. They do not fear God, and they think they can fool him.

Attaining an annulment with lies, and remarrying is adultry in the eyes of God.

-- Gordon (gvink@yahoo.com), January 22, 2003.

I have a different take on it..if there were so many folks who didn't care about the church, they wouldn't be so concerned about their marriages being valid. They also wouldn't care about receiving the sacraments with validity. The increase in folks being concerned about the annulment process indicates to me a yearning to be "one" with the church again for many people, and a desire on the part of others to make certain that they get it "right" before they marry. There is rarely a hue and cry over a matter of little import to people. It makes me happy to see so many questions about marriage and annulment on the board..people are taking it seriously, as indeed they should!

-- lesley (martchas@hotmail.com), January 22, 2003.

Gordon writes:

"We live in an age of liars, and dishonorable people..."

Did you ever get the suspicion that a few of these annulment stories were invented by their authors, just to pull our legs? Maybe it's just me...I pray I'm wrong.

Sorry for the pessimistic view! :-(

Enjoy,

Mateo

-- (MattElFeo@netscape.net), January 22, 2003.

> "they wouldn't be so concerned about their marriages being valid."

The motivation by the people who are concerned whether their marriage is valid or not, are not the people I was speaking about. It's their spouses who behaved in the dishonorable manner.

-- Gordon (gvink@yahoo.com), January 23, 2003.

AH! Thanks for clarifying that Gordon..now I see where you are coming from...yes,I agree with you now. Isn't it a shame. I'd like to see things be altered to have it become at least a year before people could marry..marry in ANY fashion..as it is in a civil divorce..make it a lengthy process, requiring counselling and some sort of mandatory classes for all people where they'd have to sit down with folks who have been married for 25 years or more, etc. All of this running headlong into something which is supposed to be sacred and a life-long commitment is foolhardy at best...sigh. Sometimes people put more thought and energy into the planning of the ceremony than they do into the choosing of a spouse! It's all very sad indeed.

-- lesley (martchas@hotmail.com), January 23, 2003.

Lesley,

You are so right when you say "Sometimes people put more thought and energy into the planning of the ceremony than they do into the choosing of a spouse!"

My son just got engaged and there are some issues I would like to see them take care of before they get married - not major issues, but things I see that they are blind to now but will become an issue later on when the passion cools down some. Love is so blind.

As a mother, I "see" certain things. Anyway, he said they have nothing to discuss, they are 'in love' and that's all that matters, etc..It takes a few years of marriage (after the kids and the mortgage and the in-laws, etc., etc... :) come into play that reality enters the picture. I guess they will find out for themselves, just like we had to. I tried.

-- MaryLu (mlc327@juno.com), January 23, 2003.

Thank God for the graces bestowed in the Sacrament of Matrimony! Would any of our marriages have survived on human love alone? I think I entered into marriage quite naively over 20 years ago, but what I or my husband perhaps could not have held together ourselves, the Lord has supplied whatever has been lacking! Pax Christi.

-- Anna <>< (FloweroftheHour@hotmail.com), January 24, 2003.

Amen, Anna, Amen!

MaryLu

-- MaryLu (mlc327@juno.com), January 24, 2003.

For what it's worth, my husband and I decided long ago to make a promise to our married children..we do not interfere in their lives unless they ask us to, and even then, if one asks us to listen to complaints about their spouse, we gently refuse..telling them to talk to the one who needs to hear the problem..LOL..Our thoughts are that our sons and daughters have chosen their spouses, not us..surely they see wonderful things about these people, and so should we! The BEST thing about the spouses of our children is that they LOVE our sons and daughters..now that's COOL! So I should care if my DIL doesn't keep her house as clean as I do??? NAH? She loves my son, and he loves her..that is what really matters. We choose to ignore any and all personal quirks and "warts" in the hope that they will ignore ours...Mary lu..this is definetly NOT directed at you or your comments, yet they did make me recall my own poor relationship with my MIL, and then how my husband and I came up with our way of making sure we never behaved as she did..LOL..IMHO, meddling in-laws cause a ton of grief..sure, we meddled when the kids were younger and dating.you bet we did! But when they were adults and choosing their spouses??? No.

-- lesley (martchas@hotmail.com), January 24, 2003.

What puzzles me is how many NON-Catholics come here asking about whether they can get a marriage annulled. If they're not Catholics and aren't planning to marry a Catholic, why would they even care?

-- Christine L. :-) (christine_lehman@hotmail.com), January 29, 2003.