I am a baptized Episcopalian and have not really practiced for quite some time. My husband is a Catholic (baptized, confirmed, etc.) and we go to a Catholic church sometimes and go with his whole family (all his brothers & his parents) every Christmas. I don't take communion as I am not Catholic -- nor do I feel very comfortable going to get blessed with my hands in front of my chest signaling that "I am not Catholic." To me God accepts everyone -- and this exclusion makes me feel uncomfortable.

His brothers have many children and they are all baptized Catholic and I believe the sisters-in-law that were not Catholic went through the RCIA to become Catholic. We have never been asked to be godparents and I beginning to think the possibly reason is not that I am not Catholic -- but I am sure there could be limitless reasons why we are not and ultimately that decision is personal to the parents' of the child.

Last year I was checking into with our Church that we attend RCIA and was going to start the process (I have come close a few times before), but then did not go. Now I am wondering the motives about it. Obviously the decision to do this is major and at the time I was thinking about it - it was personal and not to do with family. Now I am thinking that one of my reasons may be to "belong" to the family --because if I am not Catholic -- I will always be considered not part of something (which the Catholic church is famous for -- it really feels like you freeze people out)-- so I suppose I must look in my heart to find the decision -- which I have, but it is hard when you have a family that is all Catholic -- the pressure is so great to convert that you are not sure if it is for you or them. But if I don't I am frozen out of many things even though I believe in God and trust in him and I do have a good heart. I suppose I will trust in him on this decision of mine but I just want it to be a true decision and not based on wanting to "belong."

-- V.Smith (prontoro@msn.com), February 14, 2003

Answers

Dear V. Happy Feast Day of St. Valentine! Let me first say that reception of Holy Communion is our great Amen to all that the Church teaches. If one has not cared to be baptized in the Church and instructed in the Faith, then why would he care to receive the Sacrament of the Holy Eucharist? (That would be kind of like someone responding negatively to your wedding invitation, but telling you to send over a slice of the cake!) Your in-laws probably have a variety of reasons for not having chosen you as godparents. Looking at the way you worded your second sentence, "...we go to Church sometimes..." that would (I'm sorry) be reason enough for me to discount you as potential godparents right there. Attendance at Holy Mass is not optional, it is mandatory. It is a sin to miss Mass on Sundays and holy days of obligation. Being godparents at a baby's baptism isn't a social event. It is in this Sacrament of initiation that the godparents pledge to be that child's spiritual mentor, (especially in the event that some tragedy might befall the biological parents, as parents are the primary educators of the Faith.) I try to choose godparents who are "on fire" in their Faith, as they will be praying for my child, and celebrating each spiritual milestone in a special way. I would not recommend "lukewarm" godparents. I do agree with you that joining the Church would probably bring about a profound unity in your family, as you would all share the same Faith, and those family functions would perhaps hold more meaning for you. But that is not the right reason for converting. If you haven't looked at Our Lady and said to yourself, "I want her to be my mother!" or looked at the Holy Eucharist and said, "How I want Jesus to feed my soul with His Sacred Body and Blood," and if you haven't thought about where you would like to spend eternity, then perhaps you are not ready to become a Catholic. Certainly, it would be a waste of your time to convert, if you are only going to attend Mass occasionally; ie: when you're with the in- laws. It firstly has to be a "PERSONAL" conversion--between you and Jesus Christ. I'm sure your in-laws would rejoice over your conversion, also...But it should be for the right reasons. I would encourage you to visit the Church and see if they have any little prayer books in the back. You could begin discerning your call to Catholicism by praying more. Develop a personal relationship with Our Lord, and He will draw you to Himself. Then, you will happily become a Catholic, rather than feeling that you are doing so for the wrong reasons. Finally, I do believe that you ARE being called to be a Catholic, as Christ wishes all to come to Him, and the Catholic Church is the One, True Church which He established here on this earth. He wants to feed you with His Body and Blood, and one day He wants you to enter His kingdom for all eternity. But you have free will. So it is up to you. Be assured of my prayers as you face this choice. May the Light of Christ's Love guide you. Pax Christi.

-- Anna <>< (Flower@youknow.com), February 14, 2003.

Dear V. Smith,

"Wanting to belong" is a good reason for joining God's Church - but not for purely social reasons. That's what you should avoid. Wanting to belong to the Church Christ founded for all men, because you realize He founded it, and because you know He said it is His will that all men belong to it is a good reason for "wanting to belong". But social pressure from family is not a very good reason for converting. Conversion has to take place in the heart before it can take place in practice. RCIA may help you to gain some insights into the Catholic Church, its nature, and its unique place in God's plan of salvation. Then you could make an informed decision. Taking RCIA does not commit you to conversion. You can simply take the classes to gain information, and then decide whether or not you wish to make the move. I teach RCIA, and we have people taking the classes for a number of different reasons - people who are just seeking information about Catholicism; nominal, non-practicing Catholics who want to enter more fully into the life of the Church; non-Catholics who have already decided to enter the Church; and adult Catholics who have never received the basic sacraments for one reason or another.

As for "freezing people out", do you know of any organization, religious or otherwise, that treats non-members identically to members? If it did, what would be the point of membership? The Church treats all people with respect, recognizing their dignity before God; but distributing the body and blood of Christ to people who don't believe in it would be sacrilegious. This is difficult for many non-Catholics to appreciate, since their communion is open to all comers. But there is no reason why it shouldn't be. Sharing in a mere symbol, eating a bit of bread in remembrance of Christ, requires no particular beliefs other than a general sense that Christ is one who should be commemorated. That cannot be compared in any way to the True Eucharist Christ left to the Church He founded, which is literally His own body and blood. May the Holy Spirit guide you in your quest. If you remain open to His leadind, I am sure He will make clear to you the path God wants you to take.

-- Paul (PaulCyp@cox.net), February 14, 2003.

I certainly appreciate the insights -- and the information, however, I know that one of my reasons could be to "belong" and that is why I posted because I know that is not the correct way -- I was trying to reach out. And I don't believe it is all social, and I disagree with much of the first responder's because it seems she was under the assumption the parents go to church regularly which they do not. All I am doing is trying to find information -- I feel like I am searching but I don't want Catholicsm to a convenient choice because "everyone is doing it." -- and I guess I am glad that at least I recognize it and I am exploring it. I don't like how some of the information that was posted sounded -- it sounds very cold -- not warm and inviting. At least I am posting and opening up -- most people don't and they go on with life and never question what they are doing. I guess I will keep this stuff to myself and ask the Lord's help -- because he will guide me. Thanks.

-- V.Smith (prontoro@msn.com), February 14, 2003.

Dear V., Please do continue to post here with your questions or comments! I am sorry if I sounded cold or judgemental. I could only base my comments to you on the bit of information you provided, and I did not want you to feel "pushed into" the Church (like I am used car salesman, selling you on Catholicism) but rather, I would hope that you choose Catholicism because you "see" something that we have which other denominations do not and cannot offer. Specifically, this is the Church which Christ Himself founded; we are daily offered the Body and Blood of Christ as spiritual nourishment for our journey toward eternity, and Christ also gave us His Mother as He hung from the cross. She is a powerful intercessor. These treasures you will find no place else (in the way they are practiced and believed). But it is a desire for spiritual richness which should lead you to the Catholic Faith. I'm sorry that your in-laws also do not practice regularly. That is very sad (to me) as Jesus offers Himself on the altar for them. Perhaps one day, the Lord will use you to lead them all to a more fruitful and fulfilling participation within the Church. The Lord works in wondrous, mysterious ways! Forgive any coldness you read in my reply above. It was certainly unintentional. May God Bless you and guide you.

-- Anna<>< (Flower@youknow.com), February 14, 2003.

Dear V. Smith-

I myself am a convert altho I was not under the pressure that you are under. I don't know what I would think if I were you. I had no pressure at all...but still felt an immense amount of "pressure"from God himself to join the Church, even tho I had many intellectual problems with it. Maybe we are all pressured in different ways?? I don't know, honestly. Look into your heart and try to see where your own heart pressures you to go. Chances are this pressure is the Holy SPirit talking to you. But don't listen to your family for practical reasons..listen to your heart. Quiet enough and time, and you will know. Just you, not your family. It's you and God ultimately. It's up to the two of you. If you are meant to be Catholic nothing will stop you. Nothing at all. If something CAN stop you don't do it. Pray pray and pray some more, don't ask us. God himself will tell you. And thank God for that!

XOXOXO Jane

-- Jane (jane@don't like spam.either), February 15, 2003.