My brother(35) is marrying a wonderful woman who had a child out of wedlock when she was 17. She is converting and they are raising the boy and any further children Catholic. Problem: My Father won't have anything to do with the boy, won't let him call him Poppy or let me call him my nephew, even after they are married. He gets very abusive at the suggestion. He says its against the Church to do so. Is it? What role do out of wedlock children play in a new Catholic family? Thanks

-- P. McBride (irish@bmts.com), April 19, 2003

Answers

Having a child out of wedlock - or more specifically, having sexual relations outside of wedlock - is of course against the teachings of the Church. However, loving a child whose birth occurred under these conditions, and accepting him as a child of God and a full member of your family and the Church is most certainly NOT against Church teachings! In fact, refusal to do so is a clear violation of the virtue of charity, and therefore the teaching of the Church. Pray for your father that God speaks to his heart on this matter, and allows him to accept and love this boy just as Jesus would, and does. I will also pray for him.

-- Paul (PaulCyp@cox.net), April 19, 2003.

I would also remind your father of two simple facts, he is forgetting that forgiveness and conversion are two essential components of the church... if this lady has gone to confession and recieved forgiveness from God, the Almighty, then who is your earthly father to condemn her?

Second, I would remind him that Jesus teaches that the sins of the parents are never passed on to the child. that is to say, this child was born pure, except for the stain of original sin that is inherent on all humanity, but nonetheless is a perfect example of the innocence that can only be attained through the heart of a child.

We are all sinners, and we all have our failings and need forgiveness from time to time. humbly ask your father to search deep in his heart and find forgiveness and love for his fellow man... and pray that he may come to accept and forgive others, as Jesus taught us to do

'and God said, "Whatsoever you did for these, the least of my people, that you did unto me."'

-- paul (dontSendMeMail@notAnEmail.com), April 20, 2003.

I don't always agree with you Paul, but in this instance, I stand up and Cheer!

The Samaritan Woman at the Well was married numerous times and was sleeping with someone at the time. Jesus didn't just acknowledge her and be civil to her. He sought her out in the heat of the midday sun and spent the whole afternoon with her, telling her everything about her. He followed her back to her "house of sin" and stayed with her and her "live in" for three days. How's that for an example to follow.

Now do you want to be so "Catholic" about it or do you want to do what Jesus would have us do? Pretty simple choice from where I see it.

Don't loose faith P McBride. We had the same situation in my wife's family. One of my wife's sisters choose to marry a man who, heaven forbid, wasn't Catholic. My father-in-law wouldn't have anything to do with them for the longest time until finally something got through to him. It took several years, but he finally came around and not a moment too soon. He died several years back, but not before he made peace with them. That family is probably one of the best Christian families we know, and yes, they still are not Catholic, but we love them dearly.

As a convert to the faith, I would have to disown my whole family, who brought me up in a Christian home and gave me the foundation and background I needed to make my own choice; to be able to stand up and choose Catholicism as my own faith. I could never do that and I can't ever think Jesus would advocate such a stance.

-- Phillip (crst120@borno.com), April 20, 2003.

im a bit confused on two points phil, which paul were you talking to and are you catholic?

-- paul (dontSendMeMail@notAnAddress.com), April 21, 2003.

I liked most the answer that was deleted (shame Paul Cox!). It was given with a lot of sincerity and was very human. The other stuff is just too much juridical. Life is more than laws. It's all about love.

-- P. McBride (irish@bmts.com), April 21, 2003.