It was very kind of Robert to send me the books on purgatory and rosary. When I read it, I was reading out of curiousity to know more about what our teachings and traditions teach us about it. After I've read it, my heart is broken.

Below I'll say some meaningless nonsense, so don't bother reading because the most evil of all heretics is at least 10 times pure and good than me, who thinks I am a catholic who loves God.

I just realize who I am and what's going to happen. Thanks to Robert I am in severe pain now, but thanks to his kindness that reading has changed my heart. I might have been totally lost otherwise, but now I have a little hope. I know I will be in the intense fire until the last judgement maybe even more. I could even end up in hell. If I was not a catholic I wouldn't be this sad but because I am, I am going to suffer 10 times as much for the things I have done and still doing. I don't know what to say. I used to post a couple of things here thinking that I could share something, but I should really shut up and worry about myself. There is no place to run or hide, and the only thing I could do now is wait for it to happen. There is another side of me that nobody knows. Here I am, in a strange world with strange people, all alone in a fake soceity.

Here are certain things that I could say to someone who might be curious. I am not even qualified to be a catholic. The doctors said I am suffering from severe depression, and that's what I had with me because I've been living my life all alone, and somehow I ended up in a strange new place. I can't even go to church anymore. Everything is strange and making me sad. I have a sister who tells me that she loves me and cares for me, but because I am such a strange boring individual, even she is ashamed of me. I have been thinking that by visiting some catholic forums I could get some peace. I was praying to God everyday begging forgiveness to a grave sin I was about to commit. Here is a man who had a very tormented and lonely childhood, who wanted to be a franciscan monk, later decided to live in chastity but live a very poor and normal life, who had nothing but spent everything he had on useless things used for enjoyment, while he could have given a little food to the poor who don't even have good food. Along the way I fell into sins that is going to punish me forever, and I was slowly moving away from God where I wanted to get as close as I could with him. I ended up poor of course, only having the everlasting loneliness, have no job and have no money and I have no intention of doing anything either. I thought it might all end soon. All, at a very young age. I quit college right when I was about to graduate. I had enough. I was just staying here everyday, thinking about what would happen after my death.

Now I don't know what to do. Since I have only freetime all the time, I will pray for me and those suffering. My life was always meaningless and now it is going to be worthless. I can't believe this is happening. All the time I thought learning more about the bible and our teachings might help me in someway. I still haven't found out how. Perhaps God gives people suffering because he loves them so much. Perhaps these are meant to purify me in someway so that the reward will be much better than I could imagine.

Robert, once again thank you for sending me that book. If I hadn't read it right now I would have been totally doomed. I can't believe what I was planning to do. This must be God's intervention to save me from total disaster. Right when I thought he completely abandoned me because of the greatness of my sins and the degree of pain to too much to bear. He saved me yet one more time but what can I do? I have nothing to give to the poor. I have nothing to do for myself. I will pray to have the strength to offer my sufferings to the holy souls suffering in purgatory. I need a lot of strength to do that, so I will pray.

If anyone here feels a little pity on me, please remember me in your prayers. I don't have any dreams or wishes except some theoretically simple things like love and care, and to be with my God after this life.

I accidentally arrived in this forum out of curiosity. You are all strange people, but from the posts here I heard a lot about my God, and from here Robert sent me that book which has changed me forever. I will not be posting anything here anymore. I will look at the posts occasionaly. May God have mercy on my soul.

Thanks.

-- Abraham T (lijothengil@yahoo.com), April 27, 2003

Answers

By "strange people" I meant strangers to me. Just to avoid any misunderstandings due to my poor use of English. Thanks.

-- Abraham T (lijothengil@yahoo.com), April 27, 2003.

Abraham:

Not knowing anything about your current situation aside from what you wrote above, I can't comment too extensively on what you must be going through or what you need to do from here. I can however, offer the following:

1. Prayer. I will pray for you, bringing your intentions before God and placing them on His altar, together with all those of His Church, at the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass this morning. I strongly encourage you to do the same.

2. If you do not already have a rosary and a brown scapular, let me know. I would be more than pleased to send you one of each, already blessed. simply send me an email (jake1@pngusa.net) with your address.

-- jake (jake1REMOVE@pngusa.net), April 27, 2003.

I agree with what Jake has offered. It would be hard to offer comfort in this situation. An E Mail post is a rather impersonal way of extending God's comfort. I can offer words of encouragement, but you can't feel any kind of "presence."

You are a part of God's Creation. A Creation that was created with purpose. When God looks upon his creation, his responce is always that . . . It is Good.

Each of us are "created" by God to be the person we are. All our quirks, all our dreams, all our being are . . . as it should be, for they were created for us by God. Each of us are created by God, in his image. It's easy to look and others and wish that we could be like them. If I only had what they had, then I could be happy.

God gives each of us what we need, yet we are all created incomplete. I once read that we are all created with a God-shaped hole in our heart. We are all created incomplete until we can fill that hole with that which only God can provide. We can try to fill it with things that are of the world, but we will only be truely satisfied when we put on Christ. That gift is one of unbounded love and forgiveness.

Despair is an awful cloud. I've had pangs of feelings of which you dscribe, however not as long lasting or as deep as the awful dark situation you describe. It helps me to dwell upon the fact that God has has given us the keys everlasting life. It helps to understand that this life, isn't just about me and me being happy . . . it's not about dwelling on your own problems or your own troubles. It's not about feeling inadequate or lost . . . It's about living in the unbounded Love in which we were created. All of our shortcomings are washed away in Christs presence. When we let ourselves stand in the presence of Christ all he sees is that which he created and it is . . . Good.

It's about learning to be able to accept the love of Christ. Fill your life with love filled activity and your life will all of a sudden take on a new complexion.

You seem to feel lost, because what God has given you has alienated you from the world. The only comfort I can offer you us to wish you Peace, the peace that comes only through God, in the person of his son, Jesus Christ. I offer you my prayers and the hope that you can find some gift in what is offered.

Despair is an awful cloud, one which can destroy our spirit and cast us far from God's presence. Please don't hide from us and don't shy away from his church.

-- Leon (vol@weblink2000.net), April 27, 2003.

Dear Abraham,

Please always remember that God's Mercy and Forgiveness is greater than our worst sin or shortcoming. God has giving us living channels of grace through the Mysteries (Sacraments) of Holy Confession and Holy Communion and of course, prayer! If you're suffering from depression, Abraham, please look into treatment whether it be some form of counseling and/or medication if you need it. Aside from spiritual rememdies for our ills, God gives us blessed physicians and the science of medicine to heal us as well.

I will certainly remember you in my prayers so that you may know God's Mercy, Love and Forgiveness.

Joseph

-- joseph (josephwill@aol.com), April 27, 2003.

Ever wonder about the abbreviation A.S.A.P.? Generally we think of it in terms of even more hurry and stress in our lives. Maybe if we think of this abbreviation in a different manner, we will begin to find a new way to deal with those rough days along the way.

There's work to do, deadlines to meet; You've got no time to spare, But as you hurry and scurry- ASAP - ALWAYS SAY A PRAYER

In the midst of family chaos, "Quality time" is rare. Do your best; let God do the rest- ASAP - ALWAYS SAY A PRAYER.

It may seem like your worries Are more than you can bear. Slow down and take a breather- ASAP - ALWAYS SAY A PRAYER

God knows how stressful life is; He wants to ease our cares, And He'll respond to all your needs A.S.A.P. - ALWAYS SAY A PRAYER.

This may o may oy apply to you, but it surely applies to most of us. God bless you, I will pray for you

-- Ed Richards (loztra@yahoo.com), April 27, 2003.

Hi Abraham!

Wow, I think all the advice everybody here has given you is fantastic. Especially prayer!

"He saved me yet one more time but what can I do? I have nothing to give to the poor. I have nothing to do for myself."

Abraham, God doesn’t really want our money, he wants our love! Even the most trifling alms (like a cold glass of water to a thirsty person) pleases God if its given out of love. If you’re poor and have no money there are still so many things you can offer up to God during the course of your day to atone for your own wrongdoings and the wrongdoings of others.

"I have only free time all the time, I will pray for me and those suffering."

Yes! Abraham, just by saying this simple prayer many times a day you’ll be doing so much good for the Holy Souls in Purgatory and gaining many indulgences for yourself: “Eternal Father I offer You the most precious Blood of your Divine Son Jesus, in union with the Masses said throughout the world today for all the Holy Souls in Purgatory.” Or an even easier prayer you can say that the booklet teaches is: “Sacred Heart of Jesus I place my trust in Thee.”

“Along the way I fell into sins that is going to punish me forever, and I was slowly moving away from God where I wanted to get as close as I could with him. I ended up poor of course, only having the everlasting loneliness, have no job and have no money”

Abraham, I have felt like this way exactly! I too am a huge sinner and deserve eternal fire, so don’t worry you’re in good company. Please, Abraham, I promise you that if you make it a habit of saying the entire Rosary devoutly everyday while meditating on each of the mysteries of the life of our Lord (important), this habit will change your life forever as it has mine. I can already personally attest to the power of Our Lady’s 15 promises in my life, especially Her third promise because I used to struggle with a horribly addictive vice for eleven years. But incredibly, now the desire to continue on in this vice has completely vanished from me in the last six months since the second week I started praying the Rosary. The Rosary is so powerful.

“If anyone here feels a little pity on me, please remember me in your prayers.”

I will, definitely. I am so glad that those two booklets were of help to you (they have changed my life also). If anyone else wants a free copy of them, just email me a mailing address you’d like me to mail them out to and I will happily do so for anyone.

The two booklets are: “Read Me or Rue it…How to Avoid Purgatory” and “The Secret of the Rosary” by Saint Louis De Montfort.

Sincerely,

Robert

-- Robert P (robertp234@hotmail.com), April 27, 2003.

You hit close to home, Abraham; these are not as uncharted waters as they may seem. Do not think that your are suffering an illness so much as experiencing a cure; welcome to the mystical body of Christ.

Today is a special day in the Church of most awesome importance; I would go as far as to say that today is the most important day in the Church for the last 100 years.

Dig around a bit and see what I might be refering to, and if you find it... then learn it, live it, love. Victory is at hand.

-- Emerald (emerald1@cox.net), April 27, 2003.

Hi Abraham,

Ooopps, I forgot to comment on something else you said…

“Perhaps God gives people suffering because he loves them so much. Perhaps these are meant to purify me in someway so that the reward will be much better than I could imagine.”

Yes Abraham exactly. I am learning this myself. Suffering, when gladly accepted as coming from the Hand of our Father’s loving Providence - and when offered up to God united with Christ’s own Passion - is infinite in value. It’s how you will win your eternal reward! Saint Theresa of Avila says: “We did not come here to seek rewards in this life, but only in the life to come.” She also says, “Just as other people prize gold and jewels, so I desire trials, for I know quite well that trials will make me rich.” And then She says: “If Thou art willing to suffer so much for me, what have I suffered for Thee?”

Abraham, whenever I’m depressed, alone, feel like God doesn’t love me much, or that I have so many things to suffer in this world, I re-read the quote on the back cover of the booklet on Purgatory I sent you by Saint Frances De Sales. I find it so uplifting. It is precisely because God loves us that He sends us suffering!

After all, who suffered more here on earth than His own dearly beloved Son Jesus? And Jesus didn’t deserve any of it, He suffered entirely for our own miserable sake. If there were any other (better) route/ model to get to Heaven (other than renouncing oneself daily and the Way of the Cross) I think our Lord would have been the first to have shown it to us by His own example while here on earth. Take care Abraham and God Bless.

Sincerely,

Robert

-- Robert P (robertp234@hotmail.com), April 27, 2003.

Forgive me, Emerald, for giving away the treasure which you want Abraham to find on his own, but the day is quickly passing by, and why should he waste one more hour in despair when he can be immersing himself in the abode of Divine Mercy?!

Abraham, rejoice! Today is Divine Mercy Sunday! Please go to this site, and enjoy this glorious feast day, requested by Our Lord Himself, and established by His Church!

"Let no soul fear to draw near to Me, even though its sins be as scarlet..." Jesus to Sister Faustina Kowalska.

http://www.divinemercysunday.com/how-to-celebrate.htm

-- Anna <>< (flower@youknow.com), April 27, 2003.

No apology is necessary... take it and run with it!

-- Emerald (emerald1@cox.net), April 27, 2003.

Jmj

Hello, Abraham.
You told us that at one time you "wanted to be a franciscan monk." Maybe that really is your vocation -- or, at least, maybe God led you to an appreciation for the Franciscan life so that it could be of service to you right now. Here's what I mean ... You said that you have recently moved from your native land, India, to the U.S.. Here we have many monasteries and friaries of Franciscans -- perhaps one very near you. If you would go to visit one of these places, I think that you will find a sympathetic priest or brother who will help you with your struggles. Some Franciscan houses offer an opportunity for you to visit for a while and make a retreat (for your spiritual welfare or to begin to discern a vocation).

The Franciscans of the world, in today's age, are a loose-knit family of dozens of different orders and congregations -- some famous, some not. Some of these have, unfortunately, slipped partly away from orthodox Catholicism. But I especially want to recommend to you two outstanding groups: (1) the Franciscan Friars of the Eternal Word (who manage EWTN near Birmingham, Alabama) and (2) the Franciscan Friars of the Renewal (based in the "South Bronx" section of New York City). Maybe other forum regulars know of other Franciscan houses in other parts of the country.

Abraham, I was sorry to read that you plan not to post messages here from now on. I think that you have much to share -- both factual information, your Indian culture, and your own special perspective on life and spirituality (which none of us can duplicate). Please reconsider!

God bless you.
John

-- J. F. Gecik (jfgecik@hotmail.com), April 28, 2003.

Abraham,

Please receive the encouragements that have been spoken to you here - especially what Leon so beautifully stated.

Having an intellectual knowledge of one's faith has value, but having an active, living relationship with your Lord and Savior Jesus Christ is what's gives us life eternal. Know that Jesus died to cleanse you of your sins and to give you an abundant life full of joy. Those promises are clear in scripture.

There is nothing you have done or conceived that Jesus's blood can not cleanse and wipe away. He came to set us free from sin and to clothe us with HIS righteousness. He knows our weaknesses and failings and He has provided His blood to give us access to salvation since not one of us could earn it on our own. We are ALL sinners in need of His blood. You are not alone.

Hear the Lord's words in Jeremiah 29:11 - 'For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope."

Please understand something, the Apostle Paul considered himself the chief of sinners, yet behold the debt that all mankind owes to Paul and his walk with the Lord and the Holy Word that God spoke through him.

Humility is good and is necessary to being used by God. Understanding our total dependency on God's grace and love for each breath we take is something we all need to keep before us.

On the other hand, considering yourself too dirty or sinful to be of any use to God or to not be worthy of His grace and love is not humility, it is a lie from the devil. Satan would have you downtrodden and hopeless. Depression and despair are not from God. Noneof us are worthy of God's love, yet He loves us. Receive that love and worship God knowing He loves you enough to die for you. Do not accept the lies of the enemy of your soul. Ask God for deliverance from those lies. Seek Godly counsel and prayer to be free from this stranglehold that Satan has on your mind.

God's Word tells us to "pull down every thought and imagination that exhalts itself against the knowledge of God". I'm here to tell you that your depression and lack of self-worth are thoughts and imaginations that exhalt against the knowledge of God - so pull them down, go to war against your own thoughts and begin to accept God's love and grace. If God loves you so much that He DIED for YOU, then you are wonderful and beautiful in His sight. Who are you to reject His view of you and to reject His love? You are a child of God - know that and accept that!!

May our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ reveal His Presence and love to you Abraham.

Dave

-- non-Catholic Christian (dlbowerman@yahoo.com), April 28, 2003.

Abraham

three things to remember:-

1 God loves you.

2 God loves you.

3 God loves you.

Oh, and the fourth:- God loves you.

-- Ian (ib@vertifgo.com), April 28, 2003.

I am in an extremely bad condition right now. I am totally alone with no one to help. The only help I got just went away and the only person who loved me and took care of me is filled with hatred for some unknown reason. This can't be happening. I don't know why this is happening. I am losing my mind here. Please, if anyone is reading this, please pray for me. You just have to remember me for one second in your prayers. You are all dear to God and he will help me if you do. Please help me. I can't hold on any longer.

-- Abraham T (lijothengil@yahoo.com), May 04, 2003.

Realise please, Abraham;
If God is Holy and All- Powerful, He has you in His divine hands. You aren't alone, no matter what solitude. You must ask yourself why, and then, for LOVE of him, you may see.

He tests our faith in Him. Our faith is a rope that links us, reaching out of the storm at sea, back to His hands. The ungodly man lets go of the rope. He loses faith, so he's lost. The faithful man struggles in the storm, with a grip on his faith. His rope is either strong, or it breaks. He will have to drown. But if he keeps the faith, the rope brings him out eventually. His faith will save him.

Without God, no one is saved, we are like beasts who die to feed vultures. Who dies without faith is devoured by vultures from hell. This world passes away. Suffering seems endless, but it will pass. Have more faith the more you suffer. Look at Jesus hanging on the cross, and share with Him his Passion and Death.

He will raise His people up to eternal life, those who have true faith in Him. I'll certainly pray for you so God will support you in your trials. I'll pray He will give you hope again, and fortify you in faith. You can be sure of my prayers, and the prayers of other good Christians here. Peace; God be with you now.

-- eugene c. chavez (loschavez@pacbell.net), May 04, 2003.

Abraham, please write to me at the following e-mail address. We can talk things over.

I've been having a hard time too lately. But Jesus loves us. Let's hang in there together!

John

-- J. F. Gecik (jfgecik@hotmail.com), May 05, 2003.

Abraham

just prayed for you. PLEASE take JFG up on his offer.

God bless you. you are not alone.

-- Ian (ib@vertifgo.com), May 05, 2003.

Thank you for the prayer. I will be in contact with J.F. As Eugene said, God tests our faith but I think I am too weak especially now to be tested. All this may sound like some dramatic novel but unfortunately it is so real. I will not lose my faith in him but this is going out of hand. Thanks again for the prayers.

-- Abraham T (lijothengil@yahoo.com), May 05, 2003.

Abraham:

Depression is an illness that affects many people. Don't blame yourself. But get in touch with a doctor urgently, especially if you are experiencing suicidal thoughts. Or you can call the Samaritans. I also recommend this book if you can get it. It contains many practical methods to reduce depression. The author also maintains a website at http://www.feelinggood.com. Talking to other people (even on the internet) is sometimes not a good way to fight depression, because their sympathy may make you actually feel worse. Talking to a therapist or doctor is better. Forcing yourself to do some exercise is also a good strategy.

Don't feel that your loneliness is going to last forever. Maybe you will soon find a good Catholic wife, and life will change. Also don't feel burdened by guilt. Jesus died to take your guilt away. And don't be fearful of Purgatory. According to Dante, the souls in Purgatory welcome the fire, because they are constantly being improved by it.

-- Stephen (StephenLynn999@msn.com), May 08, 2003.

Dear Stephen--
The Samaritans link is disturbing to me.

The ''values'' they list include a right to decide to take your own life. Not Catholic, not moral, and not ''a fundamental decision'' we would include as a ''value''.

-- eugene c. chavez (loschavez@pacbell.net), May 08, 2003.

Hi Eugene:

I didn't know about this value of theirs, but in any case should it matter? They are trained and experienced in talking people out of deep depressions, and can doubtless help Abraham better than you or me. Perhaps the parable of the original good Samaritan should be recalled here? The orthodox Jew who had been mugged did not despise the help offered by somebody from another community. Pax.

-- Stephen (StephenLynn999@msn.com), May 08, 2003.

I'm happy to read your cheerful words, Abraham.
Hang in there. We are here for you. I have enjoyed our e-mail exchanges too.
John

-- J. F. Gecik (jfgecik@hotmail.com), May 16, 2003.