Up until a few months ago, the relationship between my gay partner Joseph and I seemed to be one of impenetrable ease and placidity, him with his will to put forth any necessary degree of effort, if even in mere attempt of heightening the sense of security felt in our relationship, and me with my overall demeanor of good spirit and humor merged as one. As painful as it was to see it go, that picturesque image of untainted sublimity in our marriage was shattered beyond repair one fateful evening on which he happened to stagger home from what he later claimed to be a 'strenuous day's work', wasted beyond comprehension and fuming with a rage whose source was at the time and remains unbeknownst to me. Jolted out from a heavy sleep at sight of him ambling into the darkened bedroom at well past three A.M., I demanded more feverishly than obnoxiously to know his whereabouts throughout the entirety of the night. It was then that the first blow fell, at an uppercut across my jaw that, within seconds of the attack, broke out into a profuse fluctuation of blood. What with his equally profuse apologies and vows to never again stray from the path of loyalty previously set forth, I allowed myself in all the ignorance of my ways, to be swallowed into his glib fabrications. Even now, I continue to blame myself for openly allowing him to abuse me, abuse which has swiftly escalated into daily assaults, ranging from a swift kick to the groin ‘whenever he feels I am getting out of line’ to various slugs in the face from his closed and more than happy to target fist, or should I prove myself profoundly inept, I am subjected to beatings which last well over an hour in duration. Excusing or wishing away the deep bruises which have formed splotches all across my face and arms becomes, day by day, increasingly difficult. I am a heavyset man, and have never been one to be ashamed of what he describes as my ‘disgusting gut’ until his recent verbal attacks have set in. It’s gotten to the point that he withholds the ‘privilege’ of sex from me, merely based on my heavyset body structure…or if I do manage to seize the privilege, I am met chiefly by derisive criticisms of my poor sexual performance and my ‘tub of fat’, sometimes having a flab of my flesh grasped in his palm and twisted until tears are sufficiently generated. He threatens to out me from the closet should I seek legal protection or a means of dissevering our marriage.

-- Anonymous, June 08, 2003