I am in a relationship with a man who was abused severely emotionally and psychologically through an 8 year marriage. He is now divorced for three years, but it is pretty clear to me that he continues to carry the denigration he received. I refuse to be critical because I believe he needs validation and understanding more. But I would like to know what else I can do, say, be so that he comes to realize his own goodness and his value? It seems as though the ruin he experienced at her hands he now brings down on himself as though she were still there. It is clear from the outside (me) that all the people in his life (his family) are nothing but critical, and the man seems almost immobilized to get on with the rest of his life. Additionally, I see a truly good person scarred by bitterness he doesn't even understand, and now turns on himself. I would be so grateful for any insight.

-- Anonymous, July 03, 2003