good news that i am not required to convert to catholicism in order to marry in the church - unless i choose to at a later point in time, for the right reasons. besides pledging my support of his religious preferences and my willingness to be open to bringing up any future children with the option of being catholic, could anyone provide me with the details of what we would have to do if we did choose to get married inside the catholic church - i.e. classes taken, special vows, providing baptismal certificates, etc.? thank you very much for your time in helping me sort this out.

-- m. (mikela1717@yahoo.com), October 31, 2003

Answers

The parish priest will give you a complete list.

-- (Buzz@The.Directory), October 31, 2003.

"besides pledging my support of his religious preferences and my willingness to be open to bringing up any future children with the option of being catholic..."

Hello,

You must commit to raising your children as Catholics, not giving them an "option." In the Catechism of the Catholic Church, paragraphs 1633-1637 are relevant. Here is a link to paragraph 1635. Here's the text:

"...the Catholic party confirms the obligations, which have been made known to the non-Catholic party, of preserving his or her own faith and ensuring the baptism and education of the children in the Catholic Church."

God bless you,

Mateo

-- (MattElFeo@netscape.net), October 31, 2003.

You must commit to raising your children as Catholics, not giving them an "option."

It appears that "m" (mikela1717) is not a Catholic. As such, she is not required to commit to raising her children as Catholics. Instead, it's her Catholic husband-to-be who must make the commitment to do all he can to raise the kids as Catholics.

-- (Buzz@The.Directory), October 31, 2003.

I think at the very least, the non-Catholic spouse-to-be is to pledge not to interfere with the children's Catholic upbringing.

-- GT (nospam@nospam.com), October 31, 2003.

Hi Buzz,

There seem to be three possibilities:

1) Non-Catholic parent gives the "option to be Catholic."

2) Non-Catholic parent understands that the Catholic parent must raise the child Catholic and not obstruct the child's spiritual formation as a Catholic.

3) Non-Catholic parent must raise the child as a Catholic.

Obviously, the first option is not enough. Could we agree on that?

I don't think that there's a big difference between #2 and #3. In both cases, the expectation is that both spouses agree that the child is to be raised (Baptised, catechised, etc) as a Catholic.

I believe it would make sense for Mikela to speak with her fiancee's priest to get the exact expectations that the Church places on those who wish to be married in the Catholic Church. My main point is that a commitment to give the child the "option" to be Catholic isn't much of a commitment at all. Make sense?

God bless,

Mateo

-- (MattElFeo@netscape.net), October 31, 2003.

PS--I have a feeling that the wording the GT used is probably the most accurate description of the Church's expectations.

-- (MattElFeo@netscape.net), October 31, 2003.

Welcome back Mateo!

-- GT (nospam@nospam.com), October 31, 2003.

Hi GT!

I've had some time to post tonight because I'm doing candy-duty tonight.

I hope things are well with you!

Mateo

-- (MattElFeo@netscape.net), October 31, 2003.

Lots of people have successful marriages without being of the same faith. Even those of the same faith get divorces over things other than religion. Why would anyone want to convert to something one didn't believe in anyway--that would be dishonest, so I agree with you about not converting unless YOU want to.

-- GT (nospam@nospam.com), November 01, 2003.

It really depends upon how close or not the denomination is to Catholicism, as far as Christians in general.

As to bringing up children in a faith you don't believe in, I find that most people want some sort of religious upbringing for their children, if only to give them some sort of "moral compass" so to speak.

-- GT (nospam@nospam.com), November 02, 2003.

I think at the very least, the non-Catholic spouse-to-be is to pledge not to interfere with the children's Catholic upbringing.

No. Such used to be true, but that kind of pledge ended when the Church's laws changed in 1983. We should hope that such a pledge would still be made, but it is not required -- out of respect for the non-Catholic's religious liberty.

Besides what I said before (about the promise the Catholic must make), the only other thing now required by the Church's law is that the non-Catholic be made aware of the Catholic's promise. The non-Catholic does not have to say a word (yea or nay). She can enter the marriage disagreeing openly or silently -- planning to raise the children as non-Catholics -- or she can change her mind later, in either direction.

-- (Buzz@The.Directory), November 02, 2003.

Buzz,

Fair enough. The 1983 Canon Law (Can. 1125) is just as you say.

Enjoy,

Mateo

-- (MattElFeo@netscape.net), November 03, 2003.

thank you all for your input, i appreciate your help and direction. i see that the rules regarding raising children have softened and changed, which eases the pressure on the parents. for the record, we have discussed these things and i am open to and have committed to supporting the raising of any future children in the catholic church, with the proper baptism and education. i have studied the catholic faith and while it is not where my beliefs lie, i respect that it is the denomination that my boyfriend has chosen and will do my best to support the education of the catholic faith in any future children - that being said, we have also agreed to educate them in all religions and beliefs when they are at the proper age and maturity. we feel this is the most fair and responsible thing to do and the way to ensure everyone's happiness.

outside of raising children to be of the catholic faith, does anyone have other advice for us? i am trying to understand the catholic way and all of the traditions. i enjoy reading the different viewpoints and i thank you again for your guidance.

-- m. (mikela1717@yahoo.com), November 03, 2003.

Mixed marriages and disparity of cult

1633 In many countries the situation of a mixed marriage (marriage between a Catholic and a baptized non-Catholic) often arises. It requires particular attention on the part of couples and their pastors. A case of marriage with disparity of cult (between a Catholic and a non-baptized person) requires even greater circumspection.

1634 Difference of confession between the spouses does not constitute an insurmountable obstacle for marriage, when they succeed in placing in common what they have received from their respective communities, and learn from each other the way in which each lives in fidelity to Christ. But the difficulties of mixed marriages must not be underestimated. They arise from the fact that the separation of Christians has not yet been overcome. The spouses risk experiencing the tragedy of Christian disunity even in the heart of their own home. Disparity of cult can further aggravate these difficulties. Differences about faith and the very notion of marriage, but also different religious mentalities, can become sources of tension in marriage, especially as regards the education of children. The temptation to religious indifference can then arise.

1635 According to the law in force in the Latin Church, a mixed marriage needs for liceity the express permission of ecclesiastical authority.137 In case of disparity of cult an express dispensation from this impediment is required for the validity of the marriage.138 This permission or dispensation presupposes that both parties know and do not exclude the essential ends and properties of marriage; and furthermore that the Catholic party confirms the obligations, which have been made known to the non-Catholic party, of preserving his or her own faith and ensuring the baptism and education of the children in the Catholic Church.139

-as to "the proper age and maturity"

2225 Through the grace of the sacrament of marriage, parents receive the responsibility and privilege of evangelizing their children. Parents should initiate their children at an early age into the mysteries of the faith of which they are the "first heralds" for their children. They should associate them from their tenderest years with the life of the Church.34 A wholesome family life can foster interior dispositions that are a genuine preparation for a living faith and remain a support for it throughout one's life.

-- Daniel Hawkenberry (dlm@catholic.org), November 03, 2003.