I am a practicing catholic who has received a previous decree of annulity. I was married in the catholic church 18 years ago. Many years have passed without a physical or intimate relationship. I am involved with another practicing catholic who is also in the same situation. We are planning to be together alothough neither of us want an annulment because of our children. When we do get married,outside of the church, will we be able to receive any sacrements at all?

-- Patricia Bogard (pbogs@hotmail.com), March 20, 2004

Answers

A decree of nullity has nothing to do with your children. It has everything to do with your own marital status, which is a crucial concern if you are considering marriage. Obviously you cannot validly marry if you are already married to someone else. This is what a marriage tribunal determines FOR YOU before issuing - or not issuing - a decree of nullity. A married Catholic who contracts a second marriage without benefit of annulment of the present marriage cuts himself/herself off from the sacramental life of the Church, and enters into an ongoing state of objective adultery. You owe it to yourself, your intended, AND your children to begin your relationship in a morally sound manner - or, if that is not possible, not to enter into such a relationship at all.

-- Paul M. (PaulCyp@cox.net), March 21, 2004.

Hi Patricia, welcome to the forum. Paul M. is right you know. If you go through with this, you are cut off from the sacramental life of the Church. You really do owe it to everyone to start fresh and make everything right with God. You owe it especially to yourself.

I hope you're not hung up about the children being "illegimate". I hope this isn’t what’s keeping you from seeing a priest about this. There are many misconceptions about what annulment really means. Why not see a priest today? He can clear up many questions for you and you’ll have all the answers to make a better informed decision.

-- Ed (catholic4444@yahoo.ca), March 21, 2004.

Patricia,

Your factual circumstances are not really clear here. If you and this other person have both received a decree of nullity, I don't see what bars you and this person from sacramental marriage. Do you and this person both have a second marrriage too that requires another decree of nullity?

What is more important, FAR more important, is that you maintain communion with your Savior through the Sacraments. You should not be considering that for any earthly reason.

You don't sound like an immature person. If you are a practicing Catholic, and if you want to set a good example for your children and those around you, don't you agree that getting to Heaven should be your priority in life?

-- Pat Delaney (pat@patdelaney.net), March 21, 2004.

Patricia..after reading your post about how you spent so many years alone, and faithfully attending Mass, and how you had an annulment previously, I'm wondering if you think because you had a marriage annuled before that you cannot approach the Church again or that the man in your life cannot? I'm also confused about what you said about your children..is it that they wouldn't understand, or you are fearful of hurting their feelings or alienating them somehow? Obviously I don't know you, yet I am concerned for you. I spent many years outside the Church and wish I could have them all back. Being away from the sacraments is more painful than you can possibly imagine Patricia. If you can, please post a little more so we can try to better advise you..if not, than please sit down as soon as you can with your priest, or another priest if you would rather..and in the meantime you and your friend are in my prayers.

-- Lesley (martchas@hotmail.com), March 21, 2004.

Mary, I've removed your post. We don't sit in judgement here, nor do we condemn others. The purpose of this forum is to provide advice, counsel, support and information to those who come here for assistance. Please read our thread entitled "Rules of the Forum" to better familiarize yourself with what we expect of posters.

Moderator

-- Ed (catholic4444@yahoo.ca), March 22, 2004.

Just happened to land here, and just happened on this inquiry. It sort of hit home, but seemingly so from the other side of the fence. I am not clear if you are currently married? If so, isnt this considered adultery? I was left by my husband for another, after 22 years, he asked for an annulment, not only was my world shattered because of this entire disaster, but the shock of him wanting our vows and our lifes erased from existance, I could not understand. I think you need to talk with someone, a priest, a friend, a counselor perhaps, that should be your main priority.

-- Carol R (carolr1236@lycos.com), March 22, 2004.

It was me that was left of 22 years, and there was an active relationship, physical and emotional, it was all due to the fact that he wanted a 22 yo, and not a 22 yo marriage. The reason behind the annulment was she wanted to be married in the catholic church, and being she was giving him what he wanted, he was trying to oblige. It was just more hurt heaped on top of the issue. The church is capable of granting this... yes, I do know that. My comments were to Patricia on getting her house in order first and foremost and realizing the actions she is taking and what she is giving up.

-- Carol R (carolr1236@lycos.com), March 22, 2004.

Maybe someone can clarify, what are the churches view points on this when not only 1 but perhaps 2 marriages are broken up for this?

-- carolr1236@lycos.com (carolr1236@lycos.com), March 22, 2004.

Janet, no there was no annulment.. just a divorce

-- Carol R (carolr1236@lycos.com), March 22, 2004.

Patricia, I am very confused. Are you still married? Is your "friend" married? I am not sure what you are looking for. If you were married before and you were not only divorced but annuled too, does that mean you are still married with the person from 18 yrs ago? I am confused... But, as for receiving any sacrements I am sorry to say that by divorcing and not annuling your marriage you and your friend give up your right to all of the 7 sacrements.You say you are a "practicing" catholic, have you really thought that statement through? I hope someone can help you because you sound alittle confused with this issue. Why not go to your church for some comfort and peace. As for your children being affected by this do you mean in general or from the "annulment." I think that whether or not you get an annulment your children will be affected. Go to the Lord and ask for help, you will find an answer.

-- annie (anne165238@aol.com), March 22, 2004.

I came to this sight hoping to get a knowledgeable response from my fellow"catholics". I have gotten some but I also have been judged and given alot of unnecessary criticisim!! Thanks guys!!! Its always pleasant dealing with catholics who give our faith such a great reputation. I will never return to this site nor will I ever open an email dealing with this question.

-- Pb (pbogs@hotmail.com), March 22, 2004.

Janet, Anon and Patrick, your judgmental, insensitive and un-Christian-like posts have been removed. You've been previously banned under the name of "Faith".

Patricia, please don't tar us all with the same brush. Those who have persecuted you here are not even Catholic by their own admission. I can assure you most of the people in this forum who have been reading your thread have been praying for you. :-)

Moderator

-- Ed (catholic4444@yahoo.ca), March 23, 2004.

??? Something is missing from the above. Ed, I appreciate your vigilance, but how many post were deleted here?

-- Pat Delaney (pat@patdelaney.net), March 23, 2004.

Pat, five uncharitable, judgmental posts were deleted from the same person, under three different assumed names, who was previously banned from the forum.

-- Ed (catholic4444@yahoo.ca), March 23, 2004.

I think a talk with your priest is really in order - for starters to clear up matters you are facing within, and then I would start on the other matters at hand.

-- J Deen (jfdeen@mindspring.net), March 25, 2004.

I have noticed that there has been no update on this question. I too am in a similar situation. The woman I am involved with was just recently divorced. I am in the process. Is there any hope of receiving sacrements with an annulment? Any help would be greatly appreciated.

-- chris (christopher12654@ameritech.net), May 17, 2004.

Dear Chris,

There are a number of crucial points you didn't mention, particularly whether you and/or the woman are Catholic, and whether your first marriage and/or hers were in the Catholic Church. In any case, if you are contemplating marriage, and either of you has been married before (assuming the first spouse is still alive), those marriages will have to be submitted to a marriage tribunal. If a writ of nullity is granted, there is no impediment to reception of any sacrament. If a writ of nullity is not granted, and you do not "remarry", then you are likewise free to receive the sacraments. However, if a writ of nullity is not granted, or you do not submit your previous marriage(s) for determination, and you do go ahead and "marry", then you cannot validly receive any sacrament, including matrimony.

-- Paul M. (PaulCyp@cox.net), May 17, 2004.

I would say that the reality of the situation is, if this is a relationship outside the marriage, wouldnt this be adultry? Can we recieve sacrament committing adultry? I ask that of the moderator? Whether or not you wed inside or outside of the church, I belive the rites of sacrament are now voided!

-- Terrance Whitford (terrancewd54@hotmail.com), June 03, 2004.

Im not sure if this is a thread that is even read anymore, but I ran across it and thought it a good question, when you are in a relationship outside the marriage, can you still recieve sacrement? Im not sure? What did our moderator say, can you?

-- Wendy Roxburn (wendy34rox@hotmail.com), August 26, 2004.

There have been a number of ideas raised in this thread, and a number of ambiguous points of information, and I'm not sure exactly what you are asking. If you are asking whether a person can receive the sacraments, particularly the Eucharist, while actively involved in an adulterous relationship, then the answer is no. To do so would be a grave sin of sacrilege.

-- Paul M. (PaulCyp@cox.net), August 26, 2004.