I've read a couple of short books about forgiveness. The one thing I really can't quite grasp is: How does one go about forgiving a person who has no interest in being forgiven, and is quite proud of his action(s) that offended you?

-- mark a (stillasking@middle.age), June 05, 2004

Answers

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-- mark a (stillasking@middle.age), June 05, 2004.

Forgiveness is unilateral, the person may or may not accept your forgiveness, that does not matter.

-- Bill Nelson (bnelson45-nospam@hotmail.com), June 05, 2004.

So I may not have a warm fuzzy feeling toward the person? How about if the person gloats about it in your presence?

-- mark a (stillasking@middle.age), June 05, 2004.

Mark,
It doesn't matter.

-- Bill Nelson (bnelson45-nospam@hotmail.com), June 05, 2004.

When you are truly able to forgive, it becomes less about you and your feelings and your heart turns more towards compassion for the other person and their continued bitterness or anger or whatever..Imagine that you have 100% forgiven the person who has wronged you..now they are standing in front of you "gloating". Ok,so instead of you feeling anger in return, you feel sorry for them. In your sorrow for their continued behavior, you'd pray for them to change wouldn't you? Which is better? To lash out against a person or to pray for them with a pure heart? To take it a step further, imagine the gloating person's perspective..he sees no anger from you anymore and wonders why..all the response he is now getting is charity from you. All he hears through the grapevine is that you are saying kind words about him and praying for him to find peace in his heart. My goodness. What an effect that might have on not only him but those persons he has been "gloating" to as well. Forgiveness has a more powerful domino effect than anger since it pulls people together rather than knocks them apart.

-- lesley (martchas@hotmail.com), June 05, 2004.

mark a,

If you pray for this person every day, it will be extremely difficult to continue holding negative feelings toward them. Jesus said "love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you." Pray to God for this person's conversion to Christianity and for your own ability to shown Christian charity toward them. Prayer is very powerful in changing your own disposition about a situation.

God bless,

-- Emily ("jesusfollower7@yahoo.com), June 05, 2004.

Mark, Good advice here. Just remember: it doesn't matter what others think, no one can touch your character but you, you are your own man with your own honor. Let it pass.

In Christ, Bill

-- Bill Nelson (bnelson45@hotmail.com), June 06, 2004.

Thanks all for the great insight. I have never reacted angrily, mostly maybe, for fear of more of the same treatment. I'm not trying to be thick headed, I understand that a grudge only hurts myself. But how do I stop my defensive reflex in day to day dealings with him when I think it's possible to receive more of the same ill treatment?

-- mark a (stillasking@middle.age), June 06, 2004.

Mark,

Reading about forgiveness is a beginning. You're off to a good start. However, putting into practice what we read is the hard part, but it can be accomplished through prayer.

Mother Teresa gave very good advice on forgiveness. She said two things - one - I forgive because God tells me I must forgive. Two - If you find it hard to forgive someone, ask God to forgive them for you until you can.

You can forgive in words, but it is no true forgiveness until it is from the heart. A very holy priests once told me to pray for the person I find hard to forgive - keep on praying for that person and one day you will know in your heart that you have forgiven him/her. As you continue to pray for that person, your own heart begins to melt and it is then that true forgiveness can take place - at least that is what works for me.

Also, Jesus tells us that we must forgive our enemies. Recently, I encountered a very hurtful situation where someone whom I thought was a friend, said some very harsh words to me. I was so hurt and then became angry at this person. I made a decision to let the situation go and be kind to this person (yes, I have made progress in this area) and I gave this person a gift. She was so appreciative and couldn't understand how I could be so kind to her after the way she treated me.

I put myself in her shoes, and realized where her anger was coming from. She has lots of problems and is under a lot of pressure. Her anger is internal and really had nothing to do with me. She just lashed out at me.

Sometimes, I have found the most difficult people are the ones who need our kindness the most. If Jesus can forgive us for our sins, who am I not to forgive others. If we want to be followers of Christ, we must forgive. It is not always easy, but we must.

Pray, pray, and keep on praying for the person who hurt you. In time, you will see the rewards in forgiving.

God Bless.

-- MaryLu (mlc327@juno.com), June 06, 2004.

Dear Mary Lu,

Your post was beautiful and truly touched me, especially the quote from Mother Teresa. It speaks to a difficult situation that I am currently facing. Also, you said: If Jesus can forgive us for our sins, who am I not to forgive others? That is truly thought- provoking and convicting. I often find that when I hold a grudge, my attitude is that I am trying to get back at the person somehow or make them upset, but really I think it does more damage to me by tearing me up inside. Christ sets us free when we forgive and show love to others. We still need to recognize the sin and bear the consequences of course, but hard feelings don't help the matter at all.

Something you wrote reminded me of a quote I have seen posted on a billboard. It said something to the effect of: "The people we like the least probably need our love the most." I think that is often so true.

God bless you, Mary Lu :)

-- Emily ("jesusfollower7@yahoo.com), June 06, 2004.

Remember, Mark: his poor behavior is his problem, not yours. Let it roll off your back and go on with YOUR life.

-- Bill Nelson (bnelson45-nospam@hotmail.com), June 07, 2004.

The Holy Spirit will also help take away your pain, unforgiveness and help change your heart. Every time you feel bitterness, anger, resentment or hurt slipping into your thoughts, quickly offer them up to the Holy Spirit who will take the pain away. I also offer the pain up for the souls suffering in pergatory.

Unforgiveness and anger in your heart will hinder any blessing you may receive from God. We could all use a cloud burst of blessings ( well, I could any way).

I am going through the worst 6 months of my life with pain unbearable at times. The Holy Spirit has moved me well past the hurt, past unforgiveness into peace in the midst of my trial.

Yes, I still have my trial, and occasionally anger swells up in my mind, but I have the tool to get rid of it and refocus before it becomes all- consuming. Thanks be to the Holy Spirit.

Jennifer

-- Jennifer (jrabs@rabs.com), June 07, 2004.

I'm a man, I can change, if I have to, I guess. Since your advice is overwhelmingly in favor of prayer, I owe it to myself to give it a more sincere try. Thanks everyone.

-- mark a (stillasking@middle.age), June 07, 2004.

Mark,

If it helps to understand the importance God places on us forgiving others of sins, He tells us that we are forgiven AS we forgive others. In other words, God's grace and forgiveness is released in our lives to cleanse our sins only if we release forgiveness to those who have sinned against us. Bu God never asks of us what He doesn't already do Himself, through Jesus, He forgave us of our sins before we even asked to be forgiven.

Dave

-- non-Catholic Christian (no@spam.com), June 07, 2004.