I am struggling with the idea of converting to the Catholic religion just to be married in the Catholic church. A relative of mine married a Catholic man in the Catholic Church and attended the RCIA classes, but never converted. She simply made a "promise" to attend mass and raise her children Catholic. Is there a term for this, and how do I go about telling my church that this is what I'd rather do, since I'm only going to be attending the Catholic church because of my fiance? I would uphold my "promise", but I do not think it is fair to convert since it would not me by decision and to be doing it for myself. Can someone help?

-- Kim (kimi535421@yahoo.com), August 02, 2004

Answers

You are not required to become Catholic in order to marry a Catholic person. Your husband will have to vow to do everything in his power to raise the children Catholic. Your "promise" will simply be that you understand and accept his commitment in that regard, and will not hinder him from doing so. You do not have to promise to attend mass or to raise your children Catholic yourself.

Hopefully others who know more about this can provide you with more details.

-- Emily ("jesusfollower7@yahoo.com), August 02, 2004.

Kim, you are right.

Conversion is not just an administrative matter. You don't "convert" by signing a few papers or getting your name on a parish roster. Conversion means a complete change of heart, mind, and beliefs. There is no good reason to convert to Catholicism except realization that the Catholic Church is the one true Church established by Jesus Christ for all mankind, and recognition that the Catholic Church is where God wants you to be. In fact, it is impossible to truly "convert" to Catholicism under any other circumstances. Going through the motions of "conversion" without a genuine inner conversion of heart, mind and spirit would not be conversion at all, and would be fundamentally dishonest, both to the Church and to yourself.

If you wish to go through RCIA without making a commitment to conversion, in order to better understand your fiance's beliefs, that would be far better than trying to create the impression of "conversion" where no genuine conversion has taken place. I would encourage you to be open to the guidance of the Holy Spirit, with or without RCIA. Perhaps He is leading you toward true conversion. However, in the meantime it is very possible to marry in the Catholic Church without converting. You would not have to promise to attend Mass. Your fiance would have to promise to do his best to raise the children of your marriage in the Catholic Faith.

-- Paul M. (PaulCyp@cox.net), August 02, 2004.